Believe in Me
by Miqila
Summary: The war is over and Nikolo has to leave from Paradis, but he makes a promise to Sasha that he'll return one day to tell her something. However, things don't always go as planned and no one hears from Nikolo in a long, long time. Will Sasha's faith in him waver or will she wait for him like she has promised?
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1**

It was lovely, the night sky. Sasha wasn't normally patient enough to just lay down and stare at it, but tonight she felt so at peace that it came naturally.

The war was finally over.

Unconsciously, her hand reached to touch the scar on her side. She had almost not made it back from Marley six years ago, being at death's door for months, but in the end, she'd pulled through, she'd lived. By the time she'd woken up from her coma a lot had gone down, including a coup led by Eren that was more or less a success. While she was a little angry with her old friend after she'd heard what happened, the coup had done its job and allowed the angry teen to follow his own plans, which had eventually brought the war to a standstill. And now, six years later and with Eren already gone, came peace. The other nations had finally gotten tired of the threat of the rumbling, offering peace to Eldia. When the newly formed nation had accepted, Marley had no choice but to start peace negotiations as well. And now they were finally complete, making the peace official.

Sasha smiled, looking around herself. There had been a big celebration last night, and now her closest friends were laying around under the stars, vast asleep. The sight filled her heart with joy; she couldn't believe they'd made it, all of them aside from Eren. Of course, Armin, who was little ways away, asleep next to Mikasa, would follow him in a few years, but at least he got to see peace. Same with Historia, who'd inherited the Beast titan. She'd die young as well, but with the knowledge of peace.

Searching around with her eyes, Sasha looked for the commander before remembering that Levi had dragged her away after she had passed out, from exhaustion or alcohol, the woman wasn't sure. The short captain himself hadn't returned after that either, having probably gone to sleep inside.

Searching some more, she was able to find Jean leaning on a tree, definitely asleep. To his right was Hitch, leaning on his shoulder, also asleep. A bit to his left was Connie, laying on the ground. It kind of looked like the guy had been leaning on Jean but had gotten pushed off. She wondered if Jean would've done it on purpose or while he was still half asleep… hang on.

Sasha came to a sudden realization: if Connie was over there with Jean and Hitch, then who was it that she could hear breathing by her side? Who was lying right next to her? Slowly rolling around, she relaxed as she saw it was just Nikolo, the cook being in a deep sleep just like everyone else.

Right, Nikolo. There was another guy Sasha had been disappointed in after recovering from her injury. She still had trouble believing that the man she had come to know as so kind and caring had beaten up a pair of kids, not to mention had gone around poisoning soldiers for _years_. He had regretted it of course and helped the scouts to fix things, which was mostly the reason as to why he wasn't dead yet, executed along with Yelena and other dangerous prisoners. According to Jean it had been a really close call, but they had managed to save the guy. He'd spent a few years in a cell though, literally. Sasha had been worried about him during that time, visiting the man as often as she was allowed to and she had time from all of her duties, but it seemed her worries had been unneeded. When Nikolo had been let out, but under strict supervision of course, he had seemed just fine, if not a bit crankier than usual. But that was normal; Nikolo was cranky often. Not as often as when they first met though; it seemed that he had completely set aside the fact that they were Eldians and he a Marleyan by now. It didn't seem to bother him or, if it did, he didn't show it. Sasha was grateful for that, for she really liked the man. She enjoyed his cooking, but it wasn't just that. She liked talking with him, messing with him, just being with him. He was her dear friend, very dear, although in a different way than Jean or Connie. She couldn't quite place it, but she knew something was different.

Not that any of it mattered anymore.

The war was over, meaning that most of the war prisoners would be sent home. Nikolo was going to be one of them, so the chances that she'd see him again after the next few days were slim. She was happy for him of course, happy that he'd finally get to go back home to his family, but even so, she was sad to see him leaving. In fact, even though he was right there, she already missed him.

" _I wonder if he'll miss me too…"_ she thought as she absents mindedly reached out, her hand slightly caressing his face. Sasha honestly didn't know. While she was convinced that the man no longer hated her or the others simply because they were Eldians and that he cared on some level, she didn't know how much. Was it only a little bit, forced to be so due to the circumstances? Would he forget them completely, never missing them, once he got home to his family and friends? Just the thought alone made Sasha even sadder. Lost in thought, it took her quite a while to notice that Nikolo had opened his eyes. In fact, she didn't realize he was awake until he laid his own hand on top of hers, removing it from his face.

Sasha felt her face heat up in embarrassment and shame. Looking away, she muttered quietly: "Sorry. Did I wake you?"

"Yeah, but it's fine" he whispered just as quietly "Are you hungry?"

Sasha's head shot up, fixing a heated glare on Nikolo's face. Hint of anger in her tone, she asked: "Why do everyone always assume that I only think about food?"

Nikolo blinked in surprise before raising an eyebrow at her, giving no other explanation, clearly waiting for her to come to her own conclusion. Sasha pouted, but got the message anyway "Actually, don't answer that."

Nikolo chuckled, seeming to be making an effort to do it quietly. Sasha actually hoped he wouldn't; she liked the sound of his laugh, as weird as it sounded. She could've laid there listening to it all night… even though it _was_ starting to get a bit cold. Where had she left her jacket? Certainly not anywhere where she could reach it from right now. Shivering a little, Sasha pulled her arms closer to herself before wrapping them around her body. Maybe she should just go inside? But she wanted to stay here with everyone else… maybe she'd just go and fetch her jacket, or someone else's or a blanket or something, anything to keep her warm. That would work. Before she could get up to retrieve anything though, she felt something land on her. Directing her attention upwards, the woman saw that Nikolo had taken off his own jacket, putting it on her frame.

"Thanks" she said, pulling the jacket closer but frowning as a thought occurred to her "Aren't you cold though?"

Nikolo shrugged before laying back down on his side, still facing Sasha "I can manage."

The woman frowned. This wasn't okay; what if he caught a cold? It would be unfortunate if his return home would be held back because of it! …Well actually, as horrible as it was to admit, Sasha would prefer things that way for she'd get to keep him close just a little bit longer, but she knew he wanted to go home and didn't want to disappoint him. So, letting him catch a cold wasn't an opinion. And yet she didn't want to be cold either, nor did she want to go back inside. What should she do, then?

" _Well, we_ can _just share the jacket and it's warmth"_ she realized, pulling off the jacket and bundling it in her arms. She caught Nikolo's confused expression, but paid it no mind as she rolled over a few times, coming right next to him. If she nudged her head forward just a little bit, their foreheads would touch.

"What are you doing?" Nikolo asked, and Sasha could swear that his red face looked slightly panicked as well. Shrugging as well as she could from her position, she spread the jacket over the both of them before saying: "It'll be warmer this way."

"But this is-! It's not-!" Nikolo stuttered, but seemed to be unable to find the right words. He was getting a little loud too; hopefully he wouldn't wake up the others.

"What are you so embarrassed about?" Sasha asked, laughing at the blush on the man's face that just kept growing "C'mon, it's no big deal, we're already adults anyway. Don't tell me you're still afraid of cooties?" she teased, continuing: "Connie's never minded you know, and even Jean stopped complaining years ago."

As soon as she finished, Sasha got the sinking feeling she'd said something wrong, at least if Nikolo's face was anything to go by. The blush was gone and in its place was an annoyed frown, but for the life of her, Sasha couldn't figure out what she'd said wrong. Did the cootie comment actually struck a nerve? Wait, was he uncomfortable with this because she was an Eldian?

" _No, that can't be; we've been over this countless of times already"_ she told herself, deciding to ask outright: "What's wrong?"

Nikolo stared at her for a while before sighing, his face softening "Never mind; just go to sleep. It's getting late."

Sasha frowned, not convinced. However, she felt like pushing him wouldn't be the best idea, so she decided to let it go.

"Okay" she said "Goodnight."

"Night" Nikolo answered. Sasha closed her eyes, already quite tired. Right before she fell asleep, she felt an arm wrap around her, bringing a smile to her face. Yeah, whatever it was that was bothering Nikolo, it wasn't her bloodline. He would've taken off ages ago if it was. Relieved by the realization, Sasha let herself fall to peaceful slumber.

XXXXX

Waking from his slumber, Nikolo came face to face with Sasha. Apparently last night wasn't a dream, then. It brought a smile to his face, but it faded a little as he recalled what Sasha had said. He was nothing special; apparently, she did things like this with Connie and Jean, too. It made the man feel torn; on one hand, he was jealous that he wasn't the only man she allowed close to him this way, that there were others, but on the other hand he was pleased to know that he was, in at least some way, on the same level in her eyes as her precious friends Jean and Connie. Yes, Nikolo knew how close the three were, what the two men meant for Sasha, and he felt like being compared to them like this meant that he had to be important as well, then. Not on their level, he knew that, but important none the less.

Still deep asleep, Sasha snuggled closer to Nikolo, grabbing the front of his shirt in the process. The man chuckled, pulling his dear friend closer as his arm was still over her. When he'd laid it there last night, he had honestly feared that Sasha would push it away or worse, leave, but it seems it hadn't been too bold of a move. It hadn't seemed like she minded… or maybe Connie and Jean, probably more the former than the later, did similar things, causing her to not think about them that deeply. Again, Nikolo frowned, shaking his head lightly. He shouldn't ruin this morning by being jealous of Sasha's bonds with the other two men, especially since he _knew_ that they were good guys who did deserve the company of a great woman like Sasha.

Probably more than he himself did.

It's not like Nikolo thought of himself as a horrible, despicable man. No, he was just a normal human, affected by normal human desires and feelings, one that made his mistakes and after noticing them tried to fix things the best he could. Still, he wasn't sure if that was good enough for someone as pure as Sasha. Of course, while he'd never seen it with his own eyes, he was well aware that the woman had killed people before, but that alone didn't change her to something impure. No, despite the fact that her hands were bloody, her soul wasn't. She did what she did to _protect_ , not to hurt others. She mourned for the fallen without relishing the feeling of revenge. Nikolo himself was different; even to this day he sometimes felt the urge to go after the one who had harmed Sasha so badly once, almost killing her. While he understood Gabi's motives, he still hated her. And for that, he hated himself even more. He doubted he could ever be what Sasha deserved. But that hadn't stopped him from trying so far, and he'd continue to do so… even though he was going home in a few days. While he did miss home and was eager to go, he was also sad that he had to separate from Sasha. Still, it was probably for the best for the both of them, and it's not like they had to forget each other. Even if he'd never see her again after boarding the ship three days from now, he'd make sure to become a better person, for that's what he had to do in order to deserve to call himself her friend.

Seeing a strand of Sasha's hair fall on her face, Nikolo gently brushed it back, smiling at the sleeping woman. The sight was almost as sweet as the one that met his eyes when ever the woman ate something new that she found very delicious.

" _I still have to try make something new before I leave"_ he thought _"For one last special smile."_

Suddenly Nikolo blinked as a shadow fell over them. Looking up, he nearly got a heart attack as he saw Mikasa looming over them with a deadpan look on her face.

"Am I interrupting?" the woman asked, making Nikolo scowl at her after he recovered from the surprise.

"Yes, you are!" he hissed, careful not to disturb the sleeping woman next to him as he got up "What do you want?"

"Just making sure there is nothing indecent happening" the Asian woman replied, making Nikolo blush. Looking away to hide it, he said: "Well, there isn't."

"I know" she said "You don't have the guts to even admit your feelings to her, after all."

Nikolo's mouth dropped open. He wanted to snap something back at Mikasa for that comment, he really did, but he couldn't come up with anything and the woman was already walking away. Damn it.

But of course, he knew she was right. He had feelings for Sasha, strong ones, he had stopped denying it years ago, but still hasn't gotten together the courage to confess. And it seemed that Sasha hadn't noticed a thing either, unlike everyone else. If she had then certainly, she would've said something, right? In fact, Sasha was a very straight forward person who, when wanting something, went and just got it. If _she_ had feelings for _him_ then wouldn't she have made a move already? The thought was depressing since it led him to the conclusion that she wasn't interested in him… not that he could say he'd be surprised; he _knew_ Sasha had lot of admirers, both inside and outside the military. It wouldn't be odd at all if one of them had caught the woman's interest. Or perhaps she had no interest in men at all; with Sasha one could never know.

But maybe it was better this way; he was going home soon after all. It was good to do this now before his feelings got any deeper. Besides, Sasha would be happier with one of her own, a man who wouldn't cause her so much trouble, of that he was sure.

It was definitely better this way.

XXXXX

"Well… take care of yourself" Nikolo said, awkwardly scratching his head as he stood in front of Sasha, Connie, Jean, Mikasa and Armin, saying his goodbyes. The ship would be leaving soon.

"You too" Jean said "Do the world a favor and don't turn back in to the asshole you were when we first met, okay?"

"…I'll try not to" Nikolo said with a grimace, not really promising anything. As much as he hated what he had once been like, he couldn't guarantee that he wouldn't become like that once again after he left Paradis.

"C'mon Jean, have some faith in him" Connie said with a laugh "Surely he could never go back to being _that_ bad."

Nikolo sure hoped not.

"I'm sure everything's going to be fine" Armin said "The world is changing."

That it was, but would it continue to do so?

"Yeah!" Sasha cheered with a bright smile "Who knows, maybe in just a few years we can all have a picnic together and the times when people minded the differences between Eldians and others will be just a memory!"

Try a few hundred maybe, but few years was completely impossible. Not that Nikolo would ever say that and ruin Sasha's good mood.

"I certainly hope you aren't leaving behind any regrets" Mikasa said suddenly, getting everyone's attention. Nikolo stared at her in confusion along with the others, almost missing how Armin was subtly pointing at Sasha, who didn't seem to notice a thing. The cook's face gained a red tint as he understood what they were saying. To make matters worse, it seemed that Connie and Jean had caught on as they glanced down at Sasha before looking at him with smirks. The former war prisoner just scowled at them; couldn't he catch a break even on his last day here!?

"Is there something I don't know?" Sasha asked suddenly, looking at her friends in clear suspicion.

"Yes" the four answered, but gave no further explanation. Blinking, Sasha turned to Nikolo: "What is it that I don't know?"

Nikolo swallowed, looking at the rest instead of Sasha. Connie stood there with his arms crossed, still grinning along with Jean, and upon noticing his gaze, Mikasa simply raised an eyebrow while Armin just pointed his finger at Sasha, who was thankfully watching him and had no idea. Returning his gaze to Sasha, Nikolo's mind wavered. He'd already made his decision, hadn't he? He shouldn't say anything; it was better for both of them. But maybe-

 _No._

He couldn't; it would just ruin the moment. She'd reject his feelings and feel awkward while he'd just be plain heart broken. It'd make their final memories of each other to be bad ones. He couldn't do that.

"It's nothing to worry about" he said, giving Sasha an awkward pat on the shoulder "Take care of yourself."

With that he turned around to walk away, but not before catching the unapproving, disappointed looks on the faces of the other scouts.

He had to fight to keep his tears at bay.

XXXXX

Sasha watched Nikolo leave, walking up the ramp with tears freely flowing down her face. She had _tried_ to keep them at bay of course, but she'd never been any good at that. Usually she didn't mind being unable to control her tears, but right now she was ashamed of herself. She shouldn't be crying, she should be happy for her friend who was finally getting home after all these years! There must've been times that he was lonely, scared, angry… of course he wanted to leave Paradis behind, leave them, leave _her_ who reminded him of those times. Sasha also couldn't understand why she was overreacting like this; even if they never saw each other again, it wasn't like he was dying. No, he was going home and he was going to _live_.

Seeing that he had stopped on the ramp and was looking over his shoulder, Sasha waived frantically at the man. She couldn't see his face, but she could imagine what it looked like since he seemed to hesitate but waived back anyway. However, way too soon he lowered his hand and started to walk again. Sasha held back a sniff; this was it.

"He's not gonna forget you, you know" Connie told her, laying a hand on her shoulder "No one can forget someone like you."

Sasha smiled at him after that, wiping her tears, but then she paused, thinking his words through.

"I can't be forgotten, as in a good or a bad way?" she asked. With a grin, Connie said: "Both."

"Definitely" Jean agreed and Sasha lunged at both of them, first at Connie who just ended up keeping the woman at an arm's length, then at Jean who did the same. Damn boys and their growth bursts. If only her target had been Armin. He wouldn't have been able to do that; he was too short!

"Sasha" Mikasa said suddenly, gaining her attention "Look."

Sasha saw the taller woman pointing at the ship and, with slight hesitation, she did look. She saw Nikolo, who had just reached the deck, but what got her attention was the fact that he had stopped just before he stepped on board and was now just standing there. What was he doing?

Suddenly he spun around, running straight down the ramp and racing towards them. Sasha could only stare, shocked, and while she was too distracted to check she was sure the others were wearing similar expressions. When the man finally reached them, he was breathless, barely holding himself up as he struggled to breathe.

"Nikolo…?" Sasha asks, getting out of her shock enough to put a supporting hand on his shoulder "Are you okay?"

"Yeah… I'm fine" he says after a while, still breathing hard. Swallowing, he continues: "But… I can't leave like this, there's still something…"

Sasha blinked, biting back an impatient string of questions, wanting to know why Nikolo ran back here. She knew he'd tell them after catching his breath, but she really wanted to know, she wanted to know _now_.

"What? What is it?" she finally gave in to her curiosity, leaning closer. Nikolo still took a few deep breaths before straightening, startling Sasha as he took a hold of her shoulders.

"I… there's still something I need to tell you" he said, his grip on her shoulders tightening, but not enough to be painful "So I…"

Sasha just stood there, stunned, waiting for the man to speak. He seemed nervous, hesitant, like he wasn't sure if he should really say what he had in mind. That made the woman even more curious, but she had a feeling that if she tried to press him now, he'd close up and wouldn't tell whatever he had in mind.

"I'll come back" he finally let out, looking at her straight in the eyes "I don't know exactly when or how, but I'll come back, and when I do, I'll tell you, so… wait for me."

Behind her, Sasha could hear Jean groan and Connie mutter the word "coward" under his breath. The woman frowned, realizing that whatever it was that the man wanted to tell, her friends already knew. And they were expecting him to say it.

"Why can't you just tell me now?" she asked, but Nikolo shakes his head "Can't, not now" looking over her shoulder, most likely at Connie, he adds: "Guess I _am_ just a coward."

"But- "

"You'll be here when I come back, won't you?" Nikolo interrupts. When Sasha nods, he continues: "So wait for me; I'll make sure to return to you."

"But why would you even want to come back?" she asks "You don't like it here and have been waiting for so long to get home, so why- "

"I'll tell you then" he says, cutting her off "So wait for me."

Sasha's not a patient woman, she doesn't _want_ to wait, she wants to know what's in his mind _now_ , but it doesn't seem like he'd tell her even if she demanded for an answer, so finally, she nods.

"Okay" she says "I will."

Nikolo smiles. It's not like Sasha hasn't seen him smile before, but this time it seems different somehow. It seems more genuine, happier, like he's not trying to force it or hold anything back.

"Great" he says and, before she can react, quickly pecks her on the lips. Then he turns around to walk away, calling over his shoulder: "I'll hold you on to that!"

Sasha doesn't answer, too stunned to do so. She just stands there, her hand finding its way to her lips as she watches him walk away, speechless. As he boards the ship Sasha finally returns to reality, remembering that there had been others around as well. Everyone had seen what Nikolo had just done.

Turning around sharply, she saw Connie and Jean look as stunned as she felt, although they did have huge grins on their faces. Mikasa was smiling a little, holding a hand out to Armin's direction as the boy stood there, mouth hanging open as he dug through his pockets before handing some money to the taller woman's waiting hand, making everything click in Sasha's head.

"Did you guys give him a _dare_ to kiss me?!" she screeched at them. Connie and Jean stared at her for a while before groaning, chorusing: "No."

Sasha didn't quite believe that, but maybe it had been just the other two, even though they didn't seem like the type. Crossing her arms, Sasha turned to them, waiting for an explanation.

"We didn't" Mikasa said "But I did tell Armin that Nikolo would definitely kiss you before he left. He didn't believe me so we made a bet."

Sasha had no idea what to say to that. Why had they made a bet like that? Why would Mikasa believe Nikolo would kiss her? How on earth had she been _right_ about it!?

"You guys should've let us in on that bet!" Connie told them, but Sasha barely heard him. Shaking her head, she asks: "Guys, what is it that I'm missing here?"

The four of them looked at her, their faces clearly asking her if she was an idiot. She was not; it was their fault for not letting her in on this, whatever "this" was!

"Just ask Nikolo when he comes back" Mikasa said "He'll tell you."

"And if he doesn't, I'm kicking that chicken's ass" Connie muttered and Jean and Armin nodded. Sasha pouted, realizing she wouldn't get an answer.

"The ship is leaving" Mikasa suddenly said, and Sasha turned her attention to the ship again along with the others. She could see Nikolo standing on the deck, and while seeing him leave made her a bit sad she didn't really mind, for he had promised to come back to see her- ahem, _them_ some day. And then she'd get her answers…

…not that she cared about that all that much; she just wanted to see him, talk to him again. She already missed him.

" _I'll wait for you"_

 **A.N: Starting the year with some NikoSasha! I haven't found any other multichapter stories about them, which is a pity. I hope someone else will start one at some point too, preferably one where Sasha (or Nikolo)** _ **doesn't**_ **die.**

 **And no, this isn't going to end in the next chapter with Nikolo coming back and the two of them living happily ever after. No, there will be some drama first.**

 **And since I'm so used to doing this:**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own SnK**

 **Do people still do this though?**


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

Nikolo stood on the deck of the ship, watching Paradis slowly disappear in to the horizon as he tried to calm his still rabidly beating heart. Had the kiss been a bad move? Was it too much? He'd only had the guts to do it because he knew he could slip away without really having to know Sasha's reaction to it, but now it didn't seem like such a good thing anymore. What if he had really angered her with his last stunt? Had he ruined his chances for good? Not knowing was starting to drive him insane!

"I saw what you did" Nikolo heard a voice from behind, startling him "You really are smitten with that Eldian."

Nikolo doesn't bother answering Grior. It's not like the man would believe him even if he denied everything.

"You'll be fine" the guy said, coming to stand next to the cook. Nikolo raises a skeptical eyebrow, but doesn't say anything "I won't tell anyone."

Right, that's what he meant. If a rumor that he had feelings for an Eldian got out, he'd be ruined, if he was lucky, that is. If he was unlucky, he'd be dead. He wasn't in the best of terms with Grior, but he was grateful for this, even if it did leave him feeling like there was a catch.

"You'll get over her eventually, probably very fast in fact" Grior paused and looked at him, probably to see his reaction, but Nikolo managed to keep a neutral face. He could've denied it, but he saw no point in it either, deciding to find out what the man was getting at instead "Your feelings are understandable, considering the situation we were in. As prisoners we were all desperate and wanted to have something to cling to, something to distract us."

Nikolo didn't like where this was going.

"That woman was simply your distraction, something to bring you a sense of normalcy, not to mention being in good terms with a soldier of her position was helpfu-"

"No" Nikolo cut him off sharply without raising his voice. He knew he shouldn't say this, knew he should let Grior think what he wanted, just for the sake of his own safety if nothing else, but when it came to Sasha, his feelings tended to beat his common sense "It's nothing like that."

Grior just raised an eyebrow, seeming unimpressed, like he had expected the denial.

"You avoided execution because she and her friends defended you, didn't you?" he said "Well played."

Nikolo was about to deny it, only to realize that it was probably true. If he wasn't so close with Sasha, he probably wouldn't even be alive anymore. Still, that didn't make his feelings for her invalid.

"I have to thank you, too" Grior continued "I went around poisoning their men as well, so it wouldn't have been surprising if I'd been executed along with Yelena and the others, but since those people worked so hard to save you, I and few others got away with our lives as well in the process."

Nikolo couldn't say anything; it was all true. But still-!

"But we're safe now, so you can let go" Grior finished "That devil isn't worthy of paying any thoughts to."

Nikolo's first instinct was to punch the man for insulting Sasha, but he held back. He'd sworn to become a better man; he couldn't fail this early on. Besides, there was once a time, still fresh in his mind, that he too had referred to Sasha as a devil. It'd be hypocritical of him to get mad at Grior, not to mention those were just words. Grior knew nothing about him and Sasha; they cared for each other for real, as people, not because of what use the other could be.

…Right?

XXXXX

Sasha was eating her last meal on the beach, officially the borders of the nation of Eldia, before returning back to inside the walls. It was seafood once more and it tasted amazing, but something was… off. She didn't enjoy the meal the same way she usually did even though there was nothing wrong with the food. There was a proper amount of spices, not too little but not too much either. It didn't really seem to be the atmosphere either for other people weren't too loud but not disturbingly quiet either, no one seemed sad or angry, Jean snarling at her for stealing his clams obviously didn't count, and in general it was just peaceful. The weather was good, too.

Frowning, Sasha decides to not to ruin a good meal by worrying about things she can't understand. It's probably nothing anyway. Reaching out for her mug, she decides to take a gulp of water. It is only when she brings the mug to her lips that she understands what's missing, for the mug is empty.

Because the person who usually filled it wasn't around anymore.

When they ate, Nikolo always made sure everyone had water at hand. He made sure everyone had all the proper utensils, that everyone got their fair share and that everyone who was interested knew exactly what they were eating. In fact, he always seemed happy to tell about his dishes… but it's not like that was really the problem here. No, Sasha didn't miss him because of how useful he was, his presence just made meals… different. He would often scold Sasha for her bad table manners, telling her she looked stupid and kept telling her to slow down and not speak with her mouth full for she might choke. Normally, people would be annoyed about something like that she guessed, but she _knew_ Nikolo only did it because he cared; she still remembered clearly how much he had panicked that one and only time that she almost _did_ choke on her food. She ate a little slower after that… for a few days, that is. And it's not like Nikolo was there with her during her every meal, not even close.

She also missed cleaning the dining area with him. Whenever she wasn't too busy, she stayed behind to help Nikolo clean the place up, starting ahead as Nikolo ate. He _always_ waited for the others to finish before starting his own meal, claiming that his duty as a chef was to confirm everyone else was well fed first. Sasha had always admired his determination on the matter.

They also talked a lot while cleaning; Sasha had learned so much from him during these talks, mostly about food, but also some personal information about Nikolo. It was very rare of him to share anything like that and he always seemed hesitant, but she did know some things, like the fact that he was the middle one of five children, having two sisters and two brothers. And that his older brother liked to call him Nicky, which he absolutely _hated_. Sasha didn't understand why, it sounded like a cute nickname, but she had made a mental note to not to call him that. She also wouldn't have minded knowing more; she was interested in knowing what his life had been like before he got to Paradis.

" _Whatever it was like, he gets to continue it now"_ she thought, happy for him.

Yet she still wished he was here with her.

XXXXX

The ship finally docked. Nikolo could see the crowds, both soldiers and civilians alike, cheering in the harbor. It made him feel lighter, for he had wondered if they'd be welcomed home as heroes who survived in the hands of the devils or as disgraceful failures who got caught by the enemy. Seems like the answer is the former and it lifted a weight off his shoulders.

As Nikolo walked down the ramp, seeing his comrades embrace their loved ones as they reached them, he wondered if his own family was here too. He had been the black sheep of the family for years before leaving and his last meeting with his father hadn't gone all that well. Had they bothered to come to see him? Did they even believe him to be alive anymore? How were they doing? Were his older siblings married by now? Could they even have kids? Was their grandfather still alive? What if-?

"Nicky!" Nikolo would recognize that voice and that awful nickname anywhere. Turning around, he did indeed see his older brother ways off at the edge of the crowd, waving at him. He couldn't exactly see who was with him, but the man certainly wasn't alone. As much as the former prisoner wanted to rush over to his brother, he wanted to show some dignity and simply gave a small wave back to show that he'd noticed them as he calmly walked over. As he got closer, he noticed that the ones present with his brother were his mother and his grandfather from his father's side.

His father wasn't there.

"My son, you're finally home!" his mother cried out, throwing her arms around his neck as he finally reached them. Tears gathered in his eyes as he hugged her back, yet he couldn't stop wondering where his father was, _why_ wasn't he here with them.

"Who would've thought little Nicky would actually survive" his brother mocked, just like he had always done, but it was different this time. This time, the smile on his face wasn't a cunning smirk but a genuine, relieved smile. The man opened up his arms for a hug and, after his mother finally let go, Nikolo went for it, only to be caught in a headlock with his brother ruffling his hair with his fist. Gosh, he should've known, but it had been so many years; weren't they both too old for this!? His brother was laughing, as usual. When he finally let go, he pulled Nikolo in to a hug, a proper one this time "It's good to see you again, little brother."

"Good to see you too" Nikolo said, grumbling as an honest after thought "Even if you did manage to kill the mood quite a bit."

His brother laughed, letting go of him as their grandfather cleared his throat. Right, he'd still have to deal with the strict head of the family. Turning to look at the old man, Nikolo saw him using a cane that certainly was nowhere to be seen when he had left nine years ago. Age seemed to have caught up with the man in other ways, too.

"Grandfather" he greeted with a serious face "It's good to see you doing well."

Greet politely. Don't show emotion. Wait for the one above you to speak. These were all rules that had been drilled to Nikolo's head since he could remember… and rules that he had left completely unused while in Paradis knowingly, first because he didn't intend to show those people any respect, but later because it would've been weird to change the way he treated them midway.

" _Don't think about that now"_ he scolded himself _"Be the perfect grandson he wanted you to be, that_ you _wanted to be!"_

"Nikolo" his grandfather stated "It seems you are in good health as well. Takes more than an army of devils to put down my grandson I see."

Nikolo chose to ignore the insult about the people of Paradis and concentrate on the positive side of what he said. And it wasn't even hard.

"I believe it runs in the family" he said "Not that I can ever be as great of a soldier as great grandfather was."

Yes, his great grandfather had been a soldier. It had been one of the things that had inspired Nikolo to be one too, for despite the man having died long before Nikolo's birth, he'd heard stories. Lots of inspiring stories and he'd always heard the respect in his grandfather's voice when he spoke of his own father, respect that Nikolo himself had always yearned for. Could returning alive from Paradis bring him closer to reaching that level of respect?

"In terms of power, no you couldn't" his grandfather agreed "But being a soldier isn't only about brute strength, especially if the battle gets drawn out. My father had his fair share of long battles in the front line, but none of them certainly lasted for nine years" the old man said, suddenly pulling Nikolo in to a powerful hug "Physical strength and visible military achievements aside, you are already far greater soldier than my father ever was."

At first, Nikolo didn't hug the man back, too stunned to react. He didn't remember ever seeing his grandfather hug anyone, ever, especially not him. And he knew the man respected no one as much as his long-gone father, and yet… and yet here he was, saying this.

"Welcome home, Nikolo" the young man was only broken out of his trance when his grandfather said this. Tears breaking free from his eyes, he hugged the man back.

XXXXX

Sasha was going home. There was still a lot to do, but after a sudden rollcall, Levi had decided to give his whole squad few weeks off out of the blue, claiming that the Survey Corp's elite soldiers didn't need to be constantly ready for battle anymore, so they might as well take it easy for once. They had deserved it, he'd said. They had gotten an unnatural number of compliments, both direct and indirect, from their captain. So much so that Sasha had doubted he was sick, trying his forehead with her hand.

Naturally, that was where the compliments ended as the startled short man ordered them all out of his sight to start their vacation. Sheepishly, Sasha had been the first to run off, Connie joining her almost right away. After Jean joined them, she had suggested that the three of them would go touring the newly built cities outside the walls and while Jean had agreed, Connie had shot the idea down, stating that they should go visit their families now that there was finally peace. Sasha had almost said that there'd be time for that later but, from behind Connie, Jean had shushed her, reminding without words just how delicate of a matter family was to Connie. Of course, they should visit their families, she had realized, because anything could happen at any moment.

Just like to Connie's family.

That had made her more reluctant to go. Armin and Mikasa were going to return to Shiganshina, they'd been talking about doing so the moment they had enough free time, and if Jean went home too, Connie'd be alone. Well, not literally, but he didn't have a home to go back to. After all these years, Ragako was still nothing but wrecked ruins, abandoned by all. Jean seemed to had have similar thoughts since he'd said that he'd only go back to Trost if Connie went with him. As her best friend had protested, Jean had bluntly told him to cut the crap, for _they_ were family. Sasha had smiled then, knowing that Connie couldn't go denying it since he had been the first to say it out loud six years ago. Apparently, Connie had known it too for he had agreed, and they had also decided that on the next vacation he'd tag along with her. It's not like anyone at home would mind.

Sasha's thoughts immediately returned to her family, mainly the kids they'd taken in who were no longer kids, not really. She hadn't seen them in a while, but she bet they were happy that the war was finally over; they'd been through so much because of it, losing their families, their homes, getting thrown in a cell by the Yeagerists- Sasha shuddered at the last part. She'd forgiven Eren the fact that his careless plan almost killed her and the things he'd done in order to reach peace, but in the end, she'd never been able to forgive him for dragging her family, those innocent children, in to the war far more heavily than was necessary. Nothing could ever make up for their pain and fear.

And Kaya. Sweet, kind Kaya, how much she'd suffered. After Sasha had recovered enough to get out of the bed on her own, the girl who'd been even quieter than usual had confessed to her that she'd known the two children she'd helped were Marleyans. She'd cried so much, apologizing to her over and over again, swearing that she didn't know, that she didn't mean any harm. Of course, Sasha had believed that and told her so, but it took her weeks to convince the girl that everything really was okay. And as a cherry on top, her parents had later told her how close Kaya had become to "Ben" and "Mia", so the two being enemies must've hurt her most of all even though everyone had been shocked.

But that was all in the past and everything was fine now. Kaya and the other three wouldn't have to suffer anymore; Sasha would make sure of that.

XXXXX

It had taken hours before Nikolo and his family were able to leave the harbor. It made sense of course; everyone's identities had to be rechecked just in case something had gone wrong while going over people before leaving Eldia. Now that that was done though they were all taking a carriage ride to the hotel they were supposed to stay at before going home by train tomorrow. After the hotel room door was shut, Nikolo finally got out the question that had been bothering him: "Where are father and the others?"

His sisters and younger brother hadn't been there to greet him, either.

"Father is at work; we couldn't both leave at the same time after all" his brother told, making Nikolo hold back a sigh. Right, of course his father had chosen the company over him "Viktor couldn't just skip school; he's studying law you see" Nikolo was more surprised than he should be, he supposed "Natalie's heavily pregnant, she's married of course, so it wasn't safe for her to come such a long journey" his little sister, pregnant? "And Bianka was supposed to be there, but it seems something came up. That's not so surprising, considering she has two small children to take care of."

So even his twin sister was married and with a family now? Gosh, so much had changed! Of course, it was natural, it'd been nine years after all, but even so, it felt so absurd. What next…hm?

"Are _you_ married?" he asked, turning to his brother, immediately checking his hand. No ring.

"Not yet, no" the man said "But soon."

He didn't explain any further, but Nikolo took it to mean that his brother was in a serious relationship. How lucky.

"Ulrich is engaged to one of the daughters of the Niehues family" their grandfather explained "She's a very well mannered, proper young woman."

" _With a very high status"_ Nikolo added in his mind, knowing full well who the Niehues family were, but kept his mouth shut " _Of course, the heir to the company would be married to a daughter of an important noble family. Father would accept no less."_

"I see" he said "Who are Natalie and Bianka married to?"

To be honest he couldn't care less as long as his sisters were happy, but being interested in the status of his in laws was what was expected of him. He might be a little rusty, but this stuff had melted down to his bones by now.

"Bianka married the eldest son of the Diermissen family" Nikolo knew that name as well; they were merchants with huge influence over the markets. By no means a bad marriage, he knew. As his grandfather didn't continue, he asked: "And Natalie?"

He regretted it the second he asked, for his mother turned away and his brother pretended not to hear him. The look on his grandfather's face didn't promise anything good, either.

"Natalie has made some unwise choices in her life" was all he said, and it came with a tone that said the conversation was over. Not that Nikolo needed to hear more; it clearly meant that Natalie had married someone their family didn't approve of. He felt bad for little Natalie- well, not so little anymore he supposed, for not being in good terms with the family, but he was also happy for her, because if she'd married someone the family didn't approve of that could only mean she'd married out of love. And during the past nine years Nikolo had learned nothing was more important than love.

" _Isn't that right, Sasha?"_

 **A.N: Yes, I'm making up a backstory and a family for Nikolo. Most likely I'll need to come up with a last name for him as well, not to mention names for the kids at the Blouse house.**


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

"I'm so glad you're alright" Bianka said as she hugged her brother, and Nikolo willingly returned the hug. When was the last time they had hugged each other? Must've been when they were around five or so "I've missed you so much."

"Missed you too sis" he said and meant it. They hadn't been the closest, not at all despite being twins, but Nikolo did care. After coming to the conclusion that he might never be able to go home again, he had thought of them all a lot "I see you've aged a bit."

His sister looked at him in shock, but as he grinned, she scowled, pulling his ear a bit.

"Who would've thought you're still a brat" she said, making him answer with: "Who would've thought you've gotten old."

Before, Nikolo wouldn't have dared to picker childishly like this in front of his grandfather even as a teenager, but right now he felt like he didn't care, not even if he did get in trouble for this later. It had been far too long. To his surprise, his twin didn't seem to mind either, or perhaps she was just too caught up in the moment to realize who else was present. If that was the case then there'd be a fun little show ahead once she realized, he was sure.

"Boys, come say hello to your uncle" ah right, she had children. The fact was still a bit hard to accept for Nikolo. He watched as two little boys walked over, the older one probably around five years old, the younger one… around two, maybe?

"This is your uncle Nikolo" his sister introduced him "Nikolo, here is my eldest, Dominik and my youngest, Nikolo."

It took the man a moment to process what had been said as he stared at the smaller child, but then it finally clicked. His sister had named her youngest after him. It was… surprisingly sweet of her. It was a proof she hadn't stopped thinking of him during these years they'd been apart. He might have missed on a lot when it came to his family, but he'd catch up. He was sure of it.

XXXXX

"I'm home!" Sasha calls out as she rides to the yard.

"Welcome back" Kaya says as Sasha hops off her horse, preparing to walk it to the stables "Did everything go well?"

That's Kaya's way of asking if the peace is still in effect, Sasha knows. The girl is anxious about something going wrong and another war breaking out.

"Sure did, everything's according to plan!" she said cheerfully and, thankfully, truthfully "The Marleyans went back home just as agreed!"

"All of them?" Kaya asks as they walk towards the stables "Even mister Nikolo?"

"Yup" Sasha says, not surprised in the slightest that Kaya was asking. Her family knew Nikolo after all, the disastrous dinner where they had tested Nikolo's food to determine what Sasha would like the best once she finally woke up not being their only meeting. Sasha had brought him over a few times and he'd cooked for them, this time _without_ any poisoned wines around.

Sasha shuddered at the thought. She didn't understand what Nikolo had been thinking at the time, but how could she, really? She'd never been captured by her enemies, she didn't know how such a thing could affect a person. She knew Nikolo was a good man and had just been desperate due to his situation, but she was still bothered by his actions. Especially the fact that he had invited her family to a place where they might actually end up in contact with those wine bottles.

" _But he didn't mean any harm, he never did"_ Sasha reminded herself _"He was just… lost."_

That was also something she had used as a defense when she fought, together with Jean, Connie and Hanji, to keep Nikolo from getting executed. They had kept reminding the judges that Nikolo helping them in the end proved him to be someone who wished them no harm despite his earlier actions. Even so, they'd almost lost him, but fortunately Armin, informed by Jean, had marched in with cold facts and some very indirect threats to turn the tables around. Leave it to Armin to talk people out of the shit they get themselves in to.

"Sasha?" Kaya asks, making the woman jolt. Had the girl said something she hadn't heard? "Yea?"

"I asked if you're really okay with it" Sasha is puzzled, and apparently Kaya sees that as she clarifies: "With mister Nikolo leaving I mean."

"Sure" Sasha says and while it's true, it doesn't come out nearly as cheerfully as everything that she said earlier. She missed him.

"Do you think- "Kaya starts, but doesn't finish. Ushering her horse to its place, Sasha turns to look at the girl who suddenly went quiet, now looking uncertain. Blinking, she asks: "What is it, Kaya?"

"…Do you think you'll get to see him again?" she asks after hesitating a moment more. This time, Sasha's answer is firm and certain as she says: "I will."

"You will?" Kaya repeats, Sasha's certainty clearly surprising her. Sasha nods as she secures the latch, making sure that the horse doesn't get out "Yeah, I will. He promised to be back some day."

She watches Kaya blink before the girl smiles back, saying: "I see… he promised you, huh?"

Sasha knows that tone, she knows the girl is implying something, that he words have a hidden meaning, but for the life of her she couldn't catch on.

" _And she's not gonna tell me if I ask"_

XXXXX

Nikolo sighs as he lays down in the train's sleeping car. They should've gotten home by now, a few days ago already in fact, but there'd been trouble with the train. It's not that the trip itself bothered him; he was glad to get to take in the familiar sceneries and surroundings, glad to be with his family, but he was also eager to get home, to their house. He also wanted to see if he still had a room there, he hadn't dared to ask. It would make sense if his family had put it to other use, for even before he left to Paradis, he'd rarely been home, living at the military barracks.

That thought unintentionally took his mind back to Paradis. During the last few years, he'd gotten closer to the rest of the Levi squad instead of just Sasha. During that time, he, Jean and Connie had sometimes shared stories from their military training days. Armin joined in occasionally as well. They were all good guys; Nikolo no longer had trouble admitting it. But even so, he wouldn't have bothered to spend nearly as much time with them as he had if they weren't important to Sasha.

" _Sasha…"_ her name rings in his ears, bringing a steady sense of calm to him, yet it fades as he remembers Grior's words _"He's wrong."_

There was no way the other man could've been right. After all, if his feelings were just an illusion then why would he still be thinking about her now? It was true that Sasha had, for a long time, brought him a sense of safety, but that was just a tiny part of what had drawn him to her. She had this unreasonable sense of innocence about her, especially for a soldier. She was shameless, doing the things she felt like doing without any thoughts of how it might make her look. Nikolo had never been able to decide if such way of acting should be called brave or stupid, so he had eventually settled on both. She was so beautiful, especially when she ate and that could not be said about many people. Her way of eating was rarely graceful, but it was just… enchanting, that commitment she had for her every meal. Nikolo knew that if he were to say that out loud to someone, they'd look at him like a fool, but he couldn't blame them, for it sounded foolish even to him. However, that just made him surer about his feelings. Love made people irrational, right?

" _Was my promise about going back to her also irrational?"_ he wonders, immediately scolding himself afterwards. No, no it wasn't! He loved her, and there was nothing irrational about wanting to be with the one he loved!

 _That_ was not the irrational part. Being determined to see Sasha again is rational, but having promised it out loud to her wasn't. So many things could go wrong; what if he wasn't able to fulfil the promise? Would a part of her just keep waiting, hoping for him to keep it, or would she hate him for failing her? Or worse, would she simply _forget_?

"I won't let it come to that" Nikolo whispered silently to himself "I will keep my promise."

XXXXX

As much as she hates them, Sasha is used to early wake ups, so much so that she hadn't complained or denied when Kaya asked her to help cleaning the stables this morning last night. And here they were, working side by side in a comfortable silence. Sasha was more focused on wondering what her mom might be making for breakfast than on her work, but it didn't affect her results, for she was good at this. Of course, she was; she was a member of the Levi squad. In the captain's squad, you either learned to clean properly or you were out, that was a fact. Nikolo had never believed her when she told him, not even after nine years of insisting that it was true.

"Are you thinking about mister Nikolo?" Kaya suddenly asks, making Sasha's head snap up in surprise. Eyes wide, she asks: "How did you _know_!?"

"You had that look on your face" Kaya says, and Sasha notes that Kaya too has a peculiar look on her face, one that she has lately seen on Connie and Jean's faces way too often as well "Happy, but so sad at the same time, like you were longing for something" she pauses "Or well, someone."

Sasha blushes, a bit because of what Kaya is implying, but more so because she realizes that the girl is right; she _is_ longing for Nikolo's presence.

"Sis?" Kaya asks, looking at the woman directly.

"Y-yeah?" Sasha stutters, still a bit shaken about how easily Kaya could read her. She can see that the girl wants to say something, probably _ask_ something, but she's holding back "What is it, Kaya?"

"Are you in love with mister Nikolo?" the girl finally asks, and Sasha can't help but wonder if she'd heard right. Why would she ask that?

"Am I… in love with Nikolo?" she repeats, and Kaya nods. Her first instinct is to deny it, but she stops herself. What was being in love like, anyway? She loved her parents, Kaya and the rest of the kids, that was a given, but she knew love for one's own family was different than that one would have for a man. She loved Jean and Connie too, but they were also her family, just like Connie had once said. Aside from the already mentioned people, the only one she could say she loved was her roommate Mikasa; so dear she was to her. She cared about Armin and Historia very deeply too of course, had cared for Eren as well, but she wouldn't call it love… maybe? Same with the commander and the captain; as dear as they were to her, very dear, she wouldn't use the word "love." But where did Nikolo stand in this? She cared about him, she cared about him a lot and would risk her life for him if need to be, but was it just friendship, similar to what she felt towards Armin? How did one tell the difference? "How do I know if it's love or just very deep friendship?"

Sasha only realized she'd said it out loud as Kaya's eyebrows rose in surprise.

"Er… I mean…" Sasha started to stutter, but had no idea what to really say "I don't know!"

Was the way she cared for him love? Was the way she missed him a sign of love? Was the fact that she'd always been so happy to see him love? When he called them devils under his breath, not that he'd done it in the last couple of years, did it hurt more than when the other Marleyans did it because she was in love? Well, whichever the case, in the end-

"It's not like it matters" she mutters as she slumps against the wall, her work forgotten "I'm an Eldian; he'd never answer my feelings even if I did have some towards him."

The clatter of something hitting the ground gets Sasha's attention, and she sees Kaya's shovel on the ground, fallen from her hands as she stares at her "sister" in what can only be called shock.

"Are you serious?" she asks.

"Huh?" is the smart reply Sasha gives, having no clue what Kaya is so shocked about. The look on the girl's face unnerves her a little.

"You mean you never noticed?" she finally asks "Really?"

"Noticed what?" Sasha asks, genuinely confused. Kaya takes a deep breath before blurting out: "Sis, mister Nikolo is in love with you!"

And Sasha can only stare at her in disbelief.

XXXXX

"You look well, son" Nikolo's father said to him "Welcome home."

"Thank you, father" was Nikolo's reply, and that was it. He felt a little bitter that his father wasn't crying even a bit or anything, but quickly realized that that would've been hypocritical, for he didn't cry either. He was glad to see his father again, but just not enough to cry, apparently. Or perhaps he had finally gotten over that irrational desire to be accepted and respected by the man, who knows.

"Where's Viktor?" he asks, wanting to see his little brother, who had probably changed the most of them all, for he'd been only nine when Nikolo had left. And now he was the same age as the soldier had been when captured. It felt surreal.

"In school, he'll be back in the afternoon" his father said, looking at the clock "Ulrich, we have to go."

"Right" said his older brother, who hadn't even taken his jacket off as they had just gotten home "See you later Nicky!"

At the very least his brother had the decency to say goodbye to him, unlike their father who just left without a word. Not that Nikolo was really that surprised.

"Nikolo honey, maybe you should rest- "

"Later" Nikolo interrupted his mother "I'll just… take a look around the house first."

He could see his mother's uncertain gaze, that she was ready to protest, but in the end the woman held her tongue, letting him do as he pleased. He was grateful for that; he wanted to see how much he could remember, how much had changed. And he wanted to do it alone, in his own space, so he started from the yard since he knew the others would start unpacking and take it easy for the rest of the morning.

At first glance, the place seemed to have changed a lot, but upon a closer look Nikolo realized it was just about the nature taking its course. All the main elements were where they used to be; it was just that the trees and bushes had grown despite being trimmed. Some of the flowers were ones he didn't recall their garden having before, not that he could be sure since he knew nothing about flowers, but they were in places he'd expect to see flowers in. The garden furniture set under the sunshade was new without a doubt, and it seemed like some changes had been made to the small fountain as well. Everything was as beautiful as it always had been though, and it made Nikolo wonder if they still had the same gardener.

" _Probably, unless he messed up something big time and got fired"_ he reasoned with a shrug. Not that he really cared; they hadn't been close, not even friends _"Still one thing I have to check."_

Mind made up, Nikolo made his way to the very back of his family's property. That was where his greenhouse was, or at least, where it used to be. He wouldn't be surprised if his parents had gotten rid of it; they'd never liked his hobby of cooking, so naturally they frowned upon him raising vegetables as well.

" _If it's still standing, I wonder how bad condition it's in"_ then again, if it really was there, maybe it wouldn't have gotten too bad, for if there was something poorly maintained in the yard, it'd make his family look bad. Nikolo knew they didn't like that _"Ah, it's still standing."_

And to his surprise, the place looked to be in top shape. Well, that way it certainly wouldn't ruin the view… the door wasn't bolted shut or anything either, so maybe he'd be able to get in to see what condition the place was in.

It opened with an unexpected ease and, to Nikolo's surprise, the place looked well kept. Nothing was the same as it used to be, but it was well kept anyway. There were far less different vegetables than what he'd kept there before he got too busy with the military, not to mention there were some flowers growing in pots as well, but sometimes less was more.

Nikolo examined the plants, knowing full well he was a little rusty as he hadn't been the main care taker to any plants while in Paradis, carefully checking their conditions. There were some differences between the plants, but in general all were well taken care off and there were no pests. It really made him wonder who was taking care of the place, for he doubted their gardener hat time for such delicate care, even if the greenhouse was far simpler now than it used to be.

"Is everything to your liking?" Nikolo jolted, barely holding the scream in. Hastily he turned around, seeing his grandfather. How had such a fragile old man snuck up on him, especially with that cane with him? He must've really spaced out!

"Ah, yes…" Nikolo stammered, knowing that he had to ask "Who did all this? Took care of the plants, I mean."

"The whole family did" his grandfather answered, much to his surprise "Your father insisted on it."

If the first part wouldn't have left Nikolo speechless, the second one definitely did. His _father_ had insisted they took care of his greenhouse? His father who'd always been against it the most?

"Why?" the word left his lips before he could stop it. It was a rude question to make, especially since he voiced it like that, but now that it was out anyway, he really wanted an answer.

"No one knows for sure what your father was thinking" the old man told him "But we can all throw around some guesses, can't we?"

Yes, they could. This could only mean that his father really-

"Not that any of us knew a thing about gardening, especially when it came to food" his grandfather pointed out, eyeing the garlic that was growing nicely "So your father hired a professional to work here with us until we knew the basics well enough."

There was really only one reason his father would do something like that. If he had wanted to keep up the appearance of a mourning father, there would've been countless of easier ways.

This meant that he actually cared.

Taking in a deep breath, Nikolo fought to keep his tears at bay. He knew what his grandfather thought of crying, especially crying men, and he'd already been crying enough in front of him lately. It was time to stop; he could hold this in until he was alone. He could do this.

"It is humiliating to cry over pointless things" his grandfather said. It's not like he didn't know that already "But there are right times and right reasons for crying as well."

That was all it took for the dam to break, for Nikolo knew a permission when he heard one. He actually had to lean to the wall for support in order to not to slump down, but other than that he was no longer really aware of his surroundings. All he could do was cry and, against anything he would've believed just a few days ago, his grandfather allowed it.

XXXXX

" _Nikolo's in love with me? That's absurd!"_ Sasha thought, absentmindedly working as Kaya's words echoed in her head _"Isn't it? Or could she really be right?"_

No, she couldn't be. Kaya barely knew Nikolo, if their few meetings counted as knowing each other at all, so how could she notice something like that when Sasha hadn't despite spending so much time with him? She wasn't dense when it came to these things; if Nikolo really had feelings for her, she would have noticed!

…Right?

" _But if he really_ is _in love with me, that would explain a lot"_ Sasha thought. First and foremost, it would explain what he wanted to tell her once he returned. It'd be a love confession, and that would explain the actions of her friends as well, assuming they had caught on. And the kiss, it would explain the kiss, too. But again, logic fought against these thoughts because one, if it was the case then surely, she would've noticed and two, she was still an Eldian. Nikolo hadn't been repulsed by the fact for years, or so she liked to believe, but that he'd fall in love with one after what he'd been raised to believe? It just didn't fit.

" _I'm only thinking of very recent events… has there been anything that'd imply him being in love with me earlier?"_ she wondered, thinking back. There was nothing during the first year they'd known each other, of that she was sure. The few after that? Well, he _did_ almost kill a kid that harmed her almost fatally, but that was mostly stress talking, right? He'd been in quite pinch at the time… What about his relief when they'd first seen each other after she woke up from her coma? …No no, as relieved as he had seemed, that was simply because he cared for her because they were friends, nothing more… right? Then what about the way he'd been too ashamed to look her in the eyes when he found out she knew what he'd done to the military police? …Again, he had just been ashamed because they were _friends,_ that's it. Nikolo definitely wasn't in love with her. Realizing that made Sasha feel disappointed, but she shook her head as soon as she realized it. It's not like she _wanted_ him to be in love with her… right?

…

 _Right?_

"Uh…" Sasha let out a small distressed sound, thankful that no one could hear. Starting to pace, she started thinking of what she _would_ want in a lover, convinced that Nikolo wouldn't be able to fill the list.

She wanted someone who had no problem with her liking to hunting. No problem with her being a soldier and the responsibilities that came with it. Someone who wouldn't insist on her staying home if they started a family. Someone who'd support her when she needed it. Someone who could make her laugh. Someone who she could talk with. Someone who she could be herself with without hesitation, feeling no need to hide her accent or her love for food, her appetite that everyone always called so-

Sasha stopped in her tracks. Nikolo was the only one, _the only one_ she didn't feel the need to hide anything from, mainly her appetite that sometimes seemed to disturb even her parents. And to her horror, Sasha realized that the man seemed to fill all of her other demands as well. Heat started to make its way on her face as she tried to assure herself that it was a mistake, that she had unconsciously started listing Nikolo's good qualities instead of the kind of man's she would actually want, but no matter how much she thought, she couldn't really come up with anything major that didn't match with the man, save for his past hatred for Eldians. But what did that even matter? Everyone made mistakes, and he had learned from his. There was _nothing_ wrong with Nikolo.

"Oh no" she muttered, still not wanting to believe it "Are we really in love with each other?"


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

" _Am I in love with him?"_ Sasha wondered at the breakfast table, absentmindedly munching on her bread. The question just wouldn't leave her alone _"I want to see him; maybe seeing him again would help me to find an answer."_

Not that it mattered in the slightest if it would or not, for it was not up to her when they'd next see each other. If she couldn't get her answers without seeing Nikolo, she'd have to wait for quite a while. But she didn't want that.

Sighing in irritation, Sasha finished her bread before moving her focus to her soup, not that her mind stayed on it long as it started to wander again. Where was Nikolo at right now anyway? Marley of course, but where there? Had he made it home already? He'd once said that he lived in the inner land and that it'd take a while to get there from the border… what was he doing? Was he eating breakfast right now like she was? Or could he still be asleep? No, perhaps he was the one making the breakfast! She had mostly eaten lunch, dinner and snacks made by him, but breakfast too every once in a while, and he was definitely good at that, too… she wanted to eat the pancakes he made again.

" _Not that mom's food is bad, but…"_ Sasha's mind trailed off. Her mom's cooking was amazing on its own way too, it tasted like _home_ , the only taste Nikolo had never been able to pull off, but still, she missed his foods. And him, that pleased look on his face when she complimented his cooking, the way he laughed at her face when food got stuck on it, the way he wiped the crumps from her cheeks with his hand-

"Sasha honey, everything okay?" her mother asks, startling Sasha out of her thoughts. Looking up, the young woman sees her whole family looking at her oddly. Smiling sheepishly, she says: "Yea, everything's fine! Sorry, just thinking about… things."

"Must be some serious stuff" Claus said, fixing his classes before casting a glare at Kaya next to him. Sasha had noticed the girl elbowing him "If it makes you of all people to stop eating."

Sasha looked down at her plate, realizing that the young man was right. Her spoon was still in her hand, raised right above the bowl, and had probably been there for a while. Her bowl was still almost full, while most of the others had already emptied theirs. Usually she was first to finish, the first bowl that is, so no wonder they were worried.

"Eh… sort of" she mumbled before continuing to eat. She didn't look, but she could still feel their stares for a while more before her family continued eating as well.

This was affecting her way too much.

XXXXX

Nikolo laid down on his bed, yes, _his_ bed, exhausted. He had meant to look around the house a lot more, but after what happened at the greenhouse, he had just felt tired, so he went directly to his old room, pleased to find it still there. It hadn't gathered dust either, so apparently someone had told the maids to keep it clean, probably without disturbing anything in it. Not that Nikolo had checked yet, but at first glance everything looked to be like he had left it. He liked that.

What should he do today? He and the others who had just gotten away from Paradis weren't expected to return to service before going through comprehensive interrogations about what exactly had happened to them while on the island, and his wouldn't start until next week, so that meant he had some free time in his hands. He had to wait for his little brother's return, but perhaps after that he could go take a look around the town… or maybe he'd prepare dinner for his family? Certainly, they wouldn't complain about it this time, not when he'd been gone so long… part of him had wanted to make lunch too, but he had been so exhausted that he had decided to leave it to the servants. He'd have plenty of chances to cook for his family from now on.

Then again, part of him really wanted to return to his job as a soldier as well. He was sure that Marley would have some soldiers positioned at the borders of Paradis in time as a safety measure, and perhaps some would even be let inland since it's not like Marley and Eldia would just agree on peace and never interact with each other after that. No, some soldiers would definitely be sent to Paradis sooner or later, and he'd do his best to become one of those soldiers. That'd be the easiest way to keep his promise.

He should have a good chance at being picked for such a job, too. He wouldn't anger the Eldians by being hostile unlike many others would and he could just tell his superiors and fellow soldiers it was control he had been forced to learn in order to survive as a prisoner. That wouldn't even be a complete lie since that was what he had done in the beginning. He also knew some higher ranked officers of Eldia personally, which certainly counted as an advantage. He also had the kind of understanding about their lacking behind -culture that no one in Marley aside from fellow former war prisoners had. Yes, he could do this! He just had to make sure not to look _too eager_ to return so that he wouldn't seem out of his mind and convince his superiors that he wasn't traumatized or anything and that he could go back. Everything would work out; he'd get to see Sasha again.

He just hoped she'd answer to his feelings.

XXXXX

Sasha couldn't take this anymore; she just couldn't get Kaya's words out of her head! Nor could she figure out what she was feeling, and it was driving her crazy! She needed to get some kind of understanding about things, and she needed it _now_.

"Mom?" she asked as she went over to the woman, proceeding to help with the dishes by drying the washed ones "I think I need a little advice."

Lisa looks at her, and she doesn't seem surprised. Sasha reasons it's because of what happened at breakfast.

"I'm on all ears honey" she says before taking the next bowl "What's wrong?"

Sasha hesitated for a while, thinking that this was a little embarrassing, especially at her age. She should've asked about this stuff from her when she was a teenager or something.

"How do I know if I'm in love with someone?" she finally blurts out, not looking at the woman. Embarrassed, she feels her face heat up a bit as she waits for an answer.

"Romantical love is a complicated feeling, much more so than the platonic one that many feels for several people" her mother starts "But it's still hard to point out any concrete difference."

Sasha frowned; this wasn't really helping.

"How did _you_ know that you were in love with dad when you two were still young?" she asks, and to her surprise her mother frowns a little at her.

"You say it like we were very old now" the woman says, clearly not liking the idea, and Sasha laughs. Lisa laughs back.

"I suppose I was a little dense when it came to these things" the older woman starts "I never realized it myself though, for I was always teasing my friends about their crushes, which were so obvious. However, I never noticed your father's feelings for me before he said it to my face despite how much time we spent together."

Sasha gasps, the bowl she'd drying almost slipping from her hands, but she manages to catch it. That sounds a lot like her; she had no idea about Nikolo's feelings either before Kaya mentioned them!

"We were together a lot before his confession. Hunting, cleaning the meat, studying, which neither of us was ever good at I'm afraid, and I always enjoyed his company, but I had just never really… thought of him as a man, probably because we'd known each other since we were children. He was always that _boy_ in the neighborhood to me, even when he actually grew up to be a man. I was only able to look at him differently when he _did_ something that made me do so."

And that something was the love confession. That made sense, but this didn't really help her, for her situation with Nikolo was very different. She may had known him for years, but not since she was a child. Had she been wondering about Connie or Jean, then the situations would be comparable.

Sasha snorted at the thought of herself with either of them. She loved them, loved them dearly, but no. Just no, things wouldn't work in the romantical sense between her and one of them. And she didn't want to either, not despite actually being able to see them as more than the little boys they'd been when she'd first met them.

"Is it funny to you?" her mother asked, but didn't sound mad or anything, just curious. Sasha however just shook her head "No, it just brought something to my mind."

It was then that she realized that the idea of a relationship with Nikolo didn't bring her amusement the way it did with the other two; it brought forward… a different feeling she couldn't quite place. And it wasn't a bad feeling.

"So, honey" her mother started, and Sasha turned to look at her "Who's the lucky man?"

"Nobody!" she hurried to say automatically "Just wondering in case… in case there'll be someone someday! Yeah!"

Her mother didn't believe her in the slightest, and Sasha knew that, but she was grateful when the woman didn't press her any further. Still, that didn't stop the bowl from finally slipping from her hands as her mother said: "Despite everything that happened in the past, I want you to know that mister Nikolo does have the approval of both me and your father."

XXXXX

Viktor came home. Had Nikolo passed the boy, _young man_ on the street, he would've never known it was him. Even now he only recognized his brother because he was expecting him.

"Good to see you well, brother" the young man he could no longer recognize told him formally, making Nikolo wonder how much he remembered about him "It must've been hard for you during the last nine years."

"I managed well enough" Nikolo said, trying to balance between not being too formal but not overly familial, either "I've heard that you're doing well in life as well."

"I am, even if I do say so myself" Viktor replied "It seems lunch is about to be ready. Shall we continue this conversation at the table?"

Despite the fact that Nikolo had nodded, he found himself to be rather quiet when their party of seven ate. Bianka did most of the talking, having not seen the rest of the family in a while either so she was asking questions, and Nikolo was fine with it. He was, for once, fine being a bystander here and listening to what had been going on with his family. It was peaceful, and Nikolo got a sense of normal family gathering.

"Uncle Nikolo" little Dominik said when there was a pause in the conversation, getting the man's attention "What is the island of devils like?"

…And the peace was officially gone right at that moment as all eyes landed on him, waiting for an answer. Why was a five-year-old even asking that?

"Dominik!" his sister hissed at her child "Don't bring up those kinds of things at the table!"

"But I want to know- "

"Dominik, it's a terrifying place" Nikolo's own mother cut in "It is not something children should hear of."

Nikolo hid the scowl that was threatening to form on his face like a pro, internally cringing at his mother's words. She didn't know a thing.

" _No point in holding it against her; I was once like that, too"_ he reminded himself _"I can't shame her for just repeating what she's been taught all her life."_

Still, he couldn't just go and correct her, it wasn't a good idea. But he could steer the conversation to a more neutral direction.

"Maybe I'll tell you when you're a little older" he said "How about I tell you about our awesome ship that I used to get back home?"

The boy seemed a little disappointed, but brightened up soon, eager to hear about the warships. Judging from the looks on their faces, his family approved of this change of topic as well. Good; one problem less.

XXXXX

Sasha was cleaning her bow, deep in thought. Now that she could think about it in peace, she realized that the situation she had with Nikolo _was_ more comparable to the situation her parents had had than she originally had thought. Sure, they were no childhood friends, but Sasha too had been stuck on one picture of him, seeing him as the Eldian hating war prisoner that he was when they met. He had changed she knew, but the change had been slow, so maybe that's why she got stuck to the idea? And she had started to think of him as a man consciously only after Kaya pointed out that he was no longer what she had met him as, just like her mother had seen her father as a man only after he confessed. And now that she did think of him as a man who did not despise her kind anymore, she couldn't get him out of her head. So, did that mean she was in love with him?

…

"I still don't know, damn it!" she screamed, startling some nearby birds.

" _I should think about this from some other ankle… uh… sexual attraction?"_ Sasha wondered, feeling weird even thinking of such a word. Truth to be told, she had zero experience when it came to any sexual actions, even her first and so far, only kiss had been with Hitch as a drunken dare from Jean. And Hitch was a girl, so it was safe to say she had zero experience with men. Well, there had been some drunken flirting between her, Connie and Jean as well as some other soldiers, but it had stopped at that. She wasn't even sure if she knew what it felt like to be sexually attracted or, well, _aroused_. Her mind had always jammed on two things: food and war. There had been no time for men _"Aaw man, I was already born by the time mom was my age! Is this the price I pay for being a soldier!?"_

Sasha shook her head, knowing that she had to focus. So, sexual attraction. Did she feel it towards Nikolo? Had she ever felt it towards him, or someone else for that matter?

" _I did consider kissing him once"_ she recalled _"But he ate the last piece of chocolate and I wanted a taste! That's all there was to it!"_

Or was it? Jean had been there too, as had Connie. All three of the men had eaten that chocolate just before she arrived, yet the one she had considered stealing it from by kissing was Nikolo and Nikolo only. The question was, why not the other two?

" _Because they're like family; it would've been weird!"_ a part of her reasoned, yet then another memory came to her. A memory of Nikolo standing in the kitchen with his back to her, taking off his jacket that he had just spilled sauce on. He had been wearing a thin, sleeveless shirt under it and Sasha recalled clearly how she'd stood at the doorway, eyeing his strong arms and what she could see of his muscled body through the shirt. She had definitely been looking at him sexually, she now realized, and the thought made her face heat up.

"Oh god…" she muttered "I really…"

But sexual attraction didn't equal love, she reminded herself. Perhaps her natural instincts as a woman had just reacted to an attractive man's presence. Yup, that had to be it… and she just considered Nikolo attractive. Damn.

"I need to stop; I'm getting a headache" Sasha muttered, reminding herself that she didn't have to solve this now. It would take at least weeks, most likely months before she'd see him again, she had time. Who knows, maybe the answer would come to her when she least expected of it.

Mind made up, the young woman was determined to continue her day normally from here on. The answer would come when it was time.

XXXXX

"Brother?" Viktor asked as he came to the half open door to Nikolo's room "Do you have a moment."

" _So formal"_ the man thought as he put the book he had been eyeing back in to the shelve, making a mental note of trying that last recipe at some point "Of course, what do you need?"

"I just wanted to talk" the younger man said, sitting down on a chair at the desk "There's something I wanted to ask."

" _Something you didn't want to ask in front of the family"_ Nikolo understood the unspoken message "What is it?"

"What _was_ it like on Paradis?" he asked, and Nikolo froze "Can we really trust those devils to keep their end of the deal and not destroy the peace, destroy the _world_?"

For a moment, Nikolo didn't say anything. He had his own, clear opinion on the matter, but could he tell it honestly to his little brother? Would he seem too much like an Eldian sympathizer?

"You don't have to answer" Viktor said, cutting off his line of thought "I'm sorry I brought this up; this certainly isn't the easiest thing for you to talk about."

"No, it's- "Nikolo sighed, rubbing his face "It's quite alright, just thinking."

He'd go with his honest opinion, but he had to word it carefully.

"I think that if they wanted to destroy the world, they would've done it by now" he started "So I don't think they'll use the power of the rumbling as long as no one gives them the impression that someone else is trying to destroy the peace. So, don't worry; I don't think we'll have to worry about any attacks from them."

Thank god Floch and Eren were both dead; otherwise Nikolo probably wouldn't be able to believe his own words.

"I see, I'm glad" Viktor said with a relieved sigh, looking at his brother with what Nikolo could only call hesitation "Are you certain you're alright, brother? Nine years in a place like that…"

"I'm fine" Nikolo said firmly, not sure if his brother would believe him "It'll take a while to get used to living here again, but I'm fine."

"That's good to hear" Viktor said, but Nikolo could tell that he wasn't done talking "I know that no one else in this family can really understand what you've been through, but if you want to talk you know that we'll all listen, right?"

"Of course," Nikolo said after recovering from surprise. The snotty nosed little brat he'd once known sure had become a sympathetic young man "You really have grown, haven't you."

Viktor seemed a bit sheepish, but didn't deny it. Nikolo chuckled, more convinced than ever that everything would be alright. He might have to learn to know his family all over again, but with time he'd learn what he had forgotten and missed, for he was home and this was his family.

XXXXX

"Sis, that was _my_ sandwich" Kaya said with a frown as Sasha ate what was supposed to be _her_ snack.

"Oops!" Sasha said as she looked down at the food, realizing that Kaya was right. She'd taken the wrong one "Sorry!"

"You're lost in your own little world a lot today" Kaya said, taking the sandwich meant for Sasha "Are you thinking about what I said in the morning?"

"…Maybe a little" she confessed "But I'll figure things out… eventually."

"Okay" Kaya said, focusing on her food. Sasha tried to do the same, but something was bugging her again. But this time, it wasn't Nikolo. It was Kaya, who made her older sister wonder how she was so perspective about these things.

"Say, Kaya" she started, getting the girl's attention "Are _you_ in love with someone?"

The only answer Sasha got was Kaya averting her gaze as she continued munching on her sandwich.

"Kaya?" the girl said nothing, and a smile crept it's way on Sasha's face "You are!"

"…" the girl didn't say anything, the reddening of her cheeks the only proof that she was even listening. Exited, Sasha asked: "Who is it? Do I know him?"

"…Maybe" Kaya muttered silently. Sasha was delighted; she was happy for Kaya of course, but this could also really work as a good distraction for her from her own thoughts "C'mon, tell me about him!"

"Well he's… funny and reliable, a hard worker and… I guess I could call him… handsome?" Sasha bit back a chuckle as she saw the heat rise to Kaya's cheeks. She was so cute! "What does he do?"

Kaya looked away, blush deepening.

"…I don't wanna say" Sasha blinked, surprised. Why wouldn't Kaya want to tell her? Unless…

"Kaya" she said, narrowing her eyes "If he's some kind of criminal- "

"Says the woman who constantly hung out with a war prisoner" Kaya cut her off, effectively shutting Sasha up as she grinned sheepishly "And no, he's not. I just don't wanna say 'cause if I do, you'll figure it out."

"Oh?" Sasha said, her curiosity raising to its peak. Now she _had to_ know! Thinking fast, she made a quick mental list about guys Kaya could be in love with. Claus? They were close, but then again, she was also close with Emil, which was no wonder as they had lived under the same roof for years. The descriptions would fit though, she supposed. What about the other young men in the village? No, it didn't seem likely. Sasha didn't know them well, yet Kaya made it sound like it'd be easy to figure out the man's identity if she shared too much. She wanted to know so badly! "C'mon, at least give me a little hint!"

"No" Kaya said firmly, with a tone that said her decision was going to stick "I haven't even told him yet…"

The rest was said as an uncertain whisper, making Sasha drop her teasing. It wasn't a suitable moment for that, it seemed.

"Are you afraid he won't answer to your feelings?" she asked softly. She wasn't an expert in these things, this morning had proved that to her if anything, but maybe Kaya'd feel better if she got to talk about it?

"Uhhuh" she said "I used to think he was in love with certain another girl, but when I hinted about it, he flat out denied it. Apparently, it's not like that… but he could still have someone else. Or he could simply not have any interest in _me_."

Unfortunately, Sasha couldn't really relate to it all; her own problems were so different. All she did know was that uncertainty about feelings, one's own and of those important to you, could really suck. She felt bad for the both of them.

"…If I do get something done, I promise you'll be the first I'll tell" Kaya said, making Sasha smile "So if you come to the conclusion that you _are_ in love with mister Nikolo, will you tell me?"

"Kaya!" Sasha screeched as her face went red, making Kaya laugh. This only made Sasha blush harder.

" _Ah jeez"_ she thought as she listened to Kaya's laughter _"Nikolo, why're you making my life so complicated?"_

 **A.N: In case anyone's wondering: yes, I did make up the names for the orphan boys in the Blouse household. I have one for the girl too, but that wasn't needed yet so you ain't getting it. If Isayama** _ **does**_ **name them at some point then I'll replace the names I made up with the actual names, but until that happens the boy with classes is Claus and the other one is Emil. And the girl? Keep reading the future chapters and you may find out!**


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

"Dad's going to be mad when he hears about this" Ulrich told Nikolo as they walked down the street "And so will grandfather."

"I'm going to do this no matter how mad they get and I'm sure they already know that" was the cook's reply "If you're so worried about their anger you shouldn't have come with me; I could've found my way with just the address."

"Yeah, you probably could have" Ulrich told as they rounded another corner in the poorer neighborhood "But I haven't seen Natalie in a while either, in fact not since father disowned her."

Nikolo sighed, feeling sorry for his little sister. To think that falling in love and marrying a servant had been all it took for his parents to abandon their own daughter… real parents of the year. Well, maybe they'd soften up with time… then again, maybe not. As far as he knew, his parents were status first -kind of people no matter what.

" _But maybe I'm wrong; with the way they welcomed me back…"_ he thought absentmindedly. It hadn't been an act on his mother's part; she'd actually missed him, the black sheep. And while his father hadn't really even said much, in the man's case actions spoke louder than words. And his actions told Nikolo a lot.

"What kind of person is Natalie's husband exactly?" he asked. He'd find out eventually, either from Natalie or by meeting the man, but some ground information wouldn't hurt. His brother however, just shrugged "I don't know, other than him being a hard worker. He was one of our servants, was training to be in charge of all of them before he got kicked out for his indecent relationship with Natalie."

"Indecent, huh…" Nikolo muttered, deciding to ask: "Did she get pregnant before they married?"

Nikolo wasn't prepared for it, so he couldn't dodge Ulrich when he swatted him on the head.

"Hey!"

"What do you take our little sister for, a whore?" the man asked "It didn't get _that_ indecent; the point is that he's a servant. Geez Nicky, you're an ass."

 _He_ was the ass here? He thought, and still did, that it was a logical question.

"So, the only problem is his social status?" Nikolo asked, making Ulrich nod "Naturally. You haven't lost your touch and completely forgotten how the world, _our world,_ works, have you?"

"No" he said, and he really hadn't. It had all stayed in the back of his mind for all these years, being at the bottom of social hierarchy as a war prisoner reminding him of the rules of the world better than anything, but things had looked so much different from the bottom. He who'd been born to a good family got a completely different look at the world when he'd become a prisoner and the military police had made sure he knew his new place _"But Sasha never gave a damn."_

She'd treated him like an equal from the start and as a friend soon after. She, who was near the top of their society, being an elite soldier and all, had gone out of her way to become his friend and look after him. At first, Nikolo had been convinced it was because she wanted information from him and was trying to trick him to dropping his guard, trick him in to talking. Later, he had been sure she was there for food and food only, recognizing his skills as a cook. These days, while he was sure the later was a big part of it, he was also sure that she had also come to see him so often because she was simply a good person at heart. She wanted him and the other prisoners to be at ease, she definitely did.

Now he just wished he could've been the kind of friend _she_ deserved from the start.

"Nicky, we're here" Ulrich said, and it was only then that Nikolo noticed that his brother had stopped walking and he'd gone slightly ahead. Oops "Something on your mind?"

"Just thinking about the past nine years" he answered truthfully, having a feeling that his brother would get too uncomfortable to ask about any details. And judging from his face, he was right.

"Right…" Ulrich said, awkwardly asking: "Do you want to talk about it… or something?"

"Not what we came here for, is it?" Nikolo asked, taking a note of how relieved his older brother looked. He usually had, or at least had had, a way better poker face than this. Perhaps his capture was somehow a sorer subject for his family than he had thought. Huh.

"No, it's not" his brother agreed "Let's see if Nat's home… although at this time of the day she probably is considering how far her pregnancy is."

They walked in to an apartment complex and up the stairs, all the way to the third floor. By no means hard for them, but Nikolo worried about the safety of his heavily pregnant sister. Looking around, he took a note of how the paint was peeling off the walls and how they had little cracks in them. It was a little dirty and it smelled, too.

"A depressing place, isn't it?" Ulrich asked "How she can stand living here I have no idea."

"It's not that bad" Nikolo said, continuing without really thinking "I've been stuck in much worse places."

Again, that awkward and uncertain look rose to his brother's face. He really shouldn't bring these things up he supposed, at least not with Ulrich around, but it wasn't that easy to keep his mouth shut when something reminded him of those times. They were simply a part of him now.

Ulrich didn't say anything though, and it was better that way. While Nikolo brought it up without thinking, he certainly didn't want to be questioned about his time on Paradis, mostly because he didn't want to slip something that might cause him trouble.

The older man knocked on an old, worn out wooden door and stayed to wait for an answer. Soon Nikolo could hear footsteps coming closer to the door. Then the door opened just a bit with a woman peeking out. Nikolo couldn't see her clearly, but from what little he saw he could tell it really was their sister.

"Ulrich?" she muttered as she caught sight of him, opening the door a little wider "What are you doing here?"

"I brought Nicky over" Ulrich got right to the point, stepping aside a little so that the woman would see Nikolo. Realizing that Natalie hadn't expected him to be there, like she wasn't even told of his return, he became a little uncomfortable. This was probably quite a shock to her "Hi Nat."

Natalie stared for a while, clearly having trouble with processing what she was seeing and hearing.

"Nikolo…?"

"Yeah" he confirmed with a small, awkward smile "I'm back."

Natalie stared for a while longer before throwing the floor open, running right to surprised Nikolo's arms.

"You're home…" she muttered as she hugged her brother who was hugging her back "You're home, you're okay and you're home…"

They just stood there hugging each other, for how long, Nikolo didn't know, but they were brought back to reality as Ulrich cleared his throat.

"Not that I really _want_ to interrupt, but we should probably go inside before we attract the neighbor's attention" he said "Really Nat, he won't disappear if you let go for a second."

As one, the younger siblings glared at their older brother. Nikolo scoffed; Ulrich could be so insensitive sometimes… but he did have a point.

"He's right" the cook said "Can we come in?"

"Of course, of course" Natalie said, letting go. She seemed to hesitate before doing so, and Nikolo was torn if he should consider that amusing or touching. Well, maybe a bit of both "I'm sorry it's so dirty in here."

Nikolo almost, _almost_ let it slip again that he had been in worse places, but this time he caught himself, thankfully. It would just upset Natalie and, unlike their older brother, she might ask some questions. Or not; he honestly had no idea with how long they'd been apart.

They went inside, and Nikolo took a good look at his surroundings. The place was actually pretty tidy, but by dirty Natalie must've meant those old stains that she had probably tried to scrub off but couldn't. There were cracks too and paint was peeling off here and there, but there was no clutter or dust. It seemed that his sister, despite never having done any housework as a child, had learned how to take care of her home. Not that he could be sure it was her doing, but he doubted it was anyone else since she clearly couldn't afford servants… unless it was her mother in law's doing? Or her husband's?

" _I should give her a bit more credit; if I was able to adapt, why couldn't she?"_ Nikolo told himself. Natalie had always been a smart girl after all; it was no wonder she was able to handle herself.

"Sit down, I'll make some tea" Nikolo sat down on the couch without hesitation, noticing how Ulrich looked at the furniture doubtfully before carefully sitting down. Snorting, Nikolo whispered: "Couches don't bite, brother."

"It could have fleas" Ulrich hissed back with a glare and Nikolo just laughed, knowing all too well that he had been very similar once, too.

Natalie handed them the tea, putting a cookie plate on the table while at it, before asking: "When did you come back? _How_ did you come back?"

"You know there's now peace between Marley and Eldia, right?" when Natalie nodded hesitantly, Nikolo continued "They released most of us because of it, so I came back on a warship along with the others."

"That… makes sense" Natalie said, but it didn't take a genius to figure out she was holding something back "To be honest I… I thought you would never come home; that you'd already be dead. I'm sorry."

Nikolo averted his eyes, thinking. He knew he should say something to that, but didn't know what. He didn't want to lie, nor did he want to say anything that would upset Natalie, for it might cause harm to her and the baby.

"It's fine; it's not like any of you could've known what went on over there" he finally settled on "I'm not saying my life was easy the past nine years, but it certainly could've been worse. And everything's fine now, so you don't have to worry."

Natalie stared at him and for a moment Nikolo wondered if his reply was too thought out, if it sounded too rehearsed. It probably did.

"Are you sure?" Natalie asked, confirming Nikolo's suspicions "Do you… want to talk about it?"

Ulrich didn't like the idea; Nikolo could see it on his face from the corner of his eye. The guy was tactful enough to keep his mouth shut, though.

"Maybe someday" he said, smiling as he proceeded to change the subject: "What I'd like to talk about _now_ is your husband. How did you two ended up together?"

Their older brother seemed to like this topic even less, judging from his face. Could it be that he had lied earlier about how little he knew, simply not wanting to talk about it? Nikolo certainly wouldn't put it past him.

"Ah, well… that is…" as his sister stutters, the soldier realizes that she's not too comfortable with this topic either _"But why?"_

Going through options in his mind, it suddenly hits him.

"It's not like I'm judging you" Nikolo says, making Natalie's previously averted eyes to hastily meet his "I'm just curious on how you managed to find love."

Again, Ulrich doesn't like what he's saying. Now it's even clearer than before, but now Nikolo cares even less than earlier. His brother can think what he wants; what was important right now was Natalie.

"Well, he worked for us and- "Natalie started after some hesitation, telling him, and Ulrich who clearly didn't want to hear, how she'd been drawn to a servant, what had made her fall in love and what had made her choose him over her own family. Nikolo couldn't help but smile softly at it all. His sister's ability to find love, her bravery to actually keep it up despite what their family thought-

That suddenly brought Sasha to his mind again. Relationships between Eldians and other races were strictly forbidden outside of Paradis; even if he would one day be lucky enough to have Sasha answer to his feelings, he could never let his family know. Of course, he'd always known this, but now the facts hit him harder than ever. It made his smile dim a little, and he realized that Natalie had noticed it only when she stopped talking.

"Brother, what's wrong?" she asked before Nikolo could hide his sadness.

"It's… nothing" he says "Just a bit jealous I suppose; you've found love and a way to stick with the one that matters to you the most. I can't imagine anything better."

Natalie stared at him, surprised, but then her face broke in to a bright smile. One that faded as Ulrich said: "Get your head away from the clouds and come back to reality, Nicky."

"Excuse me?" Nikolo said with a scowl, turning fully to face his brother. That look on his face… he was starting to look and sound like the Ulrich he remembered "Do you have something to say?"

"Look, I get it that you must be traumatized from being stuck with the devils and all" Ulrich said with a sigh, either ignoring or not noticing how Nikolo narrowed his eyes at him "But, like you've said, it's over now and you're safe, so it's time for you to start looking ahead. Set goals, get your life in order and forget any ridiculous dreams and ideals. If those kept you going the last nine years, good, but the time for them has passed now."

" _Deep breaths, Nikolo, deep breaths"_ the soldier told himself. He wasn't the naïve, easy to rile up teenager who he used to be anymore. Nor was he the unstable war prisoner who had tried to kill a child, not anymore. He was, or at least he was going to be, a man worthy of Sasha's kindness and, if he was lucky enough, love. He could handle this in a mature, proper, non-violent way.

"It's not like you're entirely wrong" he said "But I assure you, I have already set myself goals to aim for and I will give my all, in order to reach them. It'll be hard, but I can do it, I'm not being too unrealistic."

He wasn't lying. His goals were to become a better person, return to Paradis and earn Sasha's love. The only part he was unsure of was if the idea of being able to return was really realistic or not. Maybe his head had indeed been stuck in the clouds, thinking he'd get back easily. But even so…

"Still, who says I can't do that _and_ believe in love?" Nikolo asks "If anything kept me going when I was stuck in a cell, beaten and humiliated by the Paradis soldiers, love did!"

Perhaps he had said too much. Perhaps he shouldn't have brought up his time in the cells after being imprisoned for poisoning the soldiers, but all he said had been true. It was his love for Sasha, seeing her smile, hearing her voice that had kept him believing in to a better future, that had kept him alive. Well, Sasha and Jean. While Sasha had kept him from wanting to kill himself or just wither away, it had been Jean who'd kept the angry MPs at bay, threatening them in to not beating him up too badly. He supposed he still owed some kind of proper thanks to the man one day.

A sudden, loud gasp from Natalie brought him out of his musings. Turning to look at her, he saw her covering her mouth with a certain sparkle in her eyes. He knew that look.

" _Uh oh"_

" _You_ have someone you love!" she said, making Nikolo curse in his mind. He hadn't really said much yet had still managed to mess up "Who is she? Have you been thinking of her all these years? Have you gone see her yet!?"

"Do you seriously think she's still waiting for you?" Ulrich asked, apparently having come to the same conclusion as their sister. Well, Nikolo's traitorous, reddening face probably aided that.

"She is" Nikolo said with an even, calm tone, surprising even himself "And I will see her again when the time is right."

He held his siblings disbelieving, surprised gazes with a steady one of his own. Yes, Sasha would wait for him. Even if she didn't answer his feelings, even if she was already in love with another when he got back, she'd keep waiting for him, wanting to see him again, for that was what they had promised each other.

 _Right?_

XXXXX

"Keep your arms and your stance steady" Sasha advised with a firm tone that told anyone listening that she was used to it "Take aim, and let go."

The child in front of her released the bow, the arrow flying unsteadily, not getting even half way to the target. Sasha smiled, saying: "Don't worry; your stance is getting a lot better. You just need more strength."

The little girl didn't look too happy, but nodded anyway, making space for Sasha's next student. She was teaching archery for the sake of hunting to the village kids. Of course, they normally learned from other experienced hunters, but when the children had heard that the elite soldier who grew up in their village was back for a vacation, everyone wanted to learn from her. And this happened often.

" _Well it's fine as long as they listen to me"_ Sasha thought. It's not like she didn't like kids, but she wasn't fond of the trouble they could cause. Fortunately, these little ones admired her and eagerly listened to her advice and orders, treating her with respect. The only times they got on her nerves and gave her trouble were when they argued about who was the best or who'd get to learn from her directly next… right like now.

"I'm going first!" one of the boys, perhaps around the age of eight, said "You got to go before me last time!"

"But I was here first!" another boy, probably a little younger than the other, protested "Dad said that early bird gets the worm!"

"But are you a bird?" the older boy asked, making some other kids laugh as he asked: "Do you want worms?"

That shut the other boy up, and to Sasha it looked like he was ready to cry. Feeling bad for the little one, she decided to go over before it would all escalate any further.

"Boys boys, you won't learn anything by fighting each other" she told them, putting a hand on each of their shoulders. Turning to look at the younger one, she confirmed: "You were here first?"

The little one nodded, making Sasha smile at him.

"Then you're first. Your father is right; the early bird gets the worm and the early hunter gets the pray" she told, and the teary-eyed boy's face instantly brightened "That's not fair."

Sasha turned to the older boy who had spoken, seeing him pouting: "My mom said that it's good manners to share and take turns."

The boy wasn't wrong and Sasha knew this, but how could she admit that _and_ keep a hold of her hunter's principles at the same time?

"There's a time and place for taking turns and sharing" Sasha turned to look behind her, seeing her father come over "Us hunters have to learn that as well, so we can do so when needed, but we don't _always_ have to do so. It's good to take care of others in turn if they've taken care of you, or if they can't take care of themselves, but those who can stand on their own feet should do just that."

Mister Blouse patted the older boy on the head, saying: "You're a strong boy with a strong pair of feet, aren't ya? Stand tall with them and use them to be the first one here next time" he turned to the younger one "But of course, when you're nice to someone they're likely to be nice to you later. What do you say, can your friend here get your place this one time?"

The smaller boy frowned, clearly not liking the idea, and Sasha was sure that he'd say no but, to her surprise, he agreed.

"But just this once" the little boy added "If he wants to go before me again, he has to work for it."

"Well that's fair, isn't it?" her father asked, making the older boy and the rest of the kids agree. Sasha smiled in relief, glad that she didn't have a fight in her hands. Her father was a genius.

XXXXX

"You really think that girl of yours is still waiting for you?" Ulrich asked as he and Nikolo walked back home "I didn't even know you _had_ a girl."

"It's complicated" Nikolo said truthfully "But I'll make things work with her somehow."

He would, he definitely would, assuming that Sasha returned his feelings. That was his worst problem, even worse than the fact that she was from Paradis and he was not. If she didn't answer his feelings, all was for nothing. But he couldn't know without trying.

" _I should've just confessed before I left… if she had turned me down then I could be moving on now and if she had accepted, I would probably be able to think more clearly"_ he realized with a sigh _"I really didn't think this through."_

"Is she someone father will accept?" Ulrich asked. Nikolo had known he would "I'll work my way around it."

"That's a no, then" his brother said with a snort "You know that if father doesn't approve then that's that; you have to choose between her and us, the way Natalie did."

" _If only that was my biggest problem"_ Nikolo thought, not saying anything. The fact that a relationship between him and Sasha would be illegal on Marley was a far bigger issue, even if he did want his family's approval _"I just got them back; I'd rather not lose them again."_

Nikolo stopped walking as he felt his brother's hand on his shoulder.

"Whatever you have in mind, just promise me you won't do anything big without carefully thinking it through" Nikolo wouldn't have been surprised by the warning if it had come in a mocking tone, but his brother actually sounded… worried? "Promise me, Nicky."

"Sure thing" he said. He'd learned it the hard way that acting on impulse usually didn't bring the best results "You're being awfully sentimental today."

"You still think of me as an immature asshole, don't you?" Ulrich asked, but when Nikolo opened his mouth he quickly added: "Actually, don't answer that."

The soldier could only snort.

"We're adults now, Nicky" the eldest son said "Not a pair of cocky teens trying to outdo each other. Furthermore, while I can never imagine what it was really like, I know you've gone through a lot. I'm just worried about you, both your current state and your future."

"…Like I said, you're being awfully sentimental today" Nikolo said awkwardly, looking away as he scratched his head "But thanks. Really, I appreciate it. Back on the ship I actually wondered if people would shun all of us as failures who got caught by the enemy, but…"

"But it was more like a heroes' welcome?" Ulrich guessed and Nikolo nodded. He would've been too embarrassed to say that out loud himself "Come now Nicky, you think people would shun you for something like that? You guys did all you could and you did it for our homeland. Calling you heroes would probably be overdoing it, but you _are_ inspiration to the other soldiers. You are the people who went straight to hell, lived among the devils and came back to tell the tale."

Now _that_ was overdoing it; it hadn't been that bad. Better not to say it though.

"Well, since we're now adults instead of bratty teenagers" Nikolo brought up his brother's earlier point "How about you drop that bratty nickname?"

"Never" Ulrich said with a grin, not missing a beat as he took his protesting brother to a headlock again "You are and always will be our Nicky."


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

"It seems you had several broken bones during the last nine years, but they seem to have healed up well enough" the doctor told Nikolo as he was being examined to see if he was fit to continue as a soldier "I take it you were beaten up regularly?"

"At few points, yes" Nikolo admitted, about to add that their aim was never to kill him with those injuries, but kept it to himself. It would look bad if he said it.

"You are in a good condition, especially considering your imprisonment" the doctor said "I would advise you to take on a proper training schedule to keep in shape. Your body is by no means weak, but if you plan to return to service, building up more strength and stamina won't hurt."

"So, I'm able to return to service without any problems?" Nikolo asked for clarification before allowing himself to sigh in relief. The doctor nodded "Physically, yes. However, you still need to pass the tests of your mental health. You've experienced something very traumatizing after all."

"Of course," Nikolo agreed "But I'm alright."

"Yes, I think you are" the doctor agreed with a smile "But I'm not a professional in that area. Come back tomorrow for your other checkup."

"Yes sir" Nikolo said, standing up "Thank you."

XXXXX

"Sasha, you're back!" Sasha turned around to face the young woman who was raising towards her and Kaya, jumping over the wooden fence with ease "I thought you wouldn't have enough vacation to come home for a long time!"

"'Sup Anya?" Sasha asked with a grin "How are things at the hospital?"

"Absolutely wonderful!" the girl cheered "Everyone's thrilled about the peace and some believe that we can learn so much more from the people from outside and cure diseases that are deadly now!"

Right, of course. Now that peace negotiations were done, Eldia could start doing business and exchanging important information with other nations too, most likely starting with Hizuru. Sasha didn't understand a lot about business, but she knew that if done right, it would benefit both Eldia and the other party, which in turn would make Eldia look useful and less threatening. And that would help to hold up the peace. Therefore, successful business was important to soldiers like her as well. And of course, there was another important part to it, too.

"Just imagine all new foods we'll be able to try when the trade starts to bloom!" she cheered back, making the girls look at her blankly. Blinking, she asks: "What?"

The girls laughed.

"That's our sister, always thinking stomach first" she was not "Yeah."

She really, _really_ was not. She could think of other things and focus when it mattered, but when the situation was not dire, why _not_ think of food? Who would it harm?

"Or maybe it's not really food she's thinking about" if Anya didn't have such a sly look on her face when she said this, Sasha would've been grateful, but right now she knew something was up "Maybe it's a cook."

Sasha groaned, immediately getting what she was hinting at.

"Not you too Anya" she muttered, making the younger woman laugh.

"Did mister Nikolo go home already?" she asked "Did you two finally- "

"Anya" Kaya interrupted her. To Sasha, her voice sounded stern "Don't; it's none of our business."

Sasha could see the surprise on Anya's face. She was a little surprised herself, but quickly realized that Kaya didn't want to make her uncomfortable with this subject. She was grateful for it, but it wasn't that big of a deal. She wouldn't let it be.

"It's fine" she said, ruffling their hair "Things are a little… complicated, but I'll figure it out. Don't you two worry about it."

Again, Anya looked surprised, but thankfully didn't say anything anymore. Wanting to change the subject, Sasha asked: "So~ Anya, do _you_ have anyone special we should hear about?"

"…No" the girl answered, but there was a pause before it. A rather long pause, and she was looking away. Exchanging looks with Kaya, Sasha demanded: "Tell us everything."

XXXXX

"How was your check up?" Nikolo's mother asked at lunch, getting the rest of the family's attention while doing so. Shrugging, Nikolo answered: "I passed; physically, there's nothing wrong. Now I just have to pass as mentally fit for service tomorrow."

"Will you?" his grandfather asked. Nikolo could see that his mother and sister were uncomfortable with this question, and he thought carefully of his answer, trying to think what would both be the truth and not disappoint the older man.

"I feel like I will" he finally answered "It's true that certain things that happened during the last nine years still bother me to some extent and that it'll take a while for me to… get over them, but in the end, I don't think any of it is major enough that they would keep me from filling my duty properly."

The women looked relieved, he could tell, but his grandfather looked thoughtful. He wasn't sure if that was a good sign or not.

"That is good to hear" the man said "But don't push yourself too much; if you don't feel you're ready to return to service, then do not. Your superiors will understand."

"That's right Nikolo; you mustn't strain yourself too much" Bianka was quick to agree "You just got home; recovery will take time."

"I appreciate the concern, but it is not needed. I am ready" Nikolo said "Besides, they won't send people who just got back to the front, so I'll get an easy start anyway."

"Just remember not to overdo it" his grandfather said, and Nikolo promised. That was the end of the conversation for the time being.

XXXXX

Sasha smiled awkwardly, trying to get Anya to talk to her again. She and Kaya had pried some information out of the girl, mainly the fact that she was crushing on a young doctor working in the same hospital as her, and apparently, they'd gone too far since now the girl refused to talk to them.

" _No fair; I didn't flip like this when she brought up Nikolo nor in any of those times she hinted I was having something going on with Jean or Connie"_ she thought, but was starting to feel like she was the one at the wrong here. When Anya and the other kids had implied, she'd have an affair with Connie or Jean, they'd still been kids. It was a bunch of brats making fun of her nonexistent feelings, so of course she'd been able to brush it off despite having been a teenager. When they'd started to bully her about Nikolo, which wasn't all that long ago, she'd already been an adult and seen that as something impossible anyway, so she'd brushed it off with a laugh. But Anya's situation was different; she was a teenager in love. And Sasha was being a bitch, even though she didn't do it on purpose.

"Look Anya, I'm sorry" she said "I just wanted to tease you a bit; I didn't mean to make you upset."

"I'm sorry too" Kaya said "We won't say anything anymore, we promise."

" _Unless she brings up_ our _private lives too much"_ Sasha thought, but decided not to say it out loud. Besides, she could take a bit teasing and doubted Anya would be able to go too far.

"It's fine" the girl finally said with a heavy sigh "I overreacted, but that's just- "

"How young love is?" Sasha finished, having heard her mom use this phrase before.

"Yeah" Anya said "But Sasha"

"Yea?"

"Saying that makes you sound old" the girl deadpanned "You have to drop the young -part."

Sasha blushed, feeling the heat on her cheeks rising even more as the girls laughed. Oh geez, she was not and did not sound old!

"Alright kiddies, nap time for you babies!" she snapped back. If she was old then the other two were still brats "Listen to granny Sasha!"

The two laughed even harder, Kaya almost doubling over as she held her stomach. Sasha grinned; it seems Anya forgot her earlier worries.

Crisis averted.

XXXXX

"Nikolo" his mother says from the doorway as he goes over some old recipes in his room. Nikolo looks up, asking: "Yes, mother?"

She takes that as a permission to come inside, closing the door behind her. That and the fact that she seems to hesitate makes him sure that whatever she has to say, it's probably something he won't like.

"Are you sure you're fine enough to return to service?"

And he was right.

Sighing, Nikolo puts the book down as he prepares to convince his mother.

"Yes, I am alright" he says "The sooner my life gets back to normal, the sooner I can come to terms with the bad things that happened to me and that I- "

He stops himself from saying it at the last moment, stops himself from saying "that I did", but his mother can't be fooled. From her face, he could see that she had taken note of how fast he had snapped his mouth shut midsentence and that she wasn't going to let it go.

"That you what?" she asks, her face softening "Is there something else bothering you? Something we don't know about?"

There are lot of things his family doesn't know about; surely his mother understands that, right? There's no way she can even imagine what those times held in. But of course, he knows that his mother means something specific, something that makes him act the way he does. And there _is_ something, but he's not sure if he should tell her. First of all, the information is confidential, so he's not allowed to tell her. Not that he'd ever get caught; his mother isn't the type to gossip about these kinds of things and even if she does, it'd be only to his father. And he'd know when not to say anything. There's also the matter that he doesn't want to upset his mother even more… and that she'd get mad if he told her how he regretted poisoning all those Eldians, hurting Sasha and putting her family in danger.

…Or would she? She was his mother; maybe she'd understand. He knew his parents weren't as understanding and forgiving as Sasha's, but they weren't bad people either, certainly not. The way they treated Eldians was simply because they didn't know any better, just like he hadn't before getting to know them, right? He might be able to make his mother understand.

" _It's still better not to go in to too much details"_ he decided, determined to make sure that his mother didn't get even a hint about him having deeper feelings for an Eldian "Please sit down mother; this might take a while, assuming you still want to hear."

"Of course, I want to hear" she says, sitting down. Nikolo sighs, deciding to start from near beginning: "After the first few or so months, some of us were let out of our cells every now and then if we cooperated. It's not like any of us wanted to, but sitting in a narrow, dark cell all the time, not knowing what is coming, could drive anyone crazy. So, when I was asked to cook for them using ingredients their own cooks didn't know, they were told by the traitors that I could cook, I said yes. I just wanted to get out and I didn't think letting the Eldians eat seafood would harm our motherland in any way."

His mother is silent so far and as Nikolo glances at her face, all he can see is pity. That's not a bad thing at this point.

"I ended up doing that quite a lot. Cooking for them, I mean, and I wasn't the only one. They put few of us in for the job and we did it, not wanting to be put in the cells again. But while cooking we- "might be better not to talk about the spinal fluid, he realized "-Put some poison in the wine bottles there, one with slow effect, and made high ranking officers drink it. In the end, lots of people died from it. We were caught of course, I and some others, but in the end, they did spare our lives, so… that…"

"They almost killed you for it?" well, yes, Nikolo nodded, but that wasn't the point he was trying to make here "That must've been frightening for you."

Again, yes, but not what he was getting at.

"Yes, but what I'm trying to say is… I'm alive; they didn't kill me. I caused the deaths of many of their own, yet they chose to spare me" here comes the bomb that might put an end to his mother's sympathy "Do you think that people who spare me after something like that are really evil down to their core?"

He turns to look at his mother now, and the face she's making is rather… peculiar? Her features are frozen, like she was sure she couldn't have heard right. Nikolo had seen her make a similar face a few times when he was a kid, like when he had said he wanted to be a cook when he grew up, and that was never a good sign.

"Mother…?" he shouldn't have said anything to begin with; he should've just kept assuring her that everything was fine.

"Oh, my poor boy, what horrors you must've been through" his mother finally says, starting to sob. Not exactly what he'd been expecting, and he wasn't sure what exactly he was missing here "To think that those devils have made you think that _you're_ the evil one… it's so tragic… my poor boy…"

"No, mother, I- "Nikolo starts but stops himself. She isn't entirely wrong; it _was_ the people of Paradis who brought these thoughts to his head, but it's not what his mother seems to think; he wasn't brainwashed. They just made him see what an ass he'd been. But would his mother understand this even if he tried to explain? _"…No, she wouldn't."_

"I'm sorry for bringing something like this up mother" he said "I'm… a little tired. Can we talk later?"

His mother is still sobbing, but she nods before she hugs him.

"Yes, you need rest. Try to get some sleep" she leaves, and as the door closes Nikolo lets out a heavy sigh, burying his face in his hands.

Why did he even try?

XXXXX

"Get back here Sasha!" Sasha doesn't obey, she never does. Instead, she picks up her speed a little, running away from her father and never stopping munching on the pastry she'd found from the kitchen "That was my share!"

Okay, so maybe it was, but Sasha had already taken a bite so her father wouldn't want it anymore anyway, would he? Besides, why'd he leave it in the kitchen unsupervised if it wasn't free for the taking?

Skillfully, she jumps over the fence, pausing in her escape for a moment to look behind her as she hears her father huff as he climbs over the fence. She remembered vividly how her father was just as able to jump over the fence as she was when she was still a teenager; maybe he was getting old?

"Is age catching up with you dad?" she couldn't help but call out with a giggle, sprinting away again as her father got on the move.

"Don't ya mention my age, kiddo!" he calls back. He doesn't seem to be tiring it out, but since he hasn't caught her yet Sasha supposes that age is also stealing his speed. Or maybe it's just her who's gotten faster over the years?

She takes another bite of the pastry, thinking that it'd be nicer to eat it in peace. Could she get her father off her track? …Probably not; even if she got him to lose sight of her for a moment, he knows all her hiding places in the area. He'd find her soon enough, but she should be able to finish the pastry before he did… but she'd rather avoid him for a while after it, maybe an hour or two…

" _Is there a place I can get to but dad can't?"_ Sasha wondered, thinking through her options. When she was a child, around five or so, there had been plenty of those places thanks to her small size, but now? Such places where she could comfortably fit in but her father couldn't were rare; there wasn't that much of a size difference between them anymore and none of the few places she could think of were close enough.

" _How about somewhere high, then?"_ sure, her dad could climb, but she was pretty sure she was better at it than him. A lot better; if she found a high enough tree that was too hard for him to climb but not for her, she could call it a win. Tree hunt it was, then. And she knew exactly where to find such a tree.

Abruptly changing direction, Sasha knew she was able to surprise her father. Hopefully he wouldn't catch on and realize where she was headed.

Maybe he did, maybe he didn't. That didn't exactly matter anymore since Sasha could already see the tree she needed. Just a little more-

"Caught the thief!" Sasha shrieks, hands flailing around uselessly as she tries to get away from the sudden grip that comes from under her arms, her legs joining the useless flailing as she is lifted in the air.

"Good job, Emil!" Emil? That brat! When did he get home? "Don't let her go!"

"Oh c'mon!" Sasha protests "Have a little mercy on your sister in arms, would ya?"

Emil laughs, and Sasha turns her head to see the boy, no, young man really, shake his head while he's at it. Sasha scoffs; if he hadn't lifted her off the ground, she could literally throw him off and be on her way. Well, he probably knew that and had picked her up for that very reason.

"You're in trouble now young lady!" her father says as he takes her by the ear, Emil letting go of her while he does so. Sasha watches the man brush off nonexistent dirt from his scout's uniform, laughing at her all the while. She frowns, sticking out her tongue at him.

"Pay attention!" her father hisses and Sasha turn her attention to him, mostly because the grip on her ear gets harder "Don't you ever learn!?"

She supposes she doesn't.

She listens her to her father's complaining and lecturing with half an ear, not even flinching at his harsh words and loud voice. She'd gotten used to it years ago, not to mention Nikolo had always been even louder and his lectures always lasted a lot longer, on those times that Sasha bothered to stick around to listen, that is.

"Do you understand?"

"Yes dad" not that she was sure what she was supposed to understand; she wasn't really listening. But it was usually the same old "I get it."

The look on his face told Sasha that her father knew she hadn't been listening, but as long as he didn't call her out on it, she didn't really mind.

"Ugh, whatever" he said with a sigh "I really hope someone will take you off my hands soon."

Sasha raised her eyebrow, not quite understanding what her father meant by that, but before she could ask, he had already turned his attention to Emil.

"Welcome home" he said "You've got vacation too?"

"Sure thing" the boy said "But I didn't expect to see Sasha."

"I have a bit more vacation left" Sasha said with a shrug "Anya's home too by the way."

"It's been a while since we've last had the whole family home at the same time" her father said with a smile "We should celebrate it a little, don't you think?"

Sasha nodded immediately, liking the idea. After all, celebration usually meant good food.

XXXXX

It is quiet at the dinner table. Not the peaceful, calming quiet that Nikolo would be more than happy with, but a menacing, tense silence. And he knows it's his fault.

His mother doesn't even look at him, which tells him she's spoken to others. Or at least his father, who is eating his meal with such mechanical movements that tell Nikolo he's furious. Glancing at his grandfather, Nikolo notes that he doesn't look as mad as one would expect. He didn't know, then, but he had read the mood enough to know who exactly had messed up something one way or another. And his brothers could see it, too. Viktor had seemed to decide not to get involved, but Ulrich kept sending him looks that clearly asked "what the hell did you do this time?" That sure was one nostalgic look; one that Nikolo was very familiar with as a teenager, especially since he used to get it from both of his older siblings. Bianka isn't looking at him now though, but he's sure the same question swirls in her mind. However, she's too busy with the kids to bother Nikolo too much.

The kids. His namesake is still too young to understand anything, but Dominik can clearly sense that something is wrong. The kid looks nervous, eating at a much slower pace than he did during the earlier meals, moving his gaze between his mother, grandfather and, to Nikolo's surprise, him. It seems the kid was _very_ perspective; the still almost a toddler could tell this was his fault.

Yes, his fault. It's not like Nikolo had _wanted_ to make his family awkward, but he had said all he had while knowing full well what the risks were, what was very likely to happen, but he had just _hoped_ that he'd be wrong. But he wasn't.

" _I can't talk about anything that happened with any of them"_ Is what he decided _"I'll put up the act of a perfect son and a perfect soldier as well as I can from now on."_

He just hoped he wouldn't lose himself while doing so.

 **A.N: Just in case I left it too unclear: Anya is the girl from the Blouse house and Emil is the boy that doesn't wear glasses. And yes, I made up the names since the sweethearts still don't have names. Maybe in the next SnK chapter? So glad I finished this before chapter 114!**


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

Nikolo is nervous, and he tells himself it's completely normal. Yes, he has things to hide, but it's not like he really needed to lie to the people he'd be talking with; he could stick to the truth and just leave some things unsaid. That should get him through the interrogation, officially called psychological evaluation of course, just fine as long as he didn't think his answers for too long and make himself seem suspicious or simply too nervous. It would've been good to know what they'd ask beforehand so he could've thought his answers through, but of course it didn't go that way; it would've ruined the whole point.

He was called in, and Nikolo was able to relax a little more during the first few minutes. They confirmed his name, age, rank, the unit he had belonged to, all questions he could answer from the top of his head. So far so good.

"According to the testimonies of your fellow soldiers, at the beginning you were let out of your cell way more than the others were. Is this true?"

"Yes, sir" Nikolo replied, knowing this was the point where he had to start being extra careful with his words.

"Why is that?"

"Yelena, one of the traitors, recommended me" he said. This was one of the questions he had anticipated coming "She was aware that I was good at cooking, and used that as a reason to let me out."

"And you agreed to cook for the enemy?"

"Yes, sir" he said again "I saw no harm in just preparing food for them and I came to the conclusion that by cooperating with them and getting out of the cell I'd have a better chance of gathering information and possibly do something for my country."

Not lies, he just didn't mention that that was mostly the case just in the beginning and that he was also scared in the cell and wanted out.

"We also heard that you were one of main spreaders of the tainted wine" the man continued "Good work."

"Thank you, sir" Nikolo said, holding back a grimace. Fortunately, he had expected something like that and was prepared.

"But that makes us wonder how come you're still alive and were allowed to come home" another man puts in. Nikolo had seen this coming as well, but was still unsure how to deal with it "Why is that?"

"…I am not sure, sir. I don't know what the devils were thinking, but one of my guesses is that they foresaw the possibility for peace and wanted to seem like forgiving, reasonable people, keeping me and the others alive for that reason" again, not really a lie. He was pretty sure some MPs had agreed to let him live for some reason like that.

"Is that the only reason you can think of?" a third man asked "Nothing else comes to mind?"

The way he said it, the looks on their faces… these people _knew_ he was not telling something. But what? What had they found out and from whom?

" _Grior"_ was the only conclusion he could come to in this situation. Well, if it was him then Nikolo was pretty sure about what he had said even if he didn't know about any details.

"I did make an effort to get close to some of their high-ranking officials, tried to make them think that I was fine with serving them" this was a crucial part that he had to word carefully "And I think I might have accidentally seduced one of them."

The three looked surprised by the later part, making Nikolo understand that that wasn't something Grior had told them. He'd miscalculated; he should've just said he'd won someone's trust, or not mention Sasha at all!

"Seduced? Seduced how?" one asked, adding "Was this Eldian a man or a woman?"

Nikolo would have felt insulted by the question if it didn't feel so ridiculous.

"A woman, sir, more like a girl at the time, actually. Lot of their soldiers are rather young" he said "As for how, I'm not sure myself."

"Tell us about this female soldier"

He didn't want to do that, he really didn't. Any information he leaked now might end up hurting Sasha someday. He had to be very, _very_ careful about his words now, but still stick to the truth.

"She was... a rather simple minded individual, simply kept around for her battle skills I suppose. I think that the reason she took some interest in me in particular was simply because I cooked; she was a quite passionate eater" was he already saying too much? "She kept coming to the restaurant I was made to work at; kept coming to eat. I put up with her because I believed that being in good terms with a high-ranking soldier like her would benefit me one way or the other later on… and I was right."

"How so?"

"They actually planned to execute me, but she was the first to go against it and bought me some time" Nikolo confessed, deciding that now was a good time to lie a little: "It was at that time that I realized she might've gotten a bit _too_ attached to me, but that also seems to be what saved my life."

Did he mess up? He couldn't tell from the way the men looked at each other, but they clearly had something in mind.

"While trying to keep yourself on her good side, did your attempts ever get physical?"

Physical? What did they- ah, right.

"No sir, they did not" he said, adding as an afterthought: "Pardon me for saying this, sir, but please don't think so lowly of me. I was in a desperate situation yes, but I was not _that_ desperate."

It sounded really bad to Nikolo's ears and made him feel a little guilty, but he reminded himself that it was all for safety's sake. However, judging from the looks on their faces, it seemed to be a good thing to say at that point.

"Of course, that was rude of me" the man who had spoken said "My apologies."

Nikolo nodded, wishing that this particular subject would be dropped here. Of course, he had no such a luck.

"Is this particular female soldier still alive?"

"Yes, she is" he answered truthfully "She was among the soldiers who escorted us to the ships when we left."

" _C'mon, drop this subject"_ Nikolo pleaded in his mind _"Don't you have more pressing matters to ask of?!"_

"And the name and the rank of this soldier are?"

Well shit. He really, _really_ should've just kept his mouth shut. Keeping the name to himself at this point would get him in major trouble, but giving them her name could possibly endanger Sasha in the future. That was something he wanted to avoid at all costs, no matter what, so he had to tell a lie. One that he wouldn't be easily called out on.

"Mikasa Ackerman" he blurted out without really thinking it through. Her name had simply been the only actual female soldier's name that had come to his mind fast enough. It was only after he had said it that Nikolo realized that the "Ackerman" -part would probably cause him trouble.

"Ackerman?" the men chorused as one. Yep, he'd been right.

"Yes, sir" he answered, knowing that it was a time for another lie "It took years before I found out about that, though, for she was mostly addressed by her first name."

He just really hoped no one else would call him out on this lie. Who else should he worry about along with Grior? The man'd be the biggest problem, but a careless word or two from anyone who'd been observant enough could-

"And this Ackerman developed feelings for you?"

"That is the conclusion I've drawn, sir" Nikolo replied, hoping that Mikasa never found out about this and if she did, wouldn't kill him for it. Of course, it was unlikely she'd ever hear, but if the military tried to use this false information to its advantage somehow…

"It would certainly explain why he was spared" one said "Having an Ackerman backing him up must've had a heavy effect."

Well, true, especially since Mikasa _had_ backed him up. For Sasha's sake, he was sure, but she'd done so anyway.

The three kept talking among themselves in hushed voices and Nikolo barely heard anything, which in turn made him a little anxious. Should he have told them Sasha's name after all?

" _No, never"_ he told himself _"I won't put her at risk, even if it would be a minimal one."_

"We shall discuss about this revelation at a better time" one of them finally said "Moving on-"

Nikolo barely suppressed his sigh of relief, even if he was anxious about the "better time" -part.

"We are under the impression that you wish to return to service and consider yourself capable of doing so. Is this correct?"

"Yes, sir" this was something he was able to answer firmly without any hesitation. Perhaps he'd be able to be truthful for the rest of this interrogation, who knows.

"Your physical condition is certainly good enough for that" one of the men agreed "But what we want to find out is your capability to fill your duty despite all the mental pressure. Are you up for that after all you've experienced?"

"I believe I am" he said. Looking at the one who spoke in the eye, he added: "But I acknowledge the fact that I can never be completely sure until a stressing situation in the field presents itself."

He wasn't lying. Nikolo was sure that he could handle whatever came his way, but he wasn't naïve. Something could go wrong no matter how prepared he considered himself to be.

They seemed to approve of this answer, or at least Nikolo thought they did. That was understandable; while there were some people in the world who had enough strength to be as confident as they wanted, such as captain Levi for example, most who thought they could do _anything_ were either naïve or insane. No one could be naïve after going through what Nikolo had, he knew that, so if he would've appeared too confident it would've put him in a bad light.

Things started to get easier after that. Most of the questions asked were ones Nikolo had predicted coming, and he had also come up with truthful enough answers to them that shouldn't give away his new views on Eldians or harm Paradis. It had taken hours, but with the way the men were now acting, Nikolo was sure they'd be finished soon. He was relieved; aside from the few mistakes at the beginning, he'd say he'd done quite well. Now he was convinced they'd let him return to service.

"Just one more thing"

Right, one more, and he could breath properly again, he'd be in the clea-

"About that Ackerman woman"

Alright, maybe not. Sitting up straighter, Nikolo did his best to not let his nervousness show.

"How high are the chances that she'd still harbor some feelings for you?"

In other words, they were asking how high the chances that they could use this turn of events to their advantages were.

"I don't think there are any left" Nikolo said, trying to undo the mess he'd unintentionally created "She was young at the time, but her feelings seemed to fade and her judgement get better as time went by. To put it bluntly, sir, I don't think this information could be of any use."

He really hoped that would work.

"Very well" they said "That is it for today, we'll be in touch."

Once over with the formalities, Nikolo walked out the door and was finally able to breathe freely and relax. Aside from the whole Mikasa lie, which he hoped he had managed to brush under the rug, all had gone well enough. He'd pass and be able to return to service, he was sure of it. As long as his lie didn't escalate, he was all good.

"I take it all went well?" Nikolo jumped a little, not expecting anyone to be there. Turning his head, he saw Grior, leaning against the wall with his arms crossed. Unable to hold back his scowl, Nikolo said: "Yes, except I have a feeling that _someone_ said _something_ unnecessary to them beforehand."

Grior eyes him for a moment, but doesn't say anything. Neither does Nikolo as he just glares at the other man, waiting for him to speak. Finally, Grior uncrosses his arms and nudges his head forward as sign for Nikolo to follow before he starts walking away. Nikolo hesitates for a moment before following after his colleague.

"It's not like I told them any details" Grior finally says as they get outside "Just that some of us seemed to get a little closer to the Eldians than others."

Nikolo quirked an eyebrow, not sure if he should believe him. Was that really all that he'd said? If so then Nikolo himself had been the one to say too much…

"I didn't say anything about that girl, especially not a name" he added "Mainly because I'm still convinced, you'll get over her with enough time."

"…" Nikolo was smart enough not to say anything to that, wanting to prevent Grior from changing his mind and getting him in trouble. Still, the man must've read something from his face as he said: "Well, you probably need _a lot_ of time for it."

" _Try a life time"_ Nikolo thought, letting out a huff.

"You seem to have gotten your anger issues under control, though" Grior pressed on "That's good."

"I don't _have_ anger issues" Nikolo hissed, not being able to help himself.

"Of course not" Grior said, but his deadpan face couldn't have made his sarcasm any clearer "In any case, if you do get accepted back to service, try not to say or do anything too careless."

He didn't need to be told that; Nikolo knew he had to be careful.

"I'll see you around, hopefully in the line of duty"

"Yeah, see ya" Nikolo said, watching as Grior walked off. He couldn't tell if the guy was truly worried about him or if he simply feared that if Nikolo fell, he'd pull the others down with him. Considering the fact that they'd worked side by side for years, he liked to think it was a bit of both. Surely Grior would've ratted him out already if he considered Nikolo to be nothing but a bothersome dead weight… right?

" _Definitely"_ he thought. While Grior wasn't a hundred percent logic first -person, he certainly wasn't sentimental either; he had the two traits well balanced _"But he's still an asshole."_

Well, maybe that was a bit too much. Just because they had some bad blood between them, it didn't make the other man somehow evil. Nikolo just didn't like him much and that's that.

"Ow!"

A cry of pain got the man's attention, making him turn his head to the left. There he saw a man, probably a few years younger than him, fallen on to the ground with his groceries spilled all over. Hearing laughter, Nikolo looked up from the man to see a group of young people, teenagers between 15 and 17 or so he'd guess, laughing at the guy. Seeing one's extended leg, the soldier realized that they'd tripped the man on purpose.

" _To think they have the nerve to do that so indiscreetly in public,_ _not to mention laugh about it"_ Nikolo knew it was none of his business, yet he was still about to go and have a few chosen words with the brats. However, a sudden realization stopped him. _Everyone_ around them was looking at the man, adults included, most of them laughing as a few pointed at the fellow now struggling to get up. And that's when it hit him.

The guy was an Eldian.

He could see it clearly, the armband. How had he missed it until now? Of course, he'd seen it, but he hadn't registered what it was at first, it had just been a piece of cloth to him. He had been gone too long, it seems.

Nikolo felt conflicted. Part of him, his emotional side, wanted to at least help the guy to gather his groceries, but the rational part was yelling at him to do nothing or to actually laugh along with the others. Helping wouldn't look good after all, in fact it'd get him in trouble if anyone recognized him. But doing nothing just wasn't _right_.

" _No, be rational Nikolo"_ he told himself, biting his lip _"Helping one person once won't change the world or make his life better; there's no use even if you go to his aid."_

Besides, if he helped then it could anger the now amused people around them, causing them to actually attack the guy, perhaps even him, too. Then he'd definitely get in trouble.

Having made up his mind, he just stood there paralyzed until the guy was out of sight. That was when the amused onlookers started to mind their own business again and, as Nikolo turned to leave, he locked eyes with another man, one who had been watching the scene as well, but he didn't look amused in the slightest. Eyes landing on the man's arm, Nikolo saw no armband.

" _And yet he was not amused by that"_ he thought, noting that the man was still looking at him. He did it for quite a while before turning his eyes away, but that was enough to convince Nikolo that that man already knew the things he'd learned on Paradis.

" _I wonder how common that is"_

XXXXX

Sasha sighed as she lay down, gazing at the stars. She'd have to go back tomorrow… to do what, she wasn't entirely sure. Since the war was over, her everyday life would surely be bound to get easier, but she knew that didn't mean she could slack.

" _And if I tried the captain would just kick my ass for it"_ she thought with a snicker _"Him or Mikasa."_

It's not like she minded; she wasn't the irresponsible little girl anymore. She knew she had a duty to take care of, one that she had chosen upon herself.

" _But if he makes us clean the HQ from top to bottom or something_ then _I'm gonna play hooky"_ it was fine to demand that they kept their own space at the dorms in top shape, but if Levi thought he could get his own squad to clean the whole place again… haha no, just no. Besides, weren't they elite soldiers? That stuff should be left for the rookies!

" _But the captain's a good superior, despite his obsession for cleaning"_ she thought again _"I honestly can't imagine anyone more reliable to follow."_

Now, that is. When they were young, Marco had once said Jean would make a good leader. It's not like Sasha disagreed; Jean was doing well, but he still had a long way to go to become as reliable leader as Levi was in her opinion. But Jean was young and healthy, he had time, especially now that the war was over and he didn't need to fear that the next day could very well be his last.

" _Mikasa wouldn't be able to handle such a position; being as strong as she is, she's at her best striking fast on her own. She can handle teamwork with a team she knows, though"_ she mused _"Connie's just still too dense to be one to make big decisions and he knows it, too. He can't become a leader, but there's no one better than him to watch the leader's back and work as his right hand. And Armin's just as destructive with his giant body than he is with his sharp mind; he works as both offence and defense."_

And her? Where did Sasha herself stand in this? She could handle any situation with her squad, either by strictly following orders or improvising as they went, but with others who she wasn't used to working with? Having clear orders surely made it work better.

" _Guess I wouldn't be cut out to be a leader, either"_ she realized. It's not like she minded; her aim wasn't fame and wealth. If she was able to protect her comrades and be of use to this nation, her queen, her friends and family, then that was enough.

…Wasn't it?

She hadn't seriously thought about future, ever. As a teenager, before graduating, she was confident about getting to military police and that had been something she wanted to do just so that she'd get to eat a lot of delicious food. But then she'd joined the scouts instead and, while they all sometimes wondered about the future, she had been too scared to think about it seriously. What would be the point of making grand plans for the future if she died in the jaws of a titan or from an enemy soldier's bullet?

" _But that risk is minimal now that the war is over"_ she reminded herself _"So that means I need to start thinking about my future, right?"_

But what kind of future would that be? She'd continue as a soldier of course, and as she didn't have what it took to be a leader, she was pretty much on the top of her career right now, being part of the Levi squad and all. All that was left for her with that was just to keep doing her best… but there were other things to life than just work.

" _Should I actually consider getting married and starting a family?"_ the thought suddenly occurred to Sasha. Women who weren't soldiers were married or were getting married almost without an exception at this age, and even some soldiers did, but that was rare. And those few female soldiers who got married often quit their jobs afterwards, the life of a soldier being too dangerous if one wanted to bear children _"But I wouldn't leave the scouts even if I did get married."_

Which meant that her husband would have to take the main responsibility of the house and possible children… or her parents could take care of them if he too was a soldier.

"Ah c'mon!" Sasha cried out, sitting up with a jolt. Why was she suddenly thinking of this kind of stuff so seriously!? It's not like she was in a hurry to choose a direction for her future or anything!

"I suppose it's just the peace messing with my head…" Sasha muttered. For years, the war had always been on her mind, either at the top or nagging at her somewhere from the shadows, reminding that she could stop being safe at any second. It had kept her mind in here and now, in surviving to the next day, but now… now that it was gone, her thoughts were scattering. And she didn't like that.

Shaking her head, Sasha drew her knees up to her chest, hugging them. She'd been a death avoiding soldier for too long it seemed; she could no longer feel like herself thinking about things that involved normal life. It made her feel… faulty, somehow.

" _Are all of us like that?"_ she wondered _"Did our minds get stuck in to a loop of war?"_

XXXXX

Nikolo woke up with a jolt, sitting up in his bed, breathing heavily as a result of his nightmare. In his dream he had returned to the day's events, seeing the Eldian man from back then being beaten in the middle of the street. However, in the dream, as he had briefly looked away for some reason, he could no longer remember why, and then looked back, Sasha was there in the man's place. And just like in he had done today, he'd just stood there without doing a single thing to help, without doing a single thing to stop the others. He'd just watched and after the group was gone, he faced the man who had not smiled, but in his place stood Grior with his arms crossed.

"That's what I thought" is what he had said in the dream, and that was what had woken him up. Hanging his head, Nikolo squeezed his eyes shut. It _had_ been wrong of him to not help that man, he knew that, and it came back to haunt him.

" _But if it had been Sasha, I would've helped"_ he told himself _"No matter who saw, no matter the consequences."_

He was selfish, he knew. He hadn't lifted a finger for a stranger, even though he easily could have, but when it came to the woman that he loved…

" _I'm a horrible person"_


	8. Chapter 8

**WARNING: Contains spoilers up to chapter 115. Just in case someone hasn't read it yet.**

 **Chapter 8**

Nikolo was so glad that his interrogation had been yesterday and not today, for he was sure he looked half dead. But what else could you expect from a man who'd slept as restlessly as him last night? The little he _had_ slept, that is. After the nightmare, he had been afraid to go back to sleep in the fear that it'd repeat itself and thus he'd given up early in the morning, rising up to make breakfast.

" _This is ridiculous; an adult shouldn't be kept awake by nightmares"_ he told himself. Sure, he was a soldier who had just returned from war, but the nature and the timing of the nightmare… they made him feel guilty and that guilt embarrassed him. If his subconscious was going to make him feel this bad then he really should've just intervened yesterday!

"Young master? What are you doing here?" Nikolo jolted, not having heard the cook coming. Not taking his eyes off his task, he simply replied: "Breakfast."

"I can see that, but I do believe that is still my job" the cook said "I'm sorry I didn't wake up in time to prepare it."

"Don't be" Nikolo simply said, finally turning to the older man "I'm the one who woke up way too early; I just… couldn't sleep."

The man kept looking at him before nodding, asking: "Nightmares?"

"…Yeah" Nikolo admitted. No use hiding it, and it's not like having nightmares in itself was considered shameful in his situation. As long as no one found out the details, all was good "They remind me of the things I could've, and should've, done differently."

"You must have some heavy burdens" the older cook said sympathetically, laying a hand on his shoulder "But it's over now, and I'm sure you did your best, so that's enough. As long as you do your best from now on too, there's nothing to be ashamed about."

Nikolo didn't exactly disagree, but the problem was that he _hadn't_ done his best. Not yesterday.

"Certainly" he said anyway, for it was the easiest way. That and no one else but him needed to bear the weight of his sins "You are right."

"Old men are wise, young man" the cook said, patting Nikolo's shoulder "Now how about you sit down and relax while I finish the rest."

No way.

"No thanks, I'll handle this" Nikolo said, adding truthfully: "Cooking takes my mind off of things."

"I see" the cook said "In that case, just let me give you a hand."

That Nikolo could allow; he was used to cooking with other people anyway.

XXXXX

"You would've still had some time, right? You didn't need to come with me" Sasha told Emil as they were riding away from Dauper that morning. The boy shook his head, saying: "I know, but I would've had to leave in a few days anyway. I'll just spend the last of the vacation in the city."

"Everyone would've wanted you to stay home longer, though" she said "I'm always gone for months at a time, and now they barely see you and Anya. Kaya and the others are lonely!"

"They'll manage, they always do" Emil said with a shrug, about to add more, but stopped himself at the last second. Glancing at him, Sasha wondered what the boy had in mind. She had guessed that there must have been a reason why he insisted on joining her on her way back "Emil, is something wrong?"

"Well, there's something I've been wanting to talk to you about" he said after a while "From soldier to soldier."

"Oh" Sasha wasn't so sure how to feel about that. She knew Emil was a trained soldier now, member of the scouts just like her, but no matter what she just kept seeing him as the child he once was. It would undoubtedly feel weird to talk with him about serious stuff… but it was adults' job to guide kids when they needed it. She had to listen "Alright, go on."

"I know there's peace and all, and that's _good_ of course, but don't you think that the risk that the MPs, garrison and the younger recruits will get too careless because of it is high?" he asked, looking at Sasha seriously "Sure, the MPs have seen conflicts among the people. The garrison has protected the walls and us newcomers saw glimpses of war before becoming soldiers, but none of us know what it's _truly like_ out there in the front lines. And there are many who aren't really interested in learning, who already slack with their duties because there is now peace. Isn't such an attitude a high risk to Eldia?"

Sasha bit her lip, knowing that it was all true. It's not like she hadn't worried about the same things, but what could she do about it? Nothing really, that's what she had learned over the years. But how could she explain this to Emil, a child?

"… _No, not a child"_ Sasha finally corrected herself _"A fellow soldier."_

She'd just go with the truth and explain things as she saw them.

"It's always been like that with the MPs. Always" she said, knowing that she sounded bitter, but not feeling bad about it since it was for a good reason "They sit far off in the back, giving orders and criticizing others who do the actual work if it doesn't go how they want, yet benefit the most when things do go well. It was like that when we fought the titans, during the civil war, after we found out about the outside world, during the all-out war with it, always. And I don't think it'll change any time soon, for even if the people in charge were completely replaced, power corrupts people, with perhaps the exception of very few. That is just how our society, or probably any society, works."

"That's kinda depressing" Emil said "But also surprisingly well said coming from you."

Sasha sweat dropped. She would've felt insulted if it wasn't for the fact that she had just repeated stuff Armin had told her and Connie. But Emil didn't need to know that.

"What will we do if another war breaks out? If not with Marley then some other country?"

"We'll figure something out" Sasha said without missing a beat. Not because she was overly optimistic, but because she knew it was all they _could_ do "We always do."

XXXXX

"You know your father doesn't approve of this kind of thing" Nikolo's mother said. The man in question just rolled his eyes, continuing to prepare lunch. His mother had been standing at the doorway for quite a while before opening her mouth, but Nikolo had already guessed that his was what she was going to talk about. Not looking away from his work, he said: "I made most of the breakfast too you know, yet all of you ate without complaining."

"We didn't know it was your doing" the woman said, coming closer to her son "And I'm not saying that it was bad, just that cooking isn't something you should be doing. Just get some rest and relax before you return to service."

"This _is_ what relaxes me" Nikolo argued, still not bothering to look at his mom "And I shouldn't lie around anymore. In fact, the doctor advised me to put up a regular training schedule even before I return to service, so my plans for after lunch are already set."

His mother was quiet, but he knew she hadn't left yet. Nikolo wished she'd just say what she'd come to say and leave; her presence in the kitchen unnerved him. It wasn't a place she was used to being in and she acted as such, making him feel a little out of place as well.

"…Do you really want to return to service so soon?" Nikolo finally looked at her "I know you're fine physically, but you've been through so much… is it really alright for you to start working again, without proper rest?"

"I'll be fine, mother" Nikolo said, trying to keep the annoyance off of his voice since he knew she was just worried "And like I've said, it's not like they'd send people who just got home to the frontlines right away. Hell, we don't _have_ frontlines now; the wars are over."

"But it's not your physical health I'm worried about in the first place" his mother pointed out, sounding like she was starting to get frustrated "What if you have to deal with Eldian soldiers? Or worse, what if you have to deal with Paradis' soldiers? Or even go on a mission there? What then!?"

" _That's the plan here, actually"_ Nikolo thought, knowing full well that he couldn't say that. Putting the spoon down, he turned to his mother fully "I truly am fine mother. I had some bad experiences, but I'm not overly traumatized or anything. If I have to deal with Eldians, from here or Paradis, then I will. I can handle it."

"But- "whatever his mother was trying to say, Nikolo didn't let her "I'm fine mother, really. I'm a trained, experienced soldier and have been in the frontlines. Even if things go wrong, nothing will brake my spirit!"

Was he speaking too soon? A small part of his brain kept screaming at him that he was being too overconfident.

His mother stared at him for quite a while before sighing.

"I hope you know what you're doing, dear."

"Me too" Nikolo couldn't help but mutter as soon as he was sure that his mother was out of earshot.

XXXXX

Finally getting to the HQ in Wall Rose, there were one inside of each wall plus one outside, Sasha and Emil hopped off their horses. Night was approaching, but they weren't so late that they'd be scolded. They had plenty of time to put the horses away and settle down to the dorms again in peace.

"Sasha!"

Okay, ditch the "in peace" -part, but at least they wouldn't get in trouble. Turning her head, Sasha saw Jean and Connie coming towards her from the inside, having probably seen them from the window.

"What's up, guys?" she asked, grinning "Did Jeanboy have a nice vacation?"

Connie snickered, but Jean scowled.

"Can it, Potato girl" he hissed "Can't you just act like an adult for once?"

"Says the guy calling her names" Emil pointed out, looking at the three older scouts one after the other before asking: "Should I take all the three horses to the stables?"

It took a second. Two. Three. Four -and then Sasha got the joke, bursting out in laughter. Connie followed soon after, also catching on. Jean however, was not amused. Arms crossed, he narrowed his eyes as he asked: "Where did you learn that?"

And then he glared at Sasha, who got the message.

"Wasn't me, I swear!"

It really wasn't, but would Jean believe her? …Maybe he did since now he was glaring at Connie, who also denied it. Narrowing his eyes, Jean turned to Emil, saying: "Alright, spill. Who told you to use that?"

"No one _told_ me to use it" Emil said with a shrug, taking the reins of Sasha's horse from her "But I heard Mr. Nikolo use it from time to time and thought that it fit."

Sasha burst out laughing and she could hear Connie following suit. That's right; both of them had used that name about Jean in Nikolo's presence rather often, usually when the horse himself couldn't hear of course. It seemed like he had picked it up.

" _It's good that he already left"_ Sasha thought, amused _"'Cause Jean looks ready to murder someone!"_

Sasha could see his eyebrow twitching, especially after he turned to look at her again.

"And _who_ exactly taught it to Nikolo?" he was glaring at her again, and while it wasn't completely without a reason, Sasha felt it was unfair since Connie was in on it, too. So of course, she answered Jean by pointing at Connie, but the man had apparently seen this coming since he pointed at _her_ at the same time.

"I guess this means you're _both_ at fault huh" Jean asked, and from the look on his face, Sasha knew what was coming.

"Run!" she yelled before taking off, sure that Connie was right behind her. She didn't look back even when she heard Emil yell: "Give up guys; you can't outrun a horse!"

XXXXX

Nikolo arrived to the family dinner after a long work out and a shower. He had trained a little while in Paradis to stay in shape at least somewhat, but it had been nothing compared to today's proper workout. His every muscle ached, but at the same time he felt more relaxed and at ease than in the morning. The work out had simply brought him the feeling that he was actually getting somewhere.

"You look rather tired" Ulrich pointed out "Overdoing it much?"

"I think I'm just a little more out of shape than I first thought" Nikolo admitted as he sat down "But it's nothing that a little time won't fix."

"Don't over do it" his grandfather advised "A job done in rush is rarely well done."

"Of course, grandfather" Nikolo said. He stayed quiet for most of the dinner after that, just listening to his family talk and putting in a comment or two from time to time when he was sure it was appropriate. He was a little rusty and couldn't afford messing up again.

" _Being so silent might be a mistake in itself, but that shouldn't be too much of a problem. Everyone should simply see it as me not being used to being back home"_ at least, that's what he hoped. He really couldn't afford any more mistakes.

XXXXX

Turns out they really hadn't been able to outrun the horse. Or well, maybe Connie had, Sasha didn't know for sure since they'd split up and Jean had come after her first, carrying her right over his shoulder after catching her and dumping her in to a pond. Now she was soaked, trying to squeeze out the water from her clothes.

" _Well, the three of us were always the agile and fast ones; it's no wonder he caught me. And he's a grown man now so it's no wonder he could overpower me, too"_ that didn't mean it didn't annoy her though _"But since he came after me first, Connie probably got away."_

"Let go already!"

" _Apparently not"_ Sasha thought, unable to hold in the chuckle that left her lips.

"Soon, so stop struggling!" Jean answered to Connie and Sasha watched as the duo wrestled their way closer. Connie was stronger than her, so Jean wasn't able to take him down as easily as he'd done with her, but he'd still managed to drag the protesting man all the way here _"Well, I suppose I shouldn't expect any less of him."_

Jean wasn't all that much stronger than Connie, but he was a lot smarter, which was probably what had gotten him the upper hand in their struggle. A struggle that'd be over soon; they were almost at the pond. She better get out of the way… or in position.

" _Jean's gonna be pissed… oh well"_ Sasha thought with a shrug, barely suppressing her grin. She waited for the duo to reach the pond and, just like she had thought, Jean pushed Connie in. But she wouldn't let it end with that. She ran forward, surprising Jean and the now cursing Connie, reaching them in no time. As she had guessed, it was too unexpected for Jean, so he failed to react as she hold out her hands, pushing Jean in to join Connie, laughing while doing so.

"Darn it Sasha!" Jean yelled after recovering from the shock, purposely ignoring Connie who was still sitting in the pond with him, laughing like there was no tomorrow. Not that Sasha herself was any better, although she was a bit worried what would happen once Jean got out of the pond. And he was climbing out now.

"Er… um… peace?" she suggested, holding her hands up as she started backing off.

"Maybe next year" Jean said and Sasha eeped, rushing off, starting the chase again. She supposed that pushing an already pissed off soldier in to a pond wasn't a good idea after all.

XXXXX

Another day, and this time Nikolo chose to actually start it with training. The fact that he'd slept without nightmares last night helped of course; he wasn't all that tired. That was why he was now jogging along a path in the outskirts of the city, building up his stamina. It was a weekday and quite early, so there weren't really many people around, most being at work or preparing for it at this time.

" _But it seems there are some people out after all"_ Nikolo thought as he saw a pair of men jogging in to his direction, clearly also out for a morning exercise. It was only after they were very close that he saw how their heads were bowed down, leading him to notice the armbands.

" _Ah… soldiers? No, they would train at the military grounds. Probably just a few regular citizens that wanted a good long run; I doubt there're any possibilities for that in the ghettos."_ he thought. He'd been to an Eldian ghetto a few times during his training days, just like all the Marleyan soldiers, but that was it, so he couldn't know for sure, but it'd make sense _"Still… to come all the way here and risk getting in to trouble just for exercise…"_

Maybe he was overreacting, maybe those two just needed a bit space to breath for once. Or maybe they had some sport as a hobby and decided to train.

" _Or maybe they're up to something"_ Nikolo thought, glancing at the duo over his shoulder. Both they and him had covered quite a distance by now _"No, I'm being too suspicious. The chances they'd be up to something are slim, very slim."_

Shaking his head, Nikolo scolded himself for being so doubtful. This was exactly the kind of thing he _shouldn't_ be doing; jumping to conclusions just like that wasn't right.

He had to get a hold of himself.

XXXXX

When Sasha had wondered what her duties today would be, she certainly hadn't expected it to be overseeing a combat training exercise, especially not a one that included garrison soldiers. First of all, she was by no means the best in close combat, but what unnerved her even more was the fact that some of the soldiers were twice her age. Sure, she'd been superior to some older soldiers who'd joined the scouts later on, but this just felt weird, especially since she was sure that many of the men could take her down if she were to fight against them. Why wasn't she supervising shooting practice or something?

" _Maybe I should just directly ask someone… ah, there's the captain!"_ Sasha realized, jogging over to the man, realizing only after she'd gotten his attention that this could be considered as questioning the orders given. Damn.

"What is it?" well, she had no choice.

"I was just wondering why I'm here. I'm not all that good in close combat; in fact, I'm sure that many here are better than me" Levi eyed her for a moment before replying: "The presence of a well-known veteran is seen as something that boosts the troops morals and keeps them from slacking. As a survivor from the battle of Shiganshina, you certainly count."

"But _you_ are also here" she pointed out "And what about the others? All of them are stronger than me, these days even Armin."

"Armin has been sent to help the founding titan train" ah, of course "Hanji is at the border, already negotiating with other nations, and Jean and Mikasa were sent to assist her. Connie was sent to the training camps to help out there."

" _I_ could've gone to the training camps" Sasha muttered, feeling like that might've been easier since the trainees were younger. She saw Levi raise an eyebrow before he clarified: " _Southern_ training camps, Sasha."

"Ah…" Sasha let out, gulping. That was where instructor Shadis worked "Never mind."

"Thought so" Levi said, and Sasha realized he hadn't explained why she was needed despite the fact that _he_ was here. Voicing her thoughts, Levi answered Sasha by tapping his cane to the ground a several times.

Right, captain Levi's cane. While both of his legs were still intact, the captain's right leg had been injured during an explosion caused by Zeke, creating a permanent limp. The captain was full of scars as well, the big one that went across his face the most noticeable of them all. And of course, he was missing a few fingers.

"You think they wouldn't respect you anymore?" Sasha asked "Captain, with all the respect, that's ridiculous."

Levi just shrugged, saying: "Tell that to the higher ups. As far as they know, I'm a cripple soldier that no longer even works as a symbol."

"A cripple who could easily still kick their asses, I bet" Sasha said with a snort. However, she knew it was true that Levi was no longer the symbol he used to be, no longer "humanity's strongest." No, that had been Mikasa's title for years now.

Levi didn't reply, but he didn't deny it, either. Sasha knew that the man could still even fight if the need really came, even though he did have trouble with ODM gear now and couldn't make any fast moves the way he used to.

"Hey, Potato girl!" Sasha stiffened before whipping her head around to see who dared to call her with that old nickname. Had to be someone from their old class who had joined the garrison and never left it, but who?

"Don't call me that!" she hissed as she saw Samuel walking towards them. The man only laughed before saluting, but Sasha could just _feel_ that it was to Levi, not her.

"Haven't seen you in a long time, Sasha" Samuel said "Why don't we spar a little, just like old times?"

Just like old times? Had she sparred with Samuel before? She wasn't sure… well, no reason to decline. Sure, he was a man, but he'd always been in the garrison, so his real fighting experience was minimal, right? Sasha could use that to her advantage, hopefully.

"Alright" she said, preparing herself as she saw Levi take some distance. Hopefully she wouldn't make a complete fool of herself, especially since she could see some garrison soldiers stopping their sparring to watch the two of them. It wasn't easy to be famous.

" _Oh well, let's do this"_

 **A.N: In case someone forgot: Samuel is one of the guys who were with Eren and the others cleaning the cannons when the Colossal titan attacked. He hit his head during the fall, but was saved by Sasha who shot a hook to his boot.**

 **Also, when it comes to Levi, I obviously don't know yet how bad his condition is, so I'm going with this kind of version. That also means he'll be alive here even if he ends up dying in canon. *knocks the wood***


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**

Few months had passed since Nikolo returned to the line of duty along with the other former POWs who had passed the tests at first try. To the cook's surprise, Grior hadn't been among them. While he did pity the man a little, he was mostly just glad that he didn't have to deal with him and his comments. He'd heard a few others whispering something about him behind his back, but since they hadn't gotten him in to any trouble, he had decided to pretend that he didn't hear a thing. His mother no longer bothered him about resting that much, either, so life was going okay. Still, he kind of wished that he could've returned to the dorms already, but so far, he and the others from the area had been allowed, or more like ordered, to stay home when they could. Well, it's not like it was that terrible; he could deal with his family.

BANG!

Nikolo frowned, his practice shot not hitting anywhere near the target board's center. Despite a few months of intense training, his aim was still off… well, it had never been that great to begin with, but he was still pissed. He was only average at close combat, too, although he was fairly good in handling a knife.

" _One more time"_ he told himself _"Focus."_

BANG!

Better, but not good enough. Letting out a sigh, Nikolo told himself to be patient. His results weren't great, but still passable. He'd pull himself together again.

" _Had the MPs not been around, I could've probably gotten some lessons from Sasha"_ he thought, having seen the woman's shooting skills himself a few times. Unlike Grior had predicted, Nikolo hadn't forgotten the female soldier, not even close. He was as determined as ever to return to her someday.

" _Someday… I hope that day could come a little faster"_

XXXXX

Life was good. Levi could be a bit of a slave driver sometimes, Armin tended to get dark every now and then and Jean could be an ass when he wanted to, but Sasha was still happy. She'd settled in a routine helping the garrison around. It felt a little weird at first to work with such a large group of people and not directly under Levi's command, but she got used to it. She would've liked to be at the border with Jean and Hanji, but since there wasn't any conflict, she was seen as more useful here. But it was okay; she was getting used to it.

" _But I really miss the others"_ she thought with a small sigh. She hadn't seen Hanji since the vacation nor Jean or Connie since the morning after their vacation ended. Armin had dropped by once, but was busy training with the founding titan and sometimes with Historia. Mikasa was in Sina, helping with negotiations with Hizuru. Not because she wanted to, but because Kiyomi insisted that she'd join them. Apparently, Mikasa didn't really care about that, but went along with it so that Kiyomi wouldn't cause trouble. The woman seemed to always be up to something.

Levi was there with her most of the time of course, and while she liked the man's company, he was boring as hell most of the time these days. They were a good team when they worked, but Levi wasn't exactly the kind of person Sasha could just have fun with… well, it was probably just the age difference talking.

" _Or not; it's always fun with Hanji, even if it's just us"_ she thought, sweat dropping. She supposed it was just Levi then; their personalities simply didn't match well enough. And as a result of that, she was a little lonely.

"Sasha!" well, fortunately there was someone around to ease that loneliness. Turning her head, Sasha greeted her old friend "What's up, Samuel?"

"Work, work and more work" the guy complained with a heavy sigh, making Sasha snort "Teaching the trainees how to use the cannons used to be easy, but now that the war's over- "

"The brats aren't interested" Sasha finished for him "Even peace comes with its own down sides."

"No kidding" Samuel said "But as someone who almost died before graduation, I think it's okay for me to say I prefer the peace."

Sasha laughed.

"We all do"

"Especially you; peace means less food shortage" Samuel said, dodging the punch Sasha sent him. She knew full well what he was implying, that jerk "Speaking of which, how about lunch?"

"Your treat?" Sasha asked excitedly, pouting when Samuel replied: "The military's treat."

"Basic food rations, yay" Sasha muttered, getting a surprised look from Samuel "Since when were you picky about food?"

Sasha was about to say that she wasn't, but stopped herself. As a teenager, she'd been happy just hearing a promise of food, but now…

" _Huh, I suppose I have some favorites these days"_ she thought "I'm not picky, I just like some foods more than others. And c'mon, is what we get here _anyone's_ favorite?"

With a chuckle, Samuel replied: "I suppose not."

"Exactly, so let's go" Sasha said, deciding to get herself some extra "First one there gets a bite of the last one's share!"

She ran, laughing as Samuel called after her that she was being unfair and that he definitely wouldn't share his food.

XXXXX

Nikolo was out for a run. He _could_ have done it in the military grounds, but they were packed with others who were training and he felt like he needed some alone time. He had gotten rather used to solitude with his time in Paradis, so returning to his old life filled with people was harder than he had expected. He could manage of course, but it took a bit more adjusting than he had predicted.

" _It's not like there aren't other people around at this time of the evening, but not too many"_ Nikolo thought as he passed by another jogger with a nod. As long as he didn't need to speak with people or to make an effort not to bump in to someone, all was good.

" _It's them again"_ Nikolo thought as he spotted a pair of familiar Eldians. It's not like he'd ever spoken to them, he didn't _know_ them, but he was able to recognize them as the same people by now. They still made him a little nervous; something in the back of his mind was nagging at him that those two were up to something, but every time those feelings surfaced, he forced them back down. No, they weren't up to anything, he was just being paranoid. Jean would kick his ass if he ever found out how he was acting.

" _Wait… is there something wrong?"_ Nikolo slowed by instinct as he noticed that the two weren't moving forward. Again, his subconscious started telling him that something was wrong, and this time he didn't ignore it. Slowing down to a walk, he cautiously walked over to the pair "Is everything alright?"

He startled them; the soldier realized. There was no way they hadn't noticed him coming, but they probably hadn't expected him to stop. After all, why would a Marleyan stop to check on Eldians? They seemed to know better than to ignore him as the other one said after a while of uncertain staring: "Everything's fine, my brother here just hurt his ankle."

That man, kneeling on the ground, didn't look at Nikolo. He'd looked up briefly when the cook had spoken, but quickly looked down again. He guessed the guy's nerves didn't really handle speaking to Marleyans all that well.

"Is it bad?" Nikolo asked, crouching down to take a look. It was by instinct, really, but after realizing what he was doing, he couldn't just back out, could he? He could see the surprise on the faces of the Eldians and he'd swear he _felt_ their suspicion, but he decided to ignore it. Even if it was two on one, they wouldn't dare to cause him any trouble even if they wanted to.

" _Probably"_ he added in his mind. Well, he was a trained soldier, so come what may.

"It… doesn't look too bad" the one who was not hurt spoke hesitantly, fixing his armband, probably instinctively. Wrapped around his slightly too big brown jacket, Nikolo guessed the thing had the habit of sliding lower or even falling off on its own. That was no good "It's probably just twisted a little."

That's indeed what it seemed like, Nikolo realized. As long as it was wrapped up properly, some rest should be all it needed.

"Do you have anything to wrap it up with?" he asked. Again, the uninjured man hesitated for a while before unwrapping the scarf around his neck "This should do."

"Yeah, it will" Nikolo agreed, snatching the green piece of cloth before the man could protest, processing to wrap the injury.

"Sir, we have this under control, you shouldn't bother- "the man started, yet didn't even attempt to stop Nikolo physically, perhaps deeming it to be too dangerous to try "This won't take long."

And it didn't, really. This was basic first aid, something every soldier in Marley were expected to learn and know from the top of their heads. It was one of the many things beaten right down to his bones, things he hadn't forgotten even during the nine years he was stuck on Paradis.

"Done" Nikolo said, getting up and offering a hand to the man on the ground "Can you stand?"

Again, he could see the other man gaping at him, but chose to pay him no mind, wanting to make sure that the other one would be able to get up. The injured one looked up for the first time since Nikolo arrived, but didn't meet his eyes. Hesitantly, he took the hand the man was offering, letting the cook help him up. The other Eldian recovered from his shock, helping his friend, wait no, he'd said brother, hadn't he, to stay steady as he started to sway.

"You should keep from running for a while; in fact, try to put as little weight on it as possible" Nikolo reminded the guy, not sure how well an average Eldian from the ghettos would understand basic first aid.

"Right, of course" it was still the uninjured one talking "Thank you sir."

"Not a problem. Be careful on your way back" Nikolo said back, proceeding to continue his run. Only after he was good ways away from the two, it fully hit him what he'd done. It'd been risky and stupid; what if someone who knew him had seen?

" _But shit, it was the right thing to do"_ he reminded himself, letting a small smile surface. It wasn't the smartest thing to do, but despite the risks, he didn't regret it. It was one step forward in becoming the kind of person that he wanted to be.

XXXXX

"You didn't share your lunch with me so you're definitely sharing your dinner!" Sasha whined as she and Samuel walked towards the mess hall, but the man in question just laughed "No way, I never agreed to it."

Sasha frowned, really wanting some extra. How could she get Samuel to give her some… oh!

"C'mon, as an apology for beating me up again a few days ago?" she said, choosing to go with trying to quilt trip him "It's not nice to hit girls!"

Samuel snorted, starting to list why what Sasha was saying was invalid: "First of all, we were sparring; we were meant to beat each other. Second, it was your idea and third, you're one of the most experienced war veterans in the whole country; a woman like you hardly qualifies as a girl!"

Sasha huffed, knowing that he was right. However, the third point was the very reason why the fact that Samuel kept winning ticked her off. They'd sparred at least once a week since their first match, and save for one time two weeks ago, Samuel always won. It hurt her pride as a war veteran, even though she knew that it really couldn't be helped since men tended to be the stronger ones on average.

"…Next time we compete, let's have a shooting match" she suggested, but Samuel flat out refused. Well, she would've too if she was challenged to something, she knew she had no chance in winning, like an arm-wrestling match with Mikasa or something.

The two walked in silence, but halfway to the mess hall Samuel spoke: "Hey Sasha?"

"Yeah?"

"Has Jean gotten over his crush on Mikasa yet?" Sasha looked at him with surprise, but recovered quickly and snorted. Her amusement didn't last though, her face growing serious.

"Well, I think he gave up after Eren died. I suppose he finally came to the conclusion that Mikasa's feelings could never be beaten, even by death. It's… kind of sad." she trailed off, her earlier good mood disappearing. Mikasa was doing fine on the outside and she _had_ come to terms with her loss, but Sasha knew it was still eating her from the inside, slowly but surely. She just hoped it wouldn't speed up once Armin died.

"I see" Samuel said "And Jean? Think he'll find someone else?"

"Sure, eventually" Sasha said without hesitation, smiling again a little bit "It's Jean after all; he's matured and become surprisingly popular. Once he feels like looking for new love, I'm sure he'll find some."

"Yeah, I'm sure there are women who like horses and thus won't mind his face" Samuel said, actually making Sasha laugh this time "And Connie? Surely he could use some love in his life."

"Agreed, but I don't think he has his eyes on anyone" Sasha thought, again becoming a little sadder. If someone deserved some love in their life, that someone would be Connie. He'd been through so much and deserved a break…

"You know, back in the training days we used to tease Connie about his closeness to a certain girl in the evenings" Samuel spoke again "Some of us were sure they'd eventually become a thing."

"Really?" Sasha asked in surprise, excitement overtaking her as she asked: "Who was it?!"

Her excitement was met with a blank stare before Samuel just raised an eyebrow, saying: "Gee, I don't know, who was the girl who hung out with him all the time?"

Sasha frowned, thinking for a while, but coming out empty.

"There wasn't one, was there?" she said "I was with him all the time so surely I would've noticed- "she stopped suddenly as the realization hit her "Oh."

"Took you long enough" Samuel snickered "So, got any special feelings for Connie?"

Now Sasha laughed again, already knowing a sure answer.

"No, not the kind you think" she says "He's like a brother to me."

Samuel smiled along with her, looking genuinely happy, which makes Sasha wonder if she was missing something.

"And you?" Samuel asks, smirking "Got any special feelings for someone?"

For some odd reason, Nikolo's face pops up in to Sasha's head, but she shakes it off with a blush. Looking away, she stutters: "N-nah, not really."

Samuel is staring at her again, the smirk not leaving his face. Sasha didn't think she liked it "Is that a blush I see?"

"No" she says immediately, perhaps a bit too loudly as she looks at the ground. She realizes it was a mistake as Samuel says: "It is, isn't it? You do have someone in mind!"

Was there a point in denying it anymore? Not that she was sure if there _was_ anything to deny; she wasn't sure why Nikolo's face had popped up, but she certainly wasn't telling it to Samuel.

"Okay fine, I _might_ have someone; I'm not all that sure yet, okay!?" she yelled, giving in "Be a gentleman and don't pry in to a lady's business, okay?"

"Okay okay" Samuel said, laughing all the while "Sorry."

Again, they were quiet for a while, almost reaching the mess hall in silence before Sasha said: "It's like you brought up the subject just to try and pry about my business naturally…"

"Guilty" Samuel admitted, making Sasha's head snap up to look at him "You aren't even denying it!?"

"Nope" Sasha frowned, glaring at him. Now she felt like she should get back at him somehow… "And you? Got a special someone in mind?"

"Yup" Samuel said without missing a beat, making Sasha pause. He admitted it, just like that? If she got a name out of him, she could use it to tease him! "Who? Do I know her?"

He seemed to be thinking hard, but Sasha couldn't tell if he was wondering if she knew the girl or if he should tell her or just keep his mouth shut.

"Well…" he said, and Sasha leaned closer in order to hear since his voice had dropped "I'll tell you everything if _you_ tell me who _you_ had in mind just now."

Sasha blushed again, not even considering the offer "Nope" she wouldn't speak about Nikolo. With a shrug, Samuel said: "Suit yourself."

The conversation ended. They'd already reached the mess hall anyway. However, this got Sasha to think about things she had managed to bury in the back of her mind for the most part for the last two months. Whydid it have to be _Nikolo's_ face that came to her mind?

" _Ugh, here I go again"_

XXXXX

The next morning on duty, and so far, Nikolo didn't seem to have gotten in to any trouble. That was good; no one had seen him yesterday.

" _To think that doing something so small has me so nervous… it's pathetic"_ he thought, but quickly shook his head. No, being weary was necessary, it was common sense. While showing a little sympathy to Eldians shouldn't get him killed, it could certainly cost him his job. And if he wasn't a soldier, getting back to Paradis would become even harder _"But still, doing nothing is not okay… I can help out when it doesn't involve any unnecessarily big risks for me, right?"_

That made Nikolo feel a little better about himself. Yes, it'd be fine to just help when it wasn't too dangerous. No need to put himself in to any unnecessary danger.

"Attention!" and he had other things to worry about right now. Standing in attention, Nikolo waited to hear what his superior had to say.

"As I'm sure you all remember, we now have peace with the de- _people_ of Paradis,now officially called the Nation of Eldia" Nikolo didn't miss the man's slip; he'd almost called them devils. That and the subject in itself made the cook tense; could it be that the peace had already been broken!?

"We all have our own opinions about that I'm sure, but we can all agree that finally having peace _is_ worth some sacrifices" the officer adjusted his military jacket, continuing on: "And that we should do our all to uphold that peace."

Nikolo swallowed. None of what the man was saying sounded bad, in fact it was the opposite, but with Paradis involved he couldn't be too sure.

"It has been decided, together with the Nation of Eldia, that an embassy of Marley will be located to the island. Therefore, some soldiers are naturally needed to protect it" Nikolo couldn't believe his ears. Of course, he had thought that if the peace really did last, an embassy would be built, but he had never expected it to be so soon. Was _this_ his ticket back? Were the soldiers now gathered here going to be sent to Paradis? "Some very skilled individuals have already been ordered to make their preparations, but they aren't enough. Therefore, we need some volunteers who will be sent there three months from now. If any of you are willing to go, inform me before the day is over. That is all, dismissed!"

Nikolo was about to go volunteer, already taking a few steps, but stopped himself. No, seeming too eager could get him in trouble, better play it safe. He had time, so the best thing to do would be to go before lunch was over. Yes, he'd do that.

" _Three months… wait for me for three more months, Sasha."_

XXXXX

"With my little eye, I spy something red"

Samuel rolls at his eyes, pointing at the red rose at his chest "Too easy."

Sasha puffs her cheeks, saying: "Well then, _you_ come up with something better."

Samuel takes a moment to think, and Sasha uses that moment effectively by munching on her sandwich, taking a note of her surroundings and trying to come up with something harder for her next turn.

"With my little eye, I spy something sweet" Sasha thinks about it. Sweet? Nothing among her lunch had sugar, so that wasn't it… his lunch? She leans in to check, startling Samuel and making him lean back, but there's nothing there, either _"Someone else's lunch?"_

She makes a quick scan around them, but no one seems to have anything sugary with them. Sasha frowned; she had to admit this was a bit trickier one, but she wouldn't back down.

" _Sweet sweet sweet… what else is sweet than sugary treats?"_ she notices Samuel's smirk, making her annoyed. She'd get to the bottom of this for sure _"How did that one song go again…? Something about roses… ah, right. Roses are red, violets are blue. Honey's sweet but- "_

"I got it!" Sasha exclaims, enjoying the surprised look on Samuel's face. Head spinning around, she starts looking for a beehive. Those had honey, so it did count _"Clever, but not clever enough!"_

However, Sasha's cheer soon fades as she realizes that there aren't any beehives around. Was that not it after all?

"…Well?" Samuel asks after Sasha looks at him again, making the woman blush in embarrassment. She'd gotten it wrong "Erm… another hint?"

"Too hard?" Samuel asks with a grin. Sasha huffs again, saying: "Just give me a hint, okay?"

It seems he is about to since he opens his mouth, but before Samuel can say anything, Sasha shouts out: "Jean!"

"What?" Samuel asks, leaning back with a disturbed look "No!"

Sasha laughs.

"Not the game, Jean's here!" she points behind him and Samuel turns his head, both of them seeing the squad leader walking towards them, giving a wave "What's up?"

Sasha's answer to that is to run up and hug him. Sure, it'd only been two months, but without Connie and the rest of the squad around either it felt like ages.

"It's good to see you!"

"Yea yea, you too" Jean says, hugging her back "Long time no see, Samuel"

"Way too long" the man agrees, also coming over, but he doesn't hug Jean like Sasha does "What brings you here? Got repositioned?"

Sasha lets go, also wanting to hear why he was there. She had to admit that she'd like it if he was here to join them.

"Not at all" damn "I went to pass on a message and since it's peaceful at the borders, I decided that a little detour wouldn't hurt."

"Irresponsible, aren't you?" Sasha asked, laughing "Or did you just want to see me that bad?"

Jean snorted.

"Not a chance, potato girl" he said "But I do have some information that you might want to know, which is also why I took the detour."

"What is it?" naturally, Sasha was interested. If Jean bothered to take such a detour despite being on duty, he must've considered it important, but since Hanji hadn't directly ordered him here to her and Levi, she didn't think so. The brunette was curious to know what got caught in-between.

"The negotiations with Marley have gone well, and they too want to build one of those embassies on our side of the border" Jean said, Sasha nodding along. It made sense she knew; they'd all been taught that those kinds of things were important when it came to politics with the outside world… not that she ever bothered to remember the details "They've already sent some of their soldiers here- "

Sasha's heart skipped a beat. Could it be that Nikolo was back already? The thought made her oddly giddy.

"-And I went through the names, no familiar ones among them" Jean continued, and Sasha felt her smile fall a little. And was that a little smirk she saw on Jean's face?

"But you know, they did say something about sending more soldiers here in three months. I just thought that might interest you" the man finished with a shrug, but now Sasha _knew_ he was smirking. Still, she appreciated that he came to tell her "I'm sure you and the captain will be officially informed later, but I just came to give you a heads up. That and I wanted to see that dumb and hopeful look on your face."

Sasha felt her face heat up as her smile fell again, this time all the way.

"What are you trying to say, jerk?" she said, crossing her arms "I do not look dumb!"

"Uhhuh, sure" Jean said, crossing his arms "Just make sure no one mistakes your cheeks for tomatoes."

Had Sasha been holding something, she would've chucked it at Jean. But she wasn't, so she just ended up sticking her tongue out at him.

"Really mature of you" Jean said with an eyeroll, starting to leave "I'll see you in three months!"

Sasha almost pointed out that she hadn't said she'd come, but kept her mouth shut. She'd go and they both knew it.

"What was that about?" Samuel asked after Jean had gone.

"Just our favorite horse being a jerk" Sasha answered with a shrug, turning back to her much taller companion "Now, where were we?"

XXXXX

"You volunteered to go back, didn't you?" Nikolo almost jumped, but managed to control himself. Turning around, he saw Grior casually leaning against the wall right across of the entrance to the military grounds and in plain sight. He must've really been lost in his thoughts since he didn't notice the man before he spoke.

"And what if I did?" Nikolo asked. He hadn't seen Grior at all in the past two months, so he was a bit shocked to face him now, but he reminded himself to keep his cool. He couldn't lose it in front of Grior; the man would just get him in trouble for it.

"You know you won't be chosen, right?" he asked, walking towards Nikolo "Even if there aren't enough volunteers, they can just order some to go. They won't send someone there who just got back, in fact it's the opposite."

Nikolo raised an eyebrow, not entirely getting what Grior was saying "Opposite?"

"They're keeping an eye on us, Nikolo" Nikolo froze " _All_ of us who made it back alive."

Well, that made sense. Of course, Nikolo had known that they wouldn't be treated like all the other soldiers right away, but he'd assumed they'd just be careful. But what Grior said… was he being followed? Was his mail being read? Was his family being interrogated!?

" _Or is Grior just trying to put me on the edge so that I'd mess up?"_

"Just be careful" Grior told him "Walls have ears."

 **A.N: So yeah, apparently Isayama decided to kill off Grior, too. Well, no matter, not in this story… but Grior really is a jerk; there's no way around that one.**


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10**

Three months had passed, and Sasha was eagerly riding towards the border together with Samuel, Levi and a dozen of others. Just like Jean had predicted, a word had been officially delivered to them not much later, and both her and Levi were wanted at the border. Samuel had volunteered to go as well, and since he had Sasha's approval, Levi had let him come along without a second thought. The rest were soldiers ordered for the position, ones that were seen as unlikely to lose their cools even if the Marleyans spoke ill of them or their fallen comrades. They couldn't risk the peace by letting someone with a too short fuse near their new allies.

" _It'll be fine"_ Sasha told herself, trying to calm down while not sure why she was even so nervous in the first place. The people she'd face were once their enemies, sure, but that was _before_. It was all good now; there was no reason to be nervous _"As long as Grior's not there; I always felt like he hated me."_

As close as she and Nikolo had become, Sasha had never made friends with the other cook. Heck, they could barely stand each other in the same room!

" _It's not like I didn't try to get along with him…"_

 _Flashback starts_

 _Nikolo was out getting supplies and Sasha chose to let herself in to the kitchen without waiting for the cook since she was hungry. Plus, she'd get to raid the pantry in a way Nikolo wouldn't allow if he was around. She'd be crazy if she didn't use this situation to her advantage._

"Yay, he left the bread around to cool down!" _Sasha cheered in her mind as she lifted the towel on counter, exposing the freshly baked treats underneath "It smells so good…"_

 _But bread wasn't the only thing she could smell, Sasha realized. Something else was out too. Looking around, she saw a soup pot at the stove, boiling. With a yelp, the young soldier quickly put on gloves and moved the pot away, hoping it hadn't caught the bottom._

"Strange; Nikolo doesn't usually forget anything on the stove when he leaves. He's always so careful…" _lifting the lid to see how the soup looked, Sasha was pleased to find that it didn't look even the lightest bit burnt. Lucky_ "Well I saved the dish, so I have a right to the first bite, don't I?"

" _What are you doing?" startled, Sasha dropped the lid in her hand on to the floor. Turning around in alarm, she saw Grior behind her, carrying some dirty dishes "Er… hi Grior."_

" _Hi" the man said back blankly, going to put the dishes down before saying: "Please don't take the soup off the stove next time; it's not ready quite yet."_

 _Right, of course. Nikolo wasn't the only person working in the place; it wasn't him who'd left the pot on the stove!_

" _Right, sorry" she said sheepishly, rubbing the back of her head. She wasn't in the best of terms with Grior, the guy still seemed sour when dealing with Eldians, but surely, he was used to her by now… so she could still try to get a taste, right? "Can I try that once it's done?"_

 _Grior took the pot and put it back on the stove before saying: "I'm not exactly in a position to stop you if you want to eat it."_

 _Not in the position to stop her? What did he mean? Surely, he could push her away just as easily as Nikolo did if he wanted to, right? Or was Grior actually pretty fragile despite being a soldier? He looked muscular enough, but…_

" _What? Think that I'm too strong for you to move?" she laughed, yet then a comment Jean had once made of her eating habits made her rethink it "Or wait, are you saying I'm fat and too heavy for you to move?!"_

 _Grior looks at her over his shoulder "What I mean is that I, as a war prisoner, am not in a position to deny anything from you, an enemy soldier."_

 _It took a while for this to sink in for Sasha, but once it did, she bit her lip, knowing that he was kind of right._

" _It's… it's not like I'd use it against you" she muttered, waiting for some kind of sign that Grior understood, but that never came._

" _Is that so?" was all he said, but Sasha could tell from his voice he didn't believe her. She supposed making friends with him would still take time, even though he'd been on the island for over a year already. Oh well, she'd make things work._

 _Flashback ends_

" _In the end, we never did become friends"_ Sasha thought with a sigh. It was a pity really; while she'd never been all that fond of Grior, she still felt like they could've been friends had he given her a chance. That and he was Nikolo's friend; it would've made so many awkward encounters less awkward if they had at least gotten along somewhat _"He never learned to like any of us, so maybe he won't be coming back? As a soldier he needs to obey orders, but certainly his superiors wouldn't force him back here against his will, right?"_

Not that Sasha was all that convinced about that, either. From what she'd understood, the Marleyan military was very strict.

" _It's not like I want to see him, but it all left a bad taste in my mouth"_ she sighs _"If only we could've at least gotten him to stop hating us, even if he didn't come to like us."_

"Are you okay Sasha?" Samuel asks suddenly, riding right beside her "You look kind of down."

Sasha looks at him in surprise, almost losing her balance on the horse as she jolts, but manages to catch herself and says: "Yeh, I'm fine. Just… thinking about stuff."

"About the Marleyans?" Samuel asked "Do you think they'll cause trouble?"

Sasha wasn't sure if she had imagined it or not, but she thought she saw Levi, who was riding in front of them, glancing over his shoulder before facing forward again. Well, maybe she was imagining things.

"It's possible, but unlikely" she said, focusing on Samuel again "They don't like us, but surely they want the peace to last just as much as we do… so I don't think they'll do anything."

They fell in to silence after that, and Sasha wondered how many others had same worries as Samuel… even if the Marleyans didn't cause any trouble, what if some of their own did out of hostility or fear? She certainly wouldn't put it past people; the war was still fresh in everyone's minds, how could it not, so the chances that some who had plans of their own had managed to slip in to their troops existed.

" _But even if there are, maybe they'll stay calm if we do too…?"_ Sasha thought with a sigh, squeezing the reigns a little harder on instinct. She just hoped no one would get under _her_ skin.

"Say, Sasha" Samuel spoke again, getting the woman's attention "What exactly is the difference between us Eldians and the rest of the humanity?"

"Huh?" Sasha asked, fairly certain that even civilians had been taught about how only they could be turned in to titans "Well, our blood- "

"I know" Samuel interrupted with a sigh, running his hand through his hair "I know that we're feared because of our blood that allows us to turn in to titans, but besides that? How do they even tell the difference between us and the other races?"

Sasha had to think of it for a moment before she remembered what Yelena had told them.

"Our blood is different and they have some kind of test that they can use to confirm who's an Eldian" that's what the woman had said, at least. For all Sasha knew there could be other ways, too.

"That's it?" Samuel questioned. Sasha looked at him, wondering what he was getting at. She thought about it, but couldn't remember hearing of any other way "Yeah, I think so."

"If they don't know who's an Eldian without a test, how do they know when they pass an Eldian on the street?" the man asked "How do they know there aren't any in their _military_?"

Ah, right, these things weren't public knowledge… well, Sasha had known that, but she thought that a responsible garrison soldier like Samuel would've heard of these things one way or the other. Or maybe it was _because_ he was responsible; maybe he didn't bother listening to things that didn't come from official sources.

"Their military _does_ have Eldians" Sasha told "It's just that every Eldian is forced to wear certain kinds of armbands when they leave their homes, so everyone can immediately tell that someone is an Eldian. That applies to the Eldian soldiers over there as well."

Samuel frowned, asking: "Why don't they just take them off? Surely the Marleyans couldn't control them if they all decided to put their foot down and rebel."

"Maybe…" or maybe not; the Marleyan military was huge, with or without Eldians. Besides, she supposed that many of Marley's Eldians were completely brainwashed like Gabi had been; they didn't rebel because they believed the bad treatment was something they deserved "But I don't think it's that simple. It's not like we could ever _really_ know what our kind goes through outside of this island…"

"And we might be better off not knowing" Samuel said, scratching his head "Everything was easier when we thought our enemies were just man-eating monsters. Ignorance is bliss, as they say."

This time Sasha was sure Levi had glanced their way. She supposed he agreed with Samuel… and so did she.

"Yeah…" she said "But we've got some good things out of this too, right? It's not all bad."

"Like what, new types of food?" Samuel asked. Sasha glared, about to give a heated reply, but her face flushed as Levi called from ahead of them: "You got her there."

"Captain!" Sasha whined, speeding up her horse to ride by the man's side "Please don't speak of me like all I think about would be food!"

"Am I wrong, then?" Levi asked. Sasha was about to say "of course", but the blank look Levi was giving her made her back down. Looking away, she mumbled: "Well, maybe not completely… but I think about other stuff too…"

Her face went even redder as she heard Samuel's muffled laughter. Damn it, did _everyone_ think of her as food obsessed woman first and a soldier second? Geez.

"You two suck…"

"Is that a way to speak to a superior officer?" Levi asked, but Sasha just glared at him with a pout "You know that stopped working on me years ago, right?"

"True" Levi admitted, adjusting his hold on the reigns of his horse "All of you brats have lost your sense of respect."

"Nah, just our fear of you" Sasha said, unable to help the smirk that was forming on her face "We still respect you more than anyone… well, except maybe commander Hanji. She's a little cooler."

Was it possible for the temperature to fall along with someone's emotions? Sasha felt like there was a chill when Levi glared at her. She supposed comparing the captain to the commander wasn't such a nice thing to do, at least not in the captain's opinion. Laughing nervously, Sasha asks: "Er… are we moving too slowly?"

Seeing it safer not to wait for an answer, Sasha speeds up ahead once more to get some distance between her and the captain. Better make sure not to piss him off for the rest of the day.

XXXXX

The harbor, the border. They'd finally arrived, and Sasha'd be lying if she said she wasn't excited. Nikolo would be here, right? He'd said he'd come back; this was a good opportunity for that, right?

" _No, it doesn't necessarily mean he's here. His unit might have been called elsewhere"_ she reminded herself, but the smile didn't leave her face. The possibility was there after all _"He said he'd come back, so surely he'll get here at some point if he already isn't here…"_

"Sasha!" Sasha got off her horse, greeting Hanji back as the commander ran over to them.

"Things must be going well if you have time to come running here like a headless chicken" was Levi's idea of a greeting "I take it there are no problems?"

"None at all; everything's going smoothly" something in Hanji's tone didn't match her words, Sasha noted. The older woman lowered her voice, saying: "Perhaps too smoothly. Taking any kind of action at this point would be unwise, but I have a bad feeling that the Marleyans might be up to something."

Sasha tensed. Glancing around, she realized that only she and Levi were at hearing range as the others were putting away the horses. That was good; no need to spread their unease to others.

"And what do you say we should do about it?" Levi asks as the three of them start walking away from the horses, trusting that someone else will take care of theirs. Hanji adjusts her glasses, saying: "For the time being, nothing. Just keep your guards up and eyes open; don't miss a thing. If you see or hear something suspicious, report to me as soon as possible."

"Understood" the two chorused.

"Good. Levi, you join Jean at the harbor and supervise the unloading. Sasha, you're with me" Hanji said, taking off without a second glance. Apparently, they were going to be busy… bidding Levi goodbye for now, Sasha followed after her superior.

"So, what are you and I doing?" Sasha asked, making sure to keep up with commander's quick pace. Naturally, it was no struggle, but it was surprising that she was walking so fast. With Hanji it was usually the sign of there being trouble or that she was really excited. Sasha just hoped it was the later.

"We'll go and take a look at some of the machinery they brought along; I've already gotten a permission" Hanji said, and to Sasha it looked like she had trouble not to jump around while she said it. And her visible eye was gleaming "This is going to be so much fun!"

Sasha sweat dropped. Excitement it was, then. That was good, especially after what she'd told her and Levi earlier; the brunette had started to get a little worried.

" _Wait a minute"_ she suddenly realized something. Hesitantly, she said: "Um, but I don't understand anything about technology, really, so why am I coming with you? Wouldn't I be more of help for Jean?"

Hanji adjusted her glasses again, saying: "Probably, but I need someone to watch my back just in case. I could've taken Levi, but he's more likely to annoy the Marleyans with his snarky comments than you are. And- "

Hanji stopped suddenly, swallowing what she was about to say. Sasha had no idea what it was, but thought it was better not to ask. And again, there was another pressing matter to address: "So… you don't trust them?"

"Not completely, no" Hanji said, lowering her voice as she did "I don't want to go near them and their machines on my own, but it could provoke them if I went with a big group, which is why I need someone trustworthy to watch my back with me."

"Then why not Jean?" Sasha asked, adding hurriedly: "Not that I'm complaining; it's great to see you again! I'm just curious!"

"It's great to see you again, too" Hanji said with a smile "And no offence, but I think Jean was a safer choice to watch over the cargo being unloaded since there are food supplies in there as well."

Sasha groaned; she knew exactly what the commander was saying. And the older woman even dared to grin at her reaction, making her pout.

"You also have sharper instincts than Jean, so you're more suited for this" with a whine, Sasha asked: "Why didn't you just say _that_ in the first place!"

Hanji just laughed, patting Sasha on the head as they walked. The brunette couldn't help but wonder why exactly had she missed this woman so much.

XXXXX

They'd been looking though the technology the Marleyans had brought along for hours now, and so far, there had been no trouble. Some had thrown some not so subtle jabs their way, but Sasha had ignored them and Hanji had laughed them off with a few good-natured jabs of her own. The younger woman had wanted to do that as well, but had kept her mouth shut in the fear of going too far. If something went wrong, she certainly wouldn't want to be the cause of it.

Sasha frowned slightly, having missed what was said about the machine in front of them. Well, she probably wouldn't have understood it anyway, not to mention she was here to guard, not to learn. Still, even she was a bit curious… well, if it was something interesting, Hanji would certainly share it with her later, babbling about it even if she didn't ask.

"I believe it's time for supper" Sasha couldn't remember the Marleyan's name, only that he had a high rank, but at the moment she decided she liked him, for she was hungry. Really hungry.

"That's a good idea" Hanji agreed, and the majority of them left the machines alone, heading towards the direction Sasha could smell food in. Someone must be cooking outside, she was sure.

" _I wonder if we'll be eating with the Marleyans?"_ she thought. Not wanting to risk anything, she decided to stay behind Hanji and follow her example _"Maybe Nikolo will be there…"_

The thought just suddenly crossed her mind, but once it was there, it didn't leave her alone. It'd make sense for him to be there; Nikolo loved to cook and was good at it, so surely, he'd end up in cooking duty easily. Or did they have some personnel specifically for cooking in the military? She was pretty sure Nikolo had said they did, at least when they weren't on the battlefield. And Nikolo wasn't one of those people, he'd said he was an actual soldier _"But maybe he'll be there to eat?"_

Sasha sure hoped so. She was really hungry and wanted food but, somehow, even more than getting food, she was eager to see Nikolo again. Sadly however, Sasha found out that while they would indeed eat with the Marleyans, they would eat in a tent with the higher ups. It wasn't the kind of place Nikolo would be in, she knew.

"Hey Sasha, you came after all!" she heard Jean say and noticed that he and Levi were already in the tent along with a few MPs and the Marleyan higher ups. Her long-time friend didn't even bother hiding his smug smirk, which Sasha fought hard to ignore. Of course, she had come and Jean knew it.

" _Since he and the captain are here, I could just finish fast and go take a look around to see if I can find Nikolo"_ she decided. Eating fast was by no means a hard task for her.

Getting her meal, Sasha was delighted. She knew this dish! Nikolo had made it from time to time… however, as she sat down to eat, she realized that the taste was off. Not that it was bad, but whoever had made it had overdone with the spices, covering the original taste. That was no good; spices were only useful when used right _"Oh well, it's still nice to be eating this again."_

Just like she had planned, Sasha ate fast. She considered asking for seconds, but changed her mind. She just wanted to go out there and see if she could find him.

"Commander, permission to step out?" back in their younger days, Levi had drilled it in to the heads of his squad to address their superiors formally when in front of outsiders. Jean looked at her, unable to hide his shock. Hanji and Levi were looking at her as well, but they hid their surprise better "…Permission granted. You aren't eating seconds?"

If she didn't have orders to be formal, Sasha would've huffed at Hanji's question.

"Not today, commander" she said, reading from the older woman's face that she would have to explain herself later. Oh well "I'll be stepping out now."

Once she'd left the tent, Sasha let herself relax a little. She knew she'd have to mind her manners still, but she didn't need to be as careful with the lower ranking Marleyans, she supposed. Time for a search.

A kitchen would've usually been a natural place to start, but after the meal she highly doubted he'd be there; Nikolo wouldn't let them serve food where the spices were used so incorrectly. If he was here, he was elsewhere.

" _But where?"_ what had his official position in the army been, anyway? Sasha knew he'd told her, but she couldn't remember. She hadn't thought of it as important at the time _"Should I ask around about him?"_

The idea was quickly dismissed; he might get in trouble if wrong people found out that an Eldian was looking for him specifically. Maybe she could get her hands on a list of the soldiers who'd come? Surely, they must have something like that…

" _But it's not like they would just give it to me"_ Sasha knew, and for a moment she considered sneaking around, getting her hands on the documents without a permission, but quickly dismissed the idea. Too risky; if she got caught, she probably wouldn't be the only one in trouble. Maybe she could ask Jean to convince them to let her take a look; he could probably come up with an excuse _"If only Armin was here, he'd figure something out in a heartbeat…"_

She didn't want to bother the commander with this; she was busy enough as she was and the captain, well, Sasha had a feeling that that wouldn't go all so well.

" _I'll just look around for now, see if I can spot any familiar faces"_ Sasha decided _"I'll ask Jean to come up with something the next time I get the chance."_

She walked around casually, but even so, made sure not to lower her guard. She could feel the eyes on her as she walked, some Marleyans staring and even glaring at her hostilely. Fortunately, there were some of their own soldiers around too, so that eased Sasha's mind a bit. If something were to happen, they'd have her back. She just wished that their side would drop the glares sent to Marleyans; _someone_ had to take the first step.

" _Maybe I should be the one?"_ Sasha thought. Surely, it'd cause no harm if she tried to make friends with some of these people, right? They'd probably be seeing each other a lot from now on anyway, so they'd have to interact sooner or later… right? _"But it's a little scary to do it on my own; maybe I should wait for Jean to join me?"_

Not that she was afraid of Marleyans as individuals, but if three or more decided to gang up on her, she'd be in trouble _"Yeah, I'll wait for Jean or someone else to back me up before I start trying to make friends."_

With that decided, Sasha focused on the original matter again. How could she find out if Nikolo was around?

"Sasha!" oh, that sounded like Jean. Turning her head, Sasha saw that it was indeed him, coming her way "There you are!"

"What's wrong?" she asked, fearing that something had happened since Jean came after her.

"It's not like you to finish eating so fast" Jean said as he reached her. Wiping a little sweat from his forehead, he asks: "Is everything okay?"

"Yeah yeah, everything is fine!" Sasha said cheerfully, perhaps too much so. She had no idea why she suddenly pretended to act like that, especially since it just seemed to make Jean sceptic, judging from his raised eyebrow and hard look. Wanting to change the subject, Sasha asked: "What do you need?"

"More like I have something _you_ need" Jean said "I managed to get my hands on a list of every Marleyan soldier sent here."

Sasha's eyes widened in disbelief. Of course, it made sense that Jean had gotten the idea before her, but to think he had gotten the list already-

"Show me!" she demanded, holding out her hands expectantly. Jean however, shook his head.

"I don't have it; wasn't allowed to keep it" he said, much to Sasha's disappointment. She was sure her emotions showed on her face "But I did scan through it for familiar names."

"And?" Sasha asked, but since she'd known Jean for years, she could read him pretty well. Most likely- "He isn't here."

Just as she had thought, but she'd still hoped she'd read her friend wrong.

"Oh…" well, it was understandable. He'd said he'd come back, but he hadn't said when, hadn't said it'd be soon. It clearly wasn't now. She was disappointed, but she understood, she really did "There wasn't any other names that I could recognize, either."

That was to be expected; aside from Nikolo, what reason would any of them have to come back?

"You okay Sasha?"

"Yeah!" Sasha answered, too quickly and cheerfully, she realized. This was stupid; she shouldn't be so disappointed. Just because he didn't come back now didn't mean he wouldn't come at all… and even if he didn't, what would it matter? He was her friend yes, she'd be sad if she could never see him again, but he was surely happy in Marley, so it was fine, right? "I'm okay."

XXXXX

Another three months pass by, making it eight months since Nikolo left. During the last three months, there had barely been a day that Sasha hadn't thought of the man. She really, really wanted to see him again.

" _Maybe this time"_ she thought, watching a ship coming closer to the coast _"Maybe he'll be on board this time."_

Apparently, Marley had decided to switch most of the soldiers located on Paradis every three months, and now was the time for the first switch, with the soldiers who came three months ago returning with this ship. Sasha found it unwise; it would've been easier to just get a certain group used to working with them.

" _Three months is a pretty short time for making friends too with how hostile they're at first"_ she thought, biting her lip _"But on the bright side, this way we can show more of them first hand that we are_ not _evil."_

The Marleyans who understood that would spread the word, even if it was just as whispers to their family and friends, right? How the world saw Eldians would surely change, slowly, but it would.

" _And the Marleyans who don't get it the first time should come back eventually; they probably have some kind of rotating system. We can always pick up where we left off then"_ she reminded herself. Her and Jean, along with a little more uncertain Samuel, had made a conscious effort trying to become friends with the Marleyans. They didn't have much luck really, but they hadn't really expected to have any, either. The fact that some of them no longer glared when Sasha approached or spoke to them was an achievement in itself, after all _"Baby steps, tiny little baby steps."_

"The ship's gonna dock soon" Connie, who had joined them a bit under a month ago, pointed out "Don't blink or you might miss something."

Sasha laughed, knowing what he meant. Patting him on the shoulder, she said: "You're here in case I miss something, aren't you?"

Or more like _someone_ , they both knew, but had an unspoken agreement to not to say it out loud. Both were expecting Nikolo to be on the ship this time, and even Jean had thought it'd be possible. Surely the cooking soldier would drop by now? Even if he'd leave after the three months, it'd still be nice to see him.

"Sure am!" Connie agreed, saluting "I got your back, whenever, wherever and for whatever!"

"I'll make sure to remember that the next time I have to deal with instructor Shadis" Sasha said, making Connie pale. Dropping his salute, he said: "Err… almost for whatever. With something like that, you're on your own."

"Gee, you're such a good friend" Sasha said sarcastically, yelping when she suddenly felt a hand that was definitely not Connie's slam on her shoulder "We're the greatest friends, aren't we?"

Sasha was glad she hadn't punched the person as a reflex; it was just Jean.

"Yeah, the best" Sasha said, turning her head to see the smirking squad leader "Annoying as hell at times, but the best."

"And yet neither of us is the one that has been on your mind for the past few days" Sasha frowned as she saw Connie wiggling his eyebrows "Let's see if the one who has is here; they just lowered the ramp!"

Sasha could've and would've said something back had the ramp not taken all her attention. If Nikolo was there, this way she'd know immediately. And if she somehow happened to miss him, either Jean or Connie would definitely notice him.

"There come the first ones" Connie said. Sasha didn't see Nikolo, as expected. The first ones to come down would obviously be higher ranked soldiers. It was only when the officers had passed that Sasha really started to pay attention, looking for that one kind face in particular.

" _Where are you?"_ she wondered _"Are you there?"_

Many came down the ramp, yet Sasha didn't see Nikolo. She kept believing though, right until what she heard was the last person had walked down the ramp. Disappointed, she anxiously turned to face Jean, who shook his head. Still hoping, he looked at Connie, but the other man gave no sign of having seen something Sasha hadn't, either.

Nikolo didn't come.

"…Should I go and ask to see a list of the people who came?" Jean asked. Sasha nodded without a word, not looking at them, knowing it was futile.

"Excuse me for a moment" she said, walking away from the port and not looking back. They could handle things without her for a while.

She had no destination in mind; she just wanted to get somewhere away from prying eyes for a while. Rounding a corner to a narrow alleyway, Sasha sat down with her back against the wall, finally letting the tears fall.

Why was she crying exactly? Nikolo wasn't dead, of that she was sure. He was home with his family, safe and happy, just as he should be, so why did the fact sadden her so? She should be happy for him!

" _But… but I want to see him… I really, really do…"_ Sasha was sobbing, but tried to keep quiet. She didn't want to alert anyone, didn't want to create a conflict _"Just why… why am I so sad…?"_

She'd missed people before. She'd missed her family when away from home for long periods of time, she'd missed her friends when they were separated to different duties, she missed the friends she had _lost_ for good, but this was different somehow. She missed him harder than anyone, harder than her family in her training days. Harder than Eren who she'd lost a couple of years back and knew she'd never see again. It didn't make any sense to Sasha; how could Nikolo be that important to her?

" _I suppose there_ is _one explanation"_

It's not like she had been trying to deny it or anything; she had simply wondered if it was really possible. But it seemed like her earlier questions finally had an answer.

" _I'm in love with him."_

 **A.N: Sasha has finally come to the conclusion that she's in love! Now, where shall she go from here? What will she do about these newly found feelings? And why did Nikolo not come? You'll find out soon!**

 **As a side note, I had originally planned to make this story ten chapters long, but obviously that didn't happen. Now, I'm guessing it'll be twenty, but that's by no means set in stone, either.**


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11**

Nikolo was frustrated, having a hard time swallowing the fact that he had been forbidden from going to Paradis a second time. The first he could understand; he understood that he was viewed as someone who might be too traumatized, but the second refusal? That was unnecessary; he was perfectly fine!

" _What if I won't be allowed to go next time, either?"_ Nikolo wondered, running a little faster. It'd been eight months; he wanted to see Sasha already _"If only I had a photo at least…"_

But that would've been dangerous, he knew. That's why he'd left the one photo he had of Sasha, one also including him, Jean and Connie, behind when he left Paradis. Had it ended up in wrong hands, there would've been trouble.

" _Maybe I can get in to the next group"_ Nikolo reminded himself. Apparently, volunteers would no longer be asked for, but certainly his willingness to go the two first times would be taken in to account. He'd be a natural choice.

"You look sour today" Nikolo was startled, having not expected to hear the voice of another person. Looking behind himself, he saw that two by now very familiar faces had caught up with him "Something wrong?"

"…Just some work trouble" Nikolo said as the Eldian came to jog beside him, the other one running slightly ahead. It would have been a disturbing sight for an outsider to see, a Marleyan casually running with a pair of Eldians. Not too long ago Nikolo wouldn't have believed that he'd be doing this either, but here he was with the pair of Eldian brothers who'd he'd ran in to shortly after returning home. Ever since Nikolo had helped the other one, the younger one called Herbert, the pair had been less cautious of the soldier whenever they encountered him on their runs. Of course, they had gotten to know each other slowly. After Herbert had gotten injured, it had taken a month before Nikolo saw either of them again. When he did, the older one, Helmut was his name, had hesitantly addressed Nikolo, thanking him for the help. Herbert had joined his brother at the time, but had let the older one do most of the talking. After that, they had started to exchange verbal greetings when running in to each other. At some point, Nikolo wasn't sure exactly when, they'd actually talked to each other. Sometimes, like now, they ran together for a while, but not without precautions. If the soldier caught up with the two or the Eldians caught up with him, Herbert would always jog slightly ahead, keeping an eye out for other people. The route was mostly deserted, but if they did come across someone, Nikolo and Helmut would quickly take distance from each other to avoid getting in to trouble. What they were doing was stupid, the cook knew. The risks were simply too high, it's not like he really even knew these two, but he couldn't help himself. This was another way for him to keep from forgetting what he'd learned in Paradis.

"Troublesome boss?" Helmut asked, hastily adding: "If you don't mind me asking."

"It's fine" Nikolo assured him, knowing that despite being able to start a conversation now, Helmut was still uncomfortable with talking to a Marleyan "And you could say that. They don't seem to believe in my skills, which can get… a little frustrating."

The soldier kept his answer vague, not wanting to give away too many details. The brothers didn't even know that he was a soldier _"If they did, they'd probably do their all to avoid me."_

Helmut hummed, seeming to be thinking about it, before asking: "Is there any way for you to prove them wrong?"

"Not unless they give me an opportunity, no" the man said with a sigh "But that doesn't seem to be happening any time soon."

Nikolo saw Herbert glance at them. The man never spoke to him unless he addressed him first, and only spoke to his brother in front of Nikolo if he deemed it necessary. He was also always the one running ahead, never by the soldier's side. It didn't take a genius to figure out that the younger one was even more cautious of him than the older one. Whet ever it was because he was responsible, had more bad experiences than his brother or was simply the more pessimistic one, Nikolo didn't know.

"How about you two?" he asked, trying to keep the conversation going "Everything going alright?"

"Everything's normal, yeah" Helmut replied, and Nikolo didn't miss the fact that normal didn't automatically mean alright when it came to Eldians, but chose not to point it out. There was nothing he could do about it anyway, was there?

"Brother" Herbert spoke suddenly, tapping his left tight as the two looked at him. That was a sign that someone was coming. Picking up his space, Helmut caught up with his brother. Even if someone had seen him by Nikolo's side, it would look like they had been running side by side for a small moment just by coincidence.

Two male joggers, Marleyans, passed them, sneering at the brothers, the other one muttering something that Nikolo didn't quite hear, but what was obviously an insult. Thankfully, they didn't do more than that.

When they passed Nikolo they nodded in greeting, the cook nodding right back, not wanting to draw any attention to himself. When he was sure that the pair was out of hearing and seeing range, the cook jogged up to his earlier companions again.

"Are you two alright?" the brothers were startled by his actions once more, it was clear as day, but soon the cook got an answer, from the younger brother to his surprise "Yeah, all good."

XXXXX

"Are you okay Sasha? You've seemed a little down today" Samuel asked as they patrolled the harbor together with Connie. Smiling slightly, Sasha said: "Yeah, I'm fine."

Samuel didn't look like he believed her, and neither did Connie for that matter. She supposed her smile wasn't convincing enough "Are you sure?"

"Yeah, I just… miss people" Sasha didn't miss Connie's glance aimed her way. She was thankful he didn't say anything. Samuel was still watching her, but nodded after a while "It's been a while since your last time home, hasn't it?"

"…Yeah" Sasha said. It wasn't what she meant and she was sure Connie knew it, but there was no point in pulling Samuel in to this, especially when she was still trying to piece everything together herself.

"There will be a longer vacation for everyone stationed here soon, though, even if it might take some time to get our turns" Samuel said with a smile "They'll be long enough for all of us to visit our famili- ah."

He stopped abruptly, and Sasha knew why "Sorry Connie, I didn't mean- "

"It's fine" Connie interrupted him "I'm just gonna tag along with Sasha during the vacation anyway; I have a report to give."

"Huh?" Sasha blinked "What report?"

"Nothing official; I just promised your father to take care of you" Connie said, grinning "At least until someone else steps in to handle it officially, that is."

Samuel was stifling his laughter, Sasha realized. She frowned; there was clearly some joke here that she was not getting.

"What are you trying to say, Connie?" her frown deepened as she heard Samuel's laughter get louder "And what are _you_ laughing at?"

Samuel didn't answer her, but seemed to make no effort in stopping his laughing, either. Huffing, Sasha crossed her arms "Seriously you two, _what_?"

"Don't worry about it; it'll probably still take quite a while before I can drop this position" Connie said with a wink. Sasha tried to think about it, but couldn't piece together just what Connie was saying _"Ugh, whatever."_

"You guys are weird" Sasha said, giving up and starting to walk away, knowing that the two would follow soon. Sure enough, she heard Samuel call out: "Sasha wait, we were just joking!"

Sasha felt a small smile rise to her face as she quickened her pace, deciding to play angry. Time for _her_ to mess with _them._

XXXXX

"I'm home" Nikolo called out clearly, knowing that at this time of the night his father would most likely be at home as well. He didn't take it well when someone in the family mumbled their greetings.

"Welcome back Honey" his mother said "We've already eaten, but I'll tell the cook to heat up your dinner."

"Thank you, mother," to be honest, Nikolo had made sure to stay away long enough to miss the dinner. It's not like he didn't want to spend time with his family, but too much was just too much. And he'd lived together with them for way too long.

" _But it's not like I hope to be situated elsewhere; might make getting to Paradis harder"_ he reminded himself _"Still, getting back to the dorms would be a welcomed change."_

"So, you finally decided to show up, eh Nicky?" Ulrich asked, making Nikolo scowl. He would've been gone longer had he known his brother wanted something … fortunately, he had no time to bother Nikolo that much anymore as he had gotten married four months ago. When he was home, his new wife kept him busy. Nikolo didn't really have an opinion on his sister in law, but he was grateful to get some peace from his brother.

"What, you need me for something?" Nikolo asked, not wanting to make a scene. He was too tired for Ulrich's tricks right now.

"You have a guest" Ulrich told "Not a woman, though. Just when are you going to introduce that love of your life or whatever to us?"

Most likely never, for that was safer, but Ulrich didn't need to know that.

"Or did you get rejected already?" ignoring the jab, Nikolo asks: "Where is that guest of mine?"

"Dining room; mom probably told the cook to warm up some dinner for him, too" Ulrich said "We talked a little and apparently that guy is one those who who got back from the hell with you."

Oh great, Nikolo definitely knew who _that_ was. After all, there was only one who lived in the area besides him _and_ would bother to actually come to his house.

" _Great, just great"_ he thought with a sigh. Well, he had to get this over with before his family became concerned "Better not to keep him waiting any longer, then."

Going to the dining room, Nikolo saw Grior just like he had thought he would.

"Good evening. It's been a while" Grior wasn't normally this formal, but Nikolo knew it was because his family would most likely hear. The young cook appreciated it really; he didn't want any unnecessary trouble. Having Grior around was more than enough of that.

"Indeed" Nikolo says, sitting down "What brings you here?"

"I simply came to talk in peace since we're both so busy at work" in other words, Grior had gotten back on duty. Huh, he hadn't noticed. He also knew that it wasn't like the other man to beat around the push like this, not with him. Whatever he wanted to say was something he didn't want others to overhear. Well, if Grior wanted to keep it, whatever "it" was, between them, it was in his best interests to let the man do so "Of course; it has been quite a while since we were able to have a proper conversation."

And yet they started with meaningless small talk as they waited for their meals. While doing so, Nikolo couldn't help but wonder what his guest had come for. As far as he knew, they didn't need to work together any time soon, so he wasn't there to clear the air… not that he believed Grior would do that anyway. He had no problem with Nikolo knowing exactly what he thought of his actions. A little after they had received their meals, Nikolo came to the conclusion that it was safe to get to the point: "I think this is enough. What are you here for?"

"I heard a rumor you were trying to volunteer to go back to Paradis" Grior finally gets to the point "Drop it; don't ask anymore."

Narrowing his eyes, Nikolo asks: "And why not?"

"People are starting to get suspicious of you" Grior says, crossing his arms "It's just not _normal_ to want to go back to a place where you were held prisoner."

Nikolo had been afraid that that might happen, but he hadn't expected it to be so soon. What should he-

"Some think you want to go for revenge" Grior continues "Others that life as a free man is too overwhelming for you after all these years, that you want to return to being a prisoner. There seem to have also been a few who've hit the mark; they think you've become an Eldian sympathizer."

Out of all of them, Nikolo knew that that was the worst one if they got proof.

"There's only few of them, so you're safe _for now_ " Grior said, the annoyance clearly radiating off of him "But if you don't cut it out, it's only a matter of time before they understand the truth. And if they do, they'll also start suspecting whet ever you're the only one or not. So, drop it, if not for your then for our sakes."

Nikolo couldn't deny that Grior had a point, but even so _"I want to see Sasha. I want to see her no matter what."_

"It's about _her_ again, isn't it?" Grior asked with a sigh. He already knew the answer; the cook was sure "She makes you irrational."

" _Love_ makes people irrational" Nikolo stated. Ignoring Grior's wide eyes and slack jaw, he threw in a final jab: "Not that you'd know anything about _that_."

As Grior just stared, Nikolo started to regret his words. Maybe he should've stayed quiet; maybe he shouldn't have brought up love. Grior hadn't ratted him out so far, but now that he'd said something like that, after all this time no less-

"You… you really are serious" Grior finally managed out "It wasn't just a coping mechanism."

Swallowing, Nikolo said: "That's what I've been telling you all the time, isn't it?"

Perhaps it was stupid to say that, perhaps it would be what'd finally make Grior tell on him. With how much he'd wanted to go to Paradis and how he'd made it known, the other man's word would be trusted.

"…All the more reason for you to stop."

Nikolo blinked "What?"

"People will get suspicious if you volunteer again" Grior continued, leaning back on his chair. Massaging his temples, he said: "If you want to see her again, be _patient_ for God's sake. One wrong move and you could lose any chance of _ever_ going back to Paradis."

Now it was Nikolo's turn to just stare. Was Grior actually trying to help him, to give him advice on how to get there?

"You're wishing for her to answer your feelings, aren't you? If there're any chances of that happening, then the wait won't ruin them" Nikolo lowered his gaze, a small smile forming on his face. Yes, Grior was right. If he had a chance to begin with, making Sasha wait a little longer wouldn't destroy it; that's not the kind of person she was. As long as he could deal with his own impatient feelings, things would work out _"To think that Grior of all people would reassure me… I suppose he's not so bad after all."_

"And I doubt any other man would snatch her away from you in the meantime" hm? "I don't think there's anyone else so crazy besides you who'd go for that bitch."

" _I'll take that back"_ Nikolo thought as he glared at the man _"He's just as bad as I thought he is."_

Grior just raised an eyebrow, asking: "What? It's a good thing for you, isn't it? When there's no competition you don't have to worry about sharing."

Nikolo groaned in frustration, putting his head in his hands "Shut up… just shut up, okay?"

Grior doesn't say anything anymore, which was unexpected. Looking up after a while, Nikolo sees Grior finishing his meal like the conversation never happened. After taking the last bite, Grior says: "If that's the choice you've made then so be it; do whatever you want."

What? That wasn't like Grior; Nikolo just _knew_ there had to be a catch.

"Just don't get the rest of us involved; if it seems we'll be endangered because of you, I'll gladly throw you to the wolves before you can do the same to us" never mind, there it was "So don't mess up."

"I won't" Nikolo said. He had no way of knowing if he could keep that promise or not but, at this point, it wasn't an option to say anything else "I'll make this work."

"If you do, don't bother inviting me to the wedding" Grior jabbed "I hate that woman."

Nikolo snorted; he already knew this. Why, he could never really understand. He knew Grior hated Eldians, but his hatred for Sasha seemed to go even beyond that… sure, she could be annoying, especially to those whose job was cooking, but surely that couldn't be all there was to it.

Wanting to finally get to the bottom of it, Nikolo opened his mouth to ask Grior about it directly, but before he could someone else spoke first: "Did someone mention a wedding?"

Nikolo's head whipped around, his mind swirling as he saw Ulrich at the door. How much did he hear!?

"Not much" Ulrich replied, making Nikolo realize he'd said it out loud "Just something about "making it work." So, can I finally hear more about this mystery woman?"

"I think it's my time to leave" Grior said, rising from his seat. Nikolo knew he just didn't want to get involved, but it's not like _he_ wanted Grior to be there, either. The guy would just complicate things "Thank you for the food."

"It was a pleasure to have you over" Nikolo says, planning to buy as much time as he can before he needed to talk to his brother, but he figured Ulrich saw right through it as the older man said: "Nice try Nicky; I'm not letting you change the subject."

Nikolo froze, not knowing what to say. He cast a glare at Grior as the man said his parting words: "Have fun."

"I know I will" Ulrich answered the soldier in his brother's place. Smirking, he crossed his arms "Out with it, Nicky. I want to know _everything_."

"Too bad since I'm not telling you _anything_ " Nikolo decided to say, knowing that this way he wouldn't say something that'd come to bite him back "Good night."

"You're not getting off this easily Nicky" Ulrich said, and as Nikolo turned around in order to go to his room, he knew his brother would follow "I won't rest until I at least get her name!"

XXXXX

"C'mon, are you guys still mad?" Sasha asked from Connie and Samuel as they ate breakfast. It seemed she had taken her little joke of pretending to be upset a little too far, and now the guys were mad at _her_ "It was just a joke!"

The guys didn't answer, didn't even _look_ at her, like she wasn't even there. Were they really that mad at her?

"Oh, come on!" she yelled, frustrated as the men got up from the table without saying anything, their backs turned to her "I'm sorry, okay?!"

Her frustration was starting to turn in to worry. Samuel she could somewhat understand, but she and Connie pranked each other all the time, so if he was so mad there had to be something else to this, too. What had she missed?

" _Wait, is he crying?"_ Sasha wondered as she saw Samuel's shoulders shaking. Worry overtaking her full force, she ran up to him and put a hand on his shoulder "Samuel, you okay?"

"…Pft" Sasha blinked, wondering if she misheard. Did Samuel just laugh? "Pft… hahaha!"

"Aaw man!" Connie complained as soon as Samuel started to laugh "You ruined the joke!"

"Sorry sorry!" Samuel said, wiping his eyes as he laughed a bit too hard "I'm not as used to this as you two."

Sasha stared at them, dumbfounded, before the grins on the faces of her friends started to sink in. Those two-!

"You tricked me!" she yelled, mortified as the two laughed. Glaring at Samuel, she pointed an accusatory finger at him "And you, I was so worried about you!"

"Yeah, you were" Samuel said, patting her head "Wasn't that just cute, Connie?"

"Yeah, way too cute" Connie agreed "But Sash, you okay? You fell for it way too easily…"

"Shut up…" Sasha groaned, covering her reddening face with her hands. Just why was she friends with these jerks again…?

XXXXX

Getting to work was a relief for Nikolo. Just like he had said, Ulrich had been persistent last night. Nikolo had predicted that, for that's how his brother was, but he hadn't expected him to continue the following morning, not to mention that he'd hint about his love life not so subtly to their mother. She'd been surprised yet also seemed happy, and now Nikolo knew that in the following days she'd try to get some information from him, too. Life was just wonderful, wasn't it?

" _I'm certainly not going straight home today, either"_ Nikolo decided, but he wasn't that keen on going out for a run again, either _"I suppose I could visit Natalie and her family."_

It had been a while since he did that; little Ingrid must've grown since his last visit. Babies grew fast after all.

" _Hopefully Paul won't be home"_ he had nothing against his brother in law, but things could get awkward between them, especially if Natalie wasn't there to keep up a conversation _"How come Sasha's family was so easy to deal with compared to my own?"_

It was odd, really. He loved his family and, since he knew them better, he _should_ have had easier time dealing with them than with the Blouse family, yet that wasn't the case. _"I suppose they're just unnaturally good people…"_

That had to be it, for they didn't mind the company of a war prisoner like him at all, not to mention Sasha's parents had clearly caught on about his feelings to Sasha, yet still didn't try to keep them away from each other. And they were forgiving to the enemy soldier who had shot and almost killed their daughter, too.

" _Perhaps they're too forgiving for their own good…"_ Nikolo thought, shaking his head soon after. No, being forgiving was good. The world needed more people like them _"The world will change… slowly, but it will…"_

XXXXX

Staring at her plate, Sasha was deep in her thoughts. The food was good, there was no questioning it, and yet… she wasn't as eager to eat it as usual.

" _Nikolo made this often…"_ she recalled, remembering the taste. It wasn't too far from what she had in front of her now, but far enough to be easily remembered. And Nikolo's was better _"By the time he started making this he had already stopped looking at us with scorn… he scolded me so often, but there was no malice…"_ she glanced at the Marleyan cooks present _"Unlike with those guys…"_

Pinching the bridge of her nose, Sasha told herself not to be negative. They had made Nikolo accept them, so they could do the same with these guys. They just needed _time_ , that's all. They could do this.

" _And for once we_ do _have the time"_


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter 12**

"Vacation?" Sasha and Connie chorused as they sat across from Jean at the lunch table "Tomorrow?"

"Yeah, it's your turn" the squad leader said "Took a while, but I managed to convince the higher ups to give you two your vacation at the same time despite the fact that they'd rather keep the more experienced soldiers just an order away."

"A bit last minute, isn't it?" Connie asked, giving Sasha a glare as she tried to sneak a piece of his bread to herself. Sasha just grinned sheepishly before returning her attention back to Jean. The man shrugged, saying: "Yeah, I delayed informing you guys 'till I was sure you could go together."

"Well damn" Connie said with a grin, and Sasha was sure she was had a similar expression "We better start packing, eh Sash?"

"You bet!" Sasha answered "Last one ready to leave owes the other a dinner!"

"Wha!?" Connie said, but Sasha paid him no mind as she was busy wolfing down her lunch "Fine, you're on!"

Sasha knew she'd finish eating first; there was no question about it. She'd get a head start.

"You two do realize that you still need to work _today_ , right?" Jean asked, making Sasha freeze. She looked up to see his deadpan face, staring at the two of them. She looked at Connie, who was also looking at her, before they both grinned sheepishly "Oops…"

"You two never change…"

XXXXX

Nikolo had a day off for once, but at the moment he really wished he didn't. Eating lunch with his mother, sister in law and grandfather, he had to deal with the group pestering him about his love life.

"Mother, could you please stop?" he asks once more "You're getting ahead of things."

He would rather not talk about this with them _at all_ , but at this point he knew he had to say _something_ , otherwise it would seem way too suspicious.

"Of course, honey, I'm sorry" his mother said "It's just so nice to hear that you're moving forward in your life after- "she paused, looking troubled "…everything that happened."

Nikolo didn't say anything, not knowing how to fix the situation. If his mother knew the truth, she'd break down… should he pretend that he'd made a move and it all went south? He could do that later if they continued prying…

"There's no reason for you to hurry" his grandfather spoke. The man had been quiet most of the conversation, so Nikolo wasn't sure what he thought of all this "If the feelings are mutual, things will work out."

" _That's pretty much what Grior said"_ Nikolo thought, avoiding eye contact with his grandfather as he ate _"Why am I getting advice from the guy who hates Sasha and a man who doesn't even know her?"_

"It would be nice to have more people around the house…" his sister in law trailed off, making Nikolo almost choke on his food. He heard his grandfather laugh before chastising the fresh family member: "Adele, you're getting way ahead of things."

"Of course, I'm sorry" Adele said, and as Nikolo calmed down, he could see her looking down, embarrassed "Forgive me brother."

"It's fine, really" Nikolo managed to say. He wasn't exactly used to her calling him "brother" yet. Getting an idea on how to change the subject, he allowed a smirk to appear on his face as he said: "But if you want more people to the house, shouldn't you take that subject up with your husband, hm?"

"Nikolo!" his mother hissed, but Nikolo paid it no mind as his grandfather laughed and his furiously blushing sister in law fidgeted in her seat. He had managed to redirect the attention to someone else than himself, so all was fine.

" _Hopefully Ulrich won't get too pissed about this"_

XXXXX

"Vacation! The word has such a nice ring to it, doesn't it?" Connie asked Sasha as they sat down for dinner with Samuel and Jean sitting across from them.

"You bet" Sasha said, adding before digging to her food "Not as nice ring as "dinner", though!"

She heard snickering, and Sasha didn't need to look to know that it was all three guys sitting with her that did it. Jerks.

"You're both having your vacations now?" Samuel asked. To Sasha, he sounded a little disappointed "Too bad I'm in the group that'll have their vacation after yours; we could've done something together."

"It can't be helped; you're now stuck with just Jean" Sasha said, ignoring Jean's "Hey" of protest "But if you're lucky maybe Mikasa will stop by or something while we're gone."

"If Mikasa stops by, Jean's just gonna try to hock all her attention anyway" Connie said, wiggling his eyebrows. Sasha saw Jean just roll his eyes; guess he was really over it by now. Samuel, looking thoughtful, said to everyone's surprise: "But that's over, isn't it? I mean, Jean, I spotted you making out with one of the MPs."

"You what!?" Sasha yelled in unison together with Connie and Jean, though the later was clearly just horrified for being caught "The hell you spying me for!?"

"So it's true!?" Connie asked "Who- what- when!? Who!?"

Sasha's jaw hung open. She had been pretty sure Jean was over Mikasa, but she hadn't expected him to actually have someone else already, not to mention someone in the MPs.

" _Hang on, MPs?"_ Sasha thought, starting to tick off a list of female MPs that they had worked with more closely at some points and who were of suitable age. There weren't many and when she thought about the people Jean had actually ever seemed close with, one name left her lips without really thinking: "Hitch!"

"Hitch? No way!" Connie said with a laugh, but Sasha ignored him, gaze focusing on Jean's face that was rapidly reddening. Seeming to follow her gaze, Connie asked: "…Yes way?"

"It's Hitch" Sasha said, getting more and more sure of it "It is, isn't it? I know it is."

"…" Jean didn't answer, refusing to look at the two. Samuel looked amused, apparently deciding to let her and Connie do the scorching of the squad leader. Sasha wasn't going to waste the opportunity "Well aren't you guys a cute couple."

"We're not- "

"Jean and Hitch, sitting in a tree- "Connie started, and Sasha didn't hesitate to join in "-Kissi-"

"Alright, enough!" Jean hissed, slamming his hands on the table and shutting the duo up as well as laughing Samuel, earning a few curious looks while he did "Both of you shut up and keep this to yourselves, or I swear I'll spread around all of your embarrassing secrets that I've ever come to know!"

Sasha blinked. This wasn't like Jean. Sure, he tended to get mad about their teasing, but never to this level. What did she and Connie not know?

Confused, she followed Jean's gaze that now landed on Samuel. Holding his hands up, the man said: "Sorry, didn't know it was a sore subject. I won't say anything to anyone, either."

That seemed to be enough for Jean as he sat back down, continuing his dinner. The others did as well, but Sasha couldn't help but feel a little less hungry now. The mood was ruined, and she had no idea why. Just what had happened between Jean and Hitch?

XXXXX

Ulrich really hadn't taken his comment all that well, so Nikolo had fled the house by going on a run, in order to avoid dealing with his brother. As he ran, his mind trailed off to a certain memory of another troublesome person on its own accord.

 _Flashback starts_

 _Nikolo didn't like Eren Yeager. At all. He never had, but since the coup stunt, he pulled a few years back, Nikolo's opinion of him had hit the rock bottom and stayed there. That's why he was annoyed as hell when the guy arrived to his kitchen, simply leaning against the counter as he watched the cook work. After a while, Nikolo became annoyed and just asked: "What?"_

" _You always spend a lot of time with Sasha" Eren finally says "Why is that?"_

 _Was Eren really that dense? Somehow, Nikolo doubted it. He was probably trying to get him to say something wrong. He wasn't going to give the founding titan what he wanted, but not saying anything could get him in trouble, too. He had to tread carefully._

" _She is decent company" he finally said, considering it neutral enough. He considered adding "unlike some people" but decided against it; it'd just get him in trouble._

" _In what room?" Eren asks, making Nikolo cut himself as he drops the potato he was peeling. Ignoring the cut, he turns to glare at Eren "Excuse me?"_

" _You heard me" Eren says, not taking his eyes off of Nikolo "I've seen the way you look at her._ Everyone's _seen the way you look at her."_

 _Nikolo narrows his eyes, but says nothing, sure that Eren will continue. And he does: "I can't say I approve, but what Sasha does is her business. Even so, don't think I won't keep an eye on you."_

" _You'll be dead in less than two years" the words slip from Nikolo's mouth before he can stop himself, and as soon as they do, he fears that he may have crossed a line. However, Eren just raises an eyebrow, asking: "You think that'll stop me?"_

" _What?"_

" _My successor has been chosen. While there is no blood connection between us, some of my memories and ideals will still be passed down. And I assure you, the desperate need to protect my squad will be on top of that list. My successor_ will _keep an eye on you." Nikolo can see the lines appearing on Eren's face, knowing that it means he might be losing his cool soon. He had to defuse the situation before the whole place blew up! "I have no intention of hurting Sasha" he pauses "Or any of the rest of them, either."_

" _You better be telling the truth; for your own sake if nothing else" Eren says as he stands up straighter. Nikolo tenses, but notices that instead of coming over, the Eldian just leaves "Just remember: there are eyes on you."_

 _Flashback ends_

" _I don't think those eyes can reach this place, though"_ Nikolo thinks, quickening his space. But he also thinks that when he'll return to Paradis, Eren's warning won't be empty _"One wrong move and that woman will have my head."_

Fortunately, he got along with the current Founding Titan well enough, not that they'd talked often or anything. Sasha had simply introduced them at one point when the two visited the restaurant, he supposed it was seven or so years ago. After that, he'd only met her on a few occasions, including the times after she had inherited Eren's power.

" _I can't even remember her name…"_ Nikolo realized. Well, it's not like it mattered. He was going to handle everything in a way that the Founding Titan would have nothing to complain about, so if he ever encountered her again, there'd be no problems.

First, he just had to get to Paradis.

XXXXX

"Should I be the only one to go?" Connie asked as he and Sasha stood outside of Jean's room, his fist ready to knock "He might be more comfortable talking about this among guys…"

"If that's the case then I'll leave" Sasha said "But I want to hear it from Jean himself."

She also wanted to know what about the things they'd said had gone too far, so far that Jean had lost his cool the way he had. And since it had upset him so much, she had to apologize properly even if they didn't find out the reason why.

"Yeah, you're right" Connie said, knocking on the door. Sasha held her breath, her sharp ears hearing Jean's footsteps nearing the door. As Jean opened the door, looking no different from usual even when he saw them, Sasha allowed herself to breathe again.

"What's up guys?" he asks "Are you already leaving today?"

"Nah, tomorrow" Connie said. Sasha hoped that he'd be the one to get to the point "Say… do you want to talk about what happened at dinner?"

Jean looked at them for a while, not seeming to get it, but soon the slight widening of his eyes told Sasha that he had caught on… but would he be willing to talk?

"That's…" Jean started, looking down. Sighing, he continued: "I suppose you deserve an explanation after my outburst."

He stepped aside, holding the door open. Connie entered first, and Sasha followed right after. Looking around, she noted that Jean kept his small room in a way better order than she kept hers. Well, not that surprising. As long as her room wasn't messier than Connie's, she could live with it.

Jean closed the door, walking over to his bed with his head in his hands. Sasha supposed it was worse than she had originally thought. She and Connie looked at each other, before nodding. Sasha sat on the desk chair the wrong way while Connie took a seat on the bed, but not too close to Jean. The two waited. Being silent around people wasn't easy for Sasha, but even she knew when it was not her place to speak first… most of the time, at least.

"It started a few years back, me and Hitch I mean" Sasha almost, _almost_ interrupted him, wanting to ask why they were only hearing this now if it had been that long. And judging from the look on Connie's face, he was thinking the same. Fortunately, they both managed to keep their mouths shut.

"It was the anniversary of retaking wall Maria; we were both pretty drunk" Jean paused, still not looking at them "But I… was more sober than she was."

Uh oh, this did _not_ sound good. Just what had Jean done!? Now Sasha really had to know; as his friend and, more importantly, as _Hitch's_ friend, she had the responsibility to sock him if he had done something too indecent. Or beat him to a bulb with Connie if-

" _No no, this is Jean we're talking about"_ she thought, fighting the instinct to shake her head _"The most indecent thing he'd ever do to a woman is to start playing with her hair without permission or something; he has a hair fetish after all… or was that just about Mikasa?"_

"She was really down that night, mourning Marlowe" obviously "I respected the guy, and so many others were lost as well, so of course I was down too…"

"We drank. She was constantly complaining, crying, talking about the past… and yet, she managed to drink more than me. Way more in fact; I have no idea how she did it" Jean said "In the end, it was up to me to take her to the barracks. She was still able to walk on her own, but she didn't want to go back. Said something about going out to party, and since I thought it'd be dangerous in her condition, I decided to walk her to her room. But…"

Sasha waited, making sure not to rush Jean.

"On the way there, she kissed me. I was stunned, but ended up kissing her back. And…" Jean paused, but Sasha had a feeling she knew what he'd say "It didn't end there."

Just as she thought. She knew what Jean was implying, but didn't see what the problem was. Hitch had started it, right? Therefore, Jean had done nothing wrong. This was Hitch anyway; she would've surely told him to stop had she not wanted to. So why was he so ashamed?

"She was drunk… and she was mourning, so isn't it like I took advantage of her?" ah, so that's what Jean was worried about. Well, they were _both_ drunk, but since Hitch had been mourning her lost love… Sasha honestly didn't know what she should feel about this. All she knew was that Jean had done nothing wrong on purpose, at least.

"But this wasn't the only time you guys did something, right?" Connie asked. Sighing, Jean muttered: "No"

"Was she drunk on all those times?"

"No"

"Were _you_ drunk?"

"…No"

"Was she mourning those other times as well?" now Jean looked up at him before saying: "No."

"Then you've done nothing wrong" Connie said with a shrug, and Sasha had to agree "If she didn't want to, she wouldn't have done it again."

Sasha agreed with that too. Had it been a mistake in Hitch's eyes, she would've simply asked Jean to forget it all. That's the kind of person she was; she would've just laughed it off.

"Well, that's the logical way of looking at it" Jean said, looking down again "But these things aren't usually logic bound."

"Which is why you should go along with whatever it is that you feel" Connie paused " _Do you_ feel something? For Hitch, I mean."

Sasha leaned forward, eager to hear the answer. Since they apparently hadn't told anyone, they might be just fooling around, but one could never know. She, though, really wanted to find out.

"Well…" Jean hesitated "Yeah."

A grin split Sasha's face, and she could see the same happened with Connie. She supposed it was good Jean wasn't looking at them anymore; he would've gotten annoyed.

"So… what's stopping you from making a move? Ya know, making things be more than… umm… casual making out?" Sasha asked, leaning forward even more in her chair.

Jean snorted, and Sasha knew it was for the words she had used. But what else could she call something like that?

"… _I really should know more about these things by this age"_ she thought, hoping that her embarrassment didn't show.

"I brought it up to Hitch once" Jean said, shrugging "But she laughed it off, saying that I shouldn't be so serious. She seemed a little embarrassed so I left it at that; I don't want to make her uncomfortable."

"…" Sasha didn't know what to say to that. Knowing Hitch, she probably really was uncomfortable and didn't want to talk so that things wouldn't get difficult. But was that really okay? All this was making Jean uncomfortable after all…

"You know, when we met I never thought I'd say something like this, but you really need to think of yourself sometimes, too" Connie said, and Jean looked up again "I get it that you worry for Hitch, but there's a limit to how much you should allow yourself to take."

"He's right!" Sasha agreed since it looked like Jean was about to object "You used to be such a jerk, but these days you're almost _too_ kind. You need to take care of yourself, too!"

"…Sometimes it's hard to know if you two are trying to cheer me up or put me down" Jean said, but he was smiling, so Sasha had no doubt that he knew what they meant. Taking a deep breath, the squad leader said: "Thanks guys."

"Not a problem!" Connie said "We'll be here whenever you need us, right Sasha?"

"Sure thing!" Sasha cheered, making the mistake of raising her legs from the floor as she did, causing the chair she was heavily leaning on to start tipping over. Flailing her arms, she tries desperately to keep her balance "Woah woah woah!"

"Sasha!" Jean and Connie chorused, both getting up to catch her, but in the end, the female soldier ended up falling down on the floor along with her chair just before her friends could grab her "Ow…"

"You okay?" Connie asked. Sasha rubbed her head a bit before pulling herself up "Yeah…"

"Sometimes it's hard to believe that someone that clumsy is one of our elite soldiers…" Jean said with a smirk, making Sasha pout as she glared up at him.

"She's not clumsy" Connie said. Sasha knew she could always count on- "These things happen because she's an idiot."

"Am not!" Sasha yelled, flustered. She had thought Connie would fend for her. That jerk! "You're the biggest moron here! Right, Jean?"

"That's what I would've said in our training days" Jean says with a shrug "But these days, I'm not all that sure."

"Jerk!"

"Yeah, jerk!" Connie chorused and they both glared at Jean who just looks at them, unimpressed.

"Really? After all these years, that's the best you can come up with?" Sasha was about snap at him, but couldn't come up with a good comeback. She glanced at Connie, but he was tongue tied, too "C'mon, even Historia can insult people better than that!"

"Yeah well, she was taught by Ymir" Sasha defended "So it's only natural!"

"But you were with them a lot, too" Jean pointed out "And Connie, with how much Ymir always provoked you, one would think you would've learned a thing or two."

Sasha looked at Connie, who looked right back at her. Connie was also the first one to smirk, but once he did, Sasha knew exactly what he was thinking.

" _I'm in!"_ Sasha thought, smirking back before they both turned to face Jean again, the smirks still on their faces. Jean knew them both well enough; she could see him tense. Well, no matter; he'd still gone too far. It was his turn to be on the receiving end.

"Attack!" Connie yelled, tackling Jean before the man could properly react. Sasha dove for the bed, grabbing Jean's pillow before going over to the man and beating him with it as Connie held him down.

"Oh c'mon!" Jean protested as he tried to guard himself against Sasha's attacks "Aren't we too old for this already?!"

"Never!" the two chorused again, laughing all the while. It was moments like these that made Sasha forget everything else, forget all the worries.

While she knew it was impossible, she hoped things would always be like this.

XXXXX

" _Sometimes a good run really does do wonders"_ Nikolo thought as he walked back home, ready to deal with his family again. He had cooled down his head and wouldn't mess up, he was sure _"Hm? Is that Herbert?"_

He went a little closer and sure enough, he saw the familiar Eldian. After that, he also spotted Helmut and two other men with armbands.

" _Strange… this isn't the wealthiest area yet, but wealthy enough that it's very rare to see Eldians around… what's going on?"_ Nikolo knew that the safest thing to do would be to pretend that he hadn't seen a thing. However, his curiosity got the best of him, so he walked over to the group. Another one of the Eldians he didn't know noticed him first "Can we help you, sir?"

"Simply wondering what are Eldians doing in a place like this" Nikolo said. He might have needed to choose his words more carefully, but he hoped that the brothers knew him well enough by now to know that he was simply keeping up appearances "Well?"

Of course, the other three had turned to him as well by now. His friends, was it okay to call them that, he wondered, looked startled, but they were smart enough not to say anything.

"We were simply making a delivery, sir" the Eldian he didn't know said "Heavy furniture, so a bigger group was needed."

It made sense; it wasn't all that rare to leave physical labor to Eldians and they didn't need to be paid as much… but something about this didn't sit well with Nikolo, though he couldn't put a finger on what was wrong. Was he just being suspicious out of habit?

"I see" that had to be it "Don't loiter around, then."

"We won't, sir" the Eldian spoke again. Before Nikolo turned to continue on his way, he caught the nervous looks Helmut and Herbert gave each other.

Something was up after all.


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter 13**

"And off we go!" Connie yelled as he and Sasha got their horses to move "What a timing, too; we really needed to get away from the captain anyway."

"I suppose the racket we made yesterday was a bit too much" Sasha agreed "Poor Jean; with us gone, the captain might focus all of his anger on him."

"No kidding, but better him than us" Connie said "Besides, Hanji needs him so much that she won't give Levi the time to bother Jean too much."

"Yeah, you're right" Sasha said, shuddering as a certain thought surfaced "Unless the captain decides to mess with _both_ of them."

Connie laughed.

"Maybe later, but he won't risk bothering Hanji now with all the Marleyans around" he said "As long as there's a chance of things going wrong, they will have each other's backs."

He was right, Sasha knew. Levi and Hanji would always back each other up, no matter what.

" _I suppose they're bit like us…"_ she frowned in thought _"Or with how much they sometimes throw jabs at each other, like us and Jean."_

"Hey Sash" Connie suddenly started again, getting her attention. Sasha turned to face him, wanting her friend to know she was listening. Connie continued: "You probably don't want to hear this, but- "

That was never a good sign.

"-You shouldn't get your hopes up about the next ship full of Marleyans."

Oh

"I know" Sasha said "I know he probably won't be there, but… there's still a chance that he will, and I hope he will" she paused, her voice quieting "Is that… wrong?"

"No" Connie said. He kept his eyes ahead as he said: "I just don't want you to get hurt. After all, Nikolo might not- "

"He'll come back" Sasha cut Connie off before he could finish. When the guy gave her a look, she continued: "He will; he promised."

Connie stared at her for a while more before turning away again, saying: "Even if he _wants_ to come back, who says they'll _let_ him?"

Sasha couldn't answer that. Sure, it had crossed her mind a few times too, but she'd always brushed it off, sure that Nikolo would find a way.

" _He will, he promised."_

XXXXX

" _I should look at things from a different ankle"_ Nikolo thought as he did his pushups _"What other ways are there to get to Paradis aside from the groups that go there every three months?"_

One option would be to go up the ranks and eventually be stationed there, but that would take too long and even then, there'd be no guarantee he'd get there. Aside from that…

…

He came out empty. At least, when it came to legal means, but he wasn't going to break any laws for this. He'd most likely fail and, worst case scenario, get other people in big trouble along with himself.

" _If I could get in to a unit that supervises our Eldian soldiers…"_ he quickly dismissed the idea. He might actually be able to do it, but the Eldian troops wouldn't be sent to Paradis in order to avoid conspiracies so it was no good. Plus, they were often in the front lines, so if a war broke out somewhere again, he'd end up there along with them. He knew it was a part of being a soldier, but he'd still prefer to avoid that _"I've had my fair share of the front line already."_

What else was there? Should he just wait and see? He had become a rather patient person during his time on Paradis, but when it came to Sasha…

 _Flashback starts_

" _What do you mean I can't go in!?" Nikolo yelled right at the face of an MP who was keeping up order around the hospital. The man just sneered, saying: "You think I don't know who you are? Like hell I'm going to let a_ Marleyan _anywhere near sick and wounded fellow Eldians!"_

" _I have no intention of harming anyone!" Nikolo protested, trying to make the man see his point "I just want to check on someone!"_

" _Check on someone? And then kill them if they aren't in a bad enough condition?" the man sneered, making Nikolo grit his teeth. No, he had to stay calm, he'd get in trouble otherwise. And if he did, then they certainly wouldn't let him see Sasha._

" _I am_ not _going to hurt anyone" he said once more, trying his best to keep his anger in check "I just want to see that she's alright. Just a short moment, that's all I'm asking!"_

" _Not a chance" the MP said "Now get lost before I throw you out!"_

" _But- "Nikolo couldn't finish as the angry MP took him by the collar, pulling him close, making him flinch. The Marleyan was actually pretty convinced that he could take this man on, but he didn't want to do so unless his life was in danger, for he'd just get in trouble with the rest of the soldiers if he harmed this one._

" _Enough already" said the older man "They don't teach manners in Marley, do they? I suppose it's up to us Eldians to handle the task!"_

 _Nikolo saw him raise his hand, and while it did frighten him to_ not _fight back, he simply shielded his face and prepared for the blow. However, it never came. Lowering his arms, Nikolo saw someone holding the MP's hand back. Following the long arm with his gaze, he came face to face with Jean._

" _What is the meaning of this?" the scout asked, letting go only after the other soldier released Nikolo._

" _This_ Marleyan _here thinks he can just walk in to a hospital to harm our comrades" he answered with a sneer "I think we might need to reduce the amount of war prisoners for safety reasons since one even managed to get all the way here."_

 _Nikolo's blood ran cold; that was a death threat if he'd ever heard one. But Jean was here, so he'd have his back, right? At the very least, the guy wouldn't just let him get killed… right?_

" _That's a bit of an overreaction, don't you think?" the scout asked, stepping between the two of them "I'll take care of this; just ignore that you saw him."_

 _The man looked about to object, but apparently, Jean had more authority than Nikolo had given him the credit for, for the MP actually did as the younger soldier told._

" _Come with me" Nikolo didn't even consider to protest as Jean led him away. After making a few turns, the scout spoke: "I take it you came to see Sasha?"_

" _Onyankopon told me what happened" he said, swallowing "Is she still…?"_

" _She's alive" Jean answered, and Nikolo sighed in relief. That relief, however, was short lived as the man continued: "Her condition is stable, but she hasn't woken up since losing consciousness back at the airship. We don't know when she'll wake up, or if…"_

 _Jean didn't need to finish, Nikolo knew what he was getting at, but he refused to think about it. Sasha was strong; she'd pull through. She'd be bothering him in his kitchen again in no time._

" _Can I see her?" he asked "I just- "_

" _I know" Jean interrupted "And yeah, you can. I'll take you there."_

 _Flashback ends_

Nikolo shudders as the image of Sasha laying in the bed completely unmoving returns to his mind. He doesn't want to see something like that again, ever. And now with the war over, he probably wouldn't need to, either.

" _It's okay; she's safe"_ he reminded himself _"I have plenty of time to find a way back to her."_

XXXXX

"Life is great!" Sasha cheered as she came back from her solo hunting trip. Her parents had gone to town, Claus was studying something and Connie was fixing up the fence with Kaya. She had offered to stay and help, but the two had insisted that they had it covered. It's not like Sasha suspected that, but part of her was sure they'd refused her help only because they'd seen how eager she had been to go hunting. She felt a little guilty.

" _I wonder if they're done already?"_ after putting away her haul, Sasha decided to go check. Rounding a corner, she saw Kaya sitting on the now fixed fence and Connie resting on the ground. They hadn't noticed her yet, so maybe she could give them a little scare?

"Has there been any sign of mister Nikolo?" the mention of Nikolo made Sasha falter and she stayed rooted to the spot, listening in.

"No, but it's been only eight months, so it's possible that he'll show up someday" Connie said. It was quiet for a moment and Sasha couldn't see their faces. She frowns as Kaya says: "You… don't think he actually will, don't you?"

"I'm not getting my hopes up" Connie said without missing a beat, much to Sasha's shock. Hadn't Connie also become friends with Nikolo…? "But for Sasha's sake, I hope he will."

"For sis's sake?"

"C'mon Kaya, you're not stupid" Connie said, sitting up. Sasha hid behind the corner a bit better as he did "He's, or at least he was, in love with Sasha and, while Sasha doesn't seem to have noticed it herself, she's also in love with him."

What? She _what!?_ Is that what Connie thought!?

" _But it could be true"_ Sasha thought, her face heating up. Yes, she might be, she really might be… but how come Connie noticed it before even she did? She's not stupid when it came to these things; she wasn't that dense!

"Yeah, I know" Kaya said, giving Sasha another shock "Sis is surprisingly naïve about these things when they are about herself."

" _Am not… or am I?"_

"About herself, huh…" Connie muttered, but Sasha heard it. Barely "Has she picked up on something about _you_ , then?"

Sasha still couldn't see their faces, but she could imagine the smirk that was surely now on Connie's. But would Kaya be blushing or would she be able to keep a poker face? She wasn't sure.

"Wha-what?" oh boy, she stuttered. Definitely blushing, then "Well… that's…"

"Oo so there is someone!" Connie cheered, standing up before throwing his arm over Kaya's shoulders "C'mon, you can tell me! I promise not to tell, especially not to Sasha!"

Sasha doesn't hear Kaya answer; she probably isn't saying anything.

" _Maybe I should go stop him; Connie can get pretty intense when he finds a new target to mess with"_ Sasha thought, sweat dropping _"Well, I suppose we're both like that."_

Wanting to save her sister from further embarrassment, Sasha started to march towards the duo.

"Boo!" she yelled as she slammed her hands on to Connie's shoulder, causing both him and Kaya to yelp right before they scurried away from her. Sasha laughed, glad that her little surprise had gone even better than she had expected it to.

"What the hell Sasha!?" Connie yelled "That's not nice!"

Sasha ignored him, too busy laughing, holding her stomach as she was about to double over. A good laugh was really something she needed.

"Aren't you a little too old for this, sis?" Kaya asked, looking at Sasha with an unimpressed face. Sasha, finally getting her laughter under control, simply shrugged "One's never too old for a prank or two."

"I'm with you on that one" Connie said, throwing his arm around Sasha's shoulders this time "But isn't it about time you stopped pranking _me_?"

"Never" Sasha says with a laugh "If I see an opportunity, I'll use it."

"Oh yeah?" Connie says, starting to mess with Sasha's hair, ignoring her protests "In that case I'll be doing the same!"

"You two are such children" Kaya says, but Sasha can hear no malice in her tone. Glancing away from her struggle with Connie, she can see the girl smiling "Yeah well, Connie's been a bad example over the years."

"Me?" Connie said with a dramatic gasp, hands over his heart "What makes you think it's me and not _you_ who is a bad example to _me_?"

"If _I_ was the bad example, _Kaya_ would be like us" Sasha says, pointing at the young woman in question, who just blinks back.

"…Fair enough" Connie admits, suddenly smirking "That reminds me, we were in the middle of an interesting talk before you showed up. Start talking, Kaya!"

"What? No" Kaya says, taking a step back "I'm not telling you two anything."

"Leave her alone, Connie" Sasha says "We'll find out if she gets some results, right Kaya?"

"You heard us?" Kaya asks, making Connie go pale. Carefully looking at Sasha, he asks: "How much did you hear?"

"A lot" Sasha says, knowing why Connie reacts the way he does. He's about to say something, but Sasha interrupts him: "It's fine, really" no it wasn't; what he'd said hurt. But- "I know that, sometimes, it's really hard to trust people."

Especially for Connie. All his hardships had made the guy rather skeptical about everything and everyone… well, almost everyone. He still seemed to have full faith in her and Jean.

"It's not that I don't _want_ to trust him. But- "

"I know Connie, I know" Sasha assured. Wanting to lighten the mood, she crossed her arms and said: "What _I_ don't trust is you not spreading any rumors about my so-called love life!"

"What?" Connie said, probably trying to sound sincere but failing miserably as he continued: "I'd never- "

"Bullshit" Sasha cut him off "If you want to pry about someone's love life, go see what the captain's up to!"

"Even I know that's a terrible idea" Kaya cut in "You'd get in trouble."

"Yeah, I would" Connie agreed, laying a hand on Kaya's shoulder "Your sister is horrible, trying to get me in to trouble like that!"

Normally, Sasha would've said something back but right now, there was one thing that distracted her… was that a _blush_ she saw on Kaya's face?

" _No, it's just a trick of light"_ she decided, shrugging as she finally decided to give Connie a reply: "I'm sure he has more of a love life than _you_ do."

"You wound my heart" Connie said before dramatically collapsing on the ground. Sasha laughed along with Kaya, realizing that she'd gotten in the last word this time.

" _Sometimes life is just so nice"_

XXXXX

" _Sometimes life just sucks"_ Nikolo thought as he opened the front door to his house, already in a foul mood. Some of the soldiers that had been sent to Paradis around three months ago had just gotten back to their base, and the whole place was filled with their stories of the "horrifying devils." Of course, by now, he had enough self-control to not let any unnecessary words slip. However, he wasn't all that sure about his face and body language, especially the later. What if his behavior gave away what he really thought? One slipup wouldn't do that much harm as long as it wasn't in front of completely wrong people, but…

" _No, calm down"_ he told himself _"Don't think about it too much; it's not like you've already messed up."_

Or at least, he thought he hadn't. At this point, he couldn't bring himself to say for sure.

"Are you ready to tell me about that woman yet?"

Oh yeah, he'd definitely messed up already. Fortunately, though, he'd only done it at home.

"Just drop it" he really wasn't in the mood to deal with this. Ulrich, however, didn't let it go.

"Don't say that, at least tell me _something_ " his brother said, starting to follow him as he headed for the kitchen "I'm not asking for her name, just one or two details… how did you two meet each other? What does she do for living? How does she look like? C'mon, answer those and I'll leave you alone, I swear!"

"Aren't we way too old to tease each other about women?" Nikolo asked instead of answering. They'd done this as teenagers, which pretty much meant up until Nikolo left for Paradis, but that was so long ago.

"…With how long you were away, it's easy to forget how much time has passed" Nikolo turned to look at Ulrich in surprise, wondering if he'd heard right. For a split second, he saw a sad smile on his brother's face before it turned back to the earlier mischievous smile "Alright Nicky, I want my answers!"

…Maybe he should give them. The answers to those questions wouldn't give off too much after all, not as long as he kept it vague.

"Fine" he snapped as they got to the kitchen "We met through work and as for how she looks like, well, stunning to put it simply. Happy now?"

"No way" Ulrich said with a grin "I want more details!"

Nikolo glared at him as he moved about to heat up his dinner, saying: "You promised you'd drop it."

"To think that you believed it" he said smugly, crossing his arms "More info. Now"

"Here's some info for you" Nikolo snapped as he slammed the oven hatch closed "I'd much rather be with her now than with you!"

"Way to state the obvious, Nicky" Ulrich said. Nikolo wasn't watching, but he was convinced that the man was rolling his eyes "And? Where is she now?"

"…." where indeed. Inland, training? Negotiating something with stuck up MPs? On some important mission? Border control? Or perhaps with her family, having a vacation? "I have no idea."

Ulrich kept his mouth shut after that.

XXXXX

Dinner was fun; things got livelier with Connie around. That might also be why her father had situated Connie on the other end of the table than _her;_ to avoid more trouble.

" _He should realize that the table isn't_ that _big"_ she mused _"We could easily start trouble like this if we wanted to."_

Not that she was planning to do that… at least not yet. She and Connie might arrange some pranks for their last night here, though.

"Can someone pass the bread?" Claus asked.

"Sure" Kaya said, reaching out for the bread basket, accidentally touching Connie's hand as he was also reaching out for it "Sorry."

This time Sasha knew she wasn't imagining it; there was clearly a blush on Kaya's face now, having appeared there as her and Connie's hands touched.

" _No way… seriously?!"_ she thought, her jaw hanging open as she stared at the place where the basket had been in just a moment ago in disbelief. Was she overanalyzing this, or could it really be that-

"Sasha honey, what's wrong?" her mother asked, snapping her out of her thoughts. Snickering, Connie said: "You'll swallow a fly at that rate."

Sasha huffed as she closed her mouth, taking a turn at glaring at everyone as they laughed. It wasn't that funny.

XXXXX

Nikolo had been called to meet up with his superior privately, making his mind go in turmoil. It took a lot of effort from him to not to let it show on his face, but he thought he'd managed. Still, what was this about? Had he messed up? Had Grior told on him? Had _someone else_ told on him?

" _No, maybe I'm being called over for something good"_ he tried to be optimistic _"Maybe I was called over to inform me that I'll be on the next ship going to Paradis."_

That'd be great and, in fact, didn't sound impossible. Maybe that was it.

Now much calmer, Nikolo knocked on his superior's door with a steady hand. Getting the order to come in, he did just that.

"Sir" he greeted, saluting.

"At ease, soldier" the man said from behind his desk "How have you adjusted to normal life?"

"Well, sir, or so I believe" Nikolo answers, no longer standing in attention but reminding himself to be humble _"But not too humble or he'll see that I'm nervous."_

"I'm glad to hear that; some of your brothers in arms have resigned from the military and other still haven't been able to return to service" his superior officer says, looking at him with a piercing gaze "And most of those who have returned to service are still having some nightmares, among other things. How about you, any nightly terrors bothering you?"

"…Sometimes, sir" Nikolo confessed. It'd do no harm as long as he didn't need to go to details "But they're getting rarer."

He wasn't so sure if that was a good thing, though. The nightmares were a good reminder of the things he'd done wrong and what he wanted to change about himself. He was afraid that losing them could lead to him losing his way.

"Good to hear" the officer says, his gaze landing on some papers on his desk "Especially since you've been requesting to return to the field twice now. Eager to return to your duties fully, I see."

"Yes sir" Nikolo had a hard time keeping his poker face. Could it be he was really getting a permission to return to Paradis now?

"But why Paradis? You've been stating your desire to go there specifically" of course, he'd seen that question coming "Is there something there you want to do?"

"That is one way to put it, sir" in a way, he didn't even need to lie for this. What he was about to say was another, small part of wanting to go back "I want to see the ones I saw as a prisoner again, this time from equal grounds where they can't treat me as they please. I believe that being face to face with them as equals will bring a closure to everything and help me move on."

 _And_ he wanted to apologize the way he treated everyone when he first met them, this time from equal grounds so no one would suspect he was just trying to please them to save his own skin. Not that Sasha did, he was sure. Everyone else though, he couldn't help but suspect… maybe Connie trusted him. Jean probably, too. But Mikasa? Armin? He highly doubted that… he didn't believe in having Hanji's trust either, and Levi was definitely out of the question. As were all the MPs and other soldiers he'd gone around poisoning. He had to apologize from the few that were left, assuming he'd have the chance to see them… though in all honesty, the cowardly side of him hoped he didn't.

"I can understand the idea" Nikolo sensed a but here "But are you really ready for it?"

"Yes" Nikolo said, having decided not to hesitate "I am sure that I am ready."

"Confidence is good" the man says with a nod, and this time Nikolo was sure he had nailed it, but- "And yet it can be deadly when misplaced."

It's not like he disagreed, but his confidence _wasn't_ misplaced.

"I do believe you're ready to return to the field" again, Nikolo got his hopes up "But sending you to Paradis would be too risky, so you'll be stationed elsewhere."

Damn it, he should've known it wouldn't be that easy. But if he disagreed now, getting to Paradis would take even longer.

"Dissatisfied, soldier?"

"In all honesty sir, I am a little disappointed, for I believe I could do more than what people think" he said, adding quickly but not too hastily "But orders are orders and as a soldier I am happy to follow them."

"Excellent" the man said "You'll be leaving next week. Dismissed."

"Yes sir" Nikolo said, saluting before leaving the office. It would take quite a while before he got back to Paradis; it was clearer than ever. But he wasn't one to give up.

XXXXX

Sasha was cleaning the stables with Kaya, stealing glances at the younger girl every now and then. Should she ask? But even if she did and was right, Kaya would probably deny it. Would there be any telltale signs if she was lying?

" _Eh, I'm just gonna do it!"_ she decided, getting straight to the point: "So~! It's Connie who you like?"

The reaction was immediate and all telling as Kaya dropped her shovel in shock. Sasha beamed; she knew it!

"Wha- what?" Kaya asked eyes wide "Why would you think that?"

"I've seen you blushing a lot lately" Sasha said with a smirk "I wasn't completely sure at first, but now- "

"Don't tell him!" Kaya interrupted her, looking panicked as she ran up to Sasha, hands on her shoulders "You can't say anything!"

Sasha blinked a few times, staring at the girl's anxious face before smiling.

"Hey, relax" she said, taking Kaya's hands in hers "I'm no snitch; your secret is safe with me."

Kaya pulled her hands away, looking embarrassed. Sasha supposed she regretted her sudden show of panic.

"Sorry sis" she said, looking down at the ground "I just really, really don't want him to know… not yet, at least. I just…"

Not all that long ago, Sasha would've taken all joy she could get from teasing Kaya in a situation like this. However, having struggled with her own feelings and still doing it, it didn't even cross her mind now. She simply felt sympathy for the girl.

"Hey, it's okay" she said "The war's over, so Connie's definitely gonna stick around. Take your time!"

"I know, but what if- "she paused, looking troubled "What if he finds someone else while I'm hesitating? What if he _already has_ someone else in mind?"

Sasha snorted at that.

"Believe me, he doesn't. I'd know if he did" sitting down and motioning for Kaya to follow suit, she asked: "Why exactly _are_ you hesitating? The age differences?"

"…Yeah" Kaya admitted, sitting down next to her sister "He might still just see me as a little kid… that's why I'd rather still wait… but if he doesn't have anyone else yet finds someone when I'm hesitating, I'll end up regretting it. What if I had had a chance if I'd just opened my mouth, you know."

Sasha hummed, pretty sure she got it. Waiting for a better chance could mean that one would miss their chance entirely… is that what had happened with her and Nikolo?

" _No no, stay focused!"_ Sasha scolded herself _"You're supposed to be supporting Kaya!"_

"I could try to subtly ask him about what he thinks of you" she offered, but Kaya flat out refused "You and the word subtle don't exactly mix well."

"Wha?" Sasha felt a little offended "I can be subtle!"

Kaya laughed at her.

"Thanks sis, but I don't think I want to risk it" the girl said "Don't say anything to anyone, okay? I'll just… try to do things my way."

"Okay" Sasha said. Patting Kaya's head, she said: "Just so you know: I'm fully supporting you in this. You two would make a great couple!"

"Sis!" Kaya protested with a blush "You're getting way ahead of things!"

Sasha laughed, making Kaya blush even harder. She only stopped when Connie walked around the corner, asking them to help him feed the horses. When he asked what had been so funny, the girls decided to just run ahead, ignoring Connie's protests about being left out of the loop. But it was okay, for Sasha had a good feeling about this. Kaya and Connie were both good people who deserved happiness. Perhaps they could find it with each other.

" _I'm getting way ahead of things again…"_

XXXXX

" _Western border, huh?"_ Nikolo wondered as he jogged down his usual route. Apparently, the area had had some unrest recently, or to be exact, more than usual. He was pretty sure that the peace with Eldia had something to do with it, but he wasn't sure if it was the neighboring nation getting more nervous with Marley now that it was in direct contact with the island of devils or if it was trying to take advantage of the situation where everyone was on edge thanks to the dealings with Paradis. Either way, Nikolo knew that it'd be no field trip once he got there. But it was okay; he needed this after all. Needed to prove that he was fully capable of acting as the soldier he was _"And while it's no walk in the park, it shouldn't be_ that _dangerous. I won't end up dead unless I'm really unlucky."_

But then again, lady luck had never been a friend of his.

" _Luck or no luck, I'll pull through"_ he told himself _"Definitely… hm?"_

He saw a pair of familiar silhouettes some ways in front of him. Helmut and Herbert, he was sure.

" _I haven't seen them since that night in the better parts of the city"_ Nikolo realized, wondering if they were mad about what he'd said, just suddenly coming over like that _"Well, only one way to find out."_

As he ran to catch up with them, he hoped the two understood, or if they didn't, that they'd be able to talk things out. To Nikolo, they were friends, kind of at least, and he didn't want to lose them just because he'd gotten a little curious and had ended up keeping up appearances.

"Helmut!" he called out once he was almost at their side, making sure not to be too loud. The brothers looked over their shoulders, not looking all that surprised to see him. They must've recognized his voice. The brothers looked at each other, and as the older gave the younger a nod, Herbert jogged ahead. To keep watch, Nikolo knew. This was their usual way of handling these things.

"It's been a while" Helmut greeted as Nikolo caught up with him "How have you been?"

"Well, thank you. And you two?"

"We're doing great" the Eldian replied. It didn't look like he was lying; his smile did reach his eyes. But Nikolo had to ask him.

"Helmut, be honest with me" he said, not taking his eyes off of the other man's face, so he managed to see how his smile faded a little "What exactly were you two doing in that area?"

Something flashed in Helmut's eyes, but the man said: "Physical labor, just like we told you back then."

Bullshit. Or at the very least, only a part of the truth. They may very well have been there for physical labor, but the question was what that physical labor was for.

"Tell me" Nikolo decided on, making sure not to blink as he continued: "Are you two doing something that could get you in major trouble?"

It was a good decision to not to blink; had he done so, he would've probably missed that very slight moment of terror in the Eldian's eyes. But he didn't, and his suspicions were confirmed. Now the question was, what should he do about it?

" _At this point, it's obvious"_ he decided, knowing what kind of person he wanted to be _"They_ are _my friends."_

"Don't worry; I won't rat you out" he assured "But whatever it is, please drop it. If you make a mistake, you could both die, perhaps even your family would if you're unlucky."

"I have no idea what you're talking about" Helmut said. While he hesitated only for a little while, it was still way too long for Nikolo to not notice. For their sake, he wanted to push the issue, but decided against it as in the worst case, it could get all three of them in trouble "Alright then" he paused "Just be careful whenever you leave your settlements, especially around those parts of the town."

"…Yeah" Helmut said. Nikolo knew the guy was forcing himself to change the subject as he suddenly smiled, asking: "Are things starting to work out for you at work?"

"Not as well as I'd hope, but they _are_ improving" Nikolo answered, and he could swear he saw Helmut sigh in relief because he was willing to change the subject "In fact, I'll be stationed elsewhere for a couple of months at least, possibly longer, starting next week."

"Really?" Helmut asked in surprise "Good for you!" he paused "It's a good thing, right? Or are you not happy about it?"

"I am" Nikolo said. He hadn't told his honest thoughts on the matter aloud to anyone, but saw no harm in telling Helmut "It's not exactly what I hoped for, but it's a step in the right direction. A major detour, but it'll get me closer to what I want."

Hopefully anyway. There was always the risk that he'd do _too_ well at the border and got stationed there permanently… the risk was small, but it was there. And there were other more likely risks, too.

"That means we won't be seeing you in a while, either" Nikolo jumped a little as he heard Herbert speak. The guy barely ever said anything, especially to him, and always ran ahead, so the soldier tended to forget he was there in the first place.

"Yeah…" Nikolo hadn't really thought about that. They weren't _that_ close, though it had been nice running together with them. Nice enough that he hoped they'd still have the habit once he came back _"I really hope they won't do anything stupid while I'm gone."_

 **A.N: Just a little reminder: this takes place around 6-7 years after the current canon storyline, which means Connie's around 26. We don't know Kaya's actual age, but I'll be putting her around 18, so her crush on Connie is no scandal or anything.**


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter 14**

Sasha's smile just kept fading as more and more Marleyans left the ship, yet Nikolo was nowhere in sight. This was the third shipment, it'd been eleven months since he left, yet there had been no news of him.

" _You're there, right?"_ she wondered, biting her lip _"You're finally coming back, right?"_

No such luck, she realized as the last Marleyan walked down the ramp. Jean would check the list of arrivals for her later, he always did, but she knew the cook wouldn't be on the list. It's not like she could've just missed him if he really had come. Disappointed, she turned around, ready to return to her duties. She locked eyes with Levi who was watching her, but he didn't say anything. How much did he know, Sasha wondered? Did he understand why she always stood here?

" _Not that it matters"_ she told herself _"He can't do a thing about it anyway."_

XXXXX

Nikolo shifted the rifle leaning against his shoulder as he patrolled the streets with his assigned partner, Thomas. It had been a little under three months since he got here and, while there had been no major trouble, he hadn't been able to laze around, either. It was just like he had thought: things went by with a more or less routine way, but it was too hectic to say that life was easy. Not that Nikolo complained; having to do something for real made time pass by faster. In fact, that was a part he preferred more about his transfer than being at the home base. Still, he did want to go back in order to get to Paradis faster. Not that he'd suggest a transfer though; that'd be stupid. He couldn't come across as a complainer.

"All good so far" Thomas muttered "I wonder if that old man at the end of the street will be causing a ruckus again today?"

"If he is, we'll deal with it" Nikolo replied "But if it's just loud preaching, there's no need to waste our time on him. For all we know, there could be bigger trouble elsewhere."

Thomas was looking at him, Nikolo knew. He was about to say something, but was hesitating. Wanting to get it over with, whatever "it" was, he asked: "What?"

"Do you actually agree with that guy?" Nikolo looked at him, wanting him to be more specific. Thomas seemed to get the hint "Do you also think that we're making a mistake by having peace with the devils of Paradis and that we should waste no time before erasing them off the face of the Earth?"

"What I agree or disagree with doesn't matter, does it?" Nikolo asked, not wanting to take a side since he wasn't sure about Thomas' views about Eldians "I am a soldier, and a soldier does as he is ordered."

"Well yeah, but a soldier is not a machine" Thomas said with a slight shrug "Following orders is professional, but having opinions of your own is human. A soldier doesn't have to agree with everything as long as they put their orders before their own views."

True to a certain extent, Nikolo knew. Having slightly differing opinions caused no trouble unless the superiors were fanatics, but having a very different one would get eyes on him in the best case and, in the worst, make him an enemy of the whole military. He'd rather be careful.

" _Turning this conversation to Thomas himself ought to shut him up"_ he thought, asking: "Are you asking me because you want them wiped out or because you're an Eldian sympathizer?"

"Wha-!?" Thomas looked at him, startled "How can you accuse me of being an Eldian sympathizer? I'd never- "

"So, you want them all dead?"

"I didn't say that, either!" Thomas hissed, massaging his temples with his free hand that wasn't carrying the rifle "It's not… the world isn't black and white, you know."

Oh, he knew, he'd learned it the hard way. He didn't know how Thomas knew about it and wasn't about to ask, either. However, he was glad to know that his partner seemed to be a somewhat reasonable man. That wasn't a given in Marley's military.

"Yeah, I know" Nikolo said quietly, giving Thomas a look that he hoped would tell the man to drop it. This wasn't a safe topic, especially out here on the street.

Fortunately, the guy was smart enough to leave it there.

XXXXX

There had been no major incidents with the Marleyans since the current arrangement started, but the border was still packed with survey corps and garrison soldiers, just in case. Sasha knew that it was better to be safe than sorry, but personally she felt tired of this and wanted to be positioned elsewhere, even if it was training with the garrison or handling cadets with Shadis. Being at the harbor just made her think of… stuff. Stuff being a certain Marleyan soldier, of course.

"Are you okay, Sasha?" Samuel asked, walking alongside her as they patrolled the coast line "You look a little down."

"I'm fine!" Sasha said quickly, not wanting to worry him "I'm just… uh…"

"Disappointed?" Samuel filled in. Sasha looked at him with surprise in her eyes, so he clarified: "You're waiting for someone from Marley, right? One of those war prisoners."

"…Yeah" Sasha admitted, seeing no sense in denying it. But how much did Samuel know and where had he heard? Had he spoken with Jean or Connie? Or was he simply that perspective? Wait, why did he look angry now? Or was she imagining it?

"What's wrong?" she asked, frowning. Samuel averted his gaze, saying: "It's nothing."

Sasha could've just dropped it, and she probably should've. But she didn't want to; she wanted to know what was wrong. So, against her better judgement, she kept insisting: "Liar. What is it?"

Samuel looked uncomfortable, but also like he'd break soon. Sasha wouldn't back down "Tell me."

"You shouldn't waste your time missing an enemy soldier!" Samuel blurted out "It's not like that man even cares about you!"

Sasha blinked, taking a while before it all sunk in. When it did, she glared.

"First of all: the war's over; he's not an enemy" she said, clenching her fists "Second: yes, he does!"

"You don't know that" Samuel argued, lowering his voice a little "He could very well have been playing nice so that he'd have it easier here."

That was true, Sasha knew that. But Nikolo had promised-

"He promised to come back" she said, biting her lip "Why would he promise that when he was already getting away if he didn't mean it?"

Sasha thought Samuel wouldn't have an answer to that, she was _sure_ he wouldn't when he shrugged, but then he said: "I don't know, maybe it was just some final joke in your expense?"

No

"It wasn't" Sasha said, but a small part of her wasn't completely sure. However, she forced herself to bury that part as she repeated with tears in her eyes: "It wasn't!"

Through her blurry eyesight, Samuel looked a little guilty.

"Could be, but you can't know for sure" he said, putting his hands on Sasha's shoulders "Really Sasha, don't torture yourself like th- "

Sasha slapped him. It was purely on instinct. Or maybe it wasn't; maybe she really wanted to do it. She didn't know, but at that moment, she didn't care either. He had it coming.

"Shut up! You don't know anything!" she yelled, ignoring the looks they got from both Marleyans and Eldians alike. She turned around and ran away, ignoring Samuel's calls after her. As she ran, she almost pumped in to Levi, but managed to dodge at the last second. The captain said something to her, probably at least, she wasn't sure, but she just kept running. Samuel was _wrong_ ; Nikolo would come back to her. He promised.

He had to come back.

XXXXX

Nikolo sighed as he laid down on his bed, his shift for the day finally over. Not all that hard, but physically exhausting, as usual. Plus, it was hot outside.

"Hey Nikolo" Thomas said from the top bunk, catching his attention "Sorry about today."

"About what exactly?" Nikolo asked. He had a few guesses, but thought it better to not jump in to any conclusions.

"For bringing up the Eldians" Thomas clarified, coming down from the top bunk "I talked with the others, and I swear I had no idea before that that you were one of…"

"One of?" Nikolo repeated as the man didn't continue.

"One of the survivors from Paradis" he finished "Talking about Eldians probably isn't easy for you, so- "

"Don't sweat it" Nikolo interrupted with a shrug "If I was badly traumatized or something, I wouldn't have been allowed to return to duty. So obviously, I'm fine."

Thomas was looking at him with a conflicted expression, definitely still wanting to say something, but he didn't and Nikolo didn't want to press him. As long as he kept quiet, the guy might drop it. But of course, he had no such a luck.

"How fine exactly?" Thomas asked, but Nikolo wasn't quite sure what he was getting at, so the cook just raised an eyebrow "Are you able to talk about that place?" he paused, adding: "Actually, are you _allowed_ to talk about that place?"

"To certain extent, yeah" Nikolo replied, getting a little sceptic "Why do you wanna know about it?"

"I'll likely be situated there sooner or later" Thomas said with a shrug, pulling out a chair before sitting down "So I want to be ready. Anything special I should look out for? Assuming you don't mind talking about this, of course."

"Not really, no" actually, he did, for he was afraid he'd let something unnecessary slip. But he couldn't let Thomas know that "As for something to look out for… well, I'd strongly recommend against calling them devils to their faces. They tend to not like that."

Thomas snorted.

"Obviously. Anything else?"

"Beware of the Ackermans and stay clear of the Colossal titan" Nikolo said with a chuckle "That little shit can see through anyone's schemes and is a pain in the ass."

" _Little_ shit? Is the holder of the Colossal titan short or something?" Thomas asked before another thought hit him "Wait, are you saying you've dealt with it _and_ the Ackerman clan directly?"

"Yeah, I did" Nikolo said "Also, avoid referring to their titan holders as "it." They won't like that."

Thomas seemed to ignore the comment as he continued: "And you actually got back from there alive… dude, you're something else."

"Not really" he said with a shrug "They just knew that killing me randomly would've been a bad tactic, which is why I'm still alive."

That and neither Armin or the Ackermans he knew were ones for random kills… or well, he wasn't completely sure about Levi. Hopefully he'd never have to find out, either.

"Still, it must've been tough" Thomas said "The guys said it was eight years…"

"Nine, actually" Nikolo corrected, chuckling "Though when I was kept in the dungeons it certainly felt even longer."

Thomas stared at him before apologizing again: "I'm sorry; I really shouldn't have brought this thing up."

"It's fine, really" Nikolo said, shaking his head with a small smile "Being treated like I could break at any moment gets on my nerves anyway."

"Then this will be a case of balancing between not breaking you but not getting on your nerves either, no?"

Nikolo blinked once, twice before bursting out in laughter. Thomas laughed alongside him. He supposed this placement would be better than he thought. At the very least, his partner was an amusing one to spend time with.

XXXXX

Sasha sat on the roof of one of the barracks. It was the most private place she could find, but it was fine since it had gotten dark. No one would realize she was there as long as they weren't specifically checking out the roof.

"To think this is where you ran off to, you brat" But of course, captain Levi _was_ one to specifically check the roofs. Damn.

"Sorry captain" she said, having no energy to defend herself "I needed some time to calm down."

"I noticed" he said, and Sasha could hear him sit down. She wondered if he wiped the spot clean before he did "Well, did you have enough time?"

"…For the most part" she replied. She was fine now, but she didn't feel like seeing Samuel for a while.

"This is about that wine poisoning Marleyan, isn't it?" now Sasha turned to look at him, doing so with a glare. Levi only raised an eyebrow, so she said: "His name is Nikolo and you know it!"

"I know, but I don't care" Levi deadpanned "´Because I don't like him."

"I'm sure the feeling's mutual, captain" Sasha said back, starting to get mad at him, too. Why did he come after her, anyway?

"Samuel said that you wish for him to come back, something about a promise" Levi told her, narrowing his eyes "You're aware that he's responsible for the deaths of many of our comrades, right?"

Sasha averted her gaze. As much as she liked Nikolo, she couldn't deny that fact. She had still been unconscious when all went wrong, but she had no doubt the things told to her were true. She wished they weren't, but they were. It was a miracle they'd been able to save him from an execution, really.

"…We were at war" she said weakly "We also killed people in Marley. Civilians, too."

"True" Levi said "We did what we needed to as soldiers, and so did he."

Sasha looked at Levi in surprise. Was he _defending_ Nikolo? She hadn't expected that… though she did remember Jean saying something about the captain speaking out in Nikolo's favor as well when his fate was discussed, but even so…

"Yet he's not a proper soldier"

"What?" Sasha asked, having no idea what Levi was getting at with that. With a sigh, Levi told her: "First, he did warn Hanji and the others about the wine. He could've done it earlier, but he could've also done it later. Doing it when he did was a betrayal to his own country."

Sasha bit her lip. That was true too, but-

"During the fight, he protected your family that was in the area. While his former deed could be explained as a desperate try to protect himself, this one could not. He was protecting the enemy."

"Just what are you getting at?" Sasha asked, furrowing her eyebrows "That he's pathetic?"

"Yes" Levi said, holding up a hand as Sasha was about to protest "I'm not finished."

Sasha was pretty sure she didn't _want_ to let him finish, but held her tongue. As harsh as the captain's words tended to be, he usually had a point when he bothered to talk _"This better be one of those times, too."_

"There was also the time we were sure we couldn't save him, that he'd get executed. Back then, he asked me if I could work things out so that his execution could be postponed" Levi said. He paused after that, staring at Sasha. Unnerved, the woman asked: "Postponed for what exactly? Until when?"

"He wanted to wait until your survival was sure" Levi said "He didn't want to die knowing that you'd be going soon, too."

Sasha was speechless; she hadn't known this. Yes, she knew he'd visited her in the hospital when she was in coma, but this…

"Why didn't anyone tell me?" she choked out, barely holding back her tears. Had she known earlier-

"I thought he would have" Levi said, but Sasha wasn't sure if it was true or not. Then again, did he have a reason to lie? "Or Jean or Mikasa; they knew as well."

Those two really should have said something, _especially_ Jean.

"One of the MPs heard the request when he made it" Levi continued "Told it to the others. I'm sure it played a part in the postponing of his execution and in the eventual pardoning of his crimes."

Sasha could imagine that. But knowing the MPs-

"I bet some of them insisted that what he said were calculated lines that he said to save his own skin" Sasha said, a hint of anger in her voice. She knew how the MPs thought.

"Yeah, they did" Levi said "But Armin took care of it."

"Armin!?" Sasha asked in surprise " _How!?_ "

"By giving them various facts that made it look like Nikolo was way too unintelligent to think of a plan like that" Levi said, and Sasha thought she saw a smirk pass on his face for a split second. Must've been her imagination, though "He was convincing; can't say I disagreed."

"Pft" Sasha couldn't help it as she burst in to laughter. She _didn't_ agree; but she didn't wonder how Armin managed to convince the MPs. Nikolo wasn't stupid, but easily came across like that for various reasons, his fear as a prisoner being one of them. At the beginning, she and Connie _had_ pulled a few pranks on him by using their status differences as tools and gotten good laughs out of it, but when Jean had found out he had demanded them to stop. Still, it had been fu-

"Ah" a sudden realization hit Sasha. Grior must've noticed their pranks; that must've been the reason he said what he said all those years ago. She and Connie hadn't meant anything bad by those pranks, but he'd taken them as such. Now that she thought back to them, she couldn't wonder why. Burying her face in her hands, she muttered: "I'm such a fool."

"Can't disagree, but why the sudden realization?" Levi asked. Sasha raised her head, seeing him looking at her with a raised eyebrow. Ignoring his jab, she told him what he had just realized.

"I remember that guy; he's an asshole" Levi blurted out, not hiding his distaste for Grior in the slightest "You and Connie were young, you were _children_. Don't worry about it too much."

"…Okay"

"But you aren't children _anymore_ " Levi spat "So quit with the damn pranks."

"No promises" Sasha said with a grin. Levi was not happy; she could see it "…But we'll tone it down."

"Is that the best I'll get?" Sasha nodded sheepishly "Cheeky brat. If I'm your target again, consider your life ended. Is this clear?"

"Yes, sir" Sasha saluted.

"Good" Levi said, struggling a little to get up. Sasha pretended not to notice, knowing that offering him a hand would get on Levi's pride "Are you coming down?"

"I think I'll stay up here for a little while" she said "I need some more time to think."

Levi left, and Sasha turned her gaze up to the stars, her mind being elsewhere completely. It seemed like there were things about Nikolo that she didn't know, but easily could have if she'd just asked around. Why hadn't she?

" _I guess I just… took him for granted in a way"_ she thought with a sigh, pulling her knees up to her chest _"I should've spent more time with him, especially outside of the kitchens… I wonder if he thought I just used him for food?"_

XXXXX

"This stuff tastes so bland" Nikolo muttered as he ate his breakfast. Thomas snickered "Think you could do better, then?"

"Absolutely" Nikolo answered, much to Thomas' surprise "Cooking is a hobby of mine."

"Woah, that's rare for men" he paused "In my area at least. What about where you're from?"

"It's rare alright" Nikolo said with a sigh "Unless you do it for a living, cooking is apparently unmanly" he was looking straight at Thomas as he said this, pretty much daring him to agree. If he was gonna get shit from the guy, he might just as well get it to his face now.

"You trying to set up some kid of trap here?" Thomas said with a roll of his eyes "I honestly don't care; people use their free time with weirder shit than that."

Nikolo stared at him for a while before chuckling. He was far too sensitive about this subject, he supposed.

"I suppose they do" Nikolo said "So, what weird shit do _you_ do in your free time?"

"Me? I don't" Thomas smirked "I'm awesome; everything I do is cool!"

Nikolo laughed.

XXXXX

"Rise and shine, Sasha!" Sasha opened her eyes groggily, wondering why her back hurt so much. Had she fallen from her bed without waking up and slept on the floor or something? "Breakfast is ready!"

That got her up, her head almost colliding with Hanji's, but the commander pulled back just in time.

" _Wait, Hanji?"_ she wondered, finally looking around. She was still on the roof "Oh" she had fallen asleep there "Oops."

"Oops indeed" Hanji said with a small smile "We got worried when we didn't see you at breakfast, but fortunately, Levi knew to tell us to check the roof."

"Sorry" Sasha said as she stood up "I must've been way more tired than I thought."

"No worries, let's just hope you don't catch a cold!" the commander said, patting Sasha's shoulders "Now, let's get you something to eat!"

That's what Sasha liked to hear, and she knew Hanji knew it too. Looking at the commander, she could tell that the older woman had been more cheerful lately. She supposed it was because the peace had been on almost a year now without any trouble; she must finally be starting to think that things might actually work out.

" _I hope things stay peaceful from now on too"_ she thought, knowing that it'd be hard to get used to war again if one broke out now. Not that one could ever be used to it, but over the years majority of the veterans had just… gone numb to it all. To them, it had simply been life as they knew it. It was cruel, it was tragic, but it was _reality_. _"But it doesn't have to be that way anymore; we can keep up the peace."_

Not that she herself could do much, Sasha knew that, but she'd still do her best. But first, food. An army marches on its stomach, as Yelena had once said when Nikolo complained about Sasha barging in to the kitchen and-

"…"

" _Really? I'm now thinking of him right in the morning?"_ Sasha thought with a groan as she gathered herself some breakfast _"It's so ridiculous… but I_ want _to see him."_

Perhaps there was no denying it. With this strong feeling of longing, perhaps she really was in lo-

"Sasha" she almost dropped her tray, having not noticed Samuel's approach as she had been lost in her thoughts "Careful."

She was, really. She'd stabilized the tray fast, not wanting to waste even one crumb of food. Now, since her food was safe, she turned her attention to Samuel. She couldn't deny still being a little mad at him, but she also knew that she'd overreacted the day before.

"What's up Samuel?" she asked, deciding to not to bring it up if he didn't "Did you eat already?"

"No, actually" he said "Mind if I join you?"

"Sure" Sasha went ahead to pick a table as Samuel got himself food. At least he wasn't mad at her… then again, why would he be? He was the one who had been a jerk, not her! She'd slapped him, sure, but his cheek barely had a mark on it…

As Samuel sat across from her, she decided to let him to start a conversation for once. If he wanted to.

"Sasha" seems like he did. She lifted her gaze up to him to show that she was listening "I'm sorry about yesterday; I should've kept my mouth shut."

Yeah, he should have. Or maybe not; thanks to him making her lose her cool, Levi had come to talk to her and she'd learned something new. In the end, everything had turned out alright. Swallowing her food, she said: "It's fine… and I suppose I should apologize, too; I overreacted a little."

"Not really; I was insulting your friend after all. I… went too far" yeah, he did, but since he admitted it and apologized, all was good.

"No worries" Sasha says, smiling genuinely "I'll introduce you guys once he comes back. Then you'll see firsthand how wrong you were!"

Samuel didn't believe her; Sasha could see it in his eyes. That hurt a little, but she couldn't blame him. He didn't know Nikolo; he didn't know what she did.

" _He'll learn, eventually"_ she told herself _"So hurry up, Nikolo."_


	15. Chapter 15

**A.N: Sorry this is so late! I was busy with my SnK -lecture for an anime convention, NikoSashaWeek, other one shots… yadda yadda, the normal stuff. But at least I got a chapter out this month too.**

 **Chapter 15**

 _Jean walked in first, holding the door open for Nikolo. He could see Connie and Mikasa in the room, the former standing at the foot of a bed while the later sat on a chair next to it. And on the bed was Sasha, he could see it now. He went closer, no one even tried to stop him. Standing by her side now, his heart broke as he saw how pale she was. She was breathing, but they were shallow breaths. Would she really be able to pull through?_

" _Why?" he muttered, not taking his eyes off of Sasha "Just why did you guys let this happen? Why didn't you protect her?"_

 _Jean told him what had happened, how they hadn't reacted fast enough. It wasn't their fault, Nikolo knew, but even so, he couldn't help but be angry. What if Sasha never woke up? What if he never got to see her smile, hear her laugh again? Somehow, he couldn't pare the thought. That couldn't happen; he needed her; he needed her so much. She was a speck of light in the middle of this horrible war, the reason for him to keep going in this cruel world._

"It's meaningless… this stupid war is meaningless. The hell do we need it for anyway?" _he thought_ "Why can't we all just… get along?"

 _Of course, he knew why. Just a few years ago he would've laughed himself breathless had someone asked him that. But now he knew better, he knew the islanders weren't devils. Some of them were horrible, but there were horrible people everywhere, so that meant_ nothing _._

 _Would it have made a difference if he'd understood all this earlier?_

Nikolo jolted up in his bed, taking in heavy breaths. It took him a moment before he understood it'd all been a memory, a dream. Too bad the image of Sasha's unnaturally pale face hadn't left his mind along with the dream.

"You okay?" Thomas asked, already out of his bed and getting dressed "You look a little pale."

"Yeah, I'm fine" Nikolo said, getting up as well "It was just a dream."

"…A nightmare?"

"Yes" Nikolo searched for his socks "Or well, more like a memory."

"Do you want to talk about it?" Thomas asks as he finishes buttoning his jacket.

"No thanks, I'm good" Nikolo answers, frowning as he looks under the bed "Have you seen my socks?"

"The ones on your feet?" Nikolo looks at his feet, nodding, blushing as Thomas laughs "You're a bit out of it this morning."

"Seems like it" Nikolo says with a sigh, moving on to his other clothes. He can feel Thomas's eyes on him "Are you sure you're okay? I can tell our superiors that- "

"I'm fine" Nikolo interrupted him "Really. I'm a bit out of it, but will be back to normal by the time our shift starts."

Thomas eyed him skeptically, but in the end left it that. Nikolo was grateful for it.

XXXXX

Sasha heaved out a sigh that was both disappointed and content when she took the first sip of the soup in front of her. It was really good, but it wasn't like any of the ones Nikolo made. The tastes in his dishes were always so well balanced, no spice tasting too strongly or too mildly. This particular soup however seemed to have various spices, but not enough of a certain one for it to be a main ingredient, nor did the tastes even go that well together.

" _I just got used to too much good"_ Sasha told herself _"Stop being a brat."_

"You okay Sasha?" Jean's concerned voice pulled her out of her thoughts "You look like you're spacing out again."

"Yeah, I'm good" she says, smiling sheepishly "Just thinking."

Jean was looking at her in a way that told Sasha that he was wondering if he should say whatever was in his mind or not. Sasha didn't want to urge him in to talking; if Jean, who was often blunt to a fault, was hesitating to say something, it was probably something she wouldn't like. She didn't want to risk ruining her morning. But it seemed that Jean had decided to take the risk.

"I could ask Hanji to relocate you somewhere else" he offered "You'd get something else to think about."

Jean didn't need to specify what she should get her mind off of; she knew it already and Jean knew she knew. And she wanted to leave, she really did, but what if-

"I'll find a way to inform you the second I find out if he gets here" Jean said "I promise."

 _If_. Jean said _if_ ; he didn't believe in Nikolo's return, either. Was she the only one who thought he'd keep his promise?

" _But I can't blame him"_ Sasha told herself. Instead, she chose to take Jean up on his offer "Yeah, please do that. It's getting boring here anyway."

Jean smiled, and to Sasha he looked relieved. She wasn't sure what to make of that.

"You should finish that; our lunch break is almost over" Jean said, speeding Sasha up. Just because the soup wasn't as good as what Nikolo made, she definitely wasn't going to waste it. Not a single drop.

XXXXX

"So… you got a woman waiting for you back home?" Nikolo nearly dropped his water bottle as Thomas asked this out of the blue. Getting over his surprise, he looked at the guy with a raised eyebrow "No, why?"

"You repeat a woman's name in your sleep from time to time" Thomas replied, making Nikolo go pale "Who did you tell!?"

Thomas laughs.

"No one, why would I have?" he says, now it being his turn to raise an eyebrow "Why the panic?"

Nikolo swallows, he doesn't know what to answer that. He only knew that he'd messed up, shouting out like that.

"C'mon, I won't tell anyone" Thomas said, taking a sip from his own water bottle before continuing: "Is she someone your family doesn't approve of? Taken? Or someone who doesn't answer your feelings?" he paused "Actually, now that I think about it, "Sasha" could also be a guy's name. Is that what this is about?"

"What!?" Nikolo asks again. It was absurd… but wait, Thomas thinking that would still be better than him knowing the truth- _"No way; I'm not going down_ that _path even if it really is much safer."_

Shaking the thought away from his mind, Nikolo says: "No, she's a woman. It's just… really complicated. I'd rather not talk about it."

Thomas stares at him and Nikolo's sure he's going to start insisting like his brother always does, but to his surprise Thomas just says: "Okay."

The cook can't help but look at him in disbelief. This is what he wanted of course, but he couldn't believe it had been so _easy_ with this guy.

"Don't look at me like that" Thomas says "Normally, I'd pry any information I could out of people when it comes to these things, but you… when you call out her name, it's clearly nightmares you're having. I don't want to pry in to something like that too much."

He was right; Nikolo couldn't deny that. When he had nightmares, Sasha was often in them. It was also possible that he had had some that he didn't even remember when he woke up, so Thomas might've heard him call out her name way more times than he thought.

"I'm on all ears if you want to talk about it, though" Thomas said "Sometimes it helps after all."

"Thanks" Nikolo meant it, even if he'd never talk to him about her for safety reasons "I appreciate it."

XXXXX

"I talked to Hanji" Jean says to Sasha that night "You'll leave to deliver a message to the capital next week. After that, you go and join Connie… and instructor Shadis."

Sasha looks at him in surprise, having a hard time believing it was that easy.

"Hanji's perspective too you know" Jean says after she voices her thoughts "She probably can't place it the way Connie and I can, but she can tell something's been bothering you. And it's peaceful here now, so there's no need to keep us all here."

"I guess not" Sasha says, making a mental note to thank Hanji and apologize to her for the extra trouble later "Thanks Jean."

"No problem" Jean says, chuckling "Just try to not give Shadis too many grey hairs."

"He's bald, Jean" Sasha pointed out, but Jean just pointed at his chin "He has a small beard these days, doesn't he?"

Sasha couldn't help but laugh at that.

XXXXX

Nikolo and Thomas had their first day off in a while, and for the first time they had decided to spend it together. Or well, Thomas had decided, but it's not like Nikolo minded; he had nothing better to do after all. Plus, it's not like Thomas was the type who would get them in trouble.

" _Probably; it's not like I know him all that well"_ Nikolo thought, but knew that even if Thomas did get him in to some kind of mess, it could in no way be worse than what Sasha and Connie tended to get him in to.

"Where should we go?" Thomas asks, pretty much answering his own question right after "We move around a lot when patrolling, but all that that puts strain on is our legs. How about some actual sports?"

"Sure" Nikolo said "There's a tennis court nearby, right?"

"Yup" Thomas said, already stretching his arms as a warm up "Hopefully you don't hate losing too much."

"Not really, but it doesn't matter since I don't plan on losing" he answered "Hopefully _you're_ not a sore loser."

"Not as sore as your arms will be afterwards" Thomas said with a smirk "Race you to the tennis court?"

Nikolo's answer to that was to sprint off in to the direction of their destination, laughing as protesting Thomas ran after him. This'd be a fun day.

XXXXX

Sasha was in a good mood, humming as she and Samuel patrolled the coastline. The man kept glancing at her, probably curious about her good mood, but Sasha didn't really care, not today. She was really looking forward to the change of pace and since she would head for the capital, it was likely she'd run in to Mikasa too. It had been way too long since she'd last seen the woman.

"You're awfully happy today" Samuel finally said "What's the occasion?"

"Nothing really, just getting relocated next week" Sasha told "A small trip to wall Sina and after that I'm joining Connie!"

"…Isn't Connie where Shadis is, though?" Samuel asked, making Sasha pout "Why do you insist on ruining my good mood?"

"Sorry" Samuel laughed, his smile fading a little "It'll be lonely without you here…"

Sasha's smile faded a little too. That's right; she and Samuel had been stuck with each other while on duty quite a while now. They were used to having each other around. It's not like she wouldn't miss him.

"It's not like I'll be there forever; I'm sure we'll team up eventually again!" she said "We could meet up on our vacations too!"

"True" Samuel said, smiling back at her "It's also possible that Shadis kicks you out during the first few months or so."

"Hey!" Sasha protested, playfully punching his arm as they both laughed "I'm not that bad!"

"I think the instructor might disagree" the man said "At the very least, try not to get Connie in to too much trouble with you."

"No promises" Sasha said and they both laughed.

XXXXX

"I suppose you're not such a sore loser after all" Nikolo snickered as he and Thomas walked away from the tennis court. It was a tight match, but in the end the cook had taken the win "Too bad we didn't make any loser pays for lunch -deal."

"I never took you for the type who'd rub it in" Thomas said, but he was smiling as well "I'll win in the next game."

Nikolo raised an eyebrow, asking: "You still want to play something? I think a lunch break would be a better idea…"

"Sure, but after it" Thomas said, smirking "Unless you don't have enough stamina?"

"We're soldiers, what do you think?" Nikolo replied "Pick whatever sport you want and I'll take you down again."

"Wow, someone's confident" Thomas said "Next game's loser is paying for dinner?"

"Sure thing" Nikolo said. In reality he wasn't as overly confident as he acted, but that was part of the fun "What do you want for lunch?"

"Something light since we'll still play" Thomas said "Sandwiches?"

"Sounds like a plan" Nikolo agreed. Normally, he'd like to try out something new, something different in a town somewhat new to him, but they really did need something light… and something that fit their budgets.

"Get lost!" instinctively, Nikolo first thought the angry yell was directed at him, but soon saw that that wasn't the case as he followed Thomas' gaze to a group of men around their age, perhaps slightly younger. One on the ground, three others kicking him. The soldier really didn't need to guess twice who of that group was Eldian and who wasn't _"Assholes…"_

He wanted to interrupt. He _should_ interrupt, but again, the fear for his own position held him back. People in this town didn't really know him, but a word about a man that defended an Eldian would surely get around, likely reaching his superiors too. That'd be bad, especially since he was probably still under scrutiny. Plus, he was with Thomas. While he highly doubted that the man would give him a hard time about it to his face here and now if he were to defend the Eldian, he saw it very likely that Thomas would bring it up to their superiors later on, perhaps even out of worry about his mental health. The guy seemed to worry a lot after all.

"There's blood" Thomas' words got Nikolo out of his thoughts, and he caught the other soldier still watching the beating, slightly shaking his head "Those guys are going too far."

Nikolo couldn't disagree. And yet, he was shocked when he saw Thomas stride forward, right towards the four men.

"Alright guys, that's about enough, don't you think?" he said, getting the attention of the trio and pretty much everyone on the ear shot "Eldian or not, you'll have some trouble if you kill him."

One of the men rolled his eyes, but the small smirk told Nikolo that he wasn't angry with Thomas. Yet. Worried about his friend, Nikolo went closer in order to hear better and to be ready to interfere if the need came.

"It's an Eldian; those monsters can bare a beating or two" he said, kicking the man still on the ground for emphasis "This one especially; it hasn't died before, so I highly doubt it'll die today."

This was a usual occurrence? Nikolo really felt like punching the guy but, again, he was a coward. He hated himself for it, and hated himself even more for the fact that he hoped for Thomas to handle the situation somehow despite knowing that it could land his partner in to trouble too.

"Well, I suppose it won't, not from something weak like that" Thomas sounded off, Nikolo realized. He had a bad feeling about this "I'll show you what a real kick is."

 _That_ really alarmed Nikolo and he was ready to move in, planning to claim that it was in order to stop Thomas from getting in trouble, but he stopped after the first step as he saw the position the other soldier was taking. There was absolutely no way he'd stand like that if he wanted to make a good kick.

" _But if he does it properly, it'll definitely_ look _really bad"_ Nikolo thought, catching on. Thomas knew how to play both sides, apparently.

Sure enough, the soldier kicked the man on the ground, but with his trained and prepared eyes, Nikolo could tell that it wasn't nearly as hard of a kick as it looked. Judging from the faces of the three and some onlookers though, he was the only one who noticed.

"That's how you make a real kick" Thomas said. The only problem now, Nikolo realized, was that it might provoke the others to do even more. Surely Thomas had a plan in case that happened?

"Not bad, show us another example!" another one of the guys piped up, which was exactly what Nikolo had feared. And the slight change in Thomas' face and the nervous shift of his body told him that the guy hadn't thought up a backup plan for this, either _"That idiot."_

Thinking as he went, Nikolo walked over in hopes of being able to fix the situation.

"I really don't think that's a good idea" Nikolo said, seeing the other people's frowns clear as day but also his fellow soldier's quick, grateful smile "If you kick him that hard again, we might have a body in our hands. That'll cause us way too much trouble… or at least, I don't want to be fired for killing someone in the middle of the street."

"Yeah yeah, me neither" Thomas said hastily "I hadn't thought of that!"

"Not that it's any of my business" Nikolo started, turning to the three men "But it would mean trouble for you too. So, unless you want one Eldian to cost you your reputations, it might be for the best to go about your business for now."

The bunch of hooligans did look hesitant after that. The one out of the three who'd been the quietest 'till now was the first to speak up: "He has a point. Let's just get back to work."

"…Yeah, let's" the other two agreed, another of them addressing Thomas again before walking away "Nice kick!"

"Thanks!" Thomas said with cheerfulness which was so clearly fake to Nikolo that he had to wonder how come no one else caught on. After the three started walking, anyone who'd been watching quickly went about their own business again. Soon it was just the two soldiers and the Eldian on the ground, no one paying attention to them, or so Nikolo hoped at least. He was debating if he should help the Eldian up or not, but Thomas beat him to it.

"C'mon, get up before someone else gets tempted to kick you" he said, pulling the man up by his forearm "Unless you have somewhere really important to go to, I suggest you head home. No point in staying in town and risking more conflicts with injuries like that."

"…Thank you" the man said quietly, quickly scurrying off. Thomas sighed and shook his head before turning to Nikolo "So… lunch?"

Nikolo didn't have much of an appetite after the sight, not to mention he was busy wondering what went through Thomas' head, but as he didn't want to give the other guy any ideas, he ended up agreeing.

"Yeah, let's go."

XXXXX

"I can't believe I got stuck on this island of filthy devils" Sasha could hear the Marleyan soldier loud and clear, but decided to pretend she didn't. As much as she'd like to give the man a piece of her mind, these days she was politically correct enough to keep her mouth shut. Plus, these soldiers looked young, though not as young as she was when she started out. Gosh, when had she gotten this old?

"Quit complaining; we'll only be here for three months" another said "It's nothing compared to the nine years so many had to suffer!"

"…Yeah, you're right" Sasha was looking at the Marleyans from the corner of her eye, seeing that the one who spoke now seemed a little shameful "Of course I get that; they had it super hard, especially since they could never know if they'd live to see another day or if they'd ever get home… but c'mon, you can't deny this sucks for us too, can you?"

"Well no, but just shut it" the other one said "My brother survived nine years in this hell hole, so I don't want to hear any complains about a time as short as _three months_ , got it?"

That caught Sasha's interest; could it be she knew the guy's brother? Now that she thought about it, she was pretty sure Nikolo had two brothers, could this man be one of them!?

"Shit man, sorry! I had no idea…" Sasha turned her head, now looking at them boldly so she wouldn't miss anything "How's he doing now? Is he okay?"

" _Name, say his name!"_ Sasha thought. She needed to know if it was Nikolo… or maybe someone else that she knew?

"He's getting better" the man said with a shrug "They didn't accept him back to service at first, but now he's working again. I just really hope that no one gets the idea of sending him back here…"

"Surely they wouldn't do that; we have enough soldiers to do these things. And they can send us to second rounds if needed; as much as I hate this, I'd rather do multiple three month trips here than allow any of the people like your brother suffer more" well what do you know, Sasha supposed this guy was a good one in the end. She supposed he just had some prejudices.

"Me too" the other one says with a sigh "In all honesty, I would've preferred if my brother had just quit military. After everything that happened, no one would've blamed him."

Sasha was sure that was true. While she liked to think that they had treated the prisoners well, there _had_ been some problems with some people getting hurt. And it was like those two had said; it's not like they'd known for sure if they'd ever get home. No matter how many times her life had been in a grave danger, she couldn't imagine what it would've felt like to be captured by the enemies.

" _I should've asked Eren; he was an expert on that"_ Sasha thought, unable to hold in the snicker for her own black humor. That however was heard by the Marleyan duo, their attention drifting to her.

"You hear something funny?" the brother of the former war prisoner asked, and it took a moment for Sasha to realize that he was speaking to _her_ "Well?"

"Ah, no no" Sasha hurried to explain, not wanting to give them an even worse picture of Paradis and Eldians "What you said just made me think of something funny is all!"

The man narrowed his eyes and came closer, which was when Sasha noted that there was something very familiar about his features. Whoever his brother was, Sasha must have met him and more than once.

"And you just _happened_ to hear us?" he asked, making Sasha laugh nervously "We~ll I was… kind of eavesdropping?"

The man frowned, but the other one came over as well, putting a hand on his shoulder.

"C'mon Horst, don't make a scene" he said "Just ignore her, alright?"

Horst was the man's name. Nikolo had told Sasha the names of his brothers, and while Sasha wasn't completely sure what they were anymore, she was sure she'd know if she heard them. This guy wasn't Nikolo's brother _"But he really_ does _look familiar…"_

Horst scoffed, but sighed then, saying: "Right. I don't want to worry my family; they're worried enough as it is with me being _here_."

Part of Sasha felt that he said that for the purpose of trying to get a reaction out of her. Whet ever that was the case or not, she wasn't going to grant him that satisfaction.

"Let's go" Horst said, but Sasha wasn't done. Now that she'd realized how familiar he looked, she just had to know who his brother was "Wait!"

The two Marleyans halted, Horst glaring at her while the other one just raised a sceptic eyebrow "What?"

"Um… just…" the fierce glare made Sasha stutter, but she couldn't back down now "What is your brother's name? I worked a lot with the war prisoners and you look familiar, so I probably know him."

"None of your fucking business, _especially_ if you're one of those who caused him trouble while he was stuck in this hellhole!" he turned back around again "Let's go."

Watching the retreating backs of the Marleyans, Sasha sighed. That really could've gone better.

XXXXX

Dinner time, Nikolo's treat. What happened earlier that day had kept his mind distracted, though he wasn't going to deny the possibility that he might've lost anyway. He just didn't believe he would've gotten such a crushing defeat had he not been distracted.

"So much about you winning" Thomas said as he munched on his hamburger. Nikolo rolled his eyes, saying: "How was I supposed to know you'd choose basketball _and_ that you had it as a hobby for ten years?"

"You could've asked" the guy grinned "But you know, with both of us being soldiers in good shape, I didn't expect such a crushing win."

Nikolo averted his eyes, not sure how to brush that off. Saying that he was tired about their tennis match probably wouldn't be convincing enough. He saw Thomas frown, and then the guy asked: "Are you thinking about what happened earlier today?"

Darn, he was too perspective.

"I appreciated the help, really" he said "But I understand if the idea of helping an Eldian didn't sit well with you after all you've been through."

"No, that's not it" Nikolo admitted, though it might've been better for him in the long run to say it was exactly that. He had to choose his words carefully "It's just… while I was in Paradis, I was in the _receiving end_ of treatment like that, so I…"

"Ah" Thomas let out "So it brought back bad memories?"

"…Yeah" well, Nikolo wasn't lying, it was that too. But what he had originally been getting at was that he more or less knew what it was like. However, it might be better not to tell Thomas that.

"Sorry, if I had realized it'd have an affect like that, we could've just walked by the whole scene" Nikolo didn't really like that idea, either, no matter how much safer it'd be to do just that. He just couldn't close his eyes anymore.

"No, don't do that" he said, making Thomas look at him in surprise. Nikolo hesitated, but now would've been the worst possible time to back down, so he continued: "I'm not sure _why_ you did it, but you must have your reasons, so don't hold yourself back just because of me."

"…Alright" Thomas said. To Nikolo, he sounded a bit weirded out, but knowing the other guy he'd probably leave it at that "But if something like this happens again, _you_ should just walk away if it becomes too much for you to handle. Deal?"

"…Deal" Nikolo said.

It's not like it was Thomas' place to define what was too much for him after all.


	16. Chapter 16

**Chapter 16**

"Mikasa!" the shout was all the warning Sasha gave her friend before she attempted to give her a surprise hug from behind but, as usual, the other woman's reflexes were as sharp as her swords as she dodged. Sasha knew she would've fallen flat on her face on the floor had Mikasa not pulled her up by the collar "What are you doing?"

"That's no way to greet a friend!" Sasha complained, this time managing to catch Mikasa in to a hug, not that the Asian even tried to dodge, returning the hug instead "And bouncing on them like they were a prey is?"

Sasha pouted, saying: "It's better than _your_ way."

"If you say so" Mikasa said with a shrug "I heard you and the captain went to the harbor as well. Is everything alright there?"

"Everything's great!" Sasha said. Then she scratched her head and continued: "I mean, most Marleyans are a bit bitchy and hostile, and some of our soldiers return the favor from time to time, but there hasn't been any major trouble. I think the peace will last!"

"It really might; it's been more than a year" Mikasa said, much to Sasha's surprise.

"Really?" she asked, starting to count with her fingers and noticing that it was true. She'd just been so focused on how long it had been since Nikolo left that she'd completely missed thinking about the anniversary of the peace-

"Ah!" she realized something in horror "The anniversary for peace was a few weeks ago yet we didn't hold a party! We should've gotten to eat something really delicious to celebrate it!"

"…" Mikasa just stared at her blankly, not commenting on it. Sasha puffed her cheeks, asking: "C'mon, peace is so important! Surely you think so too, right?"

"Well, we did have a banquet here" Mikasa confessed, making Sasha gape at her "You got to go to a _banquet_!? That is so unfair!"

Sasha sank to the floor, crying. Why couldn't she have been sent to take the letter here a few weeks earlier? Why now instead of then!? Life was so unfair!

"…Have you calmed down?" Mikasa asks after Sasha had been quiet for a while.

"…Yeah" Sasha said, accepting Mikasa's outstretched hand for help as she got up.

"We might still find something from the MPs stashes" Mikasa said. Sasha was about to cheer, but Mikasa covered her mouth before she could "But if we're not quiet, someone will notice."

"Got it" Sasha said after Mikasa removed her hand "I'll be quiet like the captain at a party!"

Mikasa raised an eyebrow, and Sasha blinked before covering her mouth in shock, realizing she had just yelled.

"Oops…"

XXXXX

"You call those pushups? Add some speed!" Thomas said, laughing at Nikolo as they trained with the other soldiers. Nikolo scoffed "What are you, my superior?"

"If that's the best you can do then someday, I probably will be" Thomas told him "Might even be rather soon 'cause I'm awesome."

"Your bragging skills certainly put mine to shame" Nikolo shot back, quickening his space, but only slightly. He noticed that few of those around them started to drop already, no longer having the stamina to do their pushups. He supposed those people would get in trouble for only lasting this long.

"I'm a natural talent" Nikolo didn't doubt that for a second "What are you a natural at?"

"…" he had no answer. He could name a few things he was good at, but a natural talent? He couldn't think of anything "No idea."

"Sometimes you're not fun at all, you know" Thomas said, and Nikolo remembered Connie once telling him the same thing. Huh, guess it was true, then.

"So I've been told" he replied "Now quiet; I feel eyes on my back."

It was probably their superior, his attention being caught by their chatting. Well, since he hadn't come over, he and Thomas weren't in trouble.

" _Or maybe he'll just start giving us hell after this"_

XXXXX

"That was good!" Sasha said when she and Mikasa had gotten to safety after successfully raiding the MPs food stash. Mikasa had prevented her from taking as much as she wanted, claiming that the MPs would've gotten too suspicious, but Sasha chose not to hold a grudge against her for it. Some food was better than none, after all.

"Yes, the salty licorice especially" Mikasa agreed, but that actually made Sasha wrinkle her nose. She was anything but a picky eater, but she _didn't_ like salty licorice. She wouldn't spit it out like Connie would, but if she got to pick something else, she would. Mikasa and Levi liked the black stuff for some reason though _"Maybe it's an Ackerman thing?"_

"Did you taste the chocolate chip cookies?" Sasha asked instead.

"Back at the banquet, yes" Mikasa told, giving her a pointed look "But today I didn't get any because you ate the ones that were left before I could."

"Oh" Sasha said, blushing. Smiling sheepishly, she said: "Sorry."

"So that's what you two are up to, huh?" Sasha jumped, not believing she'd let her guard down so much that she didn't notice someone coming. Mikasa however, didn't look surprised. She'd known all along.

"Hello Hitch" the Asian woman said.

"Hi Hitch!" Sasha greeted, too cheerfully she realized. Well, Hitch had apparently already heard them, so they couldn't hide anything from the MP. Damn.

"Hi Sasha" Hitch said "Stealing again I see."

"It was Mikasa's idea!" Sasha huffed, but when Hitch raised an eyebrow, she realized that the blonde didn't believe her. Annoyed, she turned to Mikasa "Mikasa, tell her!"

Mikasa just stared at her blankly. Right, of course the Asian would let the blame fall on her when it came to something like this.

"I don't know what you're talking about" she said, and there was no use arguing. Hitch would definitely believe Mikasa over her, especially when food was concerned. She was screwed.

"I need to go; Kiyomi is waiting for me" Mikasa said, already turning away "Hopefully you two have enough time to catch up with each other."

"I'm sure we do" Hitch said. To Sasha, she did not sound happy.

" _I'm really screwed"_

XXXXX

"Nikolo, right?" Nikolo looked up from the card game he was playing with few others as one of the soldiers recently positioned to the place addressed him "Yes?"

"You were one of the people who got stuck on Paradis, right?" the younger man asked, making Nikolo tense "What's the place like? How did you survive?"

"Stop it" Thomas said before Nikolo even had the time to think of anything "You're being way too insensitive."

"C'mon, he got back what, a year ago?" the guy said, sitting down "Besides, the superiors wouldn't have let him come here if they thought he wasn't okay."

"Still bit under a year, actually" Nikolo said, this time cutting Thomas off just as he opened his mouth "And no, they wouldn't have. I'm fine, but the amount of information I'm _allowed_ toshare is limited."

"Then share what you're allowed to" one of the guys he'd been playing cards with urged him on, obviously also curious. Nikolo didn't miss how Thomas glared at the guy, especially since he added right after that: "I mean, if it's not too hard for you."

Nikolo sighs. It's not hard for him to go through those memories aside from particular few, but it was bothersome trying to stick to the truth without revealing something his superiors wouldn't want him to or something that would get him in trouble. Oh well, he supposed it'd be easier for him to just give them something to dull down their curiosity.

"What do you want to know?" he asks, not missing Thomas' frown. Nikolo already saw it coming when the guy said: "You don't need to talk about this, really."

"It's fine, really" to prevent Thomas from getting too suspicious, he added: "…To a certain extent."

"You don't have to talk about anything that brings up too many bad memories" his card game buddy reminded, the others nodding along, looking eager to listen. Looks like he had _everyone's_ attention now. Great.

"Got it" Nikolo says, putting his cards down "So again, what do you want to know?"

"Did you ever meet the devil himself, Eren Yeager?" so the guy was curious about the man who shook the whole world. Well, Nikolo supposed that was to be expected "I did."

"What was he like? I mean, how intimidating? They say when you see something horrifying, you just freeze up and- "

Unable to help himself, Nikolo interrupts the guy with a chuckle which soon turns in to full blown laughter. Noticing the stares he's getting, he says: "Sorry sorry, it's just…" he pauses "It was nothing like that at all."

"Huh?" they're all confused, Nikolo can tell. Getting himself together, he starts: "Eren Yeager… he was indeed terrifying in his titan form and when he was angry, but other than that, there wasn't much of a difference between him and the other young Eldian soldiers. Though he was always rather gloomy…" he shrugs "Honestly, as long as one didn't piss him off or seem like a threat, he seemed like an ordinary person. It's the Ackermans that scared me the hell out."

"The Ackermans?" the other soldiers chorus "What were _they_ like, then?"

"Scary" Nikolo said, remembering his first meeting with Levi with a shudder "I met the first one right as I was captured. At the time I honestly thought I wouldn't live to see the next day."

"But you did" Thomas comments, much to Nikolo's surprise "So I suppose at least that one wasn't all that impulsive?"

"Yeah, he wasn't" the former war prisoner confirms "Though I did feel like he wanted my head from time to time. The other one, too. So, if you ever get sent to Paradis, beware of the Ackermans and if you run in to them, _don't_ piss them off."

Sure, Levi was now crippled, but Nikolo had no doubts that he'd still kick any average soldier's ass.

"Fully noted" the originally most curious soldier states "What about the current Founding Titan? Do you know anything about him?"

"Her" Nikolo automatically corrects before realizing that he wasn't sure if he should've done that. Oh well "And not really; only met her a few times. We didn't really talk."

"So, the greatest devil is a woman now?" one of the soldiers asks with a shudder "She named Ymir or something?"

"I'm pretty sure it wasn't" Nikolo says despite knowing it was probably a joke "Though I can't recall the actual name."

"Hmm…" one of the guys hums in thought, looking a bit hesitant about saying whatever it is that he has in mind. Nikolo's not so sure if that's a good thing or not "Say, I heard a rumor that you were one of the main spreaders of the poisoned goods" he says "Is this true?"

"…Yeah" Nikolo admits, now on guard since he has a feeling, he knows what will be asked, yet he also knows that he can't answer with the truth "Why?"

"The devils had to be really angry when they found out" yes, he knows where this was going, and he can't help but swallow "How did you survive? Why weren't you killed for it?"

All eyes were on him now, more intense than ever. Everyone clearly wanted to know. Weighting his options, Nikolo knew he couldn't say anything that would contradict with what he had told his superiors; he couldn't risk the word getting around. Same with telling them as much false details as he did to the superiors; he couldn't really guess how it'd affect his time here, but in truth he didn't really want to, either. He had to give them a very vague answer, yet still enough to keep them from insisting. What should he-

"Alright, time to go back to the game before we forgot whose turn it was" Thomas said out of the blue, getting everyone's attention "It was yours, wasn't it, Hans?"

"Huh?" the guy asked "Uh, yeah."

"But Nikolo hasn't told us- "

"Back. To. The. Game!" Thomas hissed, glaring at everyone who looked like they were about to object. No one did so after that, the ones who had been playing obeying Thomas. Nikolo tried to hide his sigh of relief before giving Thomas a bit awkward but grateful smile. He was safe.

For now, at least.

XXXXX

"You're impossible; I don't understand how Commander Hanji tolerates you" Hitch tells Sasha "Or how you weren't kicked out long time ago for breaking food regulations and all."

"I'm tolerated because I'm irreplaceable" Sasha says smugly "And I was a kid back then; everyone makes mistakes."

"But you still do it"

"Yeah, but we don't have strict regulations anymore save for meat" Sasha defends herself with a grin "And rarer stuff that they don't keep in the common storages anyway."

"You only know that because you checked, didn't you?" Hitch asks, eyebrow twitching, causing Sasha to grin sheepishly.

"Ma~ybe" she more or less admitted, making Hitch sigh. Suddenly, Sasha remembered something she had been meaning to ask from the woman "Hey Hitch?"

"Yeah?"

"Is everything okay between you and Jean?" well, it was out. There was no backing down now, but she felt like it was her responsibility to help Jean out with this matter if she could since he'd always helped her so much.

"Jean and I? Sure" Hitch said, much to Sasha's surprise "It's not like we're on bad terms or anything."

…No. Hitch's voice was steady and matched her words, but her body language gave her away. She was uncomfortable with the subject, with just the mention of Jean.

"I know you guys have a thing going on" Sasha states, making Hitch flinch. She doesn't say anything and Sasha waits, so finally, the MP breaks "…Jean just had to tell you, huh? I bet Connie knows too."

"Yeah, he does, but to be fair to Jean, it's not like he was bragging" Sasha clarifies "Someone saw you and him, so Connie and I forced the info out of him."

"…I suppose that makes sense" Hitch says, sitting down. She chews on her bottom lip a bit "So, what exactly did he say?"

"…This and that" Sasha said, averting her eyes a little. She was putting her nose where it didn't belong, she knew, so she had to be really careful not to say too much and mess things up even further "What do you think of Jean? Do you like him? As in- "

"As in _like_ like?" Hitch interrupts, muttering "To hell with it" before stating boldly: "Yes, yes I do, but there's no telling what the hell _he's_ thinking."

Well, Sasha certainly hadn't expected her to admit it so easily. How was she supposed to continue from here? She hadn't really thought this through…

"He cares about you" she said, feeling like she had to say _something._ Hitch snorted "This is Jean we're talking about; he can be an ass on the surface but in the end, he cares about _everyone_. Of course he cares about me, too."

" _Not the way he cares about others"_ Sasha thought, but saw it better not to say it "He's afraid you're thinking he's just using you."

"Huh!?" Hitch was visibly and undeniably surprised. Well, at least that confirmed that Jean's worries were uncalled for "He thinks _he's_ using _me_!?"

Sasha did not like the fact that Hitch put emphasis on those particular words. However, she had to make sure: "Are you saying it's the other way around?"

Hitch looked away in shame.

"Well, sort off" she said. Still not looking at Sasha, the woman continued: "I'm the one who always makes the first move, and I only do so when I'm in bad mood or sad… so doesn't that mean I'm using him? He's just a tool to deal with my loneliness."

Hitch didn't look proud or indifferent as she said this, which was enough to tell Sasha that she didn't real mean that. She cared for Jean, but had been unable to show it to him properly.

"Do you want there to be more between you two?" she asks. Hitch doesn't answer, but to Sasha, that's already an answer in itself "You should tell him."

"I can't" Hitch said "I don't want things to awkward between us."

On instinct, Sasha did what she tended to do to Connie when he said something really stupid. She whacked Hitch on the head.

"Ow!" she whined, glaring at Sasha as she rubbed her head "What was that for!?"

"You're such an idiot" Sasha says with a sigh, ignoring Hitch's narrowing glare "Just _why_ do you think Jean's so worried?"

Again, Hitch didn't answer, but Sasha knew the woman had caught on. Knowing that a final push was needed, she said: "He _really_ cares about you."

Hitch groaned, and Sasha didn't need to wonder why; this kind of stuff was difficult.

"Why hasn't he just said something?" she mumbled.

"Why haven't _you_ said something?" Sasha asked back, making Hitch blush "Thought so."

Not that Sasha was one to talk; she wasn't really all that experienced with this stuff after all. Wanting to lighten the mood, she smirked coyly and asked: "So~ what exactly do you see in Jean?"

Hitch glared.

"He's a better kisser than _you_ " blushing furiously, Sasha yelled in panic: "Don't bring that up!"

Hitch just laughed.

XXXXX

"You didn't have to be so aggressive" Nikolo tells Thomas as they return to their room "But thanks anyway."

"No problem" Thomas said, but the frown on his face told Nikolo that the other soldier wasn't done "You could've put a stop to it yourself, though. You didn't need to tell them anything."

"I know" Nikolo said with a sigh, sitting down on his bed "But I just… don't want to look like I'm badly traumatized or something, because I'm _not_. Giving off that impression would do me no good."

"I don't disagree, but try not to look like you're trying too hard" Thomas pointed out, making Nikolo tense momentarily. He hadn't thought of that option at all "…I'll keep that in mind."

Thomas climbed up to his bed and Nikolo laid down as well, deciding to change a little later. He was a bit tired, but not so tired he'd fall asleep with his clothes on. Still, he didn't feel like focusing on reading, and aside from that there wasn't really anything to do in their room alone.

" _But I'm used to times like these…"_

 _Flashback_

 _Nikolo lay on his bed, counting the boards of the ceiling as he waited for sleep to come. It was still scary, sleeping on this island, but at least he wasn't in a cell anymore. Plus, Grior was in the next room so if something happened, the guy would have his back._

"It's too bad he's not all that great company" _Nikolo thought with a sigh. Part of him even hoped that someone else had been forced to run a restaurant with him instead of Grior, but the situation is what it is. Oh well, better with Grior than alone._

 _GLANG!_

 _Nikolo jolted up at the sound, his heart racing. Grior had gone to sleep already as far as he knew, and only the two of them were supposed to be here, so-_

"Calm down; maybe Grior went to get some water and just knocked something over" _he assured himself. Still, it would be wise to check._

 _Taking out a kitchen knife he kept under his pillow, Nikolo got off the bed and walked to the door. Gulping, he opened it, trying to be as quiet as possible. He glanced at Grior's door, seeing it fully closed. That didn't mean anything though; he could still be the one making the noise._

"Downstairs… probably the kitchen" _the young POW thought, trying to steel his nerves as he walked forward. He reached the kitchen door without encountering anything unusual. So far so good; it probably really was just Grior. Still, his grip on the knife tightened as he opened the door._

 _Grior wasn't in the kitchen, but someone else was._

" _What the-!?" Nikolo let out in surprise as he spotted the brunette girl, a_ soldier _, he reminded himself, in the kitchen, hands in the cabinets, frozen in place as she stared at the door with wide eyes "What are you doing here?!"_

 _Nikolo couldn't help but wonder if he had messed something up big time. Or perhaps not him; it could've been Grior, and the girl had been sent to deal with them… but why would they send her alone? Wait, how could he be sure it was just her!?_

" _I was just… looking for food…" the girl muttered, looking slightly embarrassed. Nikolo blinked. Was she serious? Well, she_ was _going through kitchen cabinets, but it was more likely that she was checking if they'd hid something there… or that she was trying to set them up with something. Shit, that wasn't the case, was it?!_

" _Sorry if I woke you up" she said "But… since you're here, can you make me something?"_

" _Huh?" Nikolo asked "Uuh… sure."_

 _It wouldn't do any good to anger her, after all. He could probably overpower her if the need came, she was a woman after all and seemed slightly younger, but in this situation, he wouldn't get away with it without trouble._

" _Thanks!" she said, smiling happily. Nikolo walked over to the food storage, thinking as he went._

"Even if she is here to leave behind some false evidence, perhaps I can distract her enough that she'll forget to place any? Or if she already has, I might be able to find them once she leaves. Yes, there is no reason to panic" _with that in mind, Nikolo relaxed a little. He'd be okay, he was sure. He just had to keep his head cool._

" _Have you settled here well?"_

 _Seriously!? She wanted to chat? It'd be much harder to keep his head cool like that and he might end up saying something wrong. However, she might take him not answering as hostility. He had to be careful._

" _I… think so" was his answer. However, even if it would be safer for him, he didn't want the Eldian to think he enjoyed his time here, so he added: "Considering the circumstances."_

" _Yeah, I suppose it kinda sucks being stuck in an unfamiliar town doing something which isn't your actual job" not the point he was trying to make, but she was right about those, too "But hey, it could be worse, right?"_

" _I could be dead" Nikolo snapped, immediately regretting it. Maybe that was too much. Cautiously, he peeked over his shoulder to see her reaction, finding that she had averted her gaze "…Yeah, I suppose you could be."_

 _It seems he hadn't gotten in trouble, but this was still awkward. Deciding to be brave, hopefully not stupidly so, he asked: "Why aren't I?"_

" _Why aren't you wha- "she stopped midsentence "Oh, right."_

 _Nikolo was still observing her, seeing her bite her lower lip. Could it be that she didn't know why they were being kept alive?_

" _I don't really understand complicated stuff; I just follow orders" she admitted, seeming a bit embarrassed "But I do know that no one here likes killing. You're alive because we don't_ want _or need to kill you."_

 _So she was convinced they could handle him and the other prisoners if the need came? Well, considering the numbers and the fact that they had titans, it was probably true. But doing this because they didn't like killing? Yeah right, more like they wanted hostages or cheap labor._

" _No one likes killing, right?" she continued and as she looked at him, Nikolo realized it wasn't a statement, it was a question; she was looking for confirmation._

" _There are people who do" Nikolo said, thinking that if that wasn't true, serial killers wouldn't exist. Not to mention he had seen a certain crazy look in the eyes of some of his comrades "Including some soldiers."_

" _Oh…" she let out quietly "Even you?"_

" _No" Nikolo said immediately and truthfully. This was something he didn't need to lie about or beat around the push for "Not me."_

 _She looked relieved, Nikolo realized._

"The rest of them aside, perhaps _this_ one really doesn't enjoy killing" _he thought_ "She seems way too innocent."

 _Flashback_

Nikolo jolted, blinking. Looks like he had fallen asleep after all. He was tired, but he should change clothes at the very least. While doing so he checked top bunk, noting that Thomas had also fallen asleep with his clothes on. Should he wake the guy up?

" _Nah, he'll just get cranky. I'll leave him as he is and he'll laugh it off in the morning."_


	17. Chapter 17

**Chapter 17**

A year. That's how long he'd been away from Paradis now, Nikolo realized. A year without going back or getting any word to anyone, to Sasha. Was she still waiting for him? Was she ever thinking of him at all or had she just forgotten? Nikolo was dying to know; he had to get back, or at least get a word to her. And he wanted to see her so bad…

"Earth to Nikolo" Thomas said, poking him hard in the ribs, making Nikolo hiss and double over. Gritting his teeth, he cast a glare at the concerned looking man "I know we're having a lunch break, but we're still on duty. Don't space out, okay?"

"Sorry" Nikolo breaths out, still glaring as he straightens over.

"Something on your mind?" Thomas asks "Or perhaps some _one_?"

Well damn, Thomas was perspective. Unless-

"Have I been talking in my sleep again?" he asks, and the grin on Thomas' face is all the answer he needs "Shit…"

"You really miss that woman, don't you?" Thomas asked, and Nikolo noted his tone wasn't mocking in the least "How about requesting for a vacation once your job here comes to an end? That should be soon for both of us after all."

"It's not that simple" Nikolo said, clenching his fists. He actually had to fight off the urge to tell his new friend everything. He trusted Thomas, but he didn't trust him _that_ much. The guy would tattle, if for no other reason then for worrying for Nikolo's mental health.

"So you've said" Thomas said with a sigh, fiddling with his sandwich "I really don't want to pry since it's such a sore subject for you, but if there's anything I can do to help you, just tell me."

"No offence, but I don't think there's anything you could do to help with my love life" Nikolo said. Thomas just shrugged, saying: "Not when I don't know what the problem is. But hey, if you have too much competition, _that_ can be easily fixed."

"What?!" Nikolo asked, mortified as his gaze snapped to his partner. Was the man saying what he thought he was saying?

"What?" Thomas repeated, smiling wryly "Did you think I meant wiping the competition off of the face of the earth?" he laughed "Nothing of the sort, I just have my ways to make others look bad if I want to is all."

"I'm not sure if that's any better or not" Nikolo said, making Thomas laugh. Still, his curiosity was piqued " _If_ I did have trouble with competition, how would you help me out? What tactics would you use?"

"Well, there are two roads to go down. The surer one is simply to make the competition to look so bad that anyone would look good in comparison" Thomas started, making Nikolo frown. Not a tactic he'd be all that fond of unless whoever he was up against was really bad news "And the other road?"

"That would be to make you look as good as possible, with just the truth of course" Thomas said with a smile "If one picks an honest route like this, no point in lying. It works out if it's meant to be."

Nikolo raised an eyebrow, asking: "Do you help out your friends often with these things? …Actually, do you use these yourself?"

Nikolo did wonder a little if the question was too personal, but it's not like this was the first time they talked about these things, yet he didn't know anything about Thomas' stand on these things. Did he have a girlfriend perhaps? Or even a fiancé?

"I used to use the former, but these days just the later" the guy admitted "Getting caught in making someone look bad on purpose would make me look even worse, no?"

"Yeah" Nikolo agreed, though he was pretty sure that wasn't why the guy had stopped. He was convinced that his partner was just way too decent person to use that method anymore. Also, he'd learned something new: if Thomas still used the later method, that meant he was single. Maybe he should try to find something out at some point, just for the fun of it.

"Alright, the break's over!" Thomas said, stretching "Back to work!"

XXXXX

A year. A whole year without Nikolo. Just how much longer was he going to make her wait? If he couldn't come back, couldn't he at least find a way to send a word to her? Tell her to stop waiting? She didn't like the idea of that happening, but if she was waiting for nothing…

" _Stop it, don't doubt him"_ Sasha scolded herself _"He'll come back, he promised! It's just taking him a while because… uh… argh, I don't know, I don't understand complicated stuff like this!"_

"If you keep shaking your head like that, it might fall off" Connie commented, snapping Sasha out of her thoughts and making her blush as she realized what she'd been doing. The man raised an eyebrow, asking: "What's on your mind?"

"…Nothing in particular" Sasha lied. Normally she wouldn't lie to Connie, but she didn't want to talk about this with him, knowing he'd just say things she didn't want to hear.

"It's been a year since he left, right?" and she was right "Sasha- "

"Don't" she interrupted him "He'll come back."

Connie didn't hide the suspicion he felt from her this time, and it stung. Was she the only one who believed in Nikolo's promise? Or simply the only one who _wanted_ to believe?

" _No, stop doubting him!"_ she told herself again, standing up "I'll go make sure the cadets are doing their close combat training properly."

She left, not looking behind her. She didn't want to deal with Connie anymore.

XXXXX

"Wow, looks like there's some trouble for once" Thomas said as they spotted a bunch of people crowded up in a circle in the street.

"Not necessarily; it might just be some street performer" Nikolo denied. He hoped that was the case, but then again, some actual work would do him some good "But we still need to check it out."

As they neared the group, some people noticed them and immediately gave them space. Nikolo supposed they wouldn't do that with a street performer, so there must actually be some trouble. Well, that's what they, as soldiers, were for. Time to actually do something for his salary.

"Alright ladies and gentlemen, what's the deal here?" Thomas asked loudly, making Nikolo wince at his choice of words. Well, maybe the familiarity of it would keep people calmer? But it was so unprofessional…

"Nothing sir, just one thief getting a lesson" a man from the center of the commotion said. Upon closer look, Nikolo could see that there was another one on the ground. He didn't need to see the armband to know that one was an Eldian.

"We should take him to the police, then" Thomas said, hauling the man up by his arm "This is no job for civilians, as I'm sure you're aware."

The look Thomas gave the people watching was hostile, Nikolo noted, but not too much so. It was more like a "you're causing me extra work and I don't like it" -kind of look than "what you're doing is wrong and I'll put a stop to it" -glare.

"Of course; we're sorry to have troubled you, sir" the man said, holding his hands up as a sign that he understood. Nikolo scanned the rest of the crowd with his eyes to see if there was any more trouble, which was why he didn't miss how a young boy threw a glass bottle forward, clearly aiming for the Eldian. Having no time to really think about it, Nikolo got in front of the man, catching the bottle by some miracle. And everyone saw it.

"Hey kid, that's dangerous!" as usual, Thomas was faster to react than Nikolo. Letting go of the Eldian, he walked over to the boy "Had the bottle broken, the shards could've hit me or my colleague or worse, the people here. Is that what you wanted?"

"N-no" the boy stuttered. Nikolo was sure he found Thomas to be intimidating "I-I just wanted to punish the criminal."

"Then become a police officer when you grow up" Thomas said, patting the boy on the head "That's not something civilians should do, okay?"

"Okay" the boy says, and Nikolo notices the people starting to walk off. Thomas sure knew his game.

"Alright, that's settled then" Thomas says, going back to the Eldian and dragging him by the arm "Let's go."

Nikolo follows, unsure of what Thomas is planning to do. Was he actually taking the man to the police? Or was it an act? There was no knowing with this guy…

"So" Thomas says, addressing the Eldian after they've rounded a corner "What really happened?"

The man looked surprised, and truth to be told Nikolo was a bit as well. He hadn't expected for Thomas to ask for the man's version of what had happened so bluntly… but maybe he should have? Thomas had already proven to him that he wasn't one to blindly discriminate.

"…I didn't think it would count as stealing" the man said after staying quiet for a while "The apple was on the ground and had clearly even been kicked around! I didn't think anyone would care!"

Nikolo was shocked to hear this. Not the fact that people would make a fuss about the apple; there were many who'd take any excuse they could to "rightfully" harm an Eldian, but that the man had taken something like that in the first place. Were the ghettos really so bad? Was the situation of the Eldians really so bad?

"You should've known better than that" Thomas tells the man, and Nikolo can't help but wonder if he means the fact that it would attract people's attention "Even if it was on the ground, it wasn't yours."

…Okay, maybe not. Part of him wanted to tell Thomas to give the man a rest, but he held himself back for now, sure that Thomas of all the people wouldn't be too hard on the man. And if he was, Nikolo would put a stop to it himself. He definitely would.

"Understood, sir" the man says. Thomas lets out a sigh, saying: "Don't do this again, for your own safety if nothing else. Now get going, but pick a different route."

The man looked at them, yes, both of them, in disbelief for a moment before going his way. Nikolo supposed the guy hadn't expected to get off so easily. Thomas sighed again, saying: "Alright, back to our tour."

XXXXX

"You there, your stance is off!" Sasha noted as she observed the close combat training of the cadets "You're full of openings!"

She went over, correcting the boy's stance. Thankfully, he and his sparring partner gave her their full attention, clearly taking their training very seriously. They were so different from her age group in their training days… "There, better!"

She watched the two boys spar approvingly, straightening when she noticed Shadis approaching them- no, scratch that, approaching _her_. Shit.

"Instructor Shadis, sir!" she saluted formally, stiffly standing in attention. Out of all her superiors, the instructor was the one that made her most nervous, even more so than captain Levi ever had. Must've been a childhood trauma or something.

"At ease, Blouse" the man said "Everything going well here?"

"Yes, sir" Sasha replied "Some cadets have a little trouble with keeping up, but they're all hard workers who won't slack. They'll make good soldiers."

"If only every generation of cadets had been like that" Shadis commented, giving Sasha a pointed look. She gulped, but maintained her poker face. Sighing, Shadis added: "Unfortunately these kids aren't always so hard working…"

"Really?" Sasha looked at him in surprise "I haven't seen anyone slack off, though…"

Which was good of course, but it meant she couldn't take it easy either as she'd put up a bad example. Not that she was planning on slacking, but still.

"They won't slack as long as you or Springer are watching" Shadis said, making Sasha blink "You two are way more respected than I am."

Sasha's jaw dropped; not sure she'd heard right.

"But… why?" she asked "You're the former commander of Survey Corps; you know what being a soldier is about. And you were way higher up than Connie or I!"

"I _knew_ what it was about, when we fought the titans" Shadis corrected, closing his eyes "I have no real battle experience when it comes to fighting other people, fighting in a _war_."

When he put it that way, he certainly had a point.

"Furthermore, your near death -experience is also well known these days" Shadis added, and Sasha's hand unconsciously went to her scar "These kids respect you for surviving that."

"…But it was just luck" Sasha admitted, frowning a little "It's not like I actually _did_ anything special."

"Surviving and returning to duty is considered special by some" Shadis remarked "You've become a fine soldier, Blouse."

Sasha looked at the instructor in surprise. Compliments from Shadis were rare in itself, but compliments for _her_ almost unheard of.

" _Maybe he's getting soft with age?"_ she thought, almost snorting at the thought. Fortunately, she managed to keep her poker face.

"But there are also things that never change" Shadis said, looking at Sasha with narrowed eyes "A good amount of potatoes has apparently gone missing from the kitchen. You wouldn't happen to know anything about that, would you?"

" _Crap!"_ Sasha thought, smiling sheepishly "Um…. no?"

The reaction was immediate.

"BLOUSE, YOU'RE RUNNING LAPS UNTIL YOU COLLAPSE, STARTING NOW!"

Sasha let out a terrified shriek, obeying immediately and trying to ignore the stares she got since Shadis had attracted everyone's attention.

" _This is going to be a long day…"_

XXXXX

Nikolo wanted to ask Thomas why he had let the Eldian off so easily. He'd already known that Thomas' thinking wasn't all that black and white, but he'd never really learned _why_. Was it a family thing? Had he been raised to not blindly hate Eldians? Or had something happened during his career that made him this way?

" _But it's better for me to shut up… and it's not like I_ need _to know. The important thing is that there_ are _people like him in the first place, not_ why _they exist"_ Nikolo reminded himself _"Besides, I have more important things to worry about right now."_

He walked rather stiffly towards his superior's office, having been invited there not too long ago. Just what was this about? Would his and Thomas' actions with the Eldians be questioned? Or was Thomas the one in trouble and he was supposed to sell the guy out and confirm their suspicions? Or could it be that this had nothing to do with any recent events and that people had actually found out something new about his time in Paradis!? _"Calm down, if you appear nervous, you'll only make the situation worse for yourself!"_

With that in mind, Nikolo took a deep breath and knocked on the door. After receiving a permission to enter, he stepped in, hoping that his nervousness didn't show on his face.

"You called for me, sir?" he saluted.

"Ah yes, at ease soldier" his superior didn't sound mad. That was a good sign, unless the man was pretending so that he'd drop his guard "Has there been any trouble on your patrol rounds?"

"Some small problems, yes" Nikolo stated, fully aware that the man could see them from the reports anyway "But fortunately, nothing big enough that would have gotten us in the harm's way or required back up."

"Yes, so it seems" his superior said, briefly looking at some documents "And it seems that some of the trouble had to do with some Eldians."

Was he in trouble now?

"I know you were held prisoner by those devils, nine years no less" the man said, making Nikolo tense as the conversation went to a very dangerous direction "Yet it seems you've been able to handle the conflicts with the Eldians without any personal feelings involved."

"I've simply done what a soldier should" Nikolo said, but when his superior raised an eyebrow, he saw it as safer to add: "And to be honest, sir, my partner has handled most of those troubles. I've simply been tagging along."

"So the reports say, yes" his superior said, and to Nikolo's surprise, his face sported a sincere smile "But it's more than many others who've been through the same as you have been able to do. You're clearly one of those who've recovered the best."

"…Thank you, sir" Nikolo said, wondering just what had the others done. Hopefully there had been no deaths.

"No need to thank me for stating facts" the man said, his face becoming more serious again "Now, to the point."

Nikolo straightened, worried about what was coming.

"I hear you volunteered to go back to Paradis as soon as you got a chance" he said, eyeing Nikolo "Why is that?"

"I believed I'd be good for the job since I survived there for nine years" he felt like he should add something "And… I wasn't all that sure if I was ready to return to the society, I suppose. I wanted to be of use and not get in the way."

"Understandable, though your way to try and make it reality is unique. None of the others have volunteered to go back. In fact, some have gone out of their way to ask that they wouldn't be placed there." Nikolo couldn't blame them for that; despite their treatment having not been nearly as bad as they had all thought it would be, everyone had their trauma. Damn MPs. And captain Levi, but mostly the MPs.

"Personally, I think it would be interesting to see how someone who was held prisoner there would handle a new mission in the place" the man commented, and Nikolo had to fight back a smile as he thought that he might actually get to go back soon "But I know there are risks, and most people think they're too high. So your request will not be filled for the time being."

"…I see" Nikolo said, and the wry smile on his superior's face told him he hadn't been able to hide his disappointment "Disappointed?"

"A little, yes" Nikolo admitted, but held his tongue after that. He wouldn't clarify unless asked to. His superior shrugged, saying: "I called you here because this area is so calm; we don't need as many men anymore. The reason I asked for _you_ specifically is because I know of another position that might suit you well."

So _that's_ what this was about. Disappointed as he was, the idea of perhaps getting forward with his career wasn't a bad one.

"Due to the world changing, a decision has been made that the interment zones of Eldians will need stricter supervision. Would you like to be one of those trained for the job?" Nikolo's mind was racing, the fact that this was way more than a simple yes or no -question hitting him like a train. First, stricter supervision meant that the lives of the Eldians would become even harder for sure. Second, no one _liked_ to deal with Eldians, so asking him if he'd like to be trained for the job was stupid. Of course, he couldn't really say "no", since that would have his career sidetracked. The only possible answer was "yes", but he had to be careful about how he said it. These days he didn't mind dealing with Eldians, he didn't mind the idea of his career having a part like this, but if his supervisors realized this, he'd be in trouble. He had to say yes in a way that made it seem like he wanted to say no.

"If that's where I'm thought to be of greatest use, then I'll gladly accept" that was a good answer, right? …Well, judging from the look on his superior's face, it at least wasn't a completely wrong one.

"Excellent" the man said "You won't be here for long anymore, then. You're dismissed for the time being."

XXXXX

"Damn" Sasha said early that morning as she finally collapsed from all the running. She hadn't counted her laps, but she'd be a fool to not notice that there were far more than when she'd first done this. Plus, it was freaking morning of the next day; she'd been running at least twelve hours straight!

"But there's no goddess to bring me food this time…" she muttered, remembering how Historia had saved her all those years ago. Her debt was yet to be forgotten.

"Yeah; you'll have to settle for the God of Destruction" she heard, and with the little strength she could muster, Sasha looked up, coming face to face with smiling Armin, holding a loaf of bread.

"Armin, my saving angel!" she yelled in delight, tears in her eyes as she dove for the loaf of bread with her last strength, devouring it with demonic speed. After the bread was gone, Armin held a water bottle in front of her face and she snatched it immediately, gulping the liquid down greedily.

"She's going to get a stomach ache for eating so much so fast, unless she straight out throws up" she heard a voice that she knew but couldn't quite place at the moment say.

"No, she won't; not Sasha" Armin denied "I've seen her inhale amounts twice that big at that speed."

Armin sure knew her well. Finishing the water, she looked to see who didn't.

"Oh!" she let out in surprise "Hi Onyankopon!"

"Hello Sasha" the man replied "What are you doing up so early?"

"Well~" Sasha didn't really want to say; the man already thought not so highly of her as it was. She didn't want to give him any more reason to do so as she already had.

"The instructor made her run laps until she collapses" Connie cut in as he walked over, yawning "Yesterday."

Armin sighed, shaking his head while Onyankopon just stared at her in disbelief "…What?"

"Fine fine, I messed up" Sasha confessed, glaring at Connie as she hissed: "Snitch!"

"You… ran the whole night?" Onyankopon asked, to which Sasha nodded "And no one came to stop you?" again, she nodded. Shaking his head in disbelief, the man asked: "Just what kind of man is this instructor?"

"A cruel slave driver" Sasha blurted out before quickly looking around, afraid that the man could hear her. Fortunately, Shadis didn't seem to be around.

"Normally I wouldn't take anything you say too seriously, but after this, it's hard not to" Onyankopon confessed. Sasha knew that it was bit of insulting, but let it slide. She was too tired to get in to an argument now.

"I don't think the possibility that Sasha could run the whole night even occurred to the instructor" Armin defended the man "He probably thought that Sasha would collapse at midnight at the latest."

"Well I didn't" the woman said "But now I have, so can someone help me up?"

Connie laughed and Armin chuckled as well as they pulled her up, the former helping her stand as she swayed.

"What brings you two here?" she asked Armin and Onyankopon with a yawn. She was tired and wanted to go to sleep, but it was better to ask now in case it was something urgent.

"I was given some time off, so I decided to go around to see everyone, though I thought you'd be at the harbor with Jean" Armin told "And I dragged Onyankopon along for company."

"I wouldn't say dragged; I'm glad that you invited me" the man denied "It gets boring having to stay at one place all the time."

Right, Onyankopon was _still_ under tight watch, only allowed to leave his appointed area under the surveillance of a trustworthy officer. Sasha understood that the rule was seen as necessary a few years back, but she thought it was a high time to treat him like one of them already. Onyankopon had proven his loyalty plenty of times after all.

" _Maybe we should bring his position up to the MPs soon"_ Sasha mused.

"In any case" Onyankopon said, taking something from his pocket and holding it out for Sasha to take "I have something for you."

"Hm?" Sasha took what he'd been holding, suddenly very curious. It was a stack of papers "What's this?"

"Things that Nikolo left behind" Sasha stiffened at his words "I didn't look at them much for privacy reasons, but it seemed to be letters and photographs. I didn't like the idea of destroying them, so I thought it'd be for the best for you to have them."

Sasha nodded absentmindedly, more interested in what exactly was she holding. However, for the sake of Nikolo's privacy, she held herself back, not sure if it was right. Maybe she could just check the photos?

" _I'm too tired for this; I'll check them later"_ she thought _"Now sleep."_

"Thanks, Onyankopon" she said, yawning again "I'll catch up with you guys later; now I need sleep."

One thing at a time.


	18. Chapter 18

**Chapter 18**

Sasha yawned, still tired, but she forced herself to get up. If she slept all day, she wouldn't get any sleep at night when she was supposed to. That and she had work to do. She trusted Connie to explain the situation for the early parts of the day if need be, but she couldn't stay away the whole day.

As she dressed up, Sasha's eyes fell on what Onyankopon had given her. She'd just put them on the table before going to sleep, having no energy to really even think about it. But now…

" _Now I'm late from work"_ she reminded herself _"I'll take a look at them tonight."_

XXXXX

"Can't believe you're leaving next week" Thomas said as he and Nikolo returned to the barracks "I wonder who I'll be teamed up with after you leave…"

"You've been here for quite a while already, so you'll probably be repositioned soon, too" Nikolo said "So you'll probably have the whole room for yourself for the rest of your stay."

"Time for quiet nights, then"

"Had someone else heard that, they could get a _very_ wrong idea" Nikolo deadpanned, knowing full well that Thomas was actually referring to his sleep talking. The man blinked, slight blush spreading to his face as he understood the double meaning. He chuckled, it soon turning in to full blown laughter.

"I suppose they could" he said "But who says messing with people like this wouldn't be fun?"

"Those who would most likely get in trouble for it" Nikolo said, not wanting any extra attention "But you know, this reminds me of something I've been meaning to ask."

"Hm?"

"You got a girl waiting for you back home?" he asked, deciding that he did at least want to satisfy his curiosity on this one matter. But to his surprise, Thomas just shrugged.

"Nah" he said "What brought this up?"

"Just wondering" Nikolo answered with a shrug of his own "Anyone caught your eye?"

"Are you getting back at me for asking about your dreams?"

"Maybe" Nikolo said with a grin "Well? Is there anyone?"

"…Well, kind of" Thomas said hesitantly, much to Nikolo's surprise. The guy was usually so confident "But that person is in love with another, so no can do."

"Why not?" he asked "Unless she's taken, then make yourself look as good as possible and don't give up."

Thomas mumbled something, and Nikolo had to ask him to repeat himself since he didn't understand.

"I said that I've been trying" Thomas said with a sigh "Doesn't seem to be working, though. One just has to know when to give up… besides, I want this person to be _happy_. If not with me then whatever. If someone else can make the target of my feelings happy, then so be it."

The way Thomas talked about this was weird, Nikolo noted, but he pushed it to the back of his head as something else caught his attention even more.

" _I too want Sasha to be happy… wouldn't she be happier with someone else?"_ he knew Sasha didn't care about the fact that he was a Marleyan and her family didn't seem to have anything against him either, but other people… _"Would it really be_ right _of me to confess to her?"_

"Nikolo? You spacing out again?" Thomas asks, snapping Nikolo out of his thoughts.

"A little" he admitted "I was just… thinking."

"Something I said?" Thomas asked, continuing before Nikolo could answer: "That something made your thoughts stray to your precious Sasha again, didn't it?"

Nikolo couldn't hold down the blush that crept to his face, making Thomas laugh.

"This sure turned from my relationship issues to yours quick, didn't it?"

"Sorry" Nikolo said, feeling even more embarrassed "I suppose I'm a little self-centered."

"Nah, you're a man in love, that's what you are" Thomas denied, patting his partner on the shoulder "When one is in love, their head is filled with one thing and one thing only."

"Speaking from experience?" Nikolo couldn't help but ask.

"Maybe" Thomas admitted "I'm tired; I'm going to bed."

He was trying to avoid the subject, Nikolo realized.

" _Can't press him; it wouldn't be fair"_ he reminded himself, deciding to drop the subject. It seemed like Thomas had some skeletons in his closet as well.

XXXXX

"Finally!" Sasha said with a sigh as she collapsed on her bed. She'd made a fair deal of blunders throughout the day, but hadn't gotten in to too much trouble after everyone heard she'd actually ran the whole night. They assumed that she was just tired, which she was, but in reality, she kept messing up because she was distracted. What Onyankopon had handed over to her hadn't left her mind all day.

Resting her eyes on the small stack of papers, Sasha knew she had a decision to make, for postponing it would just distract her even more.

" _He said there were photos… I don't think there's any harm in taking a look at those"_ she reasoned with herself. Photographs were still rather rare in Paradis anyway, so it would be a shame if they were lost.

Mind made up, Sasha went and snatched it all up before sitting back on her bed. Most were papers with text on them, so she quickly put them aside, but there were also three photographs. In the first, there were Grior and Nikolo, looking at the camera in front of the sink. Nikolo was smiling but, as always, Grior was sulking. Sasha snorted, wondering if the guy was even capable of smiling.

The second one Sasha remembered; she was in it along with Nikolo and the guys. Onyankopon had taken it for them. She hadn't known Nikolo was the one who had it, though.

" _Would it be okay for me to take this since I'm in it too?"_ she wondered, her eyes focusing on Nikolo _"It's okay, isn't it?"_

She wasn't sure. Deciding to think about it, she set the photo aside and moved on to the last one. She recognized Nikolo immediately, but it took her a moment to realize who the other people were.

His family.

Yes, definitely. Aside from Nikolo, there were two smaller kids, a girl and a boy, and a young woman and a young woman around Nikolo's age. His siblings. There was an older couple too, most certainly his parents, and an elder man, probably his grandfather. He'd told her about them, but he'd never shown a picture. In fact, Sasha hadn't known he even had one with him.

" _Is it really okay for me to be looking at this?"_ she wondered, for Nikolo must've kept it a secret for a reason _"Just what should I do with this?"_

The other two photos she could probably accept keeping, but this? It was too personal. Was there a way to get it back to Nikolo? If she showed it to one of the Marleyan soldiers at the port and told that one of the POWs had left it behind, would they agree to take it back to Nikolo?

" _That must be his twin sister"_ Sasha thought, unable to stop herself from staring at the picture _"She's really pretty… I kinda wish I could meet them all."_

Sasha shook her head at the thought. As nice as it'd be, it'd probably never happen. And with how much Nikolo hated Eldians before, it was safe to assume that his family did too. They wouldn't like her.

" _But neither did Nikolo at first…"_

 _Flashback_

 _Sasha was hungry. Nothing new in that, of course, but now she was hungry_ and _unable to find food. All the shops were closed and the HQ was just so far away._

" _C'mo c'mon, aint there any restaurants open?" she wondered as she walked down the street, coming to a stop in front of the one where she knew some war prisoners were working. Suddenly, a grin lit up her face as she got an idea._

 _Going over the windows, she found one that was slightly open. Too easy, and if she got caught, she could just claim to be on a surveillance round on the POWs. Perfect._

 _Climbing in, Sasha made her way to the kitchen to see what she could find. First, she spotted some canned goods, but she was sure the place would have something better, too. Surely it wouldn't hurt for her to take some. Rummaging through the cabinets with determination, she didn't pay attention to her surroundings and completely froze when she heard a voice._

" _What the-?! What are you doing here?!" well shit, she was screwed; the POW had caught her. What was his name again? …Nikolo?_

" _I was just… looking for food…" Sasha muttered, blushing. It was only later that she remembered that she could've lied on the spot that she was here on official duties._

" _Sorry if I woke you up" she said. Deciding to push her luck, she continued: "But… since you're here, can you make me something?"_

 _She was already caught, so she could at least try to get something else than just a scolding out of this situation, right?_

 _He agreed, much to her surprise._

" _Thanks!" she beamed. She went to sit at the table, watching the man. Feeling like it'd be awkward if they remained quiet, she decided to go for casual chitchat: "Have you settled here well?"_

" _I… think so" the Marleyan said, adding after a pause: "Considering the circumstances."_

" _Yeah, I suppose it kinda sucks being stuck in an unfamiliar town doing something which isn't your actual job" Sasha blurted out, not sure what else to say. Wanting to cheer him up, she added: "But hey, it could be worse, right?"_

" _I could be dead" the cooking POW snapped, making Sasha flinch. He was right though and she was being tactless "…Yeah, I suppose you could be."_

"Does he hate me?" _Sasha wondered. It would make sense if he did; he'd always been taught that Eldians were bad, right? The fact that he had been imprisoned by them most certainly wouldn't give him any opposite views about it._

" _Why aren't I?" Sasha was snapped out of her thoughts by the question, but unfortunately, she had missed the context "Why aren't you wha- "she stopped, realization hitting her "Oh, right."_

" _I don't really understand complicated stuff; I just follow orders" it's not like she was lying; she wasn't all that good with politics and such "But I do know that no one here likes killing. You're alive because we don't want or need to kill you."_

" _No one likes killing, right?" Sasha asked as Nikolo's lack of answer made her uncomfortable._

" _There are people who do" Nikolo said, much to Sasha's worry. Should she feel threatened? "Including some soldiers."_

… _That's what it was starting to sound like._

" _Oh…" she let out quietly "Even you?"_

" _No" he denied immediately "Not me."_

 _Sasha was glad to hear that._

 _Flashback_

Sasha sighed, falling down on her back on the bed, still staring at the photo. She wanted to see him; she really did.

Eyes trailing to the pile of papers, she wondered what they were. Letters? She was tempted to check, but felt like it wouldn't be right…

" _Maybe there could be some that he had no time to send to someone? It would be good if those were sent…"_ with that excuse in mind, Sasha nabbed the papers. Letters. Letters with _her_ handwriting.

"… _Well, it would've been dangerous for him to take these along"_ Sasha reasoned. Scanning the pile, she realized that most of them were letters from her to Nikolo. It made her feel nostalgic _"There's nothing wrong with me reading these ones, is there?"_

And she did.

She noticed that the oldest of them was the first one she had sent him, trying to pry out some recipes and persisting him to cook for her. It included a lot of excited rambling, being a few pages long and all. She also remembered that she never got a reply to that particular letter.

" _He did start answering after the first few…"_ his letters had been stiff and formal, like he was afraid he could get in to trouble with them, but also that he would if he wrote nothing _"That sounds like something he'd worry about alright…"_

The letters got more casual with time, though. From what they sometimes spoke about together when they were alone, Sasha could tell that he trusted her more than the letters let on, but he just feared they'd end up in the wrong hands. Or at least, that's what she'd always told herself, that his hatred for Eldians was nothing but a front after few years had passed. That was the case, right?

" _I remember this, too"_ Sasha thought as she came across a letter where she tried to coax Nikolo in to coming to Dauper to cook for her family for her father's birthday. It was the one before their attack on Marley, he had not met them yet, and had declined. She remembered how disappointed she'd been.

" _He bribed me with cookies to cheer me up afterwards"_ she remembered with a chuckle, remembering the taste _"He bribed me with cookies often."_

So often that Jean had once said that Nikolo would be able to buy all of the squad's secrets from her with his cooking if he just came up with the idea. Sasha had denied it of course, she'd never sell out her squad, but even now she couldn't help but wonder if Nikolo had ever been tempted to try it out.

" _No, he wasn't like that"_ she told herself, moving on to the next letter, surprised as she realized after the first few words that it was, in fact, _not_ written by her despite the very similar style.

" _This is… from my mom?"_ Sasha thought, confused as she saw the sender's name. It was dated to be around two years ago, about a year before Nikolo had left _"What is this?"_

Again, she was very tempted to read it, but it felt so wrong. Whatever it was, it was surely private since neither had even said anything about it to her.

"Or maybe they were just swapping recipes" Sasha muttered under her breath, nodding in confirmation. That made sense, that had to be it. She didn't need to read that letter; she could just focus on the ones that she herself had sent.

She wouldn't invade anyone's privacy.

XXXXX

Nikolo sat on the train, on his way back to his home base, enjoying the peace and quiet while it lasted. Not that he knew for sure, but he would think that having to deal with the interment zones would be rather hectic.

" _I suppose this will be one of the biggest challenges I'll have in my career"_ he thought _"I'll have to find a balance between following orders and treating the Eldians like humans."_

He'd have to be strict if conflict arose, otherwise his career path would be doomed in the best case and, in the worst, he'd catch the eyes of the wrong people. This was risky, and dangerous. Maybe he shouldn't have agreed after all?

" _No"_ he told himself firmly _"I refuse to just idly stand by anymore. I will do my own part in changing the world, as tiny as the effects might be."_

He just hoped he wouldn't get cold feet when actually facing trouble.

XXXXX

Sasha had finished reading the old letters she'd sent to Nikolo long ago, and was still battling against herself to not read the ones that weren't written by her. Among them was one from her mother, another from Jean, few from Armin, which Sasha was very curious about, though she guessed that the Colossal titan was simply questioning the cook about the outside world. She also wondered what had happened to all the other letters she'd sent. Had Nikolo gotten rid of them before leaving? Or could he have taken some with him?

" _No way. Why would he when he didn't take the photos either?"_ she thought _"Why am I even thinking about this? It's not like I've kept every letter he's sent me or something."_

Sasha sighed, collapsing down on the bench as she set her tray down on the table. She needed something else to think about. Now.

"Hey Armin, how's Hannah doing?"

Armin looked up from his lunch.

"Fine, I'd say. Her training is going well" the blond replied "And surprisingly, the MPs actually like her. How she does it I'll probably never know, but she's on their good graces."

Sasha snorted, saying: "She was in the garrison; MPs got no major bones to pick with them, unlike with us scouts."

"That's one way to look at it, yes"

"Hannah? You mean the current founding titan?" Onyankopon, who was sitting next to Armin, asked for clarification. Sasha nodded.

"That's her; she graduated from Southern 104th just like us, so we've known her for quite a while" Sasha was cheerful when she said this, but remembering what inheriting a titan meant in the long run, her smile faded "To think that she too only has ten years left- ow!"

Sasha glared at Connie sitting next to her, who'd whacked her on the head.

"What was that for!?"

Connie didn't answer, but cast a meaningful glance at Armin.

" _Oh shit, I'm such an ass"_

"Sorry!" Sasha said as she turned to the blond, clapping her hands together and bowing her head in apology "So sorry Armin, I wasn't thinking at all, I- "

"It's fine" Armin interrupted and as Sasha peeked up, she could see a calm smile on Armin's face, telling that he meant what he said. He'd come to terms with his faith by now, she supposed. Still, she had been really insensitive "I really, _really_ am sorry. Just punch me next time I say something so insensitive!"

"No worries, I'll gladly do it for him" Connie said, but Sasha stuck her tongue out at him, saying: " _You're_ not getting a permission!"

Armin laughed; Sasha saw. She was glad she hadn't ruined the mood… for the blond, that is. Onyankopon, on the other hand, looked very uncomfortable.

" _But he's_ always _a little fidgety, so it doesn't really count"_

XXXXX

"Home sweet home" Nikolo muttered before opening the front door. He hadn't informed his family that he was coming back today "I'm home!"

"Back already?" his grandfather questioned as he came over "You should've told us in advance."

"I'm sorry grandfather, but they decided to reposition me rather suddenly. I had no time to write" Nikolo defended himself. In truth, he would have had the time and the letter would've probably arrived a day or two before him, but he hadn't known exactly what he should write. However, the man didn't need to know that "Has everyone been well?"

"We have" the man said "Why the sudden transfer?"

Nikolo knew he had to choose his words carefully now.

"My superiors came to the conclusion that there was a different type of position I'd be well suited for, so they offered me a chance to start at it. I accepted, so I came back here as it's close" Nikolo told, trying to sound casual "I have today off, but I'll be reporting to my new position starting tomorrow."

"I see. Congratulations" his grandfather sat down "Now, do tell me what this new position of yours is like."

Nikolo looked over to the older man, seeing a knowing smile on his face. The man clearly knew that Nikolo was trying to dance around the subject and was avoiding something.

Nothing really got past his grandfather, now did it?

"I don't know the details yet" Nikolo admitted "But I will be mainly dealing with the interment zones. They need new staff it seems, and I was deemed suitable."

To his surprise, his grandfather didn't seem surprised in the slightest.

"I see" he was rubbing his chin "Considering your experience, you'll certainly have some skills for the job that most wouldn't. But are you ready for it, after everything that has happened?"

So that's how it was; his grandfather was looking at it from the logical point of view.

"I'm ready for it" Nikolo said, his voice not wavering in the slightest "It's a new kind of experience for me so it'll take time to adjust, but I'm sure this is something I can do. And considering everything that has happened, I also _want to_ do this. I want to put the nine years to use."

Was the later comment a bit too much? Well, he supposed not, as his grandfather was smiling approvingly. Or at least Nikolo thought it looked approving.

"In that case I wish you the best of luck" the old man said "Including on how will you tell your mother about this; she is certain to worry."

…Right. _That_ was something Nikolo wasn't looking forward to.

XXXXX

Sasha was sitting on her bed, staring at the letters Nikolo had received from people other than her. She had stuck to her decision to not read them, but thanks to the temptation to do so she hadn't been able to throw them away, either.

" _I need to burn these before I actually end up reading them"_ she thought with a groan. She had never felt so tempted to read other people's letters before, not even when she and Connie caught Jean writing a love letter in their training days. Naturally they had read it back then, but her self-control had been far poorer at the time, not to mention she'd mostly done so to mess with Jean. After all, who wouldn't want to mess with the guy?

"Urgh, time to burn!" she decided, jumping up with the letters in hand and heading for the kitchen, marching there single mindedly. As she walked in, the cadets saluted, giving her uncomfortable looks, probably fearing she was there to steal. A bit insulting, but by no means illogical fear. However, for once Sasha wasn't there for the food.

Marching over to a stove, she opened the hatch, but hesitated for a little while before throwing the letters in and quickly closing the hatch.

" _Done"_ Sasha thought, breathing out a sigh of relief. There was no longer need to resist the temptation. She just hoped that Nikolo wouldn't be mad if he found out she had burned some of his letters…

"Is everything alright, Ms. Blouse?" one of the cadets asked, snapping Sasha out of her thoughts. The few other cadets in the room had stopped what they were doing as well, all looking at her.

"Yeah, all's good" she said, but then added: "Just a word from the wise: you kids make sure to never fall in love. It's not worth the trouble."

With that she walked out, but not before snatching a potato from the counter, ignoring the protests of the cadet who'd been peeling them.

Sasha walked away, munching on to the treat she had found. Half way to her room she suddenly froze, remembering what she'd said to the cadets.

" _What… why did I say that!?"_ why had she spoken about love? What did she even know about love? Where had it come from? _"Am I… really in love?"_

Sasha shook her head, walking the rest of the way to her room with rapid speed. Slamming the door shut behind her, she collapsed on her bed.

"No way" she denied quietly, reaching out for the group photo under her pillow. The other two photos Nikolo had left behind were safely tucked in to one of her drawers, waiting for Nikolo to claim them, but this one she had considered right for her to keep "Right?"

She stared at the photo, mainly Nikolo's face on it. She missed him, she missed him so much it made her cry. As the tears fell down her face, Sasha finally realized that what she'd been suspecting for months now was really true.

"Oh no" she wailed "I really am in love."

 **A.N: Sasha has finally admitted to herself that she's in love! It took her what, ten years of knowing Nikolo? Better late than never, I suppose. Now that she knows what she feels, her point of view is going to be rather different in the next year's chapters. And what will Nikolo be up to? You'll see that next year as well, naturally. I wish you all happy New Year and hope you'll continue to follow this love story next year as well!**


	19. Chapter 19

**A.N: Happy New Year! A bit late, but still. It would've been nice to get this up on the third day when this story turned a year, but I was nowhere near done with the chapter at the time. But now it's up!**

 **Chapter 19**

"So Nikolo, what brings you back so suddenly?" his father asks as the whole family is gathered at the dinner table.

"I got a transfer" Nikolo answers "I'll be working closer to home for the time being, so unless I'm specifically ordered to move to dorms, I'll be staying home."

"That's wonderful news honey" his mother said "Just please don't overexert yourself."

"I won't; I've been fine so far, have I not?" he asked calmly, thinking that the stew had too much salt as he took a bite _"Whatever, still better than what we often get at work."_

"Will you be doing something different?" Viktor asks. Nikolo had hoped that wouldn't come up, but it was likelier it would, so he had prepared. He had decided to not beat around the push and just blurt it out and try to make it sound like it was by no means a big deal "Yes, my new position will be a little different."

"In what way?"

"I will be working in the interment zones, keeping an eye on the Eldians" a silence followed, just as Nikolo had expected. He also knew that his mother would start protesting any second now.

"The interment zones? How can they do that to you!?" just like he had thought "It hasn't even been that long since you… since you got back home! They can't make you deal with those devils again, not this soon!"

"Do not question the leaders of our military" Nikolo's father cut off his wife "They would not force our son to a position like this after what happened. He must've been given a choice and accepted. Isn't that right, son?"

"That's right, father" Nikolo confirmed "I spent nine years on Paradis and made it out. I don't want what I learned there to go to waste."

His father nodded approvingly, giving a look of warning to Nikolo's mother who still looked like she wanted to protest. In the end, she didn't, and the soldier was grateful for that.

"Then, what did you learn?" Ulrich asked. It sounded like it could be a jab at him, but the tone of his voice didn't suggest that… it was like he was curious, but tried to hide it.

" _That Eldians are people just like us and we were raised to be assholes to them for no reason"_ of course, there was no way he could say that aloud "Patience, most of all" that wasn't exactly a lie; he was using the skill even now "Diplomacy, too, as well as how those in a less favorable position think. Being a war prisoner teaches some tricks about survival."

As Nikolo said the last piece, he noticed that his family seemed to get a little uncomfortable, his mother looking even more worried.

" _I should've worded it differently"_ he cursed at his own stupidity, but couldn't come up with any better way he could've used to get the message across. Thinking it'd be better to change the subject, even if it was plain as day that he was doing so on purpose, Nikolo cleared his throat and asked: "So, Victor, how are your studies coming along?"

Victor, of course, caught on immediately and proceeded to tell about his studies. Nikolo was safe, for now. From the look on his mother's face, he could tell she'd want a word with him once they were alone.

XXXXX

"Are you okay, Sasha?" Connie asked her after dinner. Smiling, the woman answered: "Sure; why wouldn't I be?"

"You've seemed a little distracted today" her friend says "Did you do something stupid agai-? Wait no, Shadis would be after your ass if you did. It's something else."

"There's nothing, really" Sasha tells him, but as Connie stares back at her, the woman can't help but avert her gaze, unable to look him in the eye. And that, she knows, will give her away to him. It always does.

"Yeah, I don't think so" Connie says "Now what's wrong?"

"…You won't like it" Sasha knows. Connie has no faith in Nikolo, so if she tells him the truth, he'll just pity her. But Sasha doesn't need his pity "So I'd rather not say."

"You know that makes me even more interested, right?" yeah, she knew "You can tell me anything, regardless if I like it or not. And then I can help you."

"…" he could not, Sasha knew. There was nothing he could do and, for once, Sasha wasn't sure if he'd even want to. Since early training days, she'd always trusted Connie to have her back, but now she was no longer so sure. At least, not on this matter.

"Sasha?"

But he meant well, she knew.

"I can't always rely on you; I have to learn to solve my own problems" she said, smiling "But don't worry; if I need you, I'll be surely to come over to you!"

Connie frowned, but then sighed in what Sasha knew was defeat.

"Fine, but I'm holding you to your word" he said "If you need me, come to me. Even if it's in the middle of the night."

"We could get in trouble for that."

Connie snorted.

"We'll get in to trouble for something eventually anyway, so might as well get our asses kicked for a reason."

They both laughed.

XXXXX

Nikolo heard a knock on his bedroom door. His mother, no doubt. Taking a deep breath, he did his best to look relaxed and carefree, preparing to reassure the woman "Come in."

"How are you feeling, Sweetie?" his mother asked as she opened the door, stepping in. Nikolo shrugged "A little tired, but otherwise fine. Do you need something?"

"I was hoping we could talk" he knew it "Unless you're too busy?"

"Not at all, mother" Nikolo smiled, hoping that it didn't look too fake "What do you want to talk about?"

His mother closed the door, which he supposed wasn't the best sign, before sitting on his desk chair.

" _Stay calm and don't let anything too honest slip"_ Nikolo reminded himself _"…Wait no, this isn't some interrogation!"_

This was his mother, not some prison warden.

"Are you sure it was a good idea for you to accept this new position of yours?" straight to the point "Can you really handle it? Maybe some job not including those devils would be better for you."

" _At least call them Eldians"_ Nikolo thought, but didn't say it "Yes mother, I'm sure I can handle it. I am not frightened by Eldians."

"So you've said, but that's not what I'm worried about" she said "Are you sure you can keep order properly? You won't have any… thoughts that'll keep you from doing so?"

Nikolo frowned, not quite understanding.

"Are you sure you won't… feel _sympathy_ towards the devils?"

"…"

Ah, so that's what this was about. Around a year ago, he'd made the mistake of wondering if Eldians were really evil or not in front of his mother. And she remembered it _"I need to be very, very careful now."_

"Mother…" he started "I know I might've sounded a little out of it when I came back home, but I'm alright now" it wasn't a lie; he now knew what he wanted and needed to do "Having a job like this back then would've certainly been a bad idea" because back then, he wouldn't have had the guts to defend the Eldians "But now, I assure you, I will be able to do it" he'd do his best to treat the Eldians fairly.

Even so, his mother wasn't convinced. Her face told him as much.

"And if it _does_ become too much, I won't force myself" he told in order to reassure her "If that happens, I'll ask for a transfer. Alright?"

His mother looked at him in silence for a long time and, just as he was sure she'd protest, she smiled sadly.

"My little boy is all grown up now" she started to get teary eyed "I'll trust your judgement, then. But please, don't overwork yourself."

"Of course not, mother" Nikolo assured, hugging his mother. He supposed that even if it was small, this was a victory for him. Perhaps, with time, he'd get his mother to understand.

" _Don't get ahead of things"_

XXXXX

Sasha was laying on her bed, staring at the group photo again. She had come to the conclusion that she was in love, so now what? What was she supposed to do? Normally people would probably go and confess, or try to spend as much time as possible with the target of their love, but as Nikolo wasn't around, she couldn't do either of those. So, what was she supposed to do? Or would it be okay to do nothing and just continue her life normally until Nikolo came back?

" _But I don't want to do that!"_ now that her feelings were clear to her, she wanted to be able to do _something_. Was there a way to send a letter to Nikolo? One that would actually _get_ to him and wouldn't cause trouble for either of them? _"Think, think, there must be something!"_

But she came out empty. Thinking was never her strong suite, after all.

" _But I know whose it is"_ she thought, jumping up from her bed. Taking a second to confirm that her night gown was on properly and wouldn't reveal anything, she snuck out. She didn't exactly have strict curfew, she wasn't a cadet or average soldier after all, but if Shadis caught her, he'd think she was up to no good, even this one time that it really wasn't the case.

Sneaking up to the right door, she knocked, hoping that he was still awake.

"Yes?" Armin opened it rather fast, so he hadn't been asleep. He looked a little tired, though.

"Hi" Sasha said with a smile "Can I come in?"

Armin blinked, clearly having not expected her. However, he didn't question her sudden appearance.

"Sure" he let Sasha in "Sorry about the mess."

It was indeed surprisingly messy, especially considering that Armin would be here only for a few days. There were paper everywhere, along with books.

"I've seen worse" Sasha said with a shrug. Her own room was usually fine these days, but in the past…

"I know" Armin said with a laugh. Sasha didn't need to wonder what he was getting at; he knew what she'd been like "What did you want to talk about?"

Sasha opened her mouth, but then closed it, not knowing what to say. She knew _what_ she wanted to talk about, but had no idea how to start _"I should've thought this through!"_

"Umm…" she thought for a while, then decided to start with: "Can you keep a secret?"

Armin narrowed his eyes, asking: "What did you do this time?"

"What? Nothing!" Sasha denied, waving her hands frantically at Armin's sceptic look "Seriously, this time I've done nothing!"

"…Alright" Armin said "In that case, I _can_ keep a secret."

"Promise?"

"Promise"

"…Well, the thing is... umm…" she came all the way here and bothered Armin late at night, so she had toget it out _now_. With a blush, she managed: "I'm in love."

Armin blinked.

"And?"

"…Huh?"

"Sasha, the whole squad's known for years" Armin said, a small, smug smirk on his face "But what does it have to do with me?"

"How can everyone has known for years!?" Sasha asked, ignoring Armin's question " _I_ just found out yesterday!"

Armin stared at her, clearly dumbfounded, before bursting out in laughter. Mortified, Sasha shrieked: "It's not funny!"

"Sorry sorry" Armin finally managed out "Well, I'm no expert, but I suppose it's hard for some people to identify their own feelings."

Sasha pouted, waiting for Armin to calm down before saying anything more. She wasn't offended, not really, just embarrassed. Armin had no ill will as he laughed; it was just a spontaneous reaction, she was sure.

"I just wanted to know what am I supposed to do now" she finally said "Do you know?"

Armin seemed to think for a moment, but Sasha wasn't sure if he was wondering the question itself or already had something he wanted to say, yet he wondered _how_ to say it. Biting her lip, Sasha hoped Armin wouldn't be too hard on her even though she was pretty sure he didn't trust Nikolo any more than Connie did, possibly less.

"Well, normally I'd tell you to confess or do other things that might make him answer to your feelings, but since Nikolo isn't around, that's out of question" she hadn't even given him a name, yet he knew anyway. He wasn't kidding about the whole squad knowing, then "He said he'd be back, right?"

"Yeah"

"Then for now, try to figure out the best way to tell him when he comes back so you won't get cold feet" the blond said, tapping his chin "Though it might take a while, so if you want, we can look up ways for you to get to visit Marley someday, too."

"Really!?" Sasha asked, suddenly excited "You think that I could go?"

"Not any time soon, but I don't see any harm in looking through possibilities for the future in case he can't find a way to return" Armin smiled. Sasha smiled back as she realized that Armin actually believed in Nikolo's return. But why? As far as she knew, they hadn't been all that close _"But I didn't know about the letters either."_

"Armin?"

"Yes?"

"You really believe he'll come back? Why?"

"Why do you?" Armin asked back, but Sasha didn't answer. She couldn't, for she didn't know. Somehow, she had always just taken his word of return for granted.

"I've seen the way he looks at you" Armin told her "I know it's not my place to tell you this, but he's a man in love. In love with _you_."

"That's what Kaya said… wait, you also think that!?" Kaya saying it was one thing, but Armin was so perspective and unlike Kaya, didn't joke with this stuff, so it was different.

"I _know_ that; I'm not stupid" he smiled apologetically "No offense."

Sasha ignored the not-so-subtle insult, too busy progressing the information.

Nikolo was in love with her.

She was in love with Nikolo.

They both loved each other.

"No way…" she whined, sinking to sit against the wall as she held her head "How could I be so stupid? Why didn't I notice earlier!?"

She could hear Armin take a few steps, and then felt him patting her head.

"It's not like it's too late for anything, it'll just take a bit time" he reassured her "You both survived the war; you have the rest of your lives to make your feelings known."

Sasha supposed Armin was right. She was young; she had time to arrange her love life.

Unlike Armin.

Suddenly, the brunette felt very guilty. She shouldn't be wasting Armin's already very limited time with her own problems.

"Thanks Armin, really" she told him with a smile, standing up "Sorry for bothering you so late."

"As long as it's not to pull you out of some trouble _you've_ caused, I don't mind helping any time" the man said with a yawn "Though it _is_ getting really late, so you should probably go."

"Yeah" Sasha said. Before she could step out, Armin added: "If you need to talk, you'll know where to find me."

"Okay" Sasha said "Thanks."

She had to wonder what she'd done to deserve a friend like Armin.

XXXXX

"Nervous, new guy?" Nikolo's new partner asked him with a grin as they walked towards the interment zone.

"A little" Nikolo admitted "But I'm under the impression that any serious trouble is very rare."

"Sure, fortunately, but times are changing" the guy, Nikolo forgot his name, unfortunately, said "Personally, I blame it on the Paradis devils. The local ones are starting to think too highly of themselves because of them."

"…" it was better not to comment.

"Anyway, it hasn't gotten all that bad yet. And as long as we do our jobs properly, it never will" he grinned "Gotta show them who's the boss, got it?"

"Sure" Nikolo said. Thankfully, they just reached the gates. He just hoped his new partner didn't plan to put on any demonstrations for the newcomer.

"Yo!" his partner greeted the guards at the gate. Friends of his, do doubt. Looked to be around the same age too, but as one of them clearly outranked Nikolo, he saw it best to salute.

"Just in time, Jonas" right, that's what the name was. The soldier turned to Nikolo, saying: "Take it easy new guy; no need to be all formal."

"Yes, sir" was Nikolo's reply as he dropped his salute. The man studied him for a moment while his partner snickered.

"One of those serious types, eh?" he said before shrugging "Ah well, makes our jobs easier, especially since Jonas can be a little lazy."

"Hey!" the guy protested "I'm not lazy."

"Debatable" the other guard at the gate said, pointing inside "Off to work, you two."

"Yes, sir!" Jonas and Nikolo chorused, though the former were clearly mocking. Nikolo already felt like his partner was going to get him in to trouble someday. Hopefully, it wouldn't be today.

"Most days, we just patrol around the town" Jonas explained "If we see trouble, we deal with it. If the Eldians are arguing among themselves, let them do so if there's no violence. Saves you trouble."

"Got it" Nikolo said, thinking that it made sense to not to put in to every banter "Does that also apply if they're really loud and disturbing others, though?"

"You can interrupt if you feel like it" Jonas said with a shrug "Personally, I just keep walking. It's not like I have to stay and listen, so I don't care either way."

" _Yeah, he's lazy alright"_ Nikolo thought. If there was a really loud argument, the chances that it would escalate to violence were high. At the very least, he should stay around and keep an eye on the situation for a while _"Better not to say it to his face, though."_

Wanting something else to think about, Nikolo proceeded to do his job. He had only been to an interment zone few times during his training days. Back then, he couldn't wait to just get it over with so that he could get out, so he hadn't really paid much attention to his surroundings. Now though, he was actually curious to know what the communities of Marley's Eldians looked like. He doubted there'd be any significant differences aside from the place being poorer than other areas, but he could be wrong.

Looking around, he noticed that the place _did_ look like any city in Marley, just clearly poorer with the state of the houses, people's clothes and what little he could see of the market right now. And of course, more Eldians with their armbands in sight than what one would usually see in one place outside of battlefields. Eldians that avoided looking at them, he noted. Not that he was surprised; that was usually the case, and the fact that they were soldiers just made things worse. On a positive note, as long as no one tried to talk to him, he was less likely to say anything unnecessary.

"Peaceful days are easy and all, but sometimes this can get boring as hell" Jonas complained "I wonder if getting a short mission on Paradis would be fun…"

Nikolo looked at his partner in surprise, asking: "You'd actually _want_ to go there?"

"I'm curious" Jonas said with a shrug "And having gotten out of that place alive would be considered impressive. I mean, three months in the devil's den? How many people's nerves could handle that? Sure, we have peace now, but what if it happened to break while I was _there_? Scary idea, but that's what'd make it so impressive."

"…Is that so?" Nikolo said, wondering how the guy would react if he pointed out that he'd survived nine _years_ in the so-called devil's den _"He'd probably think I'm lying."_

"You don't sound too convinced" Jonas pointed out "Not afraid of the island devils?"

"Not in general, no" Nikolo said "Though their army has some scary individuals."

Jonas looked at him oddly, and only then did Nikolo realize his mistake.

"I mean- "

"You've been there, haven't you?" the man concluded, clapping him on the shoulder "Respect, man! No wonder you didn't seem skittish coming _here_ ; most people don't like the interment zones. So, how was it?"

"…Which part?" there was no way out of this conversation anyway, Nikolo supposed.

Jonas thought for a moment.

"Well, they say the place is behind with technology. That's true, right?" Nikolo nodded "What about the devils themselves? How do they treat Marleyans?"

"…Varied greatly depending on the individual" Nikolo found himself hesitating. If he said something too careless, he could get in trouble. However, this was a great chance to give Jonas a more realistic picture about the people of Paradis.

It was worth the risk.

"Some were total assholes, no questions asked. Mostly the MPs, the ones who handle the safety among the public I mean" Nikolo started "Most had a bit hostile attitudes, but didn't cause trouble for us as long as we didn't do so for them. And then there was this handful of, well…"

How should he describe Sasha and the others?

"Handful of…?" Jonas pressed on as Nikolo didn't continue.

"…Overly curious and optimistic ones, I suppose. Few kept trying to make friends with us" Nikolo chuckled lightly "Bit annoying really, but at least they weren't a threat to me."

" _Until I seriously pissed them off with the wine"_ Nikolo thought, but kept it to himself, especially since Jonas looked at him in a way that seemed to be a mixture of amusement and disbelief "They tried to make _friends_ with you? Really?"

"Just a few of them" Nikolo pointed out "But yeah, they did, their commander included. Quite pestering one, that one."

Jonas burst out laughing, and Nikolo wondered exactly what he had said. Once the guy calmed down, he said: "Okay, I admit you got me first, but now I know that you're bullshitting me."

"Huh?"

"Their _commander_ tried to make friends with you?" Jonas repeated, rolling his eyes "Sure thing, man."

" _I suppose that does sound pretty unbelievable, especially since he doesn't know I was there for nine years"_ Nikolo thought. He could've been offended for not being believed but, he reminded himself, he probably wouldn't believe Jonas either if their positions were the other way around. With a shrug, he said: "I'm being serious, but whatever. I gain nothing even if you do believe me."

Except if Jonas believed him, he'd be likelier to believe other things he said as well. He had time to get the guy's trust, though.

"Uhhuh, sure" he said "We better get moving. They're trying to be subtle, but the devils are staring at us."

Nikolo looked around, noticing that people were indeed looking at them from the corners of their eyes or giving them glances. Some parents were clearly trying to keep their children from staring, too. Blushing, he hissed at his partner: "It's because you laughed so loudly!"

"You're the one telling jokes while on duty" the man shot back "But you did get me at first. Try to rope in some others too later, won't ya? I'm not the only one who's curious about the place, you know."

Should he? It could be a good chance to influence the way people thought, with small steps of course _"But first I'd have to get them to believe me."_

"I'll keep it in mind" he said. Wanting to make sure they got their job done, he asked: "Is there a regular patrol route we're supposed to take today?"

"There are few regular routes we usually use, but we don't have strict schedules on which to use when. As long as none goes unused for too long, all's good" Jonas said, grinning "Can you tell why we have this system, rookie?"

Nikolo rolled his eyes. He might be new to _this_ position, but he wasn't a rookie as a soldier, not even close.

"So that people can't see a pattern and learn to know when to avoid certain areas" he answered.

"Bingo!" Jonas said "That's also the reason why the regular routes aren't completely set in stone, either. We can take odd turns here and there- actually, let's go down that alleyway."

Jonas was pointing ahead, and Nikolo went on with it without complaint despite the place looking a little shady, sure that his partner knew what he was doing.

" _Shady in the literal sense, too"_ the place was dark, and it smelled. The smell came from the trash no doubt; it seemed like a place where the trash was gathered before taken out from the interment zone _"I wonder how rarely they do that; the smell is so bad…"_

"Did we really have to use _this_ alleyway? Surely there would've been cleaner ones, too…" Nikolo didn't want to whine on his first day, but hygiene was important. Jonas just laughed.

"Well no, most of us don't use these, but that's exactly why it's good to do so every once in a while" he explained "The devils don't expect us to go through places like this, so sometimes they get careless."

Nikolo raised a sceptic eyebrow, saying: "Please don't tell me you tend to go through the trash to find something."

Again, Jonas laughed.

"Nah, I meant that they sometimes have unpermitted meetings in these places. Or talks that they don't want us to overhear" he said "Most of the time though, it's just fun to see them freak out when they see a Marleyan soldier come out of the kind of place they'd never expect!"

And just when Nikolo started to think that Jonas might not be as lazy as he had thought. Apparently, the guy's laziness was simply come over by his mischievous side.

" _But if it actually leads to him finding out important things, then it's a good thing, right?"_ well, he supposed it depended on exactly how mischievous the guy had the habit of getting. If he didn't actually hurt anyone, then it was probably fine _"But somehow I have a feeling that he might hurt an Eldian just for fun… am I being too judgmental?"_

No, he was being realistic. The chances of that happening were high. However, before anything actually happened, he would not assume the worst.

"And there's the light at the end of the tunnel!" Jonas cheered as they reached the end of the alleyway. For a moment, Nikolo saw a smirk on his face, one that made him rather uncomfortable _"What is he- "_

"Good morning!" the soldier bellowed from the top of his lungs to the unsuspecting Eldian merchant that had his stall right next to the street, scaring the man half dead "There are no problems here today, no?"

"N-no, sir" the man stammered. One look at Jonas' smug face told Nikolo all he needed to know.

" _Geez, this guy's going to be a real piece of work."_


	20. Chapter 20

**Chapter 20**

A year and five months since he'd last seen Sasha. When he left, Nikolo had known it could take a while before he could get to Paradis again, but while he had known it was possible, he hadn't expected it to take quite this long. And to make matters worse, he was nowhere near being scheduled to go back despite his best efforts.

" _But at least I'm finally getting things done here"_ he reminded himself as he walked along their patrol route together with Jonas. It was as he had thought on the first day: the guy really liked to mess with Eldians. Fortunately, he was rarely violent and when he was, Nikolo was there to hold him back. And during the last few weeks, it had seemed that Jonas was tuning it down a little. The former war prisoner was sure that it was sign of him making process, even if just small one. The disapproving looks and words Nikolo gave him, sometimes subtly, sometimes not so much, must've started to get through.

"See that, Nikolo? Looks like trouble to me" Jonas said in a tone that was way too happy as he saw two men arguing with each other at the market stalls, one shoving the other. He was right though, so it was their job to interfere. Jonas liked to boss people around, so Nikolo didn't mind him taking the lead, but the blond was always ready to reel him back in if things looked like they would get out of hand. And usually, they did.

"Alright, now what's the problem here?" Jonas asked, making the two men momentarily freeze. It seems they hadn't noticed the soldiers coming.

"Nothing sir, just a little disagreement" the other man said, casting a glare at the other man standing behind a vegetable stall.

"And that disagreement is about…?"

"He sold me damaged goods on full price! I was simply demanding compensation" Nikolo fought the urge to groan; they got caught in Jonas' radar for _this_? Attracting a soldier's attention for something so little wasn't worth the trouble they'd get in to if the soldier was in bad mood and didn't have a partner who'd keep them from doing something stupid. The man ought to thank his luck that he was there.

"I didn't know there _was_ anything else than damaged goods in the interment zone's market" Jonas pointed out. Unnecessarily so, but Nikolo knew he wasn't exactly wrong. What they sold here was often worse than what was sold outside "With that in mind, isn't it you who's being unreasonable?"

Jonas had a point. Maybe he wouldn't cause trouble this time.

"Well… I…" the man stammered, trying to find a way to defend his case.

"You what?" Jonas asked, narrowing his eyes as he took a step towards the man "Are you talking back to me, devil?"

" _I celebrated too soon… again"_ Nikolo thought with a sigh. Putting a hand on his partner's shoulder, he said: "I'm sure he's not that arrogant; he must simply have trouble with speaking. Isn't that right?"

Nikolo caught the man's eye, and fortunately, the Eldian wasn't stupid.

"Yes, sir" he said "I apologize for the trouble I've caused."

"Don't do it again" Nikolo said firmly "Now do get out of our sight."

" _Before my partner gets any ideas"_

"Yes sir!" the man all but ran off. Nikolo saw Jonas roll his eyes, managing to pull his arm back just before the man hit it "I had this under control, you could've just kept your mouth shut."

"I know what your "under control" means" Nikolo shot back "You often cause a bigger scene than there originally was and we'll have more to report."

"And here I thought you _liked_ to do your work diligently!" Jonas said "Or does Mr. Softie not want to see his little Eldian friends get hurt?"

"This again?" Nikolo asked with a sigh. He'd gotten that nickname just a few days in to the new job, when he first stepped between Jonas and an Eldian. Well, back then it hadn't settled itself yet, for Jonas had just made a joke, but after he'd stepped in a few times, it had stuck "I simply do not wish any extra trouble for _anyone_ ; the world is unstable enough as it is."

"Whatever you say" he said "Eldian sympathizer."

He'd heard that one a few times too by now. It was risky to get such a reputation, but so far Jonas seemed to have done nothing to complain about him to the higher ups. Or maybe he had, but they turned a blind eye. Nikolo was a hard worker after all even if he did say so himself, while Jonas… well, not so much.

"Let's go" he told his partner, but not before catching the grateful smile from the Eldian merchant.

This job of his had some good sides too.

XXXXX

"I can't believe Shadis let us have our vacations at the same time so easily!" Sasha cheered as they rode towards Dauber "How did you do it?"

"Just told him that he'd get a good rest for once with you and me both gone at the same time" Connie replied "His answer to that was "haul your ass out of here and take Blouse with you while you're at it!""

Sasha laughed.

"The reputation of troublemakers is paying off!"

Good thing too, for it had been quite a while since she last had more than few days' vacation. She hadn't been home in ages, and she was sure Kaya would also be glad to see Connie.

" _I wonder if she'll say anything to him this time…"_ she shook her head, reminding that it wasn't her business, even if these were her sister and her best friend that were in question. She didn't want them prying in to her business too much, so it was only fair she'd keep herself back as well.

"You sure your parents won't mind me coming along again?" Connie asked suddenly, pulling Sasha out of her thoughts "They might want to spend time with just family, even if they're too kind to say it."

"My dad won't hold back his tongue if he has something to say" Sasha said with a snort. Smiling at Connie, she adds: "And more importantly, you _are_ part of the family. You're like a brother to me!"

" _Kaya might not like that, but that's beside the point"_

"I suppose" Connie said, his eyes trailing to south "It's just… I would've liked to introduce you to everyone, too. And Jean; Sunny and Martin would've loved to make jabs about his face."

"I'm sure they would've" Sasha said, a sad smile taking over her features as she looked at Connie with pity "Should we visit your mom before we go back to the training grounds?"

"I'm planning to, but you should stay home. I don't want to take away any of your time with your family" Connie said, making Sasha pout.

"What did I just tell you?" she asked "Besides, since _you're_ my family, so is she by extension, right?"

Connie looked at her, and Sasha grinned. The man couldn't help smiling back.

"Okay, fair enough" he said "She would've loved you."

"Of course, I'm super charming after all! Who wouldn't love me?"

"Maybe we should ask that from the instructor?"

"Jerk" Sasha said, sticking her tongue out at him "Besides the instructor, I mean."

"Let's see… you drive Jean crazy, the captain tends to get irritated, Mikasa- "

"You're as bad as I am!" Sasha protested, making Connie laugh. Sasha laughed too, glad that she had gotten his mind elsewhere for the moment.

XXXXX

"I hate having my lunchbreak in this place!" Jonas complained as he and Nikolo leaned against a wall, eating their lunch "Remind me again why don't you want us to go outside the gate for lunch?"

"This saves us time" Nikolo replied, calmly scooping up his soup "Besides, eating peacefully here will make even us soldiers look less threatening. Food unifies people."

Jonas let out a laugh.

"We're soldiers keeping up peace; we're _supposed_ to be threatening" he said "And how can you eat that stuff anyway? It's filthy; you should've at least brought your own lunch like I did!"

"It's plain, but eatable" Nikolo said, referring to the soup he had bought from a surprised Eldian merchant a while ago "And while ruling with fear is one way, I'd prefer to rule by trust. Please don't jeopardize that."

"…You're a weird one, you know that, right?" yes, he did know. But in the young cook's opinion, Jonas wasn't really one to talk. As much as he complained, he usually went along with whatever Nikolo wanted. At first, he had thought the guy was just lazy, but now he wasn't so sure anymore _"Perhaps he's starting to see things differently as well."_

"But well, everyone else is certainly doing things the traditional way. Who knows, if we keep doing things your way, the devils might let their guards down around us and let something slip" he grinned "So I guess I see your point in doing this, and I want in on the results!"

" _Never mind"_ Nikolo sighed. Well, baby steps.

XXXXX

"Sasha, if you even _think_ of taking that pastry, I'm disowning you for good!" her father hissed as Sasha reached out for a freshly baked treat. The woman hesitated for a second, but in the end took it anyway. Not the first time her father made that threat, and certainly not the last, either "You brat!"

"Calm down; there's plenty" Kaya says with a laugh as she brings more and Sasha cheers, dodging as her father reaches for the pastry in her hand. Popping it in to her mouth, she goes straight to her sister, scooping up two handfuls.

"Leave some for me!" Connie protests, running over to get a pastry before Sasha can eat everything "And for your family. Have some manners for a change."

"You might just as well talk to a wall" Sasha's father says, but the woman in question ignores him, too busy enjoying the food "Sasha and manners don't belong to the same sentence when it comes to food."

"Do sis and manners belong in to the same sentence when it comes to _anything_?"

"Hey!" this time Sasha protests "I can behave myself just fine while on duty!"

Seeing her family's disbelieving looks, she turns to her comrade "Tell them Connie!"

"She has a point" Connie admitted "Most of the time, at least."

Sasha puffed her cheeks, but the important thing was that Connie had agreed with her, even if not completely.

"See?" she said, glaring at her family, but the two just laughed. Crossing her arms, Sasha said: "Oh c'mon, how would I have gotten as far in my career as I have if I didn't?"

"Well, you _are_ a friend of the queen" her father pointed out.

"And the Colossal titan" Kaya added before Sasha could protest.

"Not to mention the former and current Founding titans" Connie finished "Connections run the world!"

Sasha groaned.

"You're all so _mean_!"

Their laughter only proved her words.

XXXXX

Nikolo jogged along his usual path, lost in his thoughts. Few weeks ago, he had, once again, sent in a request to be sent on a mission to Paradis. He feared that his eagerness would be seen as suspicious, but he didn't know what else to do, for he was _desperate_. Did Sasha even wait for his return anymore? Or did she think he wouldn't keep his promise, that he'd never come back?

" _No, Sasha's so optimistic and trusting; she hasn't lost faith yet"_ yes, not _yet_. Nikolo must still have some time left, but he mustn't take it for granted. He had to get back as soon as possible, even if it was just for a moment, even if it was to just give a note to someone else that he'd indeed come back. After all, if he got there for just three months, there was no guarantee he'd get to see Sasha. Peace or no, she must be busy.

"Hm?" suddenly Nikolo noticed that he heard steps alongside his own ones. Was someone following him or just jogging too? Turning his head to check, he almost got a heart attack as he noticed Herbert jogging right alongside him, stopping and giving him an apologetic smile as the soldier fell over in fright. Right after, he heard booming laughter from his other side. Turning his head, he saw Helmut, almost doubling over in his laughing fit. Nikolo blinked a few times, not quite sure what had happened.

"We called out to you" Herbert explained as he helped him up "Few times in fact, but you were so lost in your thoughts that you didn't notice, so we decided to just jog alongside you until you'd take notice."

"Took a lot longer than we thought it would, though" Helmut said as he finally calmed down "What's on your mind?"

"The love of my life" Nikolo blurted out, deciding that it was fineto tell these two as long as he didn't go in to too much detail. Besides, who would they even tell?

The brothers stared at him blankly, clearly having not expected that. Eventually, Helmut was the first to recover: "So… are you planning a confession or sulking over getting rejected?"

Herbert gave his brother a warning look, Nikolo noted, but he didn't mind the question. Instead, he just laughed.

"The former got close" he admitted "I haven't seen her in a long time; our jobs get in the way. But when we do, I'll… I'll tell her for sure."

"You're determined, huh" Helmut said "Come to think of it, I don't think you've ever mentioned exactly what it is that you do."

Right, he hadn't. He knew that the brothers did some manual labor inside and outside of the interment zone, but aside from that, he didn't know what they did, either. He had avoided asking on purpose because then they'd have a reason to ask him, but he didn't want to say. He was pretty sure that the Eldians wouldn't be too happy about it if they found out they had been friendly with a soldier.

"Not that it's any of our business" Herbert added "We should continue our jog; we need to be done in time so that we don't miss the curfew."

"…Yeah, we should" Helmut agreed.

"Let's see if either of you can outrun me, then" Nikolo said, and the two accepted the challenge immediately. Starting to run, Nikolo bit back a sigh. It was good that he hadn't needed to say it, but this was sure to put a bit of a drift between him and the brothers. He just couldn't win, could he?

XXXXX

"Connie should just take it easy; he's supposed to be on vacation" Kaya said, and Sasha glanced behind her where Connie was piling up haystacks as she and Kaya cleaned the stables.

"I'm on a vacation too; shouldn't I also get to take it easy?" Sasha said with a grin, but Kaya only gave her a blank look.

"You _live_ here sis, but Connie's a guest" the girl said "Besides, with how much you eat it's only fair that you pay for it by working."

"Oh c'mon, I'm a war hero!" Sasha protested "Shouldn't me risking my life for everyone within the walls be enough of a payment?"

Kaya just stared, and Sasha stared right back. Eventually, it was the brunette whose poker face failed first, making her burst in to laughter, Kaya soon following her example.

"When you're retired, sure" the girl said "I'll go give Connie a hand."

Sasha highly doubted Connie needed the help, but didn't say it. She was sure Kaya just wanted to spend time with him, anyway. The blush on her face when she reached Connie was a good telltale sign of it. From the looks of it, Connie was trying to stop Kaya from lifting a haystack. Good move on his part; Sasha was pretty sure that these ones were too big and heavy for the girl… and she was right.

"Ouch" she muttered as Kaya toppled over with her heavy load. It didn't look like a too bad landing, so she was probably okay. And Connie was there, so he'd call for help if it was needed. She just hoped that Kaya wouldn't be too down now for embarrassing herself in front of Connie; Sasha could already see her face reddening.

" _Good good; he's helping her up"_ Sasha smiled, relieved. She was sure that had it been her falling down, not that she would have since she was strong enough to lift the stacks, Connie would've been too busy laughing to give her a hand.

" _They'll do fine"_ she decided _"But I won't if I don't get back to work soon!"_

Sasha did just that, not wanting Kaya or her father to deny her any food. Though even if they did, she'd snatch some anyway.

XXXXX

"Seriously? You weren't joking back then!?" Jonas asked Nikolo, who shifted uncomfortably. Due to a series of events, his partner and a few others had recently found out that he'd been one of the people imprisoned in Paradis and were now asking him about it directly.

"I never said I was, did I?" he asked with a sigh "You just chose not to believe me. What else should've I done than just to let it be?"

"Okay, point taken" Jonas said "Now tell us about the place!"

" _If_ you want to" one of the others added as he elbowed Jonas, who glared.

"Oh c'mon, he's fine! If he was traumatized or something, he wouldn't be allowed to work yet, especially in the interment zone" Jonas said, and Nikolo knew he had a point. No way to wiggle out of this one, then.

"Just remember that there are things I'm not _allowed_ to talk about" he said "But as long as anything you ask doesn't fall under that; I'll answer to what I know."

" _Hopefully without getting in to any trouble"_

Maybe he should've just pretended that talking about it all was really hard and traumatizing.

"Did you ever see _him_?" was Jonas' first question "The evilest of them all, Eren Yeager?"

"Several times" Nikolo admitted "The guy wasn't actually all that intimidating when in his human form."

"…And in his true form?" one of the guys asked hesitantly. Ignoring the implication behind the "true form" comment, Nikolo admitted: "I only saw it a few times, but honestly? Scary as hell."

It was true; while he wasn't afraid of Eldians in general, seeing a titan still scared him. Eren and Armin, who could turn in to titans, had also scared him until he left, but he'd gotten used to them eventually… well, to Armin at least. In his opinion, Eren was messed up from beginning to end. Not that it mattered anymore as the guy was now gone.

"Thought as much" Jonas said with a shudder "Honestly, even the warriors creep me out, so I don't think I could keep my shit together anywhere near the founder."

"But you _never_ keep your shit together" their superior pointed out, and Nikolo laughed along with the others. Huffing, Jonas changed the subject: "Was it true when you said that commander of their troops tried to befriend you?"

 _This_ was the kind of question he had to be careful about, Nikolo knew.

"Yes, she did. She's a bit… weird one, even for someone from Paradis" he started carefully "I was the first one they captured, so I ended up gaining their attention more than some others because of that."

And because he was cooperative after a while. And because Sasha and traitorous Yelena vouched for him. But he better not mentions those.

" _But nothing ventured, nothing gained. This is a chance to change their opinions on Eldians a little."_

"But you know, despite her oddness, the commander was surprisingly reasonable and good-hearted person" Nikolo knew he had already stepped in to a dangerous territory; the faces his comrades made told him as much. Still, he chose not to back down "As were some others there. I don't deny that some of them were just as horrifying as we've been taught, but some others… well, not as much. They're _individuals_."

Okay, maybe that one went a bit too far. Those half disbelieving, half amused looks he got told him as much.

"…Maybe you're not as alright as I thought you were" Jonas said, and Nikolo couldn't help but think that the guy sounded like his mom.

"I'm fine" he insisted "You said it'd be cool to go there yourself, right? I dare you to go and come back to tell me I'm delusional."

"I don't think- "

"Challenge accepted!" Jonas interrupted the other guy, a smirk on his face "I want to see just what made you spout stuff like this."

Nikolo smirked back, but inwardly, he was worried. This conversation could get him in trouble, not to mention making that challenge was a gamble. If Jonas saw nothing that'd change his opinion, nothing that'd make him _admit_ that Nikolo was right, he'd really come off as delusional.

" _Calm down, you got this"_ the former POW told himself _"The picture people have of Paradis' Eldians is so bad that_ any _small thing will be a huge improvement."_

Or so he hoped at least.

XXXXX

"Mom, can I ask you something?" Sasha asked as they washed the dishes side by side, no one else in the room.

"Of course, honey" Lisa replied, putting the plate down "What's bothering you?"

"Well, I…" she'd already started; there was no backing out now. Besides, she wanted to know! "Someone delivered me some old letters Nikolo had. Most were from me so I kept those, but the rest- which I didn't read I swear! I burned them!"

Lisa Blouse blinked, before smiling softly at her daughter.

"You've always been curious by nature" she said "Yet you managed to resist? It shows how you've grown."

"… _I can't tell her how close I came to reading them"_ Sasha thought with a sweat drop. Clearing her throat, she continued: "There was one from you among them, and I kind of want to know why… please?"

Lisa laughed a little, making Sasha frown.

"I'm sorry honey, no offence meant" she said "I was worried about you back then, so I asked Mr. Nikolo to keep an eye on you and to take care of you."

"Huh?" Sasha was confused "If you wanted someone to take care of me, why not Jean or Connie? Or Mikasa? Or even Armin or Eren? They were all in a much better position to do so than Nikolo would've been!"

"They had their own worries" Lisa paused, thinking "Well, Mr. Nikolo did too of course, officially being a prisoner an all, but since he no longer fought as a soldier, he could take your mind elsewhere the way your friends couldn't. And your father and I trust him; we know he'd do his all to keep you safe and happy."

Sasha didn't completely understand how they could be so sure about it; they barely knew Nikolo. Suspicious, she asked: "Mom, did he ever send a reply?"

"Of course," Lisa answered, but before Sasha could ask her mother to show her, the woman said: "But letters are private, Sasha."

The soldier pouted.

"But it's _yours_ , so it's fine for me to see it if you say so" she tried, but her mother shook her head.

"It's not just about my privacy" she said "But don't worry; I can tell you that Mr. Nikolo agreed to my plead without hesitation."

Sasha didn't doubt that; not after what she'd recently learned.

"Honey, is there something else on your mind?" Lisa asks, making the younger woman avoid her eyes "Sasha?"

"Mom" she decides to just admit it "I'm in love."


	21. Chapter 21

**Chapter 21**

Nikolo chopped some carrots, working on autopilot as his mind was stuck on his conversation with his comrades a few days before. He was convinced he had said a few things he shouldn't have, but since no one had approached him yet, that probably meant that the guys hadn't gone to complain to any higher ups.

" _But this certainly won't make the nickname "Eldian sympathizer" go away"_ he sighed. He didn't mind the name itself, but if wrong people hear it… _"Chill, Nikolo, you got this."_

He'd been in worse places after all.

"Again, sir?" Nikolo was jolted out of his thoughts by the actual cook's voice "You are aware that this is my job, right? I'll be unemployed at this rate!"

He wasn't serious about the later part, the younger cook knew, so he chuckled.

"Everyone needs a hobby" he said "Surely there's something you do to relax as well?"

"I do some gardening; nothing beats self-raised vegetables" the cook said "You have your own greenroom as well, no?"

"Naturally" Nikolo said, mentally noting that he'd need to take better care of it and not just leave everything to the gardeners "How about I take charge this one time? I don't think you're familiar with this recipe."

"Really now? You do know I'm a professional cook, right?" the man seemed a little insulted. Chuckling, Nikolo told: "No offence meant; this just happens to be a dish I learned in Eldia. I don't think there are too many people here who'd know it."

"Eldian dish?" the disgust in the cook's voice was clear as day "Are you sure you want to make something like that?"

"Indeed, I am; I learned a few quite good ones during my stay" mostly from the Blouse family "I assure you, despite being quite simple, they are delicious."

"…Well, whatever suits your tastes" the cook finally said "What do you need me to do?"

Nikolo showed him, and the two of them worked in silence, only speaking when communicating was necessary for the job. It reminded him of working with Grior; he'd always preferred silence as well. Unlike Sasha.

 _Flashback_

" _The soup yesterday was so amazing!" Sasha gushed as she chopped up some carrots. Blushing at the compliment, Nikolo tried to hide it with a scowl as he asked: "How could you even taste it when you gulped it down so fast? It's a miracle you didn't burn your tongue!"_

" _I've had a lot of practice!" Sasha said, sounding like it was something to be proud of. Little pig._

" _I don't doubt that" Nikolo muttered, his eyes going over the girl quickly "It's a miracle you still look like that with the amount of food you eat."_

 _He expected her to give him a jab back or just laugh, but instead he was met with silence. Knowing that it wasn't like her, he turned to look at the girl, only to find her staring at him with a blush on her face. Wheels turning in his head, Nikolo started to understand what it may have sounded like and blushed furiously as well._

 _Turning back to his work, the man decided not to say anything, least he makes even more of a fool of himself._

 _Flashback_

" _That was one of the very few times things got so awkward that she didn't keep up her chatter"_ Nikolo thought with a chuckle _"One other time was when- "_

Suddenly Nikolo shook his head rapidly, coming to the conclusion that this was a bad time and place to remember _that_. Or actually, it wasn't proper of him to be remembering it at all. It was better not to think about it.

" _Easier said than done"_

XXXXX

"Whoah!" Sasha yelped as Kaya stumbled with a water bucket, soaking her sister's shirt as she was right in the harm's way. For a moment she just stood there in shock, staring at Kaya who was lying on the ground, staring right back, before they broke in to laughter as one.

"Sorry sis" Kaya said after she calmed down, but Sasha just waived it off "No worries; that has happened to me too."

It was true; it had happened a lot to her in her training days before her balance and muscle got to the point they were now. And honestly, even after that on times she was simply being careless. Like that one time in the restaurant…

 _Flashback_

" _Do you really have time for this?" Nikolo asked Sasha as she offered to help him in the kitchen once again "You're a soldier; surely you have your hands full."_

" _I have a day off" Sasha answered with a shrug "Besides, I'm not nearly as busy as those who have to do all the thinking with that diplomacy stuff and such. I just do what I'm told when I'm told."_

" _Excluding kitchen raids" Nikolo said, making Sasha blush "Or did the crazy commander order you to do that? I wouldn't put it past her."_

 _Sasha blinked, her face suddenly forming in to a grin as she got a brilliant idea. Yeah, she could work with that._

" _She did actually, so you shouldn't be going around stopping me anymore!" Sasha felt like cheering, but her smile dropped at the blank stare Nikolo gave her._

" _That would be much more believable if your expressions weren't like an open book" he said "I know you just made that up."_

 _Sasha pouted; so much for easy food._

" _But maybe I can_ get _Hanji to give me such an order" she said, mostly just to see how Nikolo would react. However, the guy just rolled his eyes, saying: "Right, because the commander has nothing better to do."_

"Damn, looks like I can no longer fool him the way I used to" _Sasha thought. In a way it made her happy as it meant they were becoming closer, but at the same time she knew it'd make it harder for her to avoid trouble when sneaking around the kitchen._

" _If you're going to loiter around here anyway, give me a hand" Nikolo suddenly said. Sasha wasn't sure if he really needed help or if he just wanted to keep her busy so that she wouldn't cause trouble "Bring me the pot over there, okay?"_

" _Sure!" Sasha said, seeing the item in question on the counter next to the door. Skipping over, she noted that the pot was already filled with water, though fortunately not right to the brim. Not that Nikolo would be so careless when he had to move the pot later, Sasha knew._

" _Hup" she lifted it up, but right as she did the door opened, knocking the pot out of her hands and soaking her in the process._

" _Oops" Grior said as he looked at her, clearly having noticed the door colliding with something "Sorry."_

 _He didn't sound or look sorry at all, and Sasha wasn't too surprised, but there was no point in making a fuss about it since it was not like he had done it on purpose._

"Though if he'd known I was here, he probably would have" _the soldier thought, being fully aware that the man didn't like her._

" _Are you okay, Sasha?" Nikolo asked, glaring at Grior. He came towards her, but stopped in his tracks after a few steps, his face suddenly starting to grow red. Frowning, Sasha asked: "What?"_

 _After a few seconds of silence, Grior snorted, resulting to a glare from Sasha._

" _What's so funny?" she asked defensively. Her being a little clumsy shouldn't lead to a reaction like that; was there something she was missing here?_

" _It's just… your…" Nikolo stuttered, but couldn't get the words out. Sasha raised an eyebrow as he raised a shaky finger, pointing at her. She blinked, looking down at herself, at her clothes, before it hit her._

 _Her shirt was white today, and it had just gotten soaked._

 _Uh oh._

"… _!" her face felt hot, and Sasha was sure it was deep red. Wordlessly she drew her hands in front of her chest before running out of the room._

 _That was the most embarrassing moment of her life._

 _Flashback_

"Sis? Are you okay?" Sasha was drawn out of her thoughts by Kaya's voice. Hoping that her face hadn't gone red due to the memory, she answered: "Yeah, I'm okay."

"You sure? Your face is red" damn, no luck it seems.

"I'm fine, really" she said with a laugh "I just remembered a similar incident that happened in a bit um… more embarrassing circumstances."

"You do always manage to make a fool of yourself" Kaya said, starting a series of protests from Sasha. She did not.

…Well okay, maybe she did.

XXXXX

"Morning partner!" Jonas cheered as he and Nikolo met up outside of the gates to the interment zone, slapping the blond in the back way harder than was necessary "Guess who got lucky!"

"Certainly not me with how hard you hit" Nikolo grumbled "I really don't want to know how hard you'd hit someone you actually want to harm."

"Then don't get on my bad side"

"Noted" Nikolo said dryly "So, what happened to put you in so high and violent spirits?"

"Oh, nothing nothing" the man said, and Nikolo knew Jonas was trying to bait him in to pestering out the information, which was not happening. He was not _that_ interested, not to mention that, knowing Jonas, he'd spill the beans really quickly if Nikolo didn't show any signs of interest.

"Is that so?" he said "Well then, let's get to work."

He started walking, entering through the gates, sure that Jonas would soon follow. And follow he did.

"C'mon, this is something you want to know!"

"Is that so?" he said, but didn't even try to pry further. Jonas would manage to keep whatever it was to himself for an hour or two, three at most if he was patient.

"You really, _really_ want to know this!" he insisted "C'mon, ask what I have to say!"

"Fine" Nikolo said with a sigh. Turning around, he asked: "What do you have to say, Jonas?"

"Guess where I'll be positioned, starting a month from now?" he asks with a grin. Nikolo raises an eyebrow, actually curious now. What kind of job would make Jonas, who can be a bit on the lazy side, so excited? And why was he bugging him about it?

…He didn't really need to ask; he'd already figured it out. Eyes wide, Nikolo said it out loud: "You're going to Paradis!?"

Jonas frowned, clearly displeased with his deduction skills.

"How did you know?! It was supposed to shock you!" he complained, and Nikolo had to admit that it had. His partner had just made it so obvious so that there was no way for him to not get it.

"No, that was a shock" he admitted "Especially since it's so sudden; just what happened?"

"I just went and volunteered for the job is all" he said with a shrug "Most people try to avoid going with all they have, so when someone volunteers, of course they're allowed to go."

Nikolo stared, mouth hanging open. _He_ had volunteered as well, yet he had not been allowed to go. Was Jonas not telling him something, or was he not trusted? Or perhaps the higher ups thought he couldn't handle it?

Honestly, all three options felt perfectly possible.

"Are you _sure_ that's all you did?" he asked "You don't have any hidden connections or something?"

"Not that I know of" he said with a shrug before grinning "What, don't tell me you've tried the same and not succeeded?"

"Yeah, I did" he had done so several times, but it was better not to say that "Guess they fear I'm not cut out for it yet."

"If it was up to me, I'd take you along" Jonas said with a shrug "You're clearly fine!"

"Thanks" Nikolo said "Time to get to work."

"So, acknowledging your ability to handle things doesn't save me from this shift?"

"Nope"

"Damn it"

XXXXX

As Sasha watched Connie and Kaya interact with each other at the dinner table, she couldn't help but think how obvious the girl's feelings were. And judging from the looks on their faces, her parents and Claus had all caught on, too. Connie, however, clearly had no idea. If he did, Sasha would've been able to tell.

" _I wonder if all people have trouble seeing it when someone's interested in them?"_ Sasha thought, recalling that it took years for Eren to notice Mikasa's feelings… and that she herself had had no idea about Nikolo _"Now that I think of it, were there any obvious signs that I overlooked?"_

Surely the fact that he was always ready to cook for her didn't count; it was his job after all. What else could there have been?

" _Wait, I think he was checking me out at that one time! Or at least the comment he made was a little…"_ at the moment, Sasha hoped she wasn't blushing as the embarrassing memory climbed to the top of her mind _"But that's just one thing, what else?"_

Aggressively munching on her bread, Sasha worked through her memory, sure that there had to be something very obvious that she had overlooked.

"Sis, if you continue eating with a speed like that you might end up in a hospital" Kaya said as she moved her attention away from Connie, and that was exactly the kind of hint that Sasha needed.

The hospital.

 _Flashback_

 _As Sasha starts to regain her consciousness, pain is the first thing she takes note of. It hurt a lot. Just what had happened? Where was she? Think, Sasha, think! They… attacked Marley… and she got on the escaping airship just fine, right? With Connie and Jean by her side, as usual, and then… what? They'd been there, waiting for someone who wasn't accounted for yet, she couldn't remember who, and then… what? What had happened? The airship hadn't made a sudden crash landing, had it?!_

 _The thought getting her to panic, she tried to open her mouth to call for Jean, Connie, anyone really, but her mouth felt dry and she couldn't get a sound out. Frustrated, she did her best to open her eyes. Her sight was blurry at first, the light blinding her, but after her sight adjusted, she realized it was night, the only light coming from a lamp nearby. There was also a roof over her head, she noted. She was inside somewhere… seems like their airship hadn't crashed after all. But where was she?_

 _It took a few attempts, but eventually she got her very raspy voice to work._

" _Hello? Is… anyone there?" she called out "Hello?"_

" _Sasha?" was asked in reply, but she didn't recognize the voice right away, so it wasn't Jean, Connie or Mikasa. Not Armin or Eren, either, and the voice was too soft to be the captain. The commander? No… Floch? Probably not, but she still couldn't tell who it was._

 _Not that she needed to wonder for long since a face entered her line of vision, and she met Nikolo's worried eyes._

 _That's right, Nikolo. How could she forge-_

 _Wait, he was supposed to be back on the island, within the walls, yet her last memories were from the skies of Marley. What had she missed?_

" _Wha-?!" she started, but raising her voice strained her throat too much and she coughed. She tried to sit up, but it made her side hurt, not to mention it was impossible as Nikolo immediately started pushing her back down._

" _Take it easy; you shouldn't move yet" he said "You got hurt pretty badly."_

" _What… happened?" she asked, managing to continue with her raspy voice: "Where am I? Where… is everyone?"_

" _This is a hospital inside Wall Rose" Nikolo told her "Everyone's fine, though they've been really worried about you."_

 _Sasha smiled a little. So, everyone was fine, huh? Good… they'd made it. But why had she ended up in a hospital?_

" _What happened?" she asked, quickly clarifying: "To me. Why am I… here?"_

" _You don't remember?" the blond asks, and Sasha shakes her head slightly._

" _An enemy snuck on the airship and shot you, or so I've been told" he replied "But they got disarmed and captured before anyone else got hurt, so don't worry."_

" _Okay" Sasha said, not sure what else to say._

" _You're safe here" Nikolo told her, suddenly taking her hand and squeezing it "So just rest."_

" _Okay" she said again, squeezing back with the little strength she could muster. It was going to be fine; if Nikolo said she was safe, then she really_ was _safe. She could think of all the complicated stuff later, after she'd rested some._

 _Flashback_

" _Only Nikolo was there"_ she realized _"When I woke up, he was there, even though it was night time!"_

How could she have been so stupid? Her family or squad she could understand, that'd make perfect sense, but instead of them, the one waiting for her to wake up had been a war prisoner. He could've gotten in trouble for it, he must've had other things to do as well, yet he'd still chosen to stay by her side. What had she been thinking back then? That he would've done it for any random friend he made from the enemy ranks? Sure, her squad had been busy with the war in their hands, but surely no one had forced Nikolo to be there.

He'd stayed by her side solely because he wanted to.

"Gosh, I'm so stupid" Sasha muttered, burying her face in her hands. That, if anything, should've gotten her to notice!

"Can't say I disagree, but what brought forth the sudden realization?" Sasha looked up at Connie's wide grin with a glare as her family chuckled around her.

"Nothing you'd be able to understand" she shot back, sticking her tongue out at him "'Cause you're an even bigger idiot than I am!"

Though in all honesty, for the first time ever, Sasha wasn't so sure if it was really true.

XXXXX

When Nikolo got home that day, he was in higher spirits than usual. There was no way he could join Jonas on his mission to Paradis, yes, but what he _could_ do was ask the guy to deliver a message, a letter. Now he just had to write it.

Sitting at his desk, he pulled out some paper. He wasn't all that verbally talented, but it's not like Sasha would mind, for neither was she. Besides, it was the thoughts that counted, right?

Even so, he didn't want to do this halfheartedly.

 _Dear Sasha_ he started the letter. That was fine, right? It was a standard way to start; it wouldn't be awkward… and even if Sasha got the wrong idea about it, so what? It would just make clear something that had been left unsaid.

 _How have you been doing? Personally, I've done well and_

" _No"_ he thought, crumbling the paper and taking out another one. That just sounded stupid; he had to come up with something better than that.

 _Dear Sasha_ he started again before having to stop to think. Dear Sasha what? What should he write?

" _Maybe I should first apologize for the fact that she hasn't heard anything from me until now?"_ Nikolo thought, nodding to himself. Yes, that was a good idea, and it'd be rude to not do so.

 _I'm sorry I haven't been in touch; I've been busy with work_

" _No, damn it"_ Nikolo thought, crumbling this piece of paper as well. It was stupid to add that he'd been busy with work; he was sure Sasha would get that without saying. Another try; third time's the charm, right?

 _Dear Sasha,_

 _I'm sorry I haven't contacted you sooner. I hope you and everyone else are doing well._

He lifted his pen, wondering how to continue. So far it seemed good, and he wanted the rest to be like that as well.

 _I'm sure you must be busy with work, and I am as well, but I thank you for taking the time to read_

"Oh, hell no!" Nikolo let out in frustration, banging his head on his desk as he crumbled the paper. Turns out that the third time wasn't the charm after all _"That sounded way too formal!"_

And just overall stupid; Sasha would just laugh at a letter like that, he was sure. She wouldn't do it to be mean; it'd be just pure amusement. Still, Nikolo didn't like the idea.

"What's getting you so worked up, Nicky?" Nikolo almost jumped at his brother's voice "New recipes not turning out all right?"

"Go away Ulrich" the soldier said with a heavy sigh; he was not in the mood for this right now.

Surprisingly, his brother didn't answer, but Nikolo knew he hadn't left, either. What was he doing?

"What's that?"

"What's what?" Nikolo asked, but realized a second too late what the other man might have meant as he snatched the crumbled letter from Nikolo's hand "Hey!"

The soldier leaped off his chair and tried to get it back, but Ulrich dodged with a practiced ease, something that his non-military brother had called an older brother's natural instinct.

"Let's see" Ulrich said as he uncrumpled the paper, his eyes widening before his face split in to a grin "You're writing a love letter!?"

"Ulrcih, give it back"

"But it's all crumbled; can't think of what to say, eh, Nicky?" Ulrich asked, giving the paper back to his brother. Not that Nikolo was surprised; with how little text was on in, he must've finished it by now.

"So, the name of your girl is Sasha" he said "Honestly, I had been thinking that you'd made the whole thing up; that there was no girl at all. Just when do I get to meet her?"

"Never if you keep that up" Nikolo hissed at him, crumbling the paper again "Unless you actually came here for a reason, leave."

"I just came to check on you" Ulrich said, dropping himself down on Nikolo's bed, clearly having no intention of leaving "You know, with your new job being- "

"My job is something I can handle just fine" Nikolo said with a glare, but Ulrich didn't pat an eyelash.

"So, you say, and I really hope you're right" he said "Just be careful, okay?"

Nikolo stared, not used to his brother acting like this. It had been a while since he'd last seen the guy all sincere and worried.

"Yeah, I will" he said with a sigh, unable to be mad at the man anymore "Anything else?"

"Well, since you asked" Ulrich started, a smile that Nikolo did _not_ like creeping to his face "What exactly is causing you trouble with the letter?"

"Out" Nikolo deadpanned, pointing at the door. Ulrich laughed, but chose to get up anyway. At the door he paused, telling his brother: "Don't worry about it too much; if she likes you, she won't let the letter change her mind even if you make a complete fool out of yourself with it."

With that he walked away, ignoring his brother's glare, which dropped as soon as he was out. Ulrich was right, Nikolo knew, but he couldn't help himself for being self-conscious.

Sitting back at his desk, Nikolo pulled out a new sheet of paper again.

 _Dear Sasha,_

 _I'm sorry I haven't contacted you sooner. I hope you and everyone else are doing well._

Yes, it was good up to that point. And then?

…

He had no idea.

" _This is going to be a_ long _night."_


	22. Chapter 22

**Chapter 22**

Nikolo, having fallen asleep at his desk, woke up to the sound of poorly muffled chuckles. He groaned, not wanting to deal with amused Ulrich first thing in the morning.

…

…What was Ulrich doing in his room?

Lifting up his head and looking behind him, Nikolo's eyes widened as he caught his brother reading the letter he'd written.

Well, at least that explained the chuckling.

"Damn it, Ulrich, give that back!" he yelled, leaping off his chair again, getting the paper back surprisingly easily.

"Don't worry Nicky; it's cute" Ulrich said, clearing his throat: "Dear Sasha, I'm sorry I haven't contacted you sooner. I hope you and everyone else are doing well. There are so many things I'd love to tell you, but much has to wait until we see each other again. However, I can't keep myself from telling you how well things are going with the military, for slowly but surely, I'm making this country a better, kinder place- "

"You memorized it!?" Nikolo cut him off, embarrassment dying his face redder than the roses on the uniforms of the garrison soldiers.

"Just some interesting parts" Ulrich said with a grin "Do tell if I mess up somewhere."

"-for the sake of us both." Ulrich rolled his eyes at this "My work is far from done, but I'll see you again as soon as I can. I know you're doing your best too, just like you always do. Still, I wish I could be there with you, so that we could change the world together."

At this point Ulrich couldn't keep going as he burst in to laughter.

"Change the world together? Really, Nicky? That's too cheesy even for you!" he said "You sure you won't accidentally end up killing your sweetheart to laughter?"

"…" Nikolo didn't answer, knowing that Ulrich would use whatever he said against him.

"How did it go from there again?" Ulrich wondered out loud "Something about not overworking herself…? Yeah, that's what it was. She a workaholic?"

"…Just a hard worker" Nikolo didn't know why he even bothered to answer.

"That so? Hmm, then you told her about how things have changed here, babbling about Nat and Bianca's marriages and all…" yeah, he'd done that. He'd sometimes told Sasha about his family and he knew hers, so why not? "And then you told her to pass on greetings to her family and some friends of hers. Are you in good terms with her family?"

" _Sometimes I feel like I'm in better terms with her family than my own"_ Nikolo thought, but didn't say it out loud. It wouldn't be fair; he knew that despite their views often colliding, his family weren't bad people. Not good people the way Sasha's was either, but not bad. Just… a little arrogant? Narrow-minded? Those and a bit more "Yeah, pretty good, I suppose."

"And yet you still haven't introduced her to _us_ " Ulrich grumbled "Hmm… and then you finished the letter with "with love, your precious Nicky.""

"I did not!" Nikolo yelled with a red face. He did _not_ write "with love" and he would never even consider signing his letter with "Nicky."

"Well you should have" Ulrich said with a shrug "And what was up with the weird P.S. -part?"

"Just a little reminder for her" Nikolo said, unable to keep himself from snickering.

"Women don't usually like it when you comment on their eating habits, you know" his brother pointed out "" Give the cooks a break and stop raiding the pantry" Is that your roundabout way of telling her she needs to lose weight or something?"

"No, I meant it literally" Nikolo grinned at the older man's dumbfounded look "That's a troublesome hobby of hers."

"Does her family starve her or something?"

"Not at as far as I know; she's just a glutton" Nikolo told, adding fast: "And no, she's _not_ fat."

"You sure? You haven't seen her in a while; maybe that's changed" Ulrich said with a smirk, but Nikolo just rolled his eyes. There was no way she would, not with the kind of job she had. Besides "Even if she is, that's irrelevant."

He'd fallen in love with an enemy soldier; few extra kilos wouldn't change something like that.

"You really are in love, huh" Ulrich said, but this time Nikolo didn't hear any mockery in his voice "I'll keep my mouth shut for now, but if you want to keep this as a secret for now, make sure your letter doesn't end up in the wrong hands."

Nikolo froze, realization striking him. What if Jonas read the letter just for fun? He definitely wouldn't put it past the guy.

" _I can't ask him to deliver it; the risks are way too high"_ It was such a shame. And to think that he'd used hours last night, trying to write the perfect letter _"I'm such an idiot."_

XXXXX

"How long does your vacation still last?" Kaya asks as she takes a break from work with Sasha and Connie.

"Around a week, but we need enough time to get back, so we'll leave in a few days" Sasha said "And we'll visit Ragako on the way, which makes quite a detour, so we'll need to reserve enough time for it."

"That's your home town, right?" the girl asks Connie.

"Yup"

"Can I come, too?" she asks. Sasha blinks in surprise, glancing at Connie. She supposed this should be his call; it was his hometown after all.

"You shouldn't; my mom's there" Connie said "You know she's a titan, don't you?"

"Well yeah, but it's safe with you two there, isn't it?" Kaya argued "Besides, I actually do want to meet your mom."

Sasha looked at Connie as he didn't answer the girl, only to see him staring at Kaya in shock. The silence was making the brunette a bit anxious as she felt like this could go in to one of two directions: things would either go really well or really badly. When it came to his mom, Connie was often anything but rational. She feared he'd snap.

Finally, Connie grinned.

"Sure; she's going to get a good laugh out of me bringing a girl home for once" he said, making Kaya blush. Sasha snickered, but her smile faded as she realized something.

"Wait a minute" she frowned at Connie " _I've_ gone there with you plenty of times!"

"You don't count as a girl in this context" he said, blocking the punch Sasha threw at him, having clearly expected it.

"Jerk!" Sasha said with a pout, sulking as the two laughed at her. Just why did they have to gang up on her like this?

…

She was unable to sulk for long; their laughter was infectious. She joined them.

XXXXX

"Did you eat a lemon this morning or something?" Jonas asked Nikolo as they walked down the street on their patrol "You look sour."

"…" Nikolo didn't answer, focusing on cursing his own stupidity instead. If he gave Jonas the task of delivering the letter, the guy would certainly read it. He wasn't sure if it'd be out of curiosity, wanting to get some blackmail material on him or simply to be able to laugh at him, but he would. And when he did, Nikolo would be in trouble _"I can't ask him to deliver the letter, and that's that."_

"Fine then, don't tell me what's wrong" Jonas said, but soon continued anyway "Did you get dumped or something?"

"No" Nikolo answered. Like he could get dumped when he hadn't even confessed.

"Just a big fight then?" the guy pressed on "Wait, do you even _have_ a girlfriend?"

"No, I don't" he confessed with a sigh "Do you?"

"Not anymore" Jonas said with a shrug and lazy half smirk "I got dumbed yesterday."

Nikolo looked at him in surprise, both the fact that he told him and that he didn't seem bothered by the break up catching him off guard.

"What happened?" he asked "Did you cheat?"

"What? No" Jonas said, glaring at him. Nikolo supposed that the guy was a little upset.

"Sorry, no offence meant" well, maybe a little "You're just so laid back all the time that I figured you wouldn't be the type to settle down yet."

"You got me there" Jonas admitted "As for what happened, she got mad when I told her I had volunteered to go to Paradis. Couldn't understand why I'd go somewhere that had even filthier devils than the sewer rats here out of my free will. In the end she left me, claiming that she didn't want the stench of devils to spread to her too."

"…Okay" he should not say it, Nikolo knew, but he couldn't stop himself "You have a bad taste in women."

"How so?" Jonas asked, sounding curious instead of angry "She kinda had a point."

Nikolo snorted.

"She did not" as soon as he said that, Jonas gave him a weird look. Luckily, he had been able to come up with an excuse for his words, just in case he would "You're a soldier and she knew that, right? If she can't stand a man who has to deal with Eldians, she shouldn't have dated you in the first place."

For a moment, Nikolo felt like he had messed up. With that blank stare that Jonas was giving him-

"You have a point" Jonas interrupted his line of thought "Oh well, there's plenty of fish in the sea."

"You're rather optimistic"

"Nah, I'm realistic" Jonas told "There are plenty of women out there and I'm awesome; who wouldn't want me?"

Nikolo actually laughed at that.

"Enough about me though; what's up with you this morning?" Nikolo groaned; he'd hoped that Jonas would've forgotten about it.

"I'm just a little tired is all" he said, but Jonas just rolled his eyes "If you're going to lie to me, don't use the oldest excuse in the book. Nobody falls for that."

"Noted" the soldier said with a sigh "I've just been… thinking of something."

"And that is?"

…Well, he supposed he could go with some half-truths.

"There's just a few chosen words I'd like to get across to certain people" he said, intentionally making his tone sound like those words would be nothing good.

For he just got an idea.

"Then why don't you? Are they your superiors or something?" Jonas paused, suddenly stopping in his tracks as he glared at Nikolo accusingly "Wait a minute, you're not talking about _me_ , are you?"

Nikolo snorted.

"Why would I hold back if I wanted to tell _you_ something?" he asks "And no, they aren't above me. I just can't get a word to them is all."

"Somewhere far?" Jonas asked "Why not send a letter?"

"Point me to a mailman that makes deliveries to Paradis and sure, I'll do just that" Nikolo said with a sigh. Just as he had expected, Jonas looked at him like he had grown a second head.

"Paradis?" he asked "Why would you want to send a letter _there_?"

"To get a few chosen words across, like I said" Nikolo told "Now that I don't have to fear for my life or sanity for doing it."

"I thought you said it wasn't so bad?" Jonas raised an eyebrow "Were you trying to play tough or something?"

"I said that not _all_ of them were bad" Nikolo clarified "There were some who hated my guts and weren't afraid to show it. The reason I made it out alive because the not so bad ones kept them from beating me to death."

"…Is that so" Jonas muttered "Then what's that part about them driving you insane? Psychological torture?"

Fortunately, no. He wouldn't have been surprised if it turned out Sasha and Connie didn't even know what it was. Jean probably did, and he could bet his life on Armin knowing, but fortunately he never had to confirm that himself.

"No; some of them were just really annoying. And no, they weren't doing it on purpose. They aren't smart enough for that."

"You mean some particular ones?"

"Yes"

"Are you sure some smarter one didn't make them be with you for that very purpose?"

Nikolo blinked at that, having no choice but to think about it. Was it possible?

" _Absolutely; I wouldn't put it past Armin or even Jean"_ he realized _"Jerks."_

"Maybe the not so bad ones were actually worse than you thought" Jonas laughed, clapping him on the back.

"Maybe" Nikolo admitted "And that's all the more reason for me to want to get a few chosen words in."

"I'm starting to think it might be interesting to see you give them a piece of your mind" the other guy said, seeming to think of something. Nikolo supposed that any moment now- "Hey, I could deliver a letter for you!"

Inwardly, Nikolo smirked. Hook, line and sink.

XXXXX

Sasha and Connie were pretty much even when it came to speed and agility, but the woman had to admit that her companion had no trouble beating her when it came to pure strength. That's why, whenever they sparred, Connie ended up winning eventually.

"Damn it!" Sasha complained as they both blobbed down on the ground for a break "I just _can't_ beat you these days!"

"These days? Sash, you've barely beaten me at all since we were 20!" Connie pointed out with a laugh "I think it's already pretty much set in stone that you can't beat me anymore, so get used to it."

"…At least I'm a better shot than you" Sasha defends herself with a pout, making Connie roll his eyes "Name someone who's a _better_ shot than _you_."

"…" Sasha thinks about it, but can't really name anyone. Connie grins "Exactly, so that's not a fair comparison."

"Then do you know how to spell the word "comparison?"" Sasha asks, grinning mischievously as Connie looks away with an embarrassed red hue on his face "…Some people just have trouble with writing, okay? I can read just fine and what I write is understandable!"

"I know" Sasha says, but the grin doesn't leave her face "But I'm still better than you~"

"Yeah, and grammar's _so_ important in the battle field" Connie jabs, grinning at her, but Sasha just sticks her tongue out at that. Despite their playful banter, it's peaceful. Sasha likes that. It reminds her of the old times, helps her relax.

"Sash, a question"

"Hmm?" Sasha hums, curious.

"Are you still thinking about Nikolo?"

And there goes her relaxed peace.

"Sometimes, yeah" she admitted, frowning at him "Is that a problem?"

"It's not like I have anything against him" Connie assured "But it's been almost a year and half since we've last heard of him. He might have decided to leave everything that happened behind and- "

"He hasn't" Sasha interrupts her friend firmly "He's not like that."

"Like I said, I have nothing against the guy" Connie repeated "But you gotta face the fact that, in the end, we never knew him all that well. Even if he was genuine about seeing us again when he left, being safe at home with his family and friends after nine years might've changed his mind."

Sasha wants to talk back, she really does, but doesn't find herself able to. What if Connie's right?

" _No!"_ she tells herself. She mustn't doubt him. At the very least- "If he wants nothing to do with us, which I don't think is the case, he'll at least let us know. He'll send a letter or… or something! But he's not going to just vanish!"

"I hope you're right, I really do" Connie says "Just don't get your hopes up."

Sasha doesn't say anything anymore. She knows Connie's just trying to look after her, to protect her from disappointment, but that does little to calm her. Her peaceful day is ruined.

XXXXX

Nikolo was grinning as he got home, going straight to his desk to write a new letter, one that Jonas would deliver. He couldn't use the one he wrote before, but he'd write a new one with hidden meanings, one that wouldn't look suspicious to Jonas but would get the message across to Sasha.

" _But she's not exactly the smartest person around"_ he reminded himself _"I need to make sure that even she can get the meaning."_

That was the hard part.

" _Or maybe I'll just add to the end of the letter "P.S: Make sure you let Armin see this, too." He'd catch on for sure"_ he thought, but then paused _"Hang on."_

Counting with his fingers, he came to the conclusion that Armin should have about a year and a half left to live. Good, the letter would make it in time. It's not like they'd make Armin's life end before it's time, not when there was no war, right?

" _I should probably include some message directly to him, too"_ Nikolo thought _"It's not like we were close, but since it's very possible that I won't make it back in time to see him again…"_

Of course, he hoped it wouldn't come to that, for it'd mean that it'd still take a _long_ time for him to get back.

 _To Sasha_

He started his letter, knowing that starting it with "dear" wouldn't end well, unless he managed to make it sound mocking. But now what?

 _I bet you're still causing trouble to people, are you not?_

Yes, that'd work. It'd sound hostile to others, but with how much he'd good naturedly complained about the trouble she caused, she'd take it as a joke. Maybe not as her favored kind, but still a joke.

 _With me gone, I wonder who's your main victim these days. Jean? Armin? Whoever it is, try not to bite their heads off._

Was that a bit too mean? He'd have no trouble saying that to her face when she'd get the true meaning from his tone, but what if she didn't get it through the letter?

" _I'll just keep writing and see how it looks. I can always leave it out of the final version"_ Nikolo decided.

 _My life has gone back to normal, but I'll try to visit Paradis again when I can, for there are a few chosen words I'd like to tell you._

Yes, that will definitely work. A little hostile at first glance, but not too much so. Even Sasha would be able to get the hidden meaning behind the words.

 _And to be honest, the others too, even though the last talk between you and me has been in my mind the most. Surely you remember?_

XXXXX

 _The sun's shining brightly. As much as Sasha likes it, it's also a bother as she needs to shield her eyes from the light. But that's a minimal annoyance, one that she doesn't care about, not today. Three months ago, among the group of Marleyan soldiers that arrived, had been one that carried a letter from Nikolo. A letter that had informed her that he'd be coming back on the next ship. And that ship was coming today; she could already see it in the horizon. He was coming back; he was finally coming back! How long had it been again? Almost two years, she realizes. Two long years, but it didn't matter, for he was coming back now._

 _Sasha can't stay still as she waits for the ship to dock, pacing back and forth until the ship finally sails to its place and the plank is finally lowered, soldiers starting to walk down it. She waits and waits, seeing no familiar faces, but her hopes remain high, for he had_ promised. _He'd come, she knows he will. And then, among the last handful of people walking down, there he is. Sasha recognizes him immediately; save for the bright, white uniform, he hasn't changed at all._

" _Nikolo!" she calls out, only realizing after she's done so that it might cause him trouble among his fellow Marleyans. However, the man himself doesn't seem to care about that as he starts racing down the plank, joining her in no time. He was here. And now that he finally was, she had no idea what to do or say._

" _You're back" well, obviously. She should say more, but she can't get the words out._

" _I promised, didn't I?" he says, he smiles at her. Sasha really missed that smile._

" _Jean's not here, huh" Nikolo says "And neither is Connie."_

" _Jean had a night shift, so he's probably still sleeping" Sasha told, sure that he would've been there otherwise "And Connie's positioned elsewhere, pretty far actually, so he couldn't come."_

" _Damn" Nikolo says, but then shrugs "Ah well, I'll just talk to them later, then. The important thing is that you're here; there's something I want to tell you."_

 _Sasha can feel herself blushing, and she hopes he doesn't notice. But if he's about to tell her what she thinks he's about to tell her, then that means she doesn't have to become a stuttering mess by trying to tell him what_ she _had in mind._

" _What is it?" she asks, eager to hear._

" _I wanted to give you this" he says, handing an envelope to Sasha. She takes it, really confused, but also curious._

" _What is it?" she asks, noticing her name written on the back of it with Nikolo's neat handwriting._

" _An invitation. I have ones for Jean and the others, too" he says "I'm inviting you all to my wedding."_

 _Sasha's smile drops, Nikolo's words feeling like a bucket of ice-cold water had just been dumped on her. No way, there was no way, everyone said- she thought-_

Sasha's eyes open like from a snap of someone's fingers and she gasps a little as she wakes up in her bed. It takes her a few seconds before she realizes that she's staring at the ceiling of her room. A dream, it had just been a dream. Nikolo wasn't back, and he wasn't getting married. It was just a stupid dream. Or, dare she say, a nightmare.

"I'm horrible" she mutters, covering her eyes with her arm. Just why would it be a nightmare if Nikolo had found someone to be happy with? She _wanted_ him to be happy. If it was with someone else than her, then so what? The important thing was that he'd be happy, right?

…No. Of course, she wanted him to be happy, she really did, but _she_ wanted to be happy, too. And while her life was nice, she couldn't help but think that she'd need him by her side in order to be so.

"I'm selfish" Sasha groans "Selfish and freaking spoiled!"

Despite admitting that, she'd still do her all to get what she wants, nightmares be damned.

XXXXX

Nikolo gets up early. He'd finished the letter already, but planned go through it in the morning in case he'd put in something too stupid because he was too tired. Not that he'd hand it over to Jonas yet; he had time, so he'd hold on to it a while longer in case he wanted to add or erase something from it.

 _To Sasha,_

 _I bet you're still causing trouble to people, are you not? Hopefully as much as you did to me; I don't like the idea of being your only victim._

 _My life has gone back to normal, but I'll try to visit Paradis again when I can, for there are a few chosen words I'd like to tell you. And to be honest, the others too, even though the last talk between you and me has been in my mind the most. Surely you remember? Or perhaps you forgot, too busy thinking of the next meal you'd gulp down. I wouldn't put it past you._

 _How's Onyankopon doing? Put salt in that traitor's tea for me if you get the chance; everyone knows you love causing trouble like that anyway. Blame it on Connie if you don't have the guts to take the blame._

 _Armin is still alive if I've counted properly. Do keep that colossal annoyance from causing trouble to the rest of the world._

 _I'll see you again eventually, so don't choke on bread grumps in the meantime._

 _Nikolo_

Were some parts a bit _too_ mean? They had made jabs at each other often, but if the whole letter was full of jabs, would she get it? Or would she just take it as an intention to insult her? But if he made it too positive, too _obvious_ , he'd get in trouble.

" _But if she doesn't get it, she'll probably show it to someone else, too. Connie might be too dense, but the others should be able to read between the lines"_ he sighs _"Unless she chooses to show it to Jean and he blows up too soon and doesn't even consider any hidden messages. Knowing him, that's perfectly possible."_

Fortunately, though, he didn't need to put the letter forward just yet. He could wait a few days, just in case he came up with a better way to express things.

That or he somehow managed to get in to the next group along with Jonas. He could still try that.


	23. Chapter 23

**Chapter 23**

Nikolo did try to get a permission to go along with Jonas, though very subtly. He can't help but wonder if he would've actually succeeded by being less subtle, but it'd do him no good to go back and try again.

He'd subtly questioned his own position now that his partner was temporarily leaving, respectfully wondering if it was wise to separate a team that worked well together, that got good results. But his superiors had simply stated that there was already a replacement picked and that by now Nikolo would know enough so that he could be the one to teach the newcomer. He wasn't too upset about the refusal; he'd been expecting it after all. More than that, he was worried about what kind of guy he'd have to work with after Jonas left. Some soldiers, though not many, downright _feared_ Eldians, and it would be troublesome to end up with one of those. Of course, he highly doubted someone like that would be sent to supervise the ghettos on purpose, unless they either had a sadistic supervisor who wanted to toughen them up or they'd just managed to hide their fear until now. Another option was some asshole he'd have to constantly keep out of trouble and from hurting anyone because honestly, while Jonas was rather annoying and could cause his fair share of trouble, Nikolo _knew_ the guy was far from the worst there could be. And he hoped he wouldn't have to deal with the worst kind directly.

"Earth to Nikolo" Jonas calls out "Did you fall asleep on your feet?"

"No, just thinking" the blond answers with a smirk "Are you familiar with the word?"

"Haha" his partner says "About what?"

"Who I'll be working with when you leave" Nikolo says, giving a pointed look to his partner "Preferably someone who doesn't cause unnecessary trouble."

"I don't do that, do I?" Jonas says with faked hurt "I just dutifully follow you around when you baby the Eldians."

"I don't "baby" them; I just don't give them a hard time when there's no reason to" Nikolo says with a frown "You're just sadistic and looking for trouble."

"Fun, I'm looking for _fun_ " Jonas clarifies, suddenly swatting unexpecting Nikolo on the head "I'm not a sadist just because I'm not a saint like you."

" _I'd call myself a decent person instead of a saint"_ Nikolo thinks, but doesn't say it. Absentmindedly kicking a rock on his path, he says: "So you scaring that man half dead the other day just because he dropped a piece of paper on the street wasn't sadistic?"

"He was littering" Jonas protests, but they both know it's an excuse. There hadn't been any trouble in few days and the man had been bored, Nikolo was sure "Of course he needed a lesson."

"He did say it was an accident, you know" Nikolo says "We both saw it fall out when he took his wallet from his pocket, didn't we?"

"This is why you're an Eldian sympathizer"

"This is why you're a sadist" Nikolo easily shoots back, not worried about the nickname, knowing that if Jonas were to rat him out about being "too nice" to Eldians, he would've already done it. The guy was just trying to push his buttons.

"Then we balance each other rather well, don't we?" Jonas asks with a grin, and Nikolo can't help but laugh. The guy was a bit of a jerk, but really, he found it impossible to _not_ like him. They were quite a pair.

" _And it's not like he's a bad person"_

Hearing a sudden and loud crash, Nikolo jumps. As does Jonas, he notices.

"What was that?" he asks, but of course Jonas won't know either.

"It's our job to find out" the other man says rather cheerfully "This could be fun!"

He takes off towards the direction of the sound and Nikolo follows, wanting to make sure that his partner doesn't make whatever happened worse.

All they have to do to reach the source is to go around a corner. There they see that a merchant's stand has crashed down, and there's a man yelling at it. Or to be more precise, to the person stuck under it.

"Great, this'll mean a lot of paper work" Jonas groans "Well, all the more reason to get all the fun I can out of this."

Nikolo doesn't like the sound of that. Following right behind Jonas, he has decided to let him take the lead, but he's ready to interfere if the guy goes too far with whatever he has in mind.

"Alright, what's the situation here, you Rats?" Jonas asks, marching over like he owns the place. Everyone freezes, shutting their mouths. It's only as they stop next to the fallen stand that Nikolo recognizes exactly _who_ is stuck under the debris.

Herbert

Deciding to think of the possible consequences later, Nikolo rushes to join the two Eldians that had been dicking his friend out, yet had stopped in fright when they came.

"Stop sitting around and help me move these" Nikolo hisses at them. They immediately obey, giving him a hand. He notices that Jonas has halted whatever plans he had and is watching them, _him,_ instead, but now's not the time to worry about it.

As they've finally moved away enough, Herbert crawls out on his own. It seems that he had just been stuck, not hurt.

Excluding that gash on his forehead, that is.

"You need to get that checked"

"Yes, sir" was the reply. Nikolo blinked before realizing that the man may not have recognized him. He would've liked to point out that it was him, but with Jonas' eyes on him, he saw it wiser to not do so "Any broken bones?"

"No, sir"

"Good" Nikolo said, getting up, deciding to leave Herbert's care for later. He had work to do. Putting on a stern face, hoping his voice matched it, he asked "What happened here?"

The reaction is immediate, the man who'd been yelling earlier and one of the two who had helped Herbert speaking at once, giving Nikolo a hard time with understanding what they said.

"QUIET, YOU SEWER RATS!" Jonas yells from the top of his lungs, and the two immediately obey. For once, Nikolo doesn't mind his harsh tone.

"Now you" Jonas is addressing Herbert, he realizes "What happened here?"

"This… this was his stand" Herbert says, nodding towards one of the men who had helped him "Apparently, he was late with its rent, so- "

" _Very_ late!" the man who'd been yelling earlier cuts him off "So I came to gather my money, yet he doesn't give it and that guy had the nerve to get in the wa- "

"No one gave you a permission to speak" Nikolo hisses, beating Jonas to it just in time by the looks of it. Turning to his secret friend, who seems to have finally recognized him if the look on his face is anything to go by, he says: "Continue."

It took Herbert a few seconds to gather himself, and Nikolo feared Jonas would snap at him before he managed to obey the order. Fortunately, that didn't happen.

"I noticed that there was a disagreement, so I went over since it looked like… like it'd get violent. I got between them, trying to get him to stop being physical, but I think I just managed to provoke him more. The stall collapsed when he pushed me towards it and I stumbled." he finished. Nikolo turned to the man he assumed to be the stall renter, asking: "Is that what happened?"

"Ye-yes sir" the man confirmed. Nikolo clearly saw that he was sweating nervously "I-I really am behind with paying my rent, but I'm by no means planning to leave it unpaid. I'm doing my best."

"We'll take that in to account" Nikolo finally turns to the other side of the fight "Now, your version of what happened."

This man is nervous as well, Nikolo notes. He dares to think that it means the other two have told the truth.

"We-well, it's true, but I didn't push hard; it was just a small shove!" the man defended "He stumbled all on his own!"

Nikolo had to wonder exactly how hard he'd pushed. He knew how fast Herbert was; he was by no means in bad shape, but it's not like he knew how good, or bad, the guy's balance was. And Herbert _did_ admit that he stumbled.

" _But he's not one to lie"_ Nikolo reminded himself. Or at least, he thought he wasn't. He didn't know him all that well.

"So hard that the whole stand crashed?" Jonas was the one to ask "Either he's clumsy as hell and way heavier than he looks, or you're downplaying your role in this. Now, I wonder which it is?"

Nikolo was actually glad that his partner had chosen to open his mouth, for he had a hard time figuring out what he could say without it sounding too much like he was defending Herbert.

"We-well… that's…" the man stutters, and Jonas takes a few steps closer so that he's right at his face, no doubt in order to intimidate the man "That's what?"

"How about _we_ act like civilized human beings and solve this without violence?" Nikolo suggests, giving Jonas a hard look "Unless, of course, you prefer doing things the same way as _them_."

That does the trick, for Jonas immediately takes a step back, clearly in disgust. Satisfied, Nikolo turns to the merchant.

"How long will it take until you have the money?"

"I don't know for sure, sir" the man said nervously, looking at his ruined place of business "I lost my products, so…"

That might actually be something Nikolo could use.

"So, he lost his products" the soldier says, turning to the owner "And the way I see it, it's mostly _your_ fault. How are you going to pay for them?"

"What? But… but he owes me- "

"Ah, that's right, he does" Nikolo said "I suppose you two are even now, then."

"What!?" the man says, yells really, again "But the sum he owes me is way more than- "

Suddenly leaping forward and taking the man by the collar, Nikolo asks: "Are you talking back to me, you devil?"

"N-no sir" the man says, frightened "Covering it with the unpaid rent will do."

"Excellent!" Nikolo says with a grin "So, we're done here, unless the one who got wounded wants to press some charges?"

"No, I will not, sir" Herbert says immediately. Nikolo saw it coming; of course, the guy wouldn't risk getting in to any more trouble.

"Good, it's settled then. Since everyone was so cooperative, we'll just file this as a little argument."

"Excuse me?" Jonas asks, his eyes narrowing at Nikolo "Why would we do that?"

Taking a few steps over to his partner, the former POW asks in a whisper: "Do you really want to deal with all the paperwork a bigger incident cause?"

They stare at each other and, eventually, Jonas shrugs. It's at that moment that Nikolo knows he has won.

"Whatever" the other soldier says, flipping out a notepad "Now you dipshits give us your names so that we can leave."

Nikolo grinned, perfectly happy with letting the last rude comment slide. Getting Jonas to let them off this easily was a clear victory for him after all.

He just hopes his next partner will be as cooperating.

XXXXX

"You sure you wanna come along?" Connie asks Kaya as they prepare the horses together with Sasha "This'll be a long ride and you'll have to make a big part of the trip back on your own."

"It's fine; I'm used to it" Kaya insists, smirking "Could it be that _you're_ actually bad at riding horses and are trying to hide it?"

Sasha snickers, bursting out laughing as she takes a look at Connie's startled, blushing face.

"What?" he asks "No! What gave you that idea?"

He turns to glare at Sasha.

"Or should I ask _who_ gave you that idea?"

"Wasn't me, I swear!" Sasha said, holding her hands up "She came up with that all on her own!"

Connie blinked, turning to Kaya.

"I don't know what I should think about that" he said "Sasha's a bad influence on you."

The said brunette pouted.

"Why is everything always blamed on me?"

"Because most of the time you're guilty?" Kaya suggested as she hopped on her horse. Ignoring Connie's laughter, Sasha complained: "Not you too, Kaya!"

The two just laughed at her. It's not that Sasha minded that, not really, but for some reason she felt a little lonely.

" _Maybe I'm just overemotional because of the dream… or something."_

XXXXX

Nikolo jogs along the path in a rather good mood. Despite the incident, the day had gone well… or maybe he should say he was so happy _because_ of the incident? He was happy to find out that he could handle it so well! Of course, in an ideal situation he would've handled everything without little threats and name-calling, but considering what _could have_ gone wrong and how badly, today was a success.

He just hopes that he won't ruin it now as another person jogs to catch up with him.

He wants to say something, but feels like he shouldn't be the one to start a conversation, not this time. But he supposes that the fact that Helmut showed up at all is a good sign.

" _But Herbert's not here"_ he realizes _"Did he hurt himself after all or…?"_

"So, you're a soldier?" the man interrupts his musings "Could've fooled me."

"I kind of _did_ , didn't I?" he asks with a lopsided smirk. To his relief, Helmut actually laughs at that.

"That you did" he admits, frowning "Why didn't you tell us?"

"…I felt like you would avoid me if I did" Nikolo told honestly, glancing at him "Was I wrong?"

"Well, no" the Eldian confesses "If you'd told us on some of our first meetings, we would've avoided you like a plague."

"But you're still here, even though you know" he pauses "Where's Herbert? Did he get hurt after all?"

"Not really, but I told him to stay home just in case. He shouldn't overexert himself."

That made sense, Nikolo realizes. A little hesitant, he asks: "Can I assume we're all good, then?"

"Yeah, we're all good" his friend confirms "Though it's a little unfair of you to not mention you have military training when racing against us. That kind of makes it unfair."

Nikolo laughs.

"And yet Herbert still beats me most of the time" he points out "He's fast as hell!"

Helmut laughs too.

"That he is"

XXXXX

Sasha had kept rather quiet the whole journey, just listening to Kaya and Connie talk. Or well, sometimes just _pretending_ to listen; her mind was stuck thinking of her nightmares. Yes, plural. She'd had a very similar dream a second time.

" _Urgh, I hope this won't become a thing"_ she thought. It's not like she hadn't had nightmares before, but that was stuff like getting eaten by a titan, her friends getting eaten by titans, dying in the war, her friends dying in the war… _"Well, there was that one time when I had that dream about Nikolo banning me from his kitchen for good."_

Sasha smiles at the memory, though she can't remember the dream all that well. That was a stupid dream as well, though it had felt like a horrible nightmare at the time. She'd actually gone to see Nikolo after it, as in right after, very early in the morning, begging that he wouldn't really ban her from his kitchen _"Had he not already been up when I went, he might've done just that."_

Her begging _had_ woken up Grior though, but he hated her guts anyway and Nikolo sided with her, so no harm done.

"… _Maybe he_ did _have a bit of a reason to not like me after all"_ she thought, grinning sheepishly. Connie, undoubtedly having noticed her sudden grin, asks: "What's on your mind, Sash?"

"Grior" she replies, laughing as Connie nearly falls off his horse in surprise.

"Say what now?"

"Wasn't he that jerk who worked with Mr. Nikolo?" Kaya asks "Why are you thinking of _him_?"

Sasha just shrugs.

"My thoughts were going a bit here and there, and eventually just… well, I ended up thinking of all the trouble I caused over the years and the reasons he had to hate me."

"He didn't hate you because of the trouble you caused at the kitchen" Connie said "He hated _all of us_ , so it was because we were the enemy, because we're Eldians."

"…You're probably right" Sasha admits "But maybe he would've eventually come to like us had we- had _I_ been nicer."

"Doubt it" Connie says "What would you have done differently anyway?"

"Not stealing from his workplace might've been a good start" Kaya cuts in before Sasha can answer, and Connie laughs. Blushing, Sasha defends: "I did no such thing!"

The two give her a flat stare, and Sasha sweat drops.

"…The lie is that obvious, is it?"

"Yes" the pair chorus, making Sasha groan. Seems like she had no credibility.

"There it is" Connie says suddenly, and Sasha turns her head forward to see that Ragako is indeed in sight.

"Last one there is on dinner duty!" he yells, speeding up his horse before the other two.

"Wait for me!" Kaya yells, charging after him with a laugh. Sasha however, does not hurry, deciding to take dinner duty without a fuss. That way, the other two could have some more time to talk, even if Connie will be mostly focusing on his mother. He usually is when he comes here.

Being in no hurry at all, Sasha takes her time, enjoying the sounds of nature and the undisturbed scenery. People rarely come to these parts anymore because… well, because it's Ragako. And civilians have been told to stay clear of the place as well, which reminds her that taking Kaya along might be stretching the rules a little.

" _Oh well, that's a normal thing for us to do anyway."_ Sasha thinks with a chuckle as she finally arrives to the village. Kaya and Connie are off their horses already, having tied them down and are now just waiting for her.

"What took you so long?"

"My horse got spooked by a rabbit suddenly jumping from the bushes" Sasha answers, having an excuse prepared as she knew Connie would ask. He buys it, she thinks, but by the looks of it, Kaya doesn't. But she's not stupid; she must've already realized why Sasha did it.

Connie laughs.

"Thought you'd be able to handle a situation like that" he says "Getting a little rusty, are you?"

"No, the horse is just old" Sasha says, sticking her tongue out. It was true too; the horse was by no means at its best anymore. But Sasha herself was, thank you very much.

"Takes one to know one" Kaya quips.

"Kaya!" Sasha yells. She should've _known_ the girl would say that.

"Ugh, whatever" Sasha says, ignoring the laughing duo as she hops off her horse and ties it to place "Shall we go?"

They walked forward, and Sasha couldn't help but eye the collapsed buildings and tall grass. The place had been completely deserted save for Connie's mom since the attack. She knew that every time Connie went over, which was as often as he could, he tried to tidy up the place a little. Sasha and everyone else helped too whenever they went along, having already taken care of the most dangerous rubble years ago, but there was still a lot to do.

Noticing that they'd reached their destination, Sasha turned her attention to Connie's mom. Pure titan or no, the younger woman was no longer afraid of her. She'd gotten used to it, though she was never careless when she went near, her instincts from years ago still wide awake.

"We're back, Mrs. Springer!" Sasha calls out, immediately realizing she'd beaten Connie at it. Oops.

Fortunately, Connie just laughs.

"Same old Sasha, as you can see, mom" he says "And I brought someone new along too."

It's at that moment that Sasha realizes that Kaya is standing a little further away, staring at Connie's mom. Sasha grimaces, recognizing fear when she sees it. It's understandable of course; the girl had seen her mother get eaten alive. And even if she hadn't, pure titans tended to be a horrifying sight to anyone. But even so, at the moment the soldier was more worried about how Connie would react if he noticed. And if Kaya didn't get herself together in the next few seconds, he would.

And as he turned around, notice he did.

"…You okay, Kaya?" he asked. Fortunately, Sasha could hear no hostility in his tone.

"Y-yeah" the girl stutters, finally snapping out of it "I'm fine. I just…"

Sasha eyes them both warily, but decides to keep silent for now. This didn't really concern her anyway, so it was probably easier for the both of them if they handled this themselves… as long as Connie didn't snap and Kaya didn't completely freeze; both had happened before.

"Maybe you and Sasha should start preparing the dinner as I talk to my mom" Connie suggests, and Sasha can't help but agree. They'd do it somewhere out of sight, mostly so that Kaya wouldn't freeze up again, but also for Connie's privacy.

"…But we agreed to make that the loser's job, didn't we?" Kaya asks, surprising Sasha. And by the looks of it, Connie as well.

The girl took a few steps closer.

"So, it's on you sis" she said. Sasha glanced at Connie, not at all knowing what to do now. She supposed all would be fine if Kaya didn't freeze up again or otherwise panic, but what if she did? Could Connie handle the situation? It's not like she'd be far away, but-

"Well Sash, you heard her" Connie interrupted her line of thoughts, grinning "Off to work with you!"

"Huh?" Sasha wasn't sure about this, but if they both said so, she supposed she had to have more faith in them "Right, but no whining about the taste!"

"Then don't mess up" Kaya said as she passed her, ending up just a few steps away from Connie. With one last smile, Sasha went to do her job.

She didn't mind at all; if she had, she had made sure to not lose in the first place. This would give her some time to think… and to sneak herself an extra bite or two, but mostly just to think.

Taking out what she needed, she wondered what Nikolo was doing right now. Was he also cooking? Did he even do it anymore? It's not like it was his actual job…

" _But he enjoyed doing it, despite his constant grumbling"_ she reminded herself _"And his disdain only seemed real the first year or so…"_

Yeah, there was no way Nikolo would've given up on cooking. He probably didn't have the time to do it much, though. What a waste.

" _He once mentioned that his parents didn't see cooking as a suitable hobby"_ she recalls _"I wonder if they've changed their minds?"_

They better have, or else they were ungrateful bastards. Sasha would really like to be in their shoes now, waiting for Nikolo to come home and prepare something good. Or maybe they cook for him, expecting him to be tired from working so hard. Even if his family didn't like cooking, _someone_ had to do it. She doubted they'd eat out every day.

"It's good he taught me a few things~!" she hummed. It's not like she didn't know how to cook before, but thanks to Nikolo, she now knew how to play with spices _"He always complained about lacking ingredients, though…"_

Of course, Paradis didn't have everything Nikolo was used to, not even after they started their business with Hizuru. Sasha had naturally been sad about that too; the more there were new dishes for her to try, the better.

" _But business with the outside world_ is _starting to flourish, so it's only a matter of time before I can try plenty of new stuff again!"_ she told herself, nodding in delight. She wonders which'll happen first: getting business to run smoothly with the other countries or Nikolo returning _"Well, knowing the Reeves company, the former."_

But that wouldn't be so bad, either. Then Nikolo would have the things he'd need once he finally comes back.

" _If he comes…"_ Sasha shakes her head rapidly. No no, not if, when. _When_ he comes back. But what if he comes back to visit just to keep his promise, leaves and she never hears from him again? What if he's decided to forget the nine years they spent together!?

" _This is stupid"_ she tells herself _"I shouldn't be thinking about stuff like that; it'll only make me feel bad. I have no reason to_ not _believe him. The fact that he's taking so long isn't enough on its own."_

Taking a deep breath, Sasha decides she needs something else to think about. How about someone else's relationship problems instead of her own?

With a mischievous grin, the woman gets up, tiptoeing to see what Connie and Kaya are up to. Sure enough, they're sitting on the ground in front of the titan, a safe but by no means long distance away from it. Connie is speaking rapidly, clearly telling about their days training the new recruits, with Kaya listening intently. Sasha has half a mind to go and remind Connie to not let Kaya know anything she could use against her, but decides against it. They both look happy; if Connie says too much, she'll just have to figure out a way to deal with it later. The brunette smiles, happy but sad at the same time. Or no, perhaps, not sad, but something else.

" _I suppose this is what it feels like to be jealous"_ Sasha snorts _"Geez…"_

Interesting as it was, she wasn't too fond of this feeling. She could only hope that Nikolo would be back soon.

" _I really want to see him."_


	24. Chapter 24

**Chapter 24**

The ship for Eldia had set sail yesterday, and Nikolo had handed Jonas the letter to deliver. He had thought of it a lot, but in the end, he'd decided to go with the message he finished weeks ago. If he thought about it too much, it'd definitely become a bad one after all.

He just hoped he wouldn't regret it.

Shaking his head, the soldier decides to focus on the present. He needed to be sharp the next few days in order to determine what kind of person his partner would be and how careful he had to be around the guy. If he was really unlucky, he could end up with someone who'd tattle him out as an Eldian sympathizer from the first, miniature sign of humanity he showed to Eldians. He really hoped that wouldn't happen.

" _Here it goes"_ Nikolo thinks as he steps around the corner and faces the gates to the interment zones, but all he sees are the usual guards. Is he early or is his new partner late? If it's the later, it's not a good start… checking the clock, he realizes that there's still a few minutes to their actual meeting time. That counts as him being early, then.

"Reporting for duty" he says to the two guards with a salute, but his stance isn't exactly formal; they're close enough by now to not go by the book all the time. As the two salute back equally lazy, Nikolo asks: "Do either of you know anything about my new partner?"

"Nada" is the answer "Apparently he just transferred here."

" _Great"_ Nikolo thought with a sigh. Now he couldn't ask tips about how to behave around the guy.

"Reporting for duty, sir!" Nikolo did _not_ jump. Or well, maybe a little, but in his defense, he just got snuck up on while on duty. Of course, it startled him a little bit.

"Another serious one, eh" the guards snickered "Good luck with this one, Nikolo."

Nikolo rolls his eyes at the two before correcting his posture, turning to his new partner. Better to make a good first impressi-

"Thomas?" he says in disbelief. The man grins, but doesn't drop his stance "With all the respect sir, it took you long enough to realize it was me."

"I seriously don't know if you're trying to be formal and failing miserably or just mocking me" Nikolo told him, causing the man to laugh. It was infectious; soon Nikolo was laughing too.

"I take it you guys know each other?" the gate guards ask, snorting "That should make things easier; Nikolo has some annoying habits, but you're probably already aware of that."

"No, I don't" he denies, but Thomas thinks otherwise "Yes you do."

Holding up his hands, Thomas says: "No offence, but sometimes you really do. You tend to be a bit hesitant and awkward at times."

Before Nikolo can deny it, the gate guards beat him to it.

"Hesitant and awkward? _This_ one?" they point at Nikolo "Dude, I think you got the wrong person. He was all formal and all when he got here, but got over it really quick. It just doesn't fit!"

"Really now?" Thomas asks, finally dropping his formal stance as he grins at Nikolo "Good to hear you've upped your game."

"Yea yea, whatever" the man says with a sigh, but the smile on his face gives away the other emotion besides annoyance "Now pay attention, newbie; we've got work to do."

Thomas salutes, mocking.

"Aye aye, sir"

XXXXX

Sasha breathes in the ocean air, having returned to the harbor. She would have been allowed to stay inland to train the recruits with Connie, but had chosen to return here instead. She couldn't just run away from her problems, especially since the out of sight, out of mind -tactic wasn't working. And who knows, maybe Nikolo would be on the next ship.

" _No no, don't get your hopes up!"_ she chastised herself, shaking her head.

"Did something get caught in your hair?" Samuel asks. Sasha blinks once before laughing sheepishly "Just some unwanted thoughts."

"Hm? About what?" he suddenly grins "Did you do something that might have Shadis run after you before you left?"

Sasha shivers, furiously shaking her head.

"No no, I'm not stupid" she pauses "Okay, maybe a little sometimes since that's what you're wanting to say right now anyway, but _I'm_ not a suicidal moron."

Samuel laughs.

"Right, of course not" he says "What's wrong, then?"

"Just thinking too much- _ah,_ don't give me that look!" Sasha snaps, glaring at Samuel's grin "I do know how to think!"

"Never said you didn't" Samuel says, hands held up "…Wait no, I did say that once during our training days. Sorry."

Sasha just huffs.

"Well, seriously speaking, that was then" he says, surprising Sasha as he pats her shoulder "We were kids, all of us. It makes sense that some of us were, well, _less_ bright."

Sasha had heard many ways of calling people stupid over the years, and that one certainly wasn't new, either.

"But now we're all full grown, professional soldiers, especially you, a member of the special operation squad" he finishes "Time changes things."

"That it does" she agrees "Jean's horse face isn't going anywhere even with age, though."

Samuel stares at her, blinks, before bursting out in laughter, hard. Sasha follows suit.

"Neither is your sense of humor, I see" he smirks "Potato girl."

Sasha groans. Well, she supposes this is a natural result from bringing up old nicknames. It's too bad Samuel never had a funny one she could counterattack with.

" _Maybe I should think of something…"_

XXXXX

"I never thought I'd be paired up with _you_ of all people again" Nikolo told "Not that I mind in the slightest, but it sure was a surprise."

"I'm the one who's surprised; to think I'd really find you in a position like this, not to mention with a newbie like me as a partner" Thomas said "You haven't been here long; one would've thought they'd team you up with someone who has more experience with the ghettoes."

"I also thought that'd make sense, but it seems my abilities are trusted more than I thought" he said with a shrug "Definitely a step in the right direction."

"…Is it, though?" at Nikolo's questioning look, Thomas continued: "Are you sure you can handle dealing with Eldians like this? Without a more experienced partner, no less."

"I can" Nikolo said, surprised that Thomas brought it up. But maybe he shouldn't be; the man knew of his time on Paradis after all "Don't worry."

"I'll try not to" he promised "As long as you tell me if you have trouble handling… well, all this. We'll figure something out."

"Sure" Nikolo said, but he was convinced such trouble wouldn't occur. Still, if the promise kept Thomas calm…

"Alright" Thomas says "Now that that's out of the way, how do we do this? There wasn't any mention of a strict schedule or exact patrol routes, so do people just memorize them or completely wing it?"

"Normally we have few routes that we circulate at random, changing them a little bit depending on who's in charge. As long as we follow one of the main routes and don't stick to the same one for too long in a row, all's fine" Nikolo explained. Thomas looked like he wanted to say something, so the former POW waited for it.

"I was expecting this to be more… complicated? Orderly?" he rubbed the back of his head "This all just sounds so…"

"Easy?" Nikolo aided, and Thomas nodded sheepishly.

"Well, for the most part, it is, but that's because there hasn't really been any major trouble, not around here at least" he said "I'm sure things will get stricter if the need comes."

"Do you think it'll come? From what I've understood, some other ghettoes have stricter surveillance than this one."

Nikolo thought of it for a moment. It was possible of course, but how likely? There hadn't been any major trouble here in his time, and Jonas had denied there being any during his time, either. Same with the few others he'd asked about it.

"It's always possible of course, but so far things have been peaceful and it's rare for things to go out of hand suddenly" he said "So as long as we keep our eyes and ears open while at job, we should be just fine."

"Good to know" Thomas said "Speaking of which, do the Eldians always eye the guards like this?"

"Well, yes and no" Nikolo knew he would ask it sooner or later "They're always weary of us, but today they're paying more attention than usual since there's a new guard. Apparently, that happens every time. They'll lose interest after they've come to their conclusions about what kind of person you are."

"What kind of person I am?" Thomas repeated.

"Yeah" Nikolo said "Are you one of those who seek to cause small trouble, those who aggressively beat them for even a small error, or one of those who overlook whatever they can so that you'll have it easier? Those seem to be the usual three types of guards the ghettoes have."

As Thomas didn't say anything, Nikolo started to wonder if he'd been too blunt. It's not like he was lying; those were known facts among all who guarded the ghettoes, but it wasn't exactly a thing to say it out loud.

"…Maybe you should forget what I just said" he said "Just do things the way you see as the best."

"My way isn't any of those ways, though" Thomas replied, causing Nikolo to look at him in surprise "I'll do what's right."

He grinned, and after a moment Nikolo smiled back. Right, of course. This was Thomas, ever the honest and fair one. He'd already seen how the guy treated Eldians; there'd be no problem.

"And you? What's your way?"

"I'm trying to do the right thing, too" Nikolo said with a shrug "Sometimes it's hard to decide what's reasonable and what's not though, especially since my usual partner is… well, a bit of a jerk."

"I take it he's the type to cause small trouble?" Thomas asks and Nikolo nods.

"Yeah, but he's not a bad guy. Just a little… well, like a said, a bit of a jerk sometimes" the soldier realized that what he said didn't match his earlier words "I mean, he doesn't really mean anything bad by what he does, I think. He's just… well…"

"I think I know what you mean" Thomas says "No one's perfect, right?"

"Right" Nikolo agrees, smiling "It's good to have you with me again."

XXXXX

"There he is!" Sasha cheers as she finally spots Jean, waving him over "Jean! Over here!"

"You don't need to yell" Jean says as he comes over, slightly embarrassed because of the attention Sasha's attracting.

"Sorry sorry" she says "Anything new?"

"The next ship will be here in a day or two; I just confirmed it" Jean said "We'll wait and see."

"Right" Sasha said. She was actually trying to ask how Jean himself was doing, mainly if he'd spoken with Hitch yet, but she was glad that Jean informed her of this "And how are _you_ doing?"

"Great, actually" he grinned, and if Sasha wasn't mistaken… there was a slight blush on his face!

"Great, eh?" she asks, smirking "There's a great color on your face as well. Do you have something to tell me, hm?"

He got even redder, which was a sure "yes" for Sasha. Samuel snickered next to her, but the woman ignored him as she leaned closer to Jean, commanding: "Out with-it Kirstein."

"It's not like it's a secret or anything" the man said, but Sasha could tell he was embarrassed. That meant that whatever it was, she wouldn't get the whole story. Not without prodding, at least "Hitch came here; she left just a few days ago, actually."

No wonder Jean was blushing.

"And?" Sasha pressed.

"Well, we talked things out…" he paused, narrowing his eyes "Which reminds me, _you_ have been meddling with our business, haven't you?"

Sasha laughed nervously.

"If I deny it, you won't believe me, will you?" she asked.

"Not for a second" Jean deadpanned, sighing "Well, whatever. It's not that your meddling made things worse or anything."

"Then, what did my meddling cause?" Sasha asked. If it's what she thinks it is-

"We talked, sorted things out and all" as Jean didn't continue, Sasha glared at him. The man chuckled, continuing: "A~nd we're together now."

"Together? As in, _together_ together?" Samuel cuts in at the same time as Sasha cheers.

"Yes, _together_ together" Jean confirms, smirking at Samuel's gaping jaw "We're a couple."

"You could've said something to me earlier; aren't we friends?" the other man asks with a grin, clapping Jean on the back "You've had plenty of chances!"

"You would've just spilled the beans to her before I could tell" Jean reasoned, and Sasha saw a nice opening right there.

"Oh, so it was important to tell me yourself?" she laughed "Little Jean-Boy so proud to finally have a girlfriend?"

Sasha grinned as Samuel burst out laughing and Jean's face went bright red. She just hit the sorest spot there was alright.

"Shut up" Jean weakly mumbled, having no witty retort "You too Samuel; you don't even have the guts to confess!"

Sasha didn't see it, but she heard the man's jaws snap shut. Turning her head, she saw the man paling.

" _Looks like_ somebody _is hiding something"_ she realized, now turning her attention to Samuel, who averted her gaze.

"What's this? You got someone in mind?" she grinned at his face as it started to grow red "Tell me everything!"

"No way!" Samuel squeaked in panic "Mind your own business!"

Sasha could hear Jean snickering. She might have ignored it otherwise, but something about it felt… off.

Turning to the man again, she raised an eyebrow, suspicious "Do you know something?"

She could hear Samuel draw in a sharp breath, which confirmed her suspicions.

"I might" Jean said, chuckling "I'm not blind, you know."

"Hm?" Sasha knew he was hinting that _she_ was. What, was it someone that obvious? She had talked about these things with Samuel before, but she hadn't had any idea back then and had no idea now, either. Just what had she missed?

" _Maybe I'm looking at this from the wrong ankle"_ she realized _"Maybe it's not a_ she _but a_ he _instead."_

That would certainly explain why she would've overlooked it; while it was not unheard of for two men, or two women, to be together like that, it was rather rare. It really hadn't occurred to her.

"I think I've been looking at this the wrong way…" she mutters "You know what, don't tell me. I'll figure it out soon enough!"

"Uhhuh" Jean says, not sounding convinced in the slightest "Take your time."

"Preferably lots of it" Samuel mumbles, blushing as Sasha gives him an amused look.

"I'll have the answer sooner than you guys know it!" she says, sticking her tongue out "But in the meantime, let's talk about Jean and Hitch!"

Jean groans.

XXXXX

"This isn't all that bad, actually" Thomas admits as he and Nikolo eat their lunches they'd bought from inside the ghetto "It's a little surprising."

"Can't deny that" Nikolo agrees, munching on his sandwich "The lack of ingredients must've increased their creativity."

They were silent after that, but soon Nikolo noted that Thomas seemed uncomfortable, constantly glancing to their left from the corners of his eyes. What was he seeing?

"What is it?" Nikolo asked silently without looking at his partner "Do you see something?"

"Not sure" Thomas admitted "But I _feel_ like we're being watched from that direction, from the alleyway. I did see a flash of someone moving there, but it could just be a coincidence."

"It could" Nikolo agreed "Or it could be just someone watching _you_ because you're new around here. Still…"

They exchanged glances.

"We should check it out, just to be sure" as soon as Nikolo said this, Thomas was about to move, so the more experience soldier had to hiss "Don't."

To his partner's questioning look, Nikolo explained: "We need to be smart about this; we don't want to cause a scene or let whoever is watching us to just get away."

"Right" Thomas said with a slight nod "What do we do?"

"I'll circle around the back, you come from the front after a while. It'll take a while since I'll have too look casual, so take your time" Nikolo said "If someone tries to leave the alleyway from there, stop them."

"Roger that"

Casually, the rest of his sandwich still in his hand, Nikolo left. This'd be easy; he'd circle around the place soon enough. He hoped that it was all just Thomas' imagination or, which was more likely, just some curious and wary Eldian who wanted to know about the new soldier. If that was the case, they could just let the person off with a little scolding for spying. No need to even make a report.

" _Alright, here goes"_ Nikolo thought just before stepping around the corner _"Please just be someone noisy."_

Well, he supposed he got his wish. However, he hadn't expected to find himself face to face with Helmut and Herbert. And judging from the looks on their faces, they hadn't expected to face him either. Nikolo blinked a few times before sighing and crossing his arms.

"Alright" he said "Just _what_ are you two up to?"

"This is my fault" Helmut started.

"I figured as much" Nikolo deadpanned "Unlike Herbert, you come across as the kind of guy who attracts trouble."

Herbert actually snickered at that, which Nikolo recalled to be rare, at least in his presence. Helmut shot a glare at his brother before clearing his throat.

"We were just passing by when we saw you" he said "And we noticed that you were accompanied by a guard we hadn't seen before, so we… _I_ thought it would be a good idea to see what kind of man you were dealing with. Herbert said it was a bad idea, but- "

"But you didn't listen" Nikolo finished with a sigh "Well, it's not like I'd bother getting you in to any trouble for this, but we'll still have to deal with my partner; he's the one who noticed you guys spying us in the first place."

"So, he's the more skilled one out of the two of you?" Helmut asked, making Herbert immediately hiss: "Brother!"

"Could be, actually" Nikolo says with a shrug "But in this case, I think he just tends to be more on the edge in here than I am."

"I think most soldiers are more on the edge here than you are" Helmut said, and Nikolo didn't miss the look Herbert gave him for it "But where _is_ that partner of yours?"

"He- "Nikolo paused. He had told Thomas not to hurry, but he should be here by now. Had he seen something else that required his immediate attention? That was the only logical explanation… unless…

Cursing, Nikolo walked past the confused brothers, looking around the corner to where he and Thomas had been. He wasn't there. Instead, he was leaning against the wall right next to him, raising an eyebrow as their eyes met. That told Nikolo all he needed to know.

His partner had been listening in on them.

For a moment, he almost panicked. Had this been Jonas, he would've had a full reason to do so. But this was Thomas; surely, he of all people wouldn't rat him out for being in friendly terms with some Eldians, right?

 _Right?_

"Are you done?" the man's question snapped Nikolo out of his thoughts "False alarm, I assume?"

Nikolo blinked. His partner had obviously been listening, and yet-

"Yes" he confirmed "False alarm."

"Time to continue the patrol, then" Thomas said, straitening up and walking away. Nikolo followed him just a few seconds later, not looking back. There was no need; his two Eldian friends would get it.

And he was glad to know that they weren't the only friends he had around here who understood him.

XXXXX

Sasha was fidgeting, staring at the approaching ship. Would Nikolo be on it this time? Or would she have to wait another three months again? Would there be someone else she knew, someone who would know what the man was up to?

" _I'd be glad to even see Grior now"_ she thought _"If I did, I'd surely be able to pester some information out of him."_

If nothing else worked, she could always offer to not bother him for the rest of his time on the island if he just told her _something_.

"You look nervous" Samuel noted "Maybe you should focus on something else? You can always see the list of people who were on board later."

"No, I want to see them when they come" Sasha said. Samuel sighed "At least get yourself together on the outside, then. Our soldiers will get nervous when they see a veteran like yourself fidgeting like that."

"Right, right…" Sasha knew he was right; she'd have to at least _appear_ professional "You're right, of course."

"Obviously" Samuel said "Now take a deep breath and calm down."

Sasha did as told, though it did little to calm down her nerves. She squeezed her hands together behind her back in order to keep them from fidgeting, biting her lip in order to keep her face under control.

"…Now you just look terrified and honestly, that's even worse" Samuel chuckled, getting a glare from Sasha.

"I'm trying, okay!?" she snapped.

"You'll cause trouble if you keep that up" Samuel said, putting a hand on her shoulder "Let's just go elsewhere and ask for the list later, okay?"

"No way"

"Yes, you will"

Sasha looked over her shoulder to see Levi coming towards them. He didn't look pleased, but then again, Sasha could count the times he _had_ looked pleased with her fingers. One hand's fingers, in fact.

Narrowing her eyes, Sasha asks: "Is that an order, captain?"

"If it has to be" Levi says without missing a beat. They stare at each other, but then Sasha sighs. There _are_ people who are capable of changing Levi's mind, but the woman knows she's not one of them. She's not smart enough to be able to do so.

"Understood" she says before she salutes, walking off right after without looking back. She can, however, hear the footsteps, so she knows that Samuel is following her.

"He's just doing what's best for you and everyone else" he tells her once they're out of Levi's hearing range for sure. She sighs.

"I know" she says "I'm angrier at myself than him, really."

She sits down on a crate, thinking that she's far enough but not so far that she couldn't run back fast if she wanted to. She already did, actually, but she held herself back. She knew she had to stop letting her weird, messed up feelings from affecting her job. And Samuel's.

"Go back to your position" Sasha tells him "I won't go there and cause trouble, I promise."

"They can make it without me" Samuel says, sitting down next to Sasha, much to her surprise "Besides, with how hard I work, I deserve an unofficial break from time to time."

"You kinda sound like Jean"

The look Samuel gave her was priceless, and Sasha laughed.

"You sure you won't get in trouble?"

"If I do, I'll just say I was trying to keep _you_ out of trouble" he answers that, and Sasha pouts. He laughs.

"Fine then" she says "Keep me out of trouble. Distract me so that I won't cause any!"

And he did. They talked a lot, mostly about the old days. Sasha had fun, and for small moments at a time, she forgot the ship was even coming. But even so, the first chance she got, she went to seek out the passenger list.

And once again, Nikolo wasn't on that list.


	25. Chapter 25

**Chapter 25**

His name hadn't been on that list. Of course, it hadn't; she was never that lucky. Sasha sighed in disappointment.

"Looks like you're still thinking he'll be back"

"He promised!" Sasha snapped at Levi, shoving the list back to him "So he will."

"Not every promise is kept" before the woman could say anything, Levi added: "Some are chosen to be broken, some are unable to be kept."

"You think something's happened to him?" Sasha asks.

"Possible; he's a soldier after all" Levi says "But it's also very likely that his superiors simply aren't letting him come."

Yeah, that was true. Sasha'd prefer that, of course. Biting her lip, she hesitates, but in the end asks anyway: "Say… if he can't come here… is it possible for me to go see him?"

"There are already negotiations about us setting an embassy in Marley" the captain says, much to Sasha's surprise "If that works out, I don't see what reason anyone would have to keep one of our veterans out of there."

"Really!?" Sasha asks. The possibility of her going to Marley some day had been in her mind before, but now it felt more real.

"But that'd mean you couldn't cause any trouble there. Not even a little" Levi gave her a pointed look, and Sasha grinned sheepishly as a reply "And it's not like you'd be able to just freely wander around looking for him; as far as I know, they plan to have the areas we're allowed to enter to be strictly limited."

"Right…" Sasha muttered. That'd be disappointing, but it'd be a step in the right direction, wouldn't it? "If everything works out, when do you think the first of us can go to Marley?"

"Along with the next ship in three months, if things go according to plan" Levi told. To Sasha, that was both very soon and very late. She didn't know what to think of it. Even so, she'd like to go.

"Captain" she said "If things go as planned, please allow me to board that ship three months from now."

"Permission granted" Levi said, making Sasha cheer "Assuming you behave yourself the next three months."

Sasha sweat drops and laughs sheepishly.

"I'll try my best, captain"

XXXXX

"You seemed pretty close with that pair of Eldians" Thomas notes out of the blue "How do you even know them?"

Nikolo sighs. Since his partner hadn't asked him this right after they were alone, he had already dared to wish he wouldn't ask at all. No such luck, of course. Fortunately, he'd had some time to think of his answer. Not that he'd lie to Thomas, but he had to choose his words carefully. The man wasn't a bad person, he was the opposite in fact, but Nikolo felt like he might rat him out for that very reason, wanting to do what was right and what he'd consider to be for the best for his partner.

"I originally met them by pure coincidence, before I'd even met you" he started "We use the same jogging paths."

"You sounded closer to them than someone who sometimes happens to pass by them while running, though"

"I said we met that way, not that it's all there is to it" Nikolo says with a roll of his eyes "That's how it started. We passed by each other several times before we really even talked, but after a while we started jogging together if we happened to spot each other there."

He risked a glance at Thomas' face, and saw him frowning.

"And they were okay with jogging with a soldier?" he asks "Are you sure they don't have any ulterior motives?"

"They only found out I'm a soldier a while ago when I accidentally ran in to Herbert here while on duty" he says "So yes, I'm sure there are no ulterior motives. What could I even offer them, anyway?"

Thomas gave him a look, one that in Nikolo's opinion looked like the guy was asking him if he was stupid.

"There are lots of small things a Marleyan soldier could do for the Eldians" he says "Big things too if they have something to blackmail you with or if you get attached. And I mean no offence when I say this but, since it's you, I can easily imagine you getting attached to them."

" _More like you think I already am"_ Nikolo thought. He could've been angry, he probably should've, but the truth was that Thomas had a point. He already considered the pair as his friends after all. Still-

"Well, like I said, they only found out what I do for a living a while ago, so it makes it very unlikely that they'd have ulterior motives" Nikolo also wanted to add that he didn't think they were that kind of people, but held his tongue. Better safe than sorry.

"That's only assuming that they aren't lying about not knowing" Thomas points out, and Nikolo stops. A few steps ahead now, Thomas stops too, looking over his shoulder "Right?"

Nikolo blinks, taking a moment to gather himself.

"Well, on theory level you're right of course" he says "But I really don't think it's the case here."

They stare at each other, and Thomas' intense gaze makes Nikolo uncomfortable. Finally, he's the first to avert his eyes.

"…I'll keep my eyes open; I won't be too naïve" he finally says.

"That's all I'm asking" Thomas says. He's smiling, but it's not exactly a happy smile "I just don't want you to get hurt."

XXXXX

"So, you need to stay out of trouble for the next three months?" Samuel asks, laughing "Good thing Connie's not here."

"Do you think I should try to avoid Jean, too?"

" _You're_ the one that tends to get _him_ in trouble, so how about just avoiding that?" the man says "Don't annoy him."

"But it's always so tempting!" Sasha says, and they both laugh. Samuel abruptly stops, saying: "Isn't that Mikasa?"

Sasha blinks, turning to look behind her. Indeed, there the raven-haired beauty is, talking with none other than Kiyomi.

"It is" she confirms. They wait until Kiyomi's gone before going over.

"Mikasa!" Sasha calls out and rushes for a hug, the taller woman turning around to receive it with a perfect timing. Coincidence, some would think, but Sasha knows better "It's good to see you!"

"It's good to see you too" the woman says as they let go "You as well, Samuel."

"Likewise," the man says "It's been a long time."

"Why are you at the harbor? Is Lady Kiyomi leaving?" Sasha asks, making Mikasa nod.

"Yes, tomorrow. I came to see her off" Mikasa says "Any familiar faces on the ship that came today?"

"None" Sasha says with a sigh. Wanting to make sure that wouldn't stick as a subject, she asks: "Did Kiyomi ask you to visit Hizuru again?"

"She always does" Mikasa answers with a small smile, but she doesn't meet Sasha's eyes. Had the woman already not said that she came to see her companion leaving, the brunette might doubt she was going too, for Mikasa looked like she was hiding something.

Deciding not to beat around the push, Sasha asks: "Would you have wanted to go? You like that place, don't you?"

"I considered it, yes" the woman admits "But I shouldn't go, not yet."

"Yet?" Sasha repeats, confused.

"I've been really busy for a long time, handling affairs with Hizuru" she says "Now I'll finally have some time for other people as well."

Sasha blinks, but then she gets an idea and a wicked smile appears on her face.

"We talking about someone in particular?" she asks, leaning closer "Got your eyes on some man, do you?"

"…"

"…"

Mikasa just keeps staring at her in a way that would seem blank at first glance, but again, Sasha knows better. That's the woman's "are you stupid" -look that's mostly reserved for her.

"…I take that as a no" the brunette finally says with a sweat drop "What's up?"

"Armin only has little over a year left" Mikasa states "I want to spend as much time as I can with him."

Sasha feels stupid and awful for not realizing that that's what it was. Of course, Mikasa would prioritize Armin over anything else. He was her family, the only family member that she had left.

"Right, of course" she said "…Sorry."

Mikasa sighed.

"No need to apologize" she said "In fact I'm glad. Lots of things around me are constantly changing, but at least you stay the same."

Had it not been for Samuel's immediate chuckle, Sasha would have mistaken it for a compliment.

"Well gee, thanks" she huffs, but smiles anyway "Where is Armin now?"

"I don't know, maybe in Trost" Mikasa wonders "I'll find out later."

"Say hi to him for me when you go" Sasha says, grinning "Now, have you heard the news?"

Mikasa raises an eyebrow, and Sasha excitedly proceeds to gossip about Jean and Hitch, ignoring Samuel who's telling her to let Jean tell it himself.

XXXXX

"You didn't get in to any trouble because of us, did you?" Helmut asked, jogging alongside Nikolo, Herbert being ten or so meters ahead of them.

"Not really, though if I had it would've been solely on _you_ , wouldn't it?" he jabbed "Stop getting your brother in trouble."

"Please listen to him on that one" Herbert called from ahead of them without even turning around, making Nikolo laugh. He wasn't looking, but he was sure Helmut was rolling his eyes at them.

"The signal" the man suddenly said, and Nikolo's eyes automatically snapped ahead, seeing Herbert's hand signal. Someone else was also on the path.

The old agreement taking place, Helmut sped up to catch up with his brother while Nikolo purposefully slowed down. He did, however, keep a close eye on the brothers in case whoever was there decided to cause them trouble.

And there probably would be some, for now Nikolo noticed that the person on their path was a soldier in a white uniform. Great, just great.

" _Wait a minute…"_ he thought as he jogged closer, his surprise turning to cautious anger as he was able to identify the soldier. Thomas.

"Show me your permits" he heard the soldier say. His tone wasn't exactly hostile, but it was still harsh and very formal. None of this would have been surprising or upsetting for Nikolo, if it wasn't for the fact that he _knew_ Thomas had no this kind of duties at the moment. The man had told his partner that he had only been assigned to the ghettoes with him for the time being.

In other words, he was abusing his authority.

"What are you doing, Thomas?" he asks as he catches up, purposefully getting between his partner and the brothers "Last I checked, checking Eldians for their permits on being outside the ghetto gates _wasn't_ part of your duties."

"Keeping up the order is" the man countered "That includes taking action that hasn't been directly ordered if needed."

"And how is it needed here?" Nikolo asked, crossing his arms "They aren't causing any trouble."

"Assuming they have a permission to be here" Thomas said. Nikolo frowned. Why would they _not_ have a permission to be here? He wasn't entirely familiar with how the system worked, but from what he knew, it wasn't all that hard for the Eldians to get a permit to step outside as long as they didn't have any crimes or other general mistakes on their records "What makes you think they wouldn't have?"

"From what I've gathered, they do this often" well shit, that was Nikolo's mistake "Getting a permission to go outside is easy with no criminal record and a clear purpose, but coming jogging doesn't sound like enough of a reason, especially this often."

Nikolo had no counterattack to that; he knew that Thomas had a point… but even so, he had faith in his friends. They weren't up to anything illegal, he was sure. The real question was if he should really be defending them and risk getting in trouble with Thomas. He was sure they were here legally, so logically thinking, there was absolutely no harm in him stepping aside and letting the brothers show their permits to Thomas. Problem solved.

…Or would have been had he decided to be logical and mature, but he just had to open his big mouth before acting so.

"It's a surprise to know that sometimes even you can be an ass" he snarled at his partner, not missing how the man lost his composure for a small moment, but it was back fast.

"I am a soldier" he simply said, turning his attention to the Eldians again "Your permits."

They already had them out and handed them to Thomas. Nikolo couldn't keep the smug look away from his face when it became clear that they _did_ have permission to be there. Again, he knew he shouldn't, but he added fuel to the fire by asking: "Everything's fine, isn't it?"

Thomas narrowed his eyes at him, but said anyway: "So it seems."

He was holding something back, Nikolo noticed. Fortunately, though, his partner claimed to be done, and walked away after quick, formal goodbye to Nikolo. He was sure that he'd hear whatever was left unsaid later, but right now he had other things to worry about. Other _people_.

"I'm sorry" he said as he faced his friends again "This was all my fault; I told him we jog here often. I shouldn't have let him know that… I didn't tell him _where_ we do this and I don't know how he found out, but- "

"It's fine" Herbert cut him off, much to Nikolo's surprise. If one of them would do so, he would've expected it to be Helmut "No one got hurt."

"Yeah, 'cause we had permits. We always do" Helmut cut in "Which, by the way, is because we do rather demanding physical work outside of the ghetto. Doing our job well and having clean records, both us and our entire family, makes getting the permits easier, even for something like this."

"What does worry me is _your_ safety" Herbert told Nikolo "You talked back to a fellow soldier because of Eldians like us. Won't you get in trouble for it?"

Normally, Nikolo knew he would, but since it had been Thomas, he wasn't so sure. Then again, he would've never expected the man to do something like this, so it might be safer to assume that he was indeed in trouble.

"Probably a little, but I'm sure it won't be anything I can't handle" he said, shrugging "Besides, it'll be my word against his."

He watched the pair of Eldians, who both looked unsure. It was no wonder, he supposed. If this led to trouble for him, it was possible the brothers would get in trouble, too. Thomas knew their names now after all.

" _If he tells on me, then he tells on me. But he better keep these two out of it"_ Nikolo thought. Putting a hand on each man's shoulder, ignoring how Herbert almost jumped, he said: "I've got this; you two have nothing to worry about."

And he'd be damned if he didn't make sure that that truly was the case.

XXXXX

Sasha laid wide awake on her bed, conflicted thoughts running around in her mind. She wanted to see Nikolo as soon as possible. To be able to do that, going to Marley would help. But…

" _Armin only has little over a year left"_ Mikasa's words echoed in her head. She'd known this of course, but she'd pushed the fact to the back of her mind. After all, no matter what she did, it wouldn't get Armin to last any longer. He would die, and there was nothing she could do to stop it. But the thing was, there was still a little over a year left. She couldn't change what would happen after, but she could affect what happened _during_ that year.

" _I should spend more time with him, too"_ she decided _"But if I go to Marley, how long will I end up staying there? Worst case scenario, Armin might- "_

She shook her head; she definitely wouldn't let that happen. She wanted to be by his side his last days at least, and as long as no new war broke out, she'd make damn sure she'd be there.

"… _When did he become this important to me, anyway?"_ she'd give her life for him, that was a fact, but how had things turned out like that? They had become friends in their training days, yes, but they'd never been _that_ close back then. If they happened to hang out together in their free time, it was usually because of Mikasa, whom both were close to. Or sometimes Connie, her best friend who was friendly with everyone with the exception of Ymir.

" _Guess we bonded as scouts… as members of the Levi squad…"_ Sasha thought. Armin had always scolded her, even if it tended to not have that much effect. It was the same even now, though nowadays she didn't cause quite as much trouble… not that they saw each other than often anymore, either.

" _Next time I see him, I should probably try to not cause so much trouble"_ she chuckled _"Emphasis on the_ try _part."_

XXXXX

The atmosphere between him and Thomas was awkward, but Nikolo was also angry. That was the main reason he didn't say anything more than what was necessary for work; he didn't want to risk his anger blinding him and saying something that he'd really regret later. There was the matter of Thomas' feelings, which he didn't want to hurt despite being angry, but mostly he wanted to avoid saying something that would put him in even more of a danger.

"I take it you don't plan to be the one who first brings up what happened yesterday" Thomas finally says with a sigh "Looks like it has to be me."

"How did you even find out _where_ we jog?" Nikolo couldn't help but ask. He'd been wondering about it, and since the topic came up anyway…

"Just summed up what's close enough to your house without being too far away from the ghetto" was the answer "Easy."

Nikolo looked at him in disbelief.

"You know where I _live_?"

"I do now" was the simple reply.

" _Right; he must've looked it up just for this. But- "_

"I feel like that's even worse" he muttered quietly "What was the idea anyway? Are you that worried about a pair of Eldians?"

"I'm worried about _you_ " Thomas corrected "I have no intentions of letting anyone else know what I've seen, but if you don't get yourself together and start being more careful, I won't need to. Others will notice the same things I did."

"…" Nikolo didn't know what to say to that. He didn't know what was _safe_ to say. Was Thomas really genuinely concerned about him, or was he leading him in to a trap? He couldn't tell.

"… _Heh"_ he thought, suddenly realizing the irony _"I trust and defend a pair of Eldians, but keep doubting a fellow Marleyan, my brother in arms. That's some change alright."_

Still, he had to remember that things weren't black and white. It's not like there was one side he could just put his trust in to and another that was out to get him; things were more complicated than that.

He'd take a leap of faith.

"It's nice to know you got my back" he said, clapping Thomas on the back "Just don't be an ass about it next time."

"What makes you think there'll be a next time?" Thomas countered. They locked eyes, and both knew that yes, there'd be a next time if the situation called for it "…All good between us?"

"Yeah" Nikolo said "We're all good."

XXXXX

Sasha was working on the crates brought by the ship, carrying them to the carts. Normally, she'd wonder what they held, occasionally taking a look, but today her mind was elsewhere entirely. She couldn't stop thinking of Armin and his limited time. She wanted to do something for him.

"Hey"

She hadn't been back in the harbor for long, so getting permission to join Armin, wherever he was, would be difficult. Not that she was in _that_ much of a hurry, but maybe she could join him in a few months? That of course would mean that she couldn't be on the first possible ship to Marley, but Armin was more important, wasn't he?

"Hey"

Yes, absolutely. Nikolo could wait, especially since he'd also made her wait. She just wished that she hadn't made that request to the captain yesterday; if he actually ended up wanting to send her to Marley, things could get awkward.

"Hey, you!"

"Huh?" Sasha said, realizing that she was being called. Looking behind her, she saw a scowling Marleyan "Is something wrong?"

The Marleyan looks even more displeased, but Sasha honestly doesn't know. Or should she have been more formal? He didn't seem to be high ranked so, she thought it'd be fine to talk casually…

"Do you even know what you're supposed to do with those crates?" the soldier asks, pointing at the one Sasha is holding.

"Yes?" she really does, but it comes out sounding like a question since she's confused. Had she messed something up?

"And what is that?"

Sasha frowns.

"To carry them in to the carts so that they can be taken inland" she answers.

"Exactly" the guy says "So do tell why are you carrying the crates _off_ the cart?"

Sasha blinks, looking at the crate in her hands, then behind her, where the cart indeed is. She'd been walking away from it, it seems. Seems that at some point, she'd really been so lost in her thoughts that she'd picked up a crate from the cart and started doing the opposite of what she was _supposed to be_ doing.

"Oops" she says, laughing sheepishly "Sorry about that."

The Marleyan, Sasha needs to learn his name; it's no good to call him that, doesn't look amused. Quite opposite in fact; he looks _really_ annoyed. Not wanting to spread any more negativity than there already is, she tries again: "I'm really sorry, it won't happen again. I was just… uh… there's been a lot on my mind lately."

Had she been caught by someone she knows, they would probably be questioning the notion of _anything_ moving in her head in the first place right about now.

"Personal problems shouldn't be brought to work" he says "Or at least that's how we operate in Marley."

A vein pops in Sasha's head, the woman recognizing mockery when she hears it. She knows that he's implying they do things differently, in a worse way, in Eldia. But as much as she wants to say back something clever, she knows it could potentially make things worse, so she controls herself and says instead: "Here as well. I just messed up a bit."

"Right" he says "Now point me out to your superior so that I can report your "messing up a bit.""

Well, this was going to be awkward.

"…There isn't really a superior of mine nearby" Sasha tells, explaining as the man raises an eyebrow " _I_ am in charge of the unloading."

"…"

"…" Sasha watches the man's face change without a word. It takes a moment as he blinks, the words slowly sinking in, and then he looks at Sasha with a face that radiates pure disbelief.

"You're joking, right?" he asks "This is how you _Eldians_ joke, isn't it?"

Sasha didn't like the way he put emphasis on the word "Eldians", but at least he didn't say "devils" or even "sewer rats", which was also a term she'd heard the Marleyan soldiers use.

"Nope" she says, unable to keep her grin at bay "Out of us Eldians now present, I'm the highest ranking one around right now."

Again, his expression is rather comical.

"Right…" he says, shaking his head "Can I ask you a question, from one soldier to another?"

Sasha is definitely taken aback by this. Extreme majority of these Marleyan soldiers tended to be rude, especially at first, and this one hadn't seemed like an exception, but maybe she was wrong. He hadn't barked out whatever it was that he wanted to ask, but had instead asked if he could ask a question. And "from one soldier to another?" That was _not_ something she would've expected from some random soldier brought by the ship, especially not so soon after getting here. Perhaps this man in particular was way less biased than she was used to his countrymen being.

"Of course" she says.

"Since this place has soldiers like _you_ , how come it hasn't fallen?" one second. Two, three before the words sank in, and Sasha went red. Forget biased, this guy was an ass! The smirk on his face confirmed it. She should be mature about this, she shouldn't take the bait, but she couldn't help herself.

"Well maybe that tells us something about _Marley's_ soldiers" she said back with an overly sweet, obviously fake smile. It had the desired effect; the man was clearly surprised by her comeback, though he did scowl after he'd recovered.

"Perhaps it tells something about our Warrior unit" he says "That bunch of Eldians is no good."

" _That's the approach you're taking, huh?"_ Sasha thought, still smiling _"Sorry Nikolo, but I need to pull you and the others in to this."_

"And about the people on those warships Marley sent here all those years ago. How many Eldians were on them again?" of course, she knew that there had been none. And judging from the look on his face, he knew she knew. But then, to her surprise, he snorted.

"Looks like you _can_ hold up a banter" he says "Wouldn't have guessed from such an airhead."

Sasha blinks before laughing, deciding to ignore the airhead comment, but only because he had a point since he'd witnessed her earlier mistake.

"Well, I've had a lot of practice" she says. Realizing that this was the best start she'd had with any of the Marleyan soldiers she'd tried to approach since peace, she decided to push her luck. Putting down the crate, she sticks out her hand for a handshake and introduced herself "I'm Sasha."

The fact that the man visibly recoiled and eyed her hand with obvious distrust and disgust didn't change that either, which honestly said a lot about Sasha's earlier interactions with the man's comrades. Smirking, she said: "I'm not poisonous."

"I know" he said with a glare "But there's no guarantee on how hygienic you are."

Sasha glared right back.

"We need to get those crates on the cart" the man changes the topic "Got it? _On_ the cart, not _off_ the cart."

"I know I know" she said, hissing under her breath "Jackass."

"Excuse me?" he asks. Grinning, she replies: "You didn't give me your name, so a nickname has to do."

He glares at her, and Sasha takes that as a sign that she's not getting the name. Just as she picks up the crate again and turns to walk away, she hears him say: "It's Jonas."


End file.
